There are two ways this thing can play out.

The first involves ripping off the bandaid and telling her you don’t want to see her anymore. The conversation may or may not involve much tact, and yes you may have rattled off an unsolicited litany of things you don’t like about her but either way, the end result is the same -the relationship has been terminated.

Then there’s the second way.

It involves tucking your words behind your tongue and letting them dissolve, before swallowing them and letting your stomach acid and intestines do the rest. The second way involves not breaking up with her at all. It’s not like you despise this person, so to break their heart would make you feel like a dick. And hey, you tell yourself, things might get better, the relationship is safe, why don’t I save myself the discomfort of a breakup and keep dating her? Ultimately you two keep dating for years before you propose but are eventually saved from marrying the wrong woman when your best man steps up to the plate and objects to a matrimony that would have you silently screaming in pain until the end of your days.

Yes, it’s true.

Telling someone you’re not interested can suck.

It can ruin a Friday night, a weekend, or even a month of your life. But for all the discomfort it creates right now, you’ll be saving yourself big time in the long run. Refusing to end a relationship that is being connected by the slimmest of threads isn’t worth sustaining. You’ll miss out on other women, invest time in someone you don’t care about, and will force yourself into feigning domestic happiness until you man up and cut her.

Yes, ripping the bandaid off will hurt both you and her. But that discomfort is ephemeral.

Part of the reason you’re so apprehensive about ending it is because you don’t know how to tell someone you’re not interested. I mean, you understand the mechanics needed to text her, “we’re donzo” but feel like going about it with a bit more tact and respect may be out of reach.

In this article I’ll endow you with the confidence and know-how needed to nicely tell a woman you’re not interested.

How to Tell Someone You’re Not Interested Dating Anymore

Why It’s Important?

A 2016 POF survey found that 80% of Millenials have been ghosted.

When you hear a figure as high as this one, it’s fair to think that ghosting is considered normal and is thus accepted.

While it’s normal to be ghosted, it’s not the norm, nor is it acceptable.

Ghosting someone you matched with on Tinder who you never met up with is one thing. Ghosting a woman you went on a couple of dates with is another, much more inexcusable thing.

Ending the relationship -no matter how long or short- in a direct manner is crucial.

For one, refusing to end the relationship is actually more painful and cruel than prolonging it.

Why?

The cowardice preventing you from putting to bed a relationship is doing more harm than good. She doesn’t want to be lied to, yet you’re doing just that when you accept her invites. You’re not interested in her, yet keep going out with her out of fear. This decision to sustain an unwanted relationship will lead the both of you to invest time, money, and emotional energy, into relationships that don’t work.

But she’s not the only way being led on.

After continuing to not end the relationship you’ll start to convince yourself that you can make it work.

Don’t.

Listen to the man that wanted to break up with her in the first place. Trying to convince yourself that you made the right decision will land you in the wrong relationship.

Learning how to nicely tell a woman it’s over will give you the courage to end relationships the minute you know for sure that it has no future. The nicer you choose to be when ending it, the better you’ll be able to dole out breakups.

You’re struggling right now because you don’t want her to feel bad. Learning how to break up nicely will mitigate these negative feelings and dread you associate with the breakup and will help you break up sooner and more often in the future.

MegaDating

Letting her down easy is a skill you’ll have to master if you’re MegaDating.

No, MegaDating has nothing to do with courting a she-Transformer. Rather, MegaDating is simply dating prolifically.

Ya see, I recommend all my coaching and matchmaking clients date around. I do so because I want them to find romantic love. The best way to do that isn’t to wait for the universe to make the love of your life tap on your shoulder and say hello.

Sure our approach is less romantic, but it also has like a way higher success rate. By dating multiple women you’ll not only quickly improve your dating skills and figure out what type of women you’re into, but you’ll cut down the time it takes to find a meaningful woman that you want to call your girlfriend.

However, to MegaDate effectively you’ve got to have to find the willpower to let women go.

MD asks that men date at least one woman a week. Naturally, if you two aren’t a match, she’ll probably get the hint that your fledgling relationship is over when you don’t ask her on a second date. However, not all women are that perceptive.

If she keeps prodding you for a second date you’ll have to pick up the phone and tell her it’s not happnin’.

So what should you say?

What You Say If You’ve Only Dated Her Once or Twice

Tact, brevity, and honesty.

Keep these three things in mind when telling a woman you’re not interested, especially when you only just started to date.

Here’s a script that perfectly illustrates those three characteristics:

“Hey Sam, I appreciate the invite. After thinking more about it, I don’t think we’re the right fit/not feeling the chemistry, I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to cancel our date this week.”

Another example might be:

“Hey Jessica, thanks a lot for the invite. In an effort to be respectable and not waste anyone’s time, while I enjoyed our time together I don’t think we’re the right match. Best of luck on you upcoming 5k and be well.”

Keep it brief, direct, and honest.

Notice how I didn’t offer to have her call so I can clear things up further? Things can get messy when you’re asked to explain all the reasons why you two aren’t a fit. If she does ask for an explanation, give one to her, but don’t turn this into a marathon texting event.

If You Went On More Than Two Dates

The aforementioned template can be used after one or two dates.

If the relationship lasted even more than two dates or if there was sex involved it’s more courteous to end things via a phone call. While the medium lends itself to protracted conversations, try to steer clear of them. Don’t offer any more information than is necessary, just voice that you thought the courteous thing to do would be to call and tell her that while she’s awesome you two aren’t a match.

While these are guidelines, you should always trust in your intuition. You know better than anyone how she feels about you. Perhaps even though you two did have sex or went on more than 3 dates, things were winding down. Only you’ll be able to detect her waning feelings.

If she doesn’t reach out to you then perhaps gracefully fading in the abyss is the right way to go. She’ll no doubt get the message eventually. Ask yourself if an explicit end to the relationship is needed.

What Now?

Learning how to tell a woman you’re not interested in will open up your romantic possibilities.

Say goodbye to relationships that aren’t working and hello to the ladies.

Look, I know you’re still worried about hurting her, but seriously, take it from a woman. It’ll hurt her for about two seconds before she moves on. What hurts and annoys us much more is being led on.

Being direct allows you to invest time into women you care about. Not to mention that cultivating a decisive persona is sexy. Women love dudes that are direct. We want to be told that we’re wanted and how we’re wanted. Honesty is the way to our hearts.

If you still need a bit of help on how to tell someone you’re not interested, consult with yours truly. Book a 1-on-1 Zoom session to learn what other tactics you can use when letting a woman down easy.

Via private and/or group sessions you’ll also learn the MegaDating blueprint, how to ask women out with a TDL, how to increase sexual tension, and other key dating skills. For those of you that are too busy to meet women online or IRL, no worries, our matchmaking services have got you covered.