We tend to become hyperbolic when it comes to love. 

Unrequited or not our language is colored with metaphors that convey feelings of love and love lost. When we find love, we find our other half, as if we were never in fact a whole. When she ends the relationship, you have the most important organ in the body, the heart, literally broken into a thousand pieces. The language we use has a way of heightening both good and bad sensations. I find that when trying to lessen the blow of a broken heart it’s better to take a scientific approach instead of co-opting Shakespeare to understand the situation. 

When you’re in love, the love hormone, oxytocin, peaks. It’s this hormone that’s responsible for building social bonds. Oxytocin runs rampant during sex, when holding hands, hugging, and during other intimate acts that involve physical touch.

Accompanied by oxytocin are its two sidekicks: dopamine and serotonin. These latter two neurotransmitters increase pleasure and regulate mood. When we’re in love, these chemicals are being fired left and right, and naturally, we build up a tolerance. But when we break up, that valve that you depended on to feed you your daily dose of love hormones gets shut off. This is a neurological withdrawal. Love got you hooked on these chemicals, but now that she ended your relationship, you’re left feeling anxious, sad, and isolated. 

Like any addict suffering from withdrawal, a freshly spurned lover goes searching for those chemicals. Some seek solace from friends and family while others prowl the streets looking for a one night stand. We all have different ways to cope with rejection. In this article, we’ll explore what you should do next after she ends your relationship. 

“She Ended Our Relationship, What Now”

It’s Time To Reset

As humans, we kind of have a thing for routines. If you notice, you tend to offload your duty at around the same time every day, after work we invariably watch Netflix and zombie out, and we eat more or less the same breakfast every morning. When you’re in a relationship, you create routines that are sewed into the fabric of the relationship. But when she ends it, the safe orbit of the routine is thrown off course. 

Being forced out of a relationship is akin to having to build your life from scratch again. Don’t be frantic and try to build a home out of the rubble of a prior relationship. Take a step back and assess the damage.

Examine the structural failures of your now dilapidated home. Take a walk through the halls of your former home, being sure not to touch anything. Use this time to take a breath, pause, and take note of your feelings. Make sure that the non-romantic elements of your life are in order. Enjoy your family and friends, and put some effort into rebuilding some of the relationships that you let fall by the wayside while you were in your relationship. 

Did You Get The Reasoning Behind Why She Ended The Relationship?

To be clear, I’m not talking about closure. All the pseudo-love gurus hopped on the closure bandwagon in the 1990s. They pitched the coping mechanism of closure to the brokenhearted by marketing it as the first step in getting over a relationship. This isn’t the case. As we’ve discussed, the reason you feel like your heart is being burned like the Amazon is because you’re lacking the love chemicals you became addicted to. Learning that you had horrible body odor isn’t going to fill the void. In fact it may only fan the fires. 

The reason I urge you to discover why the relationship didn’t last isn’t so that you can move on, rather it’s so that you use this information to improve your next relationship. Closure isn’t about looking back, it’s about moving forward and equipping yourself with useful information that will make your next love affair better than the last. 

Talking to your ex about what you did wrong requires a certain amount of tact. Gather your composure and explain to her that you want to know why she ended the relationship. Make it clear that you understand that it’s over and there’s no chance of getting back together, you just want to know so that you don’t make the same mistake in the next relationship. Don’t wait until weeks after the relationship has ended to ask her this. Hearing her voice or seeing her could just cause a relapse. Obtain this information as quickly after the breakup as possible. 

Figure Out If You Want Her Back

Asking someone if they want the person that broke their heart back is like asking a smoker trying to quit if they want a stogie after 24 hours of being cigarette-free. That’s why this quandary is best addressed with the help of an expert. 

I’ve helped many a man weigh the pros and cons of trying to win back an ex. Together we’ll go back and dissect the breakup conversation. We’ll revise your relationship and compare this breakup to prior breakups you may have had with your now ex-girlfriend. 

You’re too close to the situation to make a clear-headed decision. Friends and family members may try to help, but they too will have biased opinions that cloud their judgment. Sure an impartial third party is what’s used in a legal battle, but it’s also what’ll benefit you most in a breakup. Before trying to get back with her, let’s chat. 

Learn How MegaDating Can Help

No, MegaDating is not how the Transformers find their significant others. And no, when you start MegaDating you won’t morph into some badass piece of machinery that will defend earth against extraterrestrial beings. Rather, this dating practice is how you’re going to not only get over your ex, but also find a woman that’s a much better fit for you.  

MD is merely dating prolifically. Now if that sounds sleazy, let me explain. The purpose of MD is to cut down on the time it takes to find a meaningful relationship. The purpose isn’t to become a Don Juan and steal the hearts of unwitting ladies. By dating multiple women at the same time you’ll be able to build confidence, learn social skills, figure out the type of woman that you want to be with, learn to never settle, and a host of other benefits.  

You may be wondering how you’ll meet enough women to be dating multiple ladies at the same time. To do this I’ll teach you how to mine for dates. This means tapping various social streams in order to find women that you want to date. It’ll be easy to meet women when you’re using 5 dating apps, going to multiple social engagements a week, attending speed dating events, asking friends to set you up, etc.  

The New You

Remember the routines you used to fall into? Coming home from work to cook for two, going to game-night at your girlfriend’s friend’s house, always putting her before yourself, etc. These routines are gone. All the plants that you’ve been cultivating in your relationship garden were just slashed and burned.

Sure all those lovely lemon and apple trees full of ripe fruit are gone, but so is the competition. With those other plants out of the way, you’ll have the opportunity to plant new fruit that can grow without having to compete for attention. You’ve been given a gift, you just don’t see it yet.

Take this time to pay attention to the parts of your relationship garden that you’ve been neglecting. Call up a buddy to hit some golf balls, grab dinner at your parent’s house, or enjoy the fact that you finally have unadulterated me-time. 

Get More Dopamine In Your Life

Dopamine was briefly touched on before, but if you intend on making a full recovery you’ll need your fair share of dopamine flowing through your body. When you eat a brownie, smoke a cigarette, or kiss your new crush, dopamine is there. Whenever you’re having a positive experience, dopamine is present, flooding your brain and making you feel good. 

Dopamine is a rewarding neurotransmitter often associated with drugs. In fact, those with a low dopamine count are more prone to addiction. But dopamine isn’t just released when you stick something up your nose. Many things such as exercising, eating a healthy diet that includes more protein and less saturated fats, getting more sleep, absorbing more sunlight, and plenty of other activities generate dopamine. 

After a breakup, it can difficult to generate the same level of dopamine as you were during the relationship. Performing the aforementioned activities will decrease the likelihood that you’ll go crawling back to your ex and increase the chances of meeting someone new. 

All Things Change

This isn’t just a great relationship mantra to live by but one that applies to life in general. Life is constantly in flux. No matter how hard we try to tame it, life can effortlessly rip us away from our safe havens. Embrace the randomness of it all. Learn to adapt rather than push back against the all-powerful tide.

Look man, things change. Don’t allow yourself to become a product that floats aimlessly around being used by girlfriends, friends, work, your family, etc. Be aware that you make your own decisions and stop agreeing with people because it’s easier.

If you want to meet someone new, the power to do so is within reach. It’s terrifying, but the only person that can truly change your life is yourself… though at times it doesn’t hurt to have a little help.  

Need A Little Help?

No one becomes the best version of themselves by going it alone. Professional athletes all have their coaches, head chefs have their students, and actors have their understudies. No matter what you’re trying to master, it’s best that you have a coach that will help guide you to excellence. Although not in the traditional sense, you’ve had people coaching you romantically since birth. Your parents and older brother provided romantic models for which to follow, your friends inundate you with advice, and the Internet sends you mixed messages about your sexuality. It’s time to quiet the armchair experts. 

I’ve been helping men just like you find love for years. When you’re ready to date again, hit the dating scene with a new strategy that will guarantee lasting love. It can be odd entering the dating pool after years of being spoken for. Instead of flailing your arms around as you try to remember how to do the backstroke, consult with an expert that can teach you how to make a splash into the modern dating pool. 

Via a series of 1-on-1 Skype sessions, my 3-month Signature Program will teach you how to MegaDate, flirt with women, create a compelling dating profile, and of course, find the woman that you’ve been coveting.