It’s kind of difficult to describe what being a creep looks like in the context of approaching women.
You just kind of know it when you see it.
Here’s what I mean.
If you didn’t cringe, your creep radar might be a little off.
Luckily, I’m here to fix that for you.
As you can imagine when I embarked on my 100-date experiment, I interacted with my fair share of creepy men. Ever since then I’ve been teaching men not only what NOT to do, but more importantly what you need to do in order to quickly build attraction.
In this article, I’ll impart to you what I’ve learned not only from my 100-date experiment but from the hundreds of clients I’ve helped coach through the years.
To be clear, this article will teach you how to approach women in the real world.
I know that we’ve all been in romantic hibernation for the past couple of years but it’s finally time to put the phone down and start conversing in person again like we did before the pandemic made us regress into socially awkward teenagers.
It’s time to pop those pimples and get back out there.
Here’s how to do so without appearing like a creep.
All men have been there before.
You see a woman from across the room, tell your friends, they hype you up and give you all kinds of tips you know won’t work.
Your hands sweat, you have no idea what you’re going to say, and you’re now doubting whether or not you should even approach her.
Basically, you’re Jon Favreau.
It doesn’t need to be so gut-wrenching.
Simply talk to her as you would any other human.
Beautiful women or not, the easiest way to spark a conversation is to use a situational opener to start the conversation.
This is the absolute best way to start a conversation with a woman.
If you were hoping for something more complex and novel, I’m sorry but that just won’t work. The more complex your opener the less likely it is that you’ll use it.
So what exactly do I mean by a situational opener?
Comment or anything related to the current context.
Here are a few contexts and examples of quality openers:
Bar
“I love this song, do you know who this is?”
“Wow that drink looks amazing, can I ask what you ordered?”
Dogpark
“I love your dog, what breed is she/her?”
“I see your dog *also does the same weird thing* my dog does”
Gym
“Hey, do you mind spotting me/showing me how to use this machine/showing me that exercise you just did?”
*As she finishes a class*“Hey how was the *salsa class* I’m thinking about joining?”
At A Party
“I think you’re going to have to show me that dance move”
“Hey, how do you know the *person throwing the party?”
Are these opening lines groundbreaking? No – and that’s kind of the point.
You don’t need some kickass line that she’s never heard before (trust me she’s heard a lot of them).
What most important is that you said something.
What’s second most important is that whatever you said wasn’t creepy.
Addressing the situation at hand and using context to inform what you say makes you come off as natural and genuine.
Above all, women want men that are natural and genuine.
Have you ever wished that you could just go straight up to a woman and tell her what you want?
Women want the same thing too — sometimes.
You don’t have to beat around the bush to get what you want.
Women love men that are straightforward. Telling a woman you’re interested in them from the jump shows her that your confidence and that you don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
So what does being direct look like?
Here are a few examples:
We women know what men want.
We know that when you come up to us in a bar and ask us about the weather that you could give a damn if there’s a category 4 hurricane on its way tomorrow.
Being direct saves time, is sexy, and gets to the damn point.
However, if you’re swinging for the fences on the first pitch you have to be prepared to whiff.
Not if, but when women you approach this way object to either going out with you or having a conversation, be prepared to overcome their objections.
The best way to do so is to acknowledge that your method of conversing is a bit unorthodox. Recognize out loud that you don’t normally go up to women like this but that you were drawn to her.
If she continues to shoot you down it’s best to let her be.
Hunt Etheridge is a dating coach who specializes in helping his students excel in the field.
Hunt has hit the town with hundreds of men as he teaches them the art of approaching women.
When we recently sat down and chatted with Hunt, he had a few pieces of advice and stories to share about his experience helping men approach women.
Over his years as a dating coach, Hunt has approached thousands of women.
Here are his biggest takeaways…
This approach does two things for you.
For one, it changes your mindset. It ditches the win-or-lose mentality most men have when hitting on women. Instead of the night being about getting a bunch of phone numbers, it’s about having a good time with friends.
If you want to meet women, don’t go to a bar on a Monday night.
Hunt recommends hitting white parties, rooftop bars, and pitch conferences – wait what?
That’s right, even non-romantic events can be gold mines. When asked about the pitch conference, Hunt said sure, “every single person there is someone to approach.”
Networking events like the aforementioned are great places to meet people because everyone there has the explicit mission of meeting other humans. So in other words, go to events where people are super receptive to meeting new people.
It doesn’t matter if they’re not sexy places, so long as you make a connection you win.
Well, to be fair it’s a bit more involved than that.
When approaching single ladies (but really all humans) Hunt says to “walk up to someone and introduce yourself” though he also elaborated to say, “don’t be a dick, be a good human, and make somebody smile.”
It’s really that easy.
But this isn’t the hard part.
The hard part is the approach. It’s the butterflies that are flying around kamikaze style in your stomach. This fear of the approach will go away in time, but if you’re struggling just remember that according to Hunt, nothing matters.
By that he means his students are super concerned about their attire, astrology signs, what their drink says about you, etc. But none of that matters. What matters is who you are. What matters is your intention, what matters is being respectful, and bringing positive energy to the conversation.
To prove his point he told a story about a student he took to a bar who felt he needed the perfect line to approach women. Hunt was tired of this guy dragging his feet so he said hey, give me an opening line, literally any line and I’ll use it to start a conversation.
His line?
Those oranges smell good.
Not the best opening line, but Hunt made do.
He approached a trio of women at the bar and said, those oranges smell good.
The response?
What?
He pivoted and said, yeah that’s what I’d name my boat if I won the lottery, what about you guys?
He went into the conversation simply trying to make a connection. Hunt didn’t want to score a number, take her home or steal a kiss. He just wanted to start a conversation.
And when that’s your only goal, approaching women becomes super easy.
This hack is almost cheating.
The reason you’re getting sweaty palms before approaching a woman is because of your expectations.
Ya see, you’re framing the interaction as a win-or-lose situation when it’s not.
To you, it’s all or nothing — her number or rejection.
It doesn’t need to be this way.
Release some of the pressure but altering your perspective.
Instead of saying that you’re approaching a woman with the intent to flirt, simply tell yourself that you’re going to have a conversation and nothing more.
You’d agree that less anxiety-inducing to have a conversation than to flirt wouldn’t you?
However, changing your perspective requires changing how you interact with her and what you say.
If you’re going to change your perspective you can’t be duplicitous. You either go in with the intention of having a conversation because you’re genuinely interested in her or not. There is no middle ground.
Once you approach a few women this way you’ll soon become an approach expert and will be able to turn up the heat.
The quickest way to build a connection is to acknowledge a commonality.
You can do this two ways.
1) Use the context to find a commonality
If you’re at a gym, party, sporting event, etc. it should be easy enough to acknowledge something you two share in common, thus quickly forming a bond.
2) Comment on something she’s wearing/has in her possession
Maybe she’s wearing a Lakers jersey and you too are a Lakers fan or maybe she’s reading a book you’re read in the past or want to read.
Whatever the similarity is, quickly acknowledging this will accelerate your bond.
Play on this similarity while building attraction. If done correctly it will culminate in you scoring her number.
According to the most legendary conversationalist of all time, Dale Carnegie, the best way to get someone to like you is to show genuine interest in what they have to say.