Sometimes just even getting a woman to respond on a dating app can feel like winning the lottery.

Men outnumber women on Tinder 9-1. An optimistic man might hear this and assume that if he sends 9 messages he can plausibly expect to receive one response. Such optimism can’t be sustained after hearing the stat that there’s only a 90% chance a man will receive just one response after messaging 58 women.

But not all men are created equal.

Through research conducted on our test accounts on various dating apps we’ve found that 75% of dating app conversations starters are, “hey,” or “hey” variants such as, “hey beautiful,” “hey there,” etc.

The average guy can expect just one response after messaging 58 women because his messages are vapid, cliche, and are of low-value. Constructing a first message that gets a response isn’t hard. In this article, we’ll show you just how it’s done.

Dating App Conversation Starters for Guys

Commenting on Her Photos (Bumble, Hinge, Facebook Dating, and OkCupid)

Certain apps allow users to comment on photos. Bumble, Hinge, Facebook Dating, and OkCupid are the most popular apps to do so.

Commenting on photos gives you a unique chance to send a probing conversation starter. But not just any comment will do.

Never comment on her beauty or a sexy photo of hers. Why? A couple of reasons.

Ya see women experience something few dudes will ever encounter. Women are objectified and thought of as nothing more than sexual objects every day of their lives. We don’t want yet another guy objectifying us. Secondly, your job is to stand out. Commenting on how bodacious our lips are won’t win you any brownie points. Even if some women didn’t consider it offensive, it’d still be cliche. In other words, commenting on a woman’s beauty is no better than the basic “hey” message.

Stand out by messaging her one of the following.

• Ask her where she was in the picture if it’s clearly not the city you both live in.

• Comment on a specific t-shirt she’s wearing (college sweatshirt, sports jersey, etc.).

• Ask her a question about a dog, cat, or animal she’s pictured with.

Here are some concrete examples of dating app conversation starters that are likely to receive messages:

1. What was your favorite part of Merida? How many cenotes did you hit?

2. Your pictures make me look so basic. What’s your secret for getting awesome pictures?

3. Your backhand looks on point. We may need to go toe to toe this weekend.

4. Alright so I’m a quality snowboarder and surfer, but I still can’t do a kickflip. Help a fellow boarder out?

5. Favorite salsa joint in NYC -go!

6. How many freaking instruments do you play/does your all-in-one orchestra have space for one more?

7. What’s the coolest mountain you’ve climbed lately?

Commenting On Her Answers (Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid)

The more in-depth a bio is, the better your response should be.

Let’s consider your average Tinder user for a moment. They posted four photos and didn’t write a single word in their bio. Not much to work with right?

Now open Bumble, Hinge, or OkCupid and you’ll see that women offer a wealth of information about themselves. Being that it’s so difficult to get a woman to respond on dating apps you should make conversation easy for them. Do so by asking her questions about herself. Being that she’s provided various OkCupid, Hinge, or Bumble answers, it shouldn’t be too difficult to comment on something she’s written.

When penning a dating app conversation starter, make it a question. Opening messages that don’t contain questions can be rather difficult to answer. Questions on the other hand demand answers and are generally easy to answer. Don’t believe me?

Here are a few examples:

1. You’re vegan eh? So tell me, which do you prefer, beyond or impossible meat?

2. Sup fellow Harry Potter fanatic? I once read the entire series in two weeks -best vacation ever. Can you top my nerdiness?

3. So to answer your question the latest silly thing I’ve been doing is sending all my friends $1 on Venmo just so I can write a ridiculous reason for the transaction public. My last payment was for 50 edible yamakas and Adam Sandler scented Hanukkah candles. Want to help me with the next one?

4. 100% Parasite’s the movie of the year. Do you think his Dad will turn into Gollum after a few years?

5. Unpopular Opinion: Kelly’s the best The Office character. Care to prove me wrong?

6. Tony’s Pizza’s pretty tough to beat but have you ever been to Pizzetta?

When You See a Shared Interest or Hobby On Her Profile

Opposites don’t attract.

Imagine how awesome it would be to date someone that shares your same interests? They love making homemade pizza, meal-prep, hate waking up early, and think a Pacifico with lime beats craft beer all day. They’re the perfect match. Play on the fact that you two have a shared interest or hobby.

When this is the case, try to transition the dynamic from online to IRL as soon as possible. You’ll want to artfully set yourself up for asking an unforced TDL as soon as possible.

1. Noway! Rosalia is my new favorite artist (even though my 6th-grade self can speak better Spanish than I do). I hear she’s coming to the city next month. What’s your favorite song?

2. How’s it hanging fellow LAFA fan? Next year’s El Trafico games are going to be even better than this past season. Do you already have tixs sorted out for the home opener?

3. I also just moved here from the south. Have you found any quality soul food places here yet?

4. I have two pit bulls as well. What your favorite dog park in the city?

5. I’m preparing for my first 5k. Any advice for a newbie such as myself?

6. My last DIY project was making my own chapstick. What can I say, I get dry lips in the winter? What’s the coolest project you’ve completed recently?

When She’s A Dog Lover

The following examples are effective because they reference a topic that is emotionally compelling to her. They are also high value messages and end in a question which will prompt her to respond.

Examples:

1. Did you know puppies can be twins?

2. Did you know puppies like when you sing-talk to them?

3. Did you know puppies become ‘adults’ when they turn one?

4. Did you know puppies spend 15–20 hours a day sleeping?

5. Did you know puppies are born blind and deaf?

6. Did you know your dog is as smart as a two-year-old!?

7. Did you know you can get all three colors of lab (black lab, golden lab, brown) in one litter?

8. Did you know petting a dog and gazing into their eyes releases oxytocin (i.e the “love hormone”)

9. Did you know stray dogs in Moscow have learned how to ride the subway system, and get off at specific stops in search of food?

When You Have a Mutual Friend (In a photo or shown to you in the app)

Acknowledging that you two have a mutual friend is an easy way to quickly form a bond. She’s more likely to take you seriously and feel comfortable going out with you knowing that your mutual friend thinks highly of you.

Here’s some fill in the blank conversation starters when you see a friend in her photo:

1. How do you know ______?

2. How did you meet ______?

3. Small world–I’m friends with ______ too! How do you know him/her?

4. Watch out for _____’s quick hands if you ever play poker with him?

5. When ____ was first hired at our company he was hazed by being forced to sing Katy Perry at karaoke. He’s an amazing soprano.

6. The first thing I found out about _____ was that he treats booger flicking like an Olympic sport. We’ve been best friends ever since. And no we didn’t meet in elementary school.

7. Would talking about all of ____’s weirdest (yet endearing) mannerisms be a weird first date for you? I’m up for it.

Use A Meme!

Memes aren’t for everyone.

Only use memes if her profile suggests she’s into them. Memes are encouraged if they reference a form of entertainment she wrote about in her profile.

Try An Open-Ended Question

If you give her the chance to answer your question with a yes or no, she will. Women are bombarded by dating app messages. Don’t believe me, just ask your female friend if you can have a quick look at her Tinder. What you’ll find are hundreds of dudes whose messages she never responded to just rotting away in the abyss of the message queue. Every once in awhile she’ll respond to a guy.

Keep in mind that the following dating app conversation starters are encouraged only if she offers little to no information in her profile that you can address.

Persuade her to respond to your dating app conversation starter by penning an open-ended question such as…

1. What’s the most unusual fear you have?

2. Where’s the last place you’d like to vacation to?

3. What do people need to stop asking you?

4. What’s your biggest pet peeve that everyone else seems to enjoy?

5. What history period had the best fashion?

6. What’s your family’s weirdest tradition?

7. What’s your first memory?

8. What’s the most underrated food?

When You Both Love To Travel

Fantasize with your match.

Associate yourself with the better things in life like traveling to far off destinations, eating the most decadent food, and then bragging about it all on IG. Learn about your match by probing her fantasies. Once you know enough about her, transition from fantasizing to an activity that’s some way connected to the place in question.

1. What’s your favorite travel destination of all time?

2. Tell me about your craziest travel experience in just one line.

3. What’s the 1# travel destination in your bucket list?

4. How many states in the US have you been to? What’s the one state you really want to go to?

5. Tell me Em, you look pretty well-traveled, what’s your best travel hack?

6. Steph…. Are you about that cruise life or living it up like a local?

7. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever traveled to?

When You’re Both Active

There may not be an easier way to segue from a conversation starter to a TDL than by opening a conversation with a line about an activity she’s into. Broaching an active hobby steers the conversation towards meeting up IRL.

Active dates are the best types of second dates. They enable you and your date to bond over a shared hobby, get the heart rate going, initiate physical touch, and go on a novel date. Worst case your date isn’t up to snuff you still got in a bit of exercise. Here are a few examples of dating app conversation starters to send women that are active.

1. What’s your go-to Saturday workout?

2. What’s your best 5k time?

3. I’m trying to get into running. But it’s not the physical aspect that’s holding me back… it’s the boredom. How do you stay simulated on your run?

4. What are your thoughts on tandem kayaking?

5. I’m trying to join a co-ed basketball league. Any recommendations?

6. I think you and I might be the biggest UCONN Women’s basketball fans on Tinder. Does this mean we’re meant to be?

Confident & Direct Dating App Conversation Starters for Guys

Your job on dating apps is to stand out against a backdrop of lame dudes. This isn’t a tough ask when you start conversations with confident and direct messages like these:

1. I’m Eric, it’s nice to meet you. I don’t have a lot of time to talk here but I’d love to take you on a proper date. Have you ever visited the wave organ?

2. Ever go on a blind date? I have a proposal. Let’s not get bogged down by small chit chat and then allow this conversation to fade out. Instead, let’s meet at Charlie’s at 7 p.m. tomorrow. Are you up for trying something a bit new?

3. Obviously you’re attractive, but what else have you got going for you?

4. From your bio I can tell you like uggs, went to the Statue of Liberty at least once, and have a french bulldog that may or may not be named Pierre. Is there anything else I should know about you?

5. My Mom thinks we’d be great together. I literally just showed her that we just matched. Also fun fact, my Mom is never wrong.

6. Are you as tired of going on crap Tinder dates as much as I am? Want to change that trend?

Witty Dating App Conversation Starters for Guys

The online dating platform only gives you so much of an opportunity to showcase how awesome you are. Use every photo, bio line, and of course message to demonstrate that you’re a man worth going out with. Do this by penning a witty conversation starter.

Here are some examples of killer witty opening messages:

1. What positive dating trend should we start?

2. What viral challenge should we make a thing?

3. Is cereal a soup? Why or why not?

4. If your WiFi name is The Office related can I have the log in information?

5. Tell me the truth. Should we start roping off tourist spots so that people can enjoy them in peace?

6. Tell me something about you that even your Mom doesn’t know.

7. I love telling people the plots of movies that are horrible but that they want to see so that they no longer have to watch them. I consider myself a hero. By the way, have you seen the new Fast & Furious?

This Or That Questions

It’s the classic this or that question.

These questions are great because they often receive a response, help you understand a woman, and help you plan out an awesome first date.

1. Beyond meat or a classic hamburger?

2. If you were forced to choose, Applebees or Chili’s?

3. Dogs or cats?

4. Futbol or football?

5. Vampire Weekend or Drake?

6. Brushing teeth once or twice a day?

7. Corona with or without the lime? Or screw it you’ll order a margarita?

8. Cruise or live like a local in the Caribbean?

Now It’s Time To Write A Dating App Conversation Starter

What’s most important when writing an opener is that it’s short, easy to answer, relevant, and in no way pervy. Write an opener that fulfills this criterion and you’ll soon enough have your social calendar bursting with dates. But what happens when she says yes to a TDL?

What kind of first date should you go on? How do you build sexual tension? These are the kinds of questions you must confront after scheduling a first date. Sending quality dating app conversations starters is the easy part. Luckily, you’ve got me to help you sort yourself out.

Book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me now so that we can create a dating plan that works for you. During this session we’ll diagnose your dating history, create an action plan for success, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be right for you to reach your goals in record time!