It’s a problem that has plagued singles since the dawn of time. At one point or another, we’ve all been ghosted. In fact, I’d even wager a guess that ghosting was a problem during caveman days. Countless Neanderthals going out to “hunt berries,” or “rub two sticks together to create fire” never returned to their cavewomen (cave-ladies, cave-shorties? Nevermind…)
Fortunately for cavemen and any generation that lived during a time where cell phones and social media were nonexistent, you could simply pretend that the person you’re dating simply fell off the edge of the earth or got called to a covert CIA mission if they never got back to you about a second date. But nowadays, the internet and social media make it beyond easy for everyone to be up in everyone else’s business.
Moreover, the ever-growing world of dating apps has made it easier to get ghosted than ever before.
Has This Ever Happened to You?
You match with someone on a dating app and a few lines of witty banter commences.
And then nothing.
One of the biggest issues people seem to encounter on dating apps is online conversations devolving into nothing. You end up getting ghosted at an increased rate. Although getting ghosted by an online match you have yet to meet isn’t quite as disheartening as getting ghosted by someone you’ve already been out on a couple of dates with, it still sucks.
Furthermore, spending enough time on dating apps where conversations lead to little more than a disappearing act can make you frustrated enough to throw in the towel altogether when it comes to online dating.
But a new feature from dating app Badoo aims to prevent its users from getting ghosted.
Badoo’s Anti-Ghosting Feature
Badoo’s new anti-ghosting feature gives users a nudge after they go radio silent during conversations with matches.
If someone has failed to respond for three years, a ghost icon will appear on the idle user’s profile, along with a prompt to select from a few pre-written answers to send to their match-in-waiting. You can choose from messages that let your match know that you’re sorry for not responding and that you’d like to meet up during the week.
Alternatively, you can send a message that lets them down gently by saying something like, “Hey I think you’re great but I don’t see us as a match. Take care!”
Is this Anti-Ghosting Feature a Good Thing?
In my opinion, I think that it’s awesome Badoo is offering this feature. Not only does it allow for some closure for singles who weren’t sure why their match suddenly went silent, but it also prompts busy singles (i.e., those who are really bad at checking their dating app notifications) to make moves and meet up with their matches.
On the Other Hand…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for any dating feature that stops things like ghosting in its tracks.
However, for me personally, this feature wouldn’t encourage me to accept a date from a guy who disappeared for days after we matched and started talking.
When it comes to online dating, I like for the guy to just cut to the chase. After a couple of lines of banter, set up a date so that we can see if there’s chemistry in real life.
I had agreed to go out with a guy I met on Tinder a little while back and, when I messaged him to confirm the date, he went completely silent. Basically, he ghosted me.
Cut to a week or so later and he popped back up in my messages, saying he was “really sorry,” but “something came up” and he’s “really bad at apps.”
He asked me out again and I say “yes” — not because I actually wanted to go out with him (I’m pretty much over you the second you flake out), but because I’m a writer and I thought that this could potentially make for a good story.
And lo and behold, I’m writing about this guy RIGHT NOW!
He arrived late for our date. Strike two.
He spent a good half hour talking about how he had a gas washing machine now and that was a point of anxiety for him is that he only had experience with electric washing machines.
Strike three. You’re out.
Moral of the Story
It is awesome to have an app that will remind you that you’re treading into ghosting territory, particularly if said territory is the type you had no intention of entering.
But really, you should be sending compelling messages and set up a compelling date with matches before you let much time go by. Honestly, just the fact that you take initiative will be impressive, given that lots of us ladies are used to a seemingly endless back-and-forth with matches until one of us tries to set something up or a conversation that involves into nothing.
Images: Giphy (2)