Well, this is weird.

You’ve gone on three dates thus far. To the park, to the skating rink, and to your bedroom — whoop whoop!

But despite your rapid success, something quite odd has happened.

After your most recent date, she pulled away.

Quite rightly, you’re taken aback.

There was no indication that she was about to pull away. You two had gone on kickass dates, smooched, and even made plans to see each other again.

But suddenly she’s turned down plans to meet up and seems to be waiting longer and longer to respond to your texts.

Look, we’re not going to speculate as to why she’s acting this way. It could be a myriad of reasons ranging from her dog having just died, to her phone not receiving messages. Our job isn’t to pinpoint exactly why she’s acting this way, it’s to create a plan for what to do when she pulls away from you.

Why Women Pull Away & What To Do About It

Communicate Your Feelings

Look, ignoring you for a few days or canceling plans isn’t a sign that the relationship is on the fritz.

When something important to us — especially a relationship — takes a negative turn we often feel as though it happened as a consequence of our own actions.

As a species, we really need to work on not being so egocentric.

Realize that she’s living a life as complex as your own. There are literally a million reasons she pulled back.

What’s important is not to give up or speculate from afar.

What is important is getting answers.

To do this you’ll have to reveal your cards and tell her how you’re feeling.

Chances are she’s distant for some reason that will blow over soon enough. You have the option of holding back and waiting out the emotional storm until it passes. But if a couple of weeks have passed and you have no idea why she’s so distant it’s time to have a chat.

Start off by simply asking her if everything is all right.

Never start a sensitive conversation by being the aggressor and placing blame on the other person. At the same time don’t act all ‘woe is me’ when you broach the conversation.

With a cool head, text her asking how she’s feeling and acknowledge that she’s been distant. This text alone opens the door and gives her the chance to not only express herself but also to give you the ax if that’s what she’s been waiting to do.

Ideally, you two talk in person, but this depends on how young the relationship is. If it’s just been a few dates, talk via text, if you two are in a relationship with a label, have it in person.

The case may be that she’s not ready to end things, but her feelings toward you are lukewarm. If this is the case, how she feels about you is much more complex than expected.

It’s this complexity that is difficult to convey via text. Texting conversations have a tendency to drag on forever, never really reaching any kind of meaningful end because the medium being used to express oneself is highly flawed.

Sure it may be a bit more emotionally taxing, but important conversations are meant to have face to face.

If you do talk in person, start the conversation by talking about how you’re feeling. Whenever you’re asking someone to have a difficult conversation, it’s best that you kick things off. Once you’ve opened up, they’ll follow your lead.

Be Honest With Yourself

She pulled away because of work, because her friend just moved into town, because she just started training for a marathon.

You can make up any reason you’d like, but what’s the truth?

Hopefully, she told you how she really feels when you sat down and spoke with her.

But it’s more than possible that she’s holding back. That she wants to avoid conflict at all costs and isn’t sure whether she wants to end the relationship or not. So sure she tells you she’s just tired, but tired of what? You know her better than I do and have read the signs.

Be curious and willing to trust your partner, but also be aware of when her excuses amount to evidence that she just doesn’t want to be with you but is too afraid to pull the trigger. The quicker you get out of this relationship the sooner you’ll be able to invest in a relationship with a woman that truly wants to be with you.

Anxious Attachment Style

It’s not all on her.

Ask yourself if your behavior had something to do with her romantic recoil.

Specifically ask yourself if you’re attachment style played a role in pushing her away.

An anxious attachment style can manifest itself early on in a relationship by way of inundating a romantic flame with messages. Just recently, I heard about a student of ours who would send the woman he just started dating 5-10 messages a day. These messages weren’t to plan a date or in response to a message she sent but were instead sent just to check up on her.

Imagine you receiving 5-10 checkup messages a day from a woman you only just started to date.

Reasonably you’d want to take a step back and reassess the situation.

If you feel you might have an unhealthy attachment style, take this quiz. 

Identifying your attachment style is the first step towards rewiring your brain to become a healthier and more stable romantic partner.

MegaDate

What to do when she pulls away you ask? — MegaDate.

I admit it’s kind of a zen-like move.

Instead of directly focusing on the issue — your romantic interest pulling away — you’re indirectly addressing the issue.

To be clear, MegaDating is nothing more than dating around. By when I say dating around I want to be clear. I advise my clients to date multiple times a week even going so far as to stack dates.

Look most dudes are content to wait around for their dream woman to waltz into their lives, my clients aren’t. That’s why I create a dating blueprint designed to address their concerns in the most effective way I know how.

When you MD, you’re mining for dates. You’re tapping into all your social channels in order to find compatible women worth meeting in person.

MegaDating has three chief benefits.

For one, it cuts down the amount of time needed to find a woman worth your time. When you actively date, you’re living life on your own terms.

Secondly, it quickly sharpens your dating skills. Imagine if you went on three dates a week for a single month. My god, you’d be a freakin’ dating king. You’d know what kind of first dates work, what to say and not to say, how to use a TDL, when to touch her, where to touch her, when to kiss, how to escalate a relationship, etc. etc. Practice, practice, practice.

Lastly, it’s quite difficult to know which women aren’t worth your time if you’ve got nothing to compare them with. Imagine going to an Indian restaurant, ordering one thing, kind of liking it, and then ordering that same dish for the rest of your life. That’s what dating is when you’re not MegaDating. MD is like hitting up that restaurant thrice times a week and ordering something different every time.

When you date a plethora of women you see the wider picture. You see what kind of women are out there, what type of women are attracted to you, and most importantly which women you’re attracted to.

So will MegaDating help you when she pulls away?

Actually, yes.

The dudes that date one person at a time are prone to cling. They put all their eggs in one basket and then freak out when they don’t all hatch. MD will lessen the blow should she opt to end the relationship. Knowing that there are other women out will imbue you with the strength not to smother her. Should you bombard her with texts the second she backs away, she’s guaranteed to ditch you. MegaDating teaches you to play it cool.

And if there’s anything I’ve learned both as a woman and a dating coach, it’s that cool always gets the girl.

Harness the Rejection Energy to Improve Yourself

You never have more potential than when you experience rejection.

As crummy as it feels, it has the power to fuel total transformation if you let it.

Rather than getting super sad (although that’s cool for a temporary time period), harness the rejection energy to help improve your diet, workouts, wardrobe, dating profiles, social media presence, etc.

I used to harness rejection energy by thinking to myself, “I’ll show them” and then I’d channel it into my workouts (ex: I’d run longer and faster), or I’d make my diet super healthy. I’d pay a lot more attention to my social media profiles, in case they ever crept on in, which in turn, helped me attract other people who were a better fit for me.

I read more books and listened to more podcasts and YouTube videos to improve myself in various areas. I became obsessed with my own self-development because I changed the rejection from “I’m not enough” to “I’ll show them how amazing I am.”

Harness the energy and use it to alchemize your life.

Avoid the Stage-5 Clinger Vortex

If you expressed yourself by communicating your feelings and listening to theirs, then you’re done communicating.

No need to keep following up to see where her head’s at. I understand the desire to feel in control but let’s be honest — you’re not. The more you try to be, the more stage-5 clinger you’re going to go.

That energy repels all. I know, I’ve tried it repeatedly and it NEVER F-ING WORKS.

So take my advice and do as I say not as I’ve done and halt communication once you’ve honestly expressed your stance and learned where they stood. Your absence will help them to make their own decision whereas your continued communication will only push them away. Don’t go stage-5 clinger by trying to keep communicating when you’ve already said your peace. Your silence will give her space and time to think about what she wants. She might shift her energy and come back, and she might not, but being a clinger and hitting her up all the time, always fails, so quit it.

Invest your energy into new relationships, new people, and a new strategy.

Demonstrate Social Proof on Social Media

Social media is a lot of things.

It’s addicting, can make us depressed, can link up disparate people from across the world, and can also be used to make the women you’re dating more into you.

Leverage social media to demonstrate to her and others how valuable you truly are.

Post photos of you doing fun activities with friends. This demonstrates to her that you are popular, well-liked by others, and fun to be around. It shows her your life is “cool” and so are you. 

Ask yourself, who does she want to be with? The guy that’s out and about living life or the dude whose major event of the week is Tuesday bowling with Gladys and the boys?

Giving her space while displaying your life’s highlights gives her the chance to creep on you on her own terms and helps her make decisions about whether she’d like to be a part of your life or not.

Worst case scenario, she doesn’t come around and you now have tons of social proof that the next w0man — who will be a better fit for you– can see and will make her super attracted to you. Social proof is incredibly powerful for building trust, credibility, and perceived value. Use it!

Timeboxing

If you’re MegaDating you have other dates lined up.

You don’t need to waste time and energy fretting over whether or not this woman is into you.

Put her out of your mind by offering her space.

Tell her that it seems like she doesn’t know what she wants. Ask if she wants space and time to figure things out. Tell her you can give her 2-4 weeks to figure herself out.

Some women call this a vision quest. This time away will allow her to think clearly.

Should she come back to you, you know it’s real and that she’s into you.

In the meantime, live your life, don’t think about her, and go back out there and date!

What Now?

Now it’s time to act.

Stop waiting around for her to make a decision for you. Instead, put yourself in the driver’s seat by putting the plan we just outlined into action.

Look, I totally understand that embracing change can be daunting. The romantic realm is often a lonely one, but it doesn’t have to be.

What if you had a dating coach to help guide the way?

Dating Decoded

Interested in learning how we here at emlovz can help you?

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.