It’s an all-too-familiar scenario: You’re having a normal conversation with a woman over text, and then suddenly, she stops responding. What’s that about?
The truth is, there could be many reasons why a woman starts ignoring texts on purpose. The more important thing to figure out though, is what you’re going to do about it. Why? Because how you respond will speak volumes. Based on your next move, she’ll either regret ignoring your texts, or conclude that you’re low-value. It’s all about how you play it.
So, let’s first examine why she’s ignoring your texts, and then look at some of the best ways to respond.
First, Did She Even Read It?
Before we go down the rabbit hole of why she’s ignoring texts on purpose, let’s clarify one thing. Did she actually read your text? Look at the read receipt on the message you sent — does it say “read?” Or just “delivered?”
If she doesn’t have the setting enabled that allows people to see if she read the message (and it just says “delivered”) then all you know is that the text went through. But that doesn’t mean she saw it. She could have turned her phone off if she was traveling and didn’t want to incur charges. Maybe she even lost her phone. Who knows? In any case, you could give her the benefit of the doubt.
Examine Why She’s Ignoring Your Texts on Purpose
Okay, so let’s now assume that 1) she’s seen your texts, and 2) she’s probably ignoring you. Here are a few questions to ask yourself, in that case.
Did you text her anything misleading, rude, or offensive?
Think carefully on this one. First, was your last text misleading? In other words, could it be read in a totally different way than you intended? Reread what you wrote and see if it could be misunderstood.
Did you say or do something in person that might have offended her?
Think back on all of your interactions together. Write some of it down, if it helps. Perhaps you said something that she could have taken as rude.
Did she display any negative body language the last time you saw her in person?
Negative body language would be signs that she’s not into you or otherwise turned off, such as: Avoiding eye contact, crossing her arms, or leaning back/away from you.
Was there a point in your last conversation where you noticed her body language shift? Often, a subtle comment or gesture can make a trigger will go off in a person’s mind, causing them to completely change perception of someone else. If you struck a bad chord with her, chances are you might be in the friendzone, or even further down into the “ignore” zone.
When All Else Fails, Stay Confident
When a woman is ignoring texts on purpose, the last thing you want to do is beg for her attention in any way. That just conveys the message that you’re not valuable. Instead, do one (or more) of the following.
1. Don’t Be Needy or Follow Up Too Soon
Since she hasn’t texted you back, you’re all riled up. But don’t direct that energy toward her. Sending her a bunch of hopeful follow-up texts too soon will only make you seem desperate. If you’re waiting for her to write back, definitely avoid sending her any of these typical follow-up texts:
This adds no value, and is the equivalent of a 5-year-old poking her in the ribs.
This comes off as angry. Even if that’s true, it just gives her another reason not to want to respond.
Either she’s there and can’t write back yet, or she’s not. Why ask?
Did you get my last text?
Like the last one, this doesn’t make sense.
Are you OK?
Fake concern is an obvious tactic, and probably will just annoy her.
Sorry to bother you again, but …
Never say this. It gives her the message that you don’t value yourself.
Saw you posted on Instagram, but you don’t have time to text me back?
So many things wrong with this one. It’s whiny, desperate, and angry. Might as well chalk it up to a loss and move on.
Instead, the best thing to do is just wait. Allow a minimum of 48 hours for her to respond. Remember, she might not have even seen your text, so you’ll look overeager if you contact her again before she can explain.
2. Set Up a Date with Another Woman
Another way to deal with the excess energy you’re feeling is to just channel it elsewhere. Dating only one woman at a time can give you Oneitis — where you spend all your time waiting for one person to give you another “hit” of her attention. Especially if you’ve only gone on one date with her (or none at all), obsessing over her will only weaken your position.
So if you’re not in a full-blown relationship with her, set up a date with another woman instead. This is what I call MegaDating: when you strategically date as many women as you can simultaneously, even if there’s one that you particularly like over the others. Not only will this diffuse all the energy you’re putting towards her, but it will also:
- Raise your confidence level — Because let’s face it, getting a response from someone new always does that!
- Distract you — Since you’ll have to manage a new conversation, you might forget temporarily about the old one.
- Help you avoid settling — After all, what if someone more intriguing pops up?
In fact, I recommend you set a goal to actively date five women at any given time. That way, you’ll never end up in a situation where you feel like one woman is your “only shot.” So if you’re not already MegaDating, I hope you have a good reason! Otherwise, it’s time to get on it. Fire up some conversations with other women if you can and see where it goes.
3. Load Up a New Dating App
If you’re ready to start some conversations with other women, you can also add more excitement to it by trying a new dating app. Not only will the setup occupy your time for a bit, but the “honeymoon phase” of flipping through (mostly) brand new prospects will have you feeling better in no time.
And the good news is, even if you’re already on an app or two, there are so many more out there to choose from these days. You might want to check out my guide, Free Dating Sites and Apps: An Exhaustive List, to start. Also, here are a couple you might try if you haven’t already.
This one is interesting because instead of requiring you to message women, you also play compatibility games. Depending on how well the two of you match, you can “unlock” higher levels of contact, which include text messages and video messages. It’s a unique mashup of game theory and dating, and a fun one to try. Check out my full Cove review here.
Plenty of Fish
True to its name, there are no requirements to message or view someone’s profile on POF, so you’ll get a wide range of people using this site. You’ll probably have to weed through a lot of profiles first, but since you probably want to look as many options as you can right now, you might try POF.
For more info, see my Ultimate POF Review. I’m not in love with this site/app, but it will allow you to directly message women (instead of just swiping), which ultimately allows you to kill more time while you wait for this said girl to text you back.
4. Occupy Yourself with Something Creative or Active
A creative project or physical activity can do wonders for keeping your mind off the woman who’s not texting you back. For example, you could hit the gym and concentrate that excess energy on your workout.
Think of this energy you’re feeling as a gift — it doesn’t come around all the time, so use it to your advantage! Or perhaps you could use that energy to write a beautiful song, paint, or write poetry. Use her as your muse, if you have to.
5. Call Someone You Haven’t Talked to in a While
Reaching out to someone you haven’t connected with in a while could spark interesting conversation that totally takes your mind off the situation. Whether you call one of your parents or a close friend you haven’t talked to, catching up with someone significant in your life can also give you some much-needed perspective. Even if it turns out this woman is ignoring your texts on purpose, you’ll be reminded that you still have other valuable relationships.
6. Turn Your Phone Off for 1/2 Day
The younger you are, the more you might think I’m crazy … but hear me out. Try turning your phone off for half a day. It might be difficult, but just try it. Think of it as half a day of “phone freedom.”
Spend an hour at the gym, grab lunch by yourself or with a friend, go get a massage, take a nap, or get some work done. Most importantly, leave your phone at home or otherwise out of sight.
One study reported by UC Berkeley found that just the presence of your phone in the room, even if it’s turned off, reduces your mental functioning because of the sheer effort it takes to not pick it up. So put your phone away and see how it feels!
7. Employ Strategic Narcissism
My rule of thumb is to always assume the best. Assume every woman wants to date you. Assume that if she hasn’t responded, it’s because some crazy person stole her phone. If you don’t have evidence, you might as well tell yourself the best story possible.
So many people assume the worst when they don’t have any facts. Why not assume the best? This doesn’t mean you should blow up her phone or try and track her down in person because she hasn’t responded. But it does mean that you can’t make any assumptions about why she hasn’t responded. You don’t have proof that she’s actively ignoring you, so don’t think defeating thoughts.
8. Strategize with a Dating Coach
Perhaps you made a mistake while texting her that you are having a hard time recognizing. A dating coach can look at this situation (and any others you’ve had like it) and give you a no-holds-barred, honest take on how you are coming across to women. This feedback can make a huge difference in how you approach women going forward, and give you amazing results.
You might also have personal issues that affect your dating life in ways you hadn’t thought about. Cultural differences, attachment issues, and the lack of family role models can make dating more challenging than you realize. A coach can help you see what these issues are so you can take the steps to resolve them.
She’s Ignoring Texts on Purpose: Wrap-Up
No matter what happens, don’t make the mistake of thinking this is your one chance at love. If she’s really been ignoring your texts on purpose, then chances are, she’s not the one for you — and the two of you wouldn’t have worked out in some other way. In that case, you can consider yourself lucky that you’re learning this early. On the other hand, maybe there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for the silence — and giving her some breathing room is the only way you’ll find out. Either way, I wish you the best of luck.
And if you need more ideas on how to become better at communicating with women, I’m here to help. Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me for personalized tips on how to get women interested in you and keep them engaged, so you always have options when it comes to dating. Fine-tuning how you present yourself could be just the tweak you need in order to create the dating life you’ve always wanted.