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The 6 Top Relationship Experts To Listen To If You Want To Date & Have More Sex

The 6 Top Relationship Experts To Listen To If You Want To Date & Have More Sex

The 6 Top Relationship Experts To Listen To If You Want To Date & Have More Sex

When it comes to love, relationships, and of course, sex, no one has all the answers.

But, it’s fair to say that some people have better answers than others.

Your buddy that advises you to neg the crap out of a woman you just met on Bumble until she agrees to go out with you doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

Ya know who does?

Top relationship experts that have more higher education degrees than a raw-dogger has STDs.

If you want to become better at dating you have to listen to people that have answers that are more right than wrong.

So who are these people?

Who Are These Top Relationship Experts?

Esther Perel – Psychotherapist, Author, Podcaster

You know someone’s worth listening to when they have a TED talk… also when they’re a psychotherapist, author, podcaster, and relationship consultant to Oprah.

Esther’s probably best known for her views on infidelity, hell she even wrote a whole book about it.

While cheating is easy to condemn, Perel is more interested in understanding why it happened and what to do next. She argues that the context must always be taken into consideration.

In her book, she explains why one of her clients cheated on her husband.

The wife worked a tireless job and came home every night to a husband that was emotionally and physically distant. He rarely if ever showed her affection and as such, she felt neglected.

Craving the affection that all humans need she sought to fill this emotional void by starting a relationship with a co-worker that valued and cherished her.

After understanding the nuance of the situation she asks who is really in the wrong.

But Esther isn’t only an expert in infidelity.

One of the most impactful quotes she shares about how we think about relationships is:

“We expect one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide, and we live twice as long.”

She harps on this idea that one person cannot be everything.

A lover cannot be a dominatrix, a tennis partner, a parent, friend, birthday planner, shoulder to cry on, The Office binger, etc.

No one person can be everything for you.

Following, reading, and listening to Esther will change the way you think about romance.

And of course, if it changes your thinking, it’ll change your behavior as well.

You are what you eat.

And if you’re consuming Esther Perel you’re one of the most open and woke men around.

If you’re new to Esther here’s how you can get to know her:

The Atlantic: Why Happy People Cheat

TED Talk: The Secret To Desire In A Long-Term Relationship

Book: The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

Podcast: Where Should We Begin?

Helen Fisher – Biological Anthropologist and Chief Scientific Advisor to

Helen Fisher, along with being a love guru, may well be the most prolific TED speaker of all time. 

Fisher’s an anthropologist with a soft spot for evolution and how our brain has evolved to love.

We’ve cited Fisher countless times in our articles.

We’ve done so because she is one of the few people that understand what’s happening in the brain while we’re in love. She’s the one that confirmed scientifically that love really is a drug.

While researching the effects of love on the brain she put 32 students — 17 who were in love and 15 who had just been dumped — through an MRI brain scanner.

What she found was that the sexiest region of the brain, called the ventral tegmental area, was highly active.

The VTA is responsible for the brain’s reward system. It handles matters of motivation, focus, and desire. It’s this same region of the brain that lights up when someone does a bump of cocaine.

While knowing what’s happening in the brain will help impress your super nerdy Hinge date, what’s really important is helping you fall in love.

Fisher can help with this.

She’s always doing research that attempts to help humans understand why they fall in love and how love affects them.

It’s true that you can’t hire Fisher as a dating coach — though you can hire us — but you can soak up her wisdom by reading up:

Book: Why Him? Why Her? Understanding Your Personality Type And Finding The Perfect Match

Academic Study: Romantic Love: A Mammalian Brain System For Mate Choice

Oprah: Real Aphrodisiacs To Boost Desire

Dan Savage – Sex Advice Columnist, Author, Pundit

Dan Savage is listed as one of our top relationship experts because he’s known for a great many things.

He’s been writing an internationally syndicated sex column since 1991, has arguably the most popular dating & sex podcasts around, and is fiercely liberal, one time saying that “I wish the Republicans were all fucking dead” on Real Time with Bill Maher.

However, what he might be most famous for was his definition of the word Santorum.

After Rick Santorum compared homosexuality to bestiality and basically said that gays were tearing this country apart, Savage (among other things a gay man) decided to define the word santorum in honor of the former GOP politician.

After soliciting suggestions from fans he finally decided on defining Santorum as, “the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.”

If that doesn’t at least warrant a follow on Twitter I don’t know what does.

But along with being a king Troll, Savage has been bucking traditional relationship trends for decades now.

Like Perel, Dan also has a pretty contrarian viewpoint when it comes to things like infidelity.

Dan says that if you’re in a 40-50 year relationship with a romantic partner and only cheat a few times, you’re actually good at being monogamous.

This is because he’d argue that monogamy is freakin’ weird.

Not only is it unnatural, but it’s something society has only recently required heterosexual men to observe.

Following Dan’s column and listening to his podcast will give you the unique perspective you need to find someone you give a damn about. Notice how I didn’t say “the one.” According to Savage, soul mates are as whimsical an idea as Disney.

Check Savage out:

Podcast: Savage Lovecast 

Column: Savage Love

Jia Jiang – Founder Of Rejection Therapy

Jia Jiang spent a little time on a recent Zoom call with the founder of emlovz.

So we couldn’t hesitate listing him as a top relationship expert — based on the fact that he knows how to take a slap to the face; in fact, he welcomes it.

That’s because for 100 days straight he sought out to get rejected.

He asked strangers if he could play soccer in the backyard, if he could run a company, and if an employee at a Krispy Kreme could make donuts in the shape of the Olympic rings.

So how exactly will following Jia improve your dating life?

The man teaches people to use fear to achieve their goals.

Asking your yoga crush out is terrifying.

Jia will teach you how to manage your fear and make sure it doesn’t get in between you and romance.

The man is a rejection artist. He has written books, organized lectures, and given training sessions designed around addressing rejection.

Oh, and did I mention during his 100-day rejection challenge he asked women out to dinner… and got rejected numerous times.

Here’s where you can find Jia’s teachings:

Book: Rejection Proof

App: DareMe

Emily Nagoski – PhD in Health Behavior, Author

Remember that show MythBusters where they’d bust myths around science?

Emily Nagoski is about to get her own MythBusters show where you busts myths about sex… or at least she should.

She rose to fame with her book, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.

As you can imagine, with a title like that, people bought it, but more importantly, they improved their sex lives.

In it, Emily addresses many of the myths people (mostly men) have about women’s bodies.

One myth she touches on is that the wetter a woman is, the more turned on she is.


Knowing this is a game-changer.

There is no sure-fire way to know if a woman’s into or not (except by asking).

In her book, Nagoski explores arousal non-concordance and blows up a myriad of other myths as well.

If you really want to know what turns a woman on (and if the g-spot really does exist) you have to start reading Emily.

Let’s get you started with some links:

Article: The Definitive Answer To The Question, “Does The G-Spot Exist?”

Book: Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Ian Kerner – Sexuality Counselor, Cunnilingus Expert, Author

Ian Kerner has a problem.

A problem that most men would like to keep private.

Kerner comes too quickly.

I’m not quoting his wife, rather Kerner admits this in the first few lines of his book, She Comes First.

Being quick on the trigger made him lose confidence in the bedroom, but it also led to a happy byproduct.

Kerner became so scared that he wouldn’t be able to please his partner that he, well, actually decided to learn how to please his partner.

Men think that size and duration of sex are the two most important variables that determine how much a woman enjoys sex.

That’s flaccid logic.

It’s this thinking that has led to an orgasm gap.

There’s a massive orgasm disparity, so much so that in a 2015 study of college students in their sexual prime researchers found that 91% of the time men reported usually or always having an orgasm during sex. Women on the other hand reported doing so just 39% of the time.

A study that asked 3,000 partnered men and women how often they had sex, researchers found that men orgasmed 85% of the time while women came just 63% of the time.

Determined to bridge this gap (and make up for what he considered sexual incompetence) Kerner decided to become a cunnilingus extraordinaire.

He wrote an entire book and continues to write articles teaching men how to pleasure women the way they want to be pleasured.

To learn the ways of Kerner try reading these articles and book:

Article: Be Her Best Lover Ever

Book: She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Talk To Someone That Knows What The Hell They’re Talking About

Now it’s time to read up man!

If you want to become a better partner, dater, bachelor, and overall human, you should start flirting with these romance thought leaders.

But these gurus of love aren’t the only people that know what they’re talking about.

The coaches at emlovz are not only thought leaders within the romantic community, but unlike like aforementioned, you can actually speak with them and have a meaningful dialogue that will improve your love life.

If you want actionable steps, a support community, and dating coaches to guide you through the romantic landscape, well then hit us up at emlovz.

Book a 1-on-1 Zoom session and tell us all about your goals, woes, and desires. You’ll strategize with your coach and learn about our 3 month coaching and making programs.

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