Everyone knows that healthy relationships are founded on communication.

The problem is that not everyone knows how to open their mouth and communicate their desires without hurting the person they’re dating.

Despite the myriad words we have in the English language and variety of mediums to communicate us humans are still struggling to communicate what we want.

This process of communication becomes all the more difficult when you factor in online dating, a seemingly bottomless dating pool, and the ever conflicting tug and pull of monogamy and polyamory.

Dating today is more difficult than picking a movie to watch on Netflix in under 10 minutes.

So let’s make it easier.

The best way to communicate what are you looking for in a relationship is to follow the script.

Have a game plan before you’re forced to word vomit your feelings.

Here are some of the most tactful and tactless ways to tell her what you’re looking for.

What Are You Looking For In A Relationship

Before communicating what you’re looking for in a relationship it’d be helpful if you knew the answer yourself.

So do you?

To be fair, the answer may always be changing. Sure you may want a forever partner, but with the woman, you’re currently dating that may not be the case. Should she ever pop the question, what are we or what are you looking for know the answer.

That’s the first step toward responding in a healthy way that doesn’t put your relationship in jeopardy.

Knowing what you want will also help you get what you want.

If you don’t just want a summer fling but someone you can settle down with, this will aid in your search.

It will keep you focused on your goal and help avoid investing in people whose vision of the future doesn’t align with your own.

Healthy And Unhealthy Ways To Communicate What You’re Looking For In Dating

Say It On Your Dating Profile

The best way not to mislead her is by telling her from the jump what you’re looking for.

Seeing as though most everyone meets via dating apps nowadays, this is pretty easy to do.

Apps like Bumble and Hinge allow you to select what you’re looking for.

Once selected this info will appear at the top of your profile making it clear for all the bees on Bumble what your romantic intentions are.

If you want to be even more clear you can once again make it known what you’re looking for by writing about it in your bio. Not everyone reads bio information so including it various times increase the odds she’ll see it.

Choose the one you really want and don’t be afraid if some women swipe left because of it.

You’re looking for a woman who wants the same things you do. This will help weed people out before you ever even meet IRL.

The worse thing you can do is waste both her and your time by leading her on.

Expand Upon Exactly What You’re Looking For In Your Self-Summary Section

Try writing about the characteristics you’re looking to attract and go even deeper on what you’re looking for by saying something like “athletic, ambitious, street and book smart, loves deep dish pizza and Kevin Hart, thinks white chocolate is not real chocolate. Looking for her.”

It’s difficult to express who you are and what you’re interested in via a dating app.

Luckily popular apps like Hinge and Bumble give you plenty of surface area to work with.

When filling out your profile be sure to write a detailed bio and answer three prompts.

These prompts give you a platform you can’t pass up. Use them to express who you are and what you’re looking for.

And again, you don’t have to be explicit.

If you write, “Just looking for someone to have a healthy relationship with, two kids, and a house with a picket white fence” she’ll get that you want a wife. This image is much better than simply writing, “Looking for a wife.”

You can even use the Hinge prompt, “I’m looking for...”

Bring It Up In Messages

Simply ask directly.

Women will be direct with you as well. However, sometimes they’ll give you an answer that can be interpreted a few different ways. If you receive an ambiguous response, just tell her what you’re looking for and ask her if she’s looking for the same thing.

It can also be awkward bringing it up in the conversation.

Here are a few ways you can address that awkwardness.

What are your intentions on Bumble/Hinge/Farmer’s Only? You’re not just planning on using me as your boy-toy are you? 😉

You seem like the kind of woman I can bring home to the family. But before that we should probably get a drink right?

I’m looking for someone to grab deep dish wish, but a girlfriend would be cool too. 

Ask Her Directly On The Date

What are you looking for on your dating journey?

Being direct is sexy and helps both of you to ensure that you’re on the same page.

You’d hate to waste time investing in someone moving in a different romantic direction than your own.

Get to the point.

Even if it’s on a first date.

Chances are you’ll quickly talk about their recent dating experience. Asking her what she’s looking for will most likely come off as organic. When it’s your chance to tell her what are you looking for in a relationship, don’t mince your words.

Be clear, direct, and drop that love bomb.

Don’t Shift Your Goals If You Want Different Things

If you’re looking for an LTR and she’s just looking to date, don’t tell her that’s cool with you.

Be the man who knows what he wants and goes after it and disqualifies her if she doesn’t want the same things. You can keep her as a friend but she’ll have more respect for you if you hold your ground and maintain your boundaries and goals. She may even look at you differently because of it and change her mind about just wanting to date casually.

You were once so willing to change her mind she might do the same.

Stick to your guns and be true to what you want.

If the connection is strong enough you may convince her to come to the dark side.

Unhealthy Ways To Tell Her What You’re Looking For In A Relationship

So those are the healthy ways to tell her what you want in your romantic life.

They primarily include timing, being direct, and being consistent.

So what does the opposite of that look like?

Shifting What You Say You’re Looking For To Align With What The Other Person Says They’re Looking For

At first, the relationship could be fine.

She wants something chill and casual, while you want a partner.

Initially, you’re digging it. This amazing woman is showing you affection, having sex with you, and filling a void.

But remember, she wants something casual. Sure you can hold on to the hope of changing her mind, but that probably won’t work. You’re happy for now but it won’t last. Not only will it not last, but while you’re investing in something that won’t give you the yield you want, an even more compatible partner is out there dating some other guy.

Changing what you want so that it aligns with what she wants makes you inauthentic and unattractive because you’re not standing up for yourself and what you want.

If you want an LTR and she doesn’t, then it’s better to friendzone her and move on to someone who wants the same things as you. You’re worth having the relationship you want. Settling for less than what you want is bound to lead to disappointment and unnecessary heartbreak. It also weakens your leadership and lowers your perceived value. A man who knows his worth doesn’t settle for less than what he wants.

Listing That You Are Open To Any Kind Of Relationship On Your Profile

This makes you look like you’re not selective and that you don’t know what you want.

Be clear and direct about what you’re looking for right from the start by listing your most ideal relationship preference only.

It’s okay if you’re not sure about what you want. If you’re unsure, say that, not that you’re open to anything.

In the meantime try to work out what exactly it is you want.

Waiting Until You’re Attached To Ask Her What She’s Looking For

Manage your expectations.

If you’re investing in her thinking you two are destined to get married but all the time she isn’t interested in a LTR you’re bound to get hurt.

If you’re already attached, it will be harder for you to hear that she isn’t looking for the same things as you are and you might begin creating a narrative in your mind that you can be the one to win her over. This is a fool’s errand and will likely lead you down the road of destruction.

Leading Her To Believe You Want A LTR Just To Have Sex Or Appease Her

This is just cruel.

You may think you’re being nice by not hurting her feelings but you are in essence lying to her and leading her on.

This often happens when people are just getting out of a divorce and want to experience sex with no strings attached.

Instead of just communicating their needs transparently, they lead a woman on so they can get their needs met but they aren’t managing expectations well and now the woman believes that the guy wants a relationship.

This is a recipe for a stalker, a super angry woman, and retaliation, not to mention hurt feelings and the loss of respect. Be a man and communicate your needs and intentions honestly from the very beginning, even if it’s hard to do so.

It pays off.

Become A Dating Expert With MegaDating

The more you pose this question the easier it will be to ask.

When you MegaDate you’re dating a multitude of women in a short period of time. In our program, Dating Decoded we teach men how to tap their social channels to find compatible women to date.

We also teach them the skills they need to quickly bond with women and form relationships. With the help of our lifetime-brotherhood style program you’ll be able to tactfully and healthily be direct with the women you date.

To learn how, book a 1-on-1 Zoom call with one of our coaches.