One thing that can be difficult if you’re dating as a non-drinker is coming up with compelling sober date ideas.

But the struggle of finding awesome sober date ideas outweighs the potential disasters that accompany dates that involve imbibing.

Drinking can make dates go off the rails sometimes, and if you’re early in the dating process you want to stick to a tried-and-true formula for success — which is much easier to do if you don’t drink.

What is that formula, you ask? Well, back in 2011-2012, I conducted a 100-date experiment where I went on 101 dates with 52 different men and documented what worked (and what failed) on dates. After that, I used the information I gathered to create a blueprint for success when it comes to first, second, and third dates. Here are just a few quick tips to help you get started. If you want to learn the full first, second, and third date blueprints, check out my program, Dating Decoded.

• First date: Spend no more than $20, and no more than 1 hour with your date.
• Second date: Spend no money, and instead do something physically active.
• Third date: Spend a little more money for an excellent dining experience.

Again, being sober makes it much easier to stick to this blueprint. So with that in mind, here are 30 sober date ideas, broken up by first, second, and third dates.

Sober Date Ideas: First Dates Under $20

1. Coffee Date

There are lots of reasons why a coffee date is a good choice — one of them being that a strong cup of joe will make you more alert and engaged. That leads to nothing but positive vibes.

Don’t just choose any coffeeshop, but one that offers unique drinks, in a cool neighborhood, and that she’s never been to before. Avoid Starbucks or other chains at all cost unless you pair the coffee with another activity nearby.

2. Boba Tea Date

If she’s not a coffee person why not go for Boba? Not everyone has tried boba before. Doing something new and exposing her to something as awesome as boba is a great first-date idea. For the uninitiated, boba is comprised of chewy tapioca balls at the bottom of a milky, sweet tea. Boba tea establishments will usually offer different tea flavors as well. If the experience is new for either one of you, the conversation around it will be a good icebreaker.

3. Cupcake Date

If she has a sweet tooth, she’ll love you forever for this idea. So many gourmet cupcake places are popping up with shareable jumbo sizes and specialty flavors. Pick one in your area and take her for an hour filled with sugary goodness. The best part is, when she thinks back on the date, she’ll associate you with all that excitement.

4. Chocolate-Tasting Date

If your town has a chocolatier, do not hesitate to take your date for a tasting! You never know what someone’s favorite chocolate candy filling will reveal about their personality. Will she be a straight-up caramel type of gal, or something weirdly unexpected, like orange cream? Ask for several samples before sitting down to share a few of your favorites.

5. Tea

Lots of people love tea, and places that serve it as their main offering have a quaint and cozy feel to them. You’ll also get the benefits of caffeine just like you would with coffee, but the date will feel slightly more original, compared to coffee or some other sober date ideas you might have in mind.

6. Escape Room Date

The key to this would be keeping the price below $20, so check places like Goldstar, Groupon, Eventbrite, or your other local event listings to find discounts. Escape rooms are tons of fun and take the pressure off of having to keep a conversation going since your focus isn’t really on each other, but getting the eff out of that room.

Many major and mid-size cities have escape rooms. If you’re in the Austin area check out our recommended escape room along with 30+ other date ideas.

7. Jiu-Jitsu Class

Like the escape room date, jiu-jitsu gives you an activity to focus on and something to talk about afterward — not to mention, it’s exhilarating. You’ll likely forget that you’re on an actual “date” and will embrace the challenge of learning new moves together. To make this activity affordable, check listings in your area for free classes for first-timers.

8. Free Concerts/Shows/Festivals/Live Events

These types of sober date ideas should be especially easy to find if it’s summertime. Check Facebook Events or Yelp to see what’s going on for free in your zip code. You may come across live music, dance events, themed fairs, and other happenings that won’t cost you a penny.

9. Cookie-Tasting Date

Along the lines of cupcake or chocolate tasting, you could also do a cookie-tasting date. Gourmet cookies are another trendy type of dessert spot that lends itself well to a short but sweet (no pun intended) first date. Get something out of the ordinary to show your uniqueness (no chocolate chip!).

10. Frozen Yogurt Date

This one is great for someone who may not be that into sugar. From deciding which flavors to put in your swirl, to which fruits you want and which dry toppings you want to add it’s a process, for sure. So you’ll have a little time to relax and ease into things before you end up sitting across the table staring at each other.

Physically Active and Sober Second Date Ideas

11. Bike Ride

A bike ride is an excellent idea if you do it all the time. Invite her along on a trip you already planned, or that you go on regularly. Assuming that you know that she rides too, the date invitation will feel natural and low-pressure.

12. Hike

Getting out in nature and merely walking can create a unique feeling of relaxation that can elevate a second date. As you’re hiking, you might think about subtle ways you can touch her (little things like helping her up a steep hill, maybe?). Touch helps to build sexual tension.

Not every city has amazing hiking trails, but if you’re in the Bay Area you’re in luck. Check out our recommended trails as well as 70+ other amazing first, second, and third date ideas – many of which are sober dates.

13. Rock Climbing

If you’re both adventurous, why not try something that’ll get your hearts pounding? Even if you’re a novice, there are easy rock climbing walls at indoor gyms that will make you both feel accomplished. The high endorphin rush will boost your mood, making it well worth it.

14. Volleyball Game

Hit the beach and see if you can join a pickup volleyball game. Not only will you get your blood flowing, but you’ll be able to watch her interact with her teammates, which could give you valuable info about her social skills.

There are also most likely volleyball games you can join via Meetup or even one-off classes you can attend. Before hitting the sand be sure to grab some coffee so you two can chat prior to the game.

15. Cornhole Tournament

Even if you’ve never heard of these, channel your inner hipster and give it a shot. The game cornhole is a “bean bag toss” lawn game, and people often play tournament style. Look for games in your area (California has many).

16. Volunteer

Here’s an idea if you’re looking for unique dates without alcohol to impress a certain someone. Look up the SPCA in your area, or other places that could use volunteers, and spend a couple of hours giving back. Not only will it show her your empathetic side, but the satisfaction you’ll get from service will make you both feel great about the date.

17. Museum

Spark intellectual conversation by taking her to a local museum with an exciting exhibit. If an inspiring talk or museum tour is going on, you might want to check that out as well.

If you’re in the NYC area check out these awesome museums and other date ideas.

18. Art & Music Festival

Festivals are an easy way to do something active that’s also interesting and isn’t too physically challenging.

19. Trampoline Park

Of all the sober date ideas in this article, jumping on a trampoline is one of the silliest, but worth the risk. It has a way of bringing out the inner 10-year-old in you, and it can be super fun to bond with someone over something a bit odd.

20. Kayaking

Probably not an option for everyone depending on where you live, but if you have access to it, kayaking is a skill that’s easy to pick up, as well as enjoyable. Also, consider paddle boarding and jet skiing.

Sober Date Ideas: For Third Dates

21. Cook a Blue Apron Meal Together

Who said you have to have dinner at a restaurant? Services like Blue Apron, HelloFresh, EveryPlate, and others sell meal kits online with all the ingredients you need for a gourmet meal and will ship it right to your door. Order one of these, and then invite her over to your place to help you make it. Working together on the meal, as well as the anticipation over how it’ll turn out, will help you connect.

22. Sushi Dinner Date

Taking her out for sushi is a great way to impress without alcohol. (ignore the server when he offers you that shot of sake.) It’ll also give you both a chance to try something new together.

23. Homemade Italian Dinner Date

Invite her over to your place for dinner and cook her an Italian meal. The best part is, the dish will likely be effortless to prepare unless, of course, you’re making your dough from scratch!

24. Cooking Class Date

Tell her you are going to check out a cooking class at a local restaurant and ask her if she wants to come. (These do exist — research places like Sur la Table and Williams Sonoma, or search Facebook Events for ones at smaller local restaurants in your town.) It’s a chance to do something out of the ordinary while both learning something new.

25. Pizza Delivery & Cookie Bake-Off at Your Place

Instead of taking her out to dinner, have her over and order pizza, and then bake a batch of cookies together for dessert. It’ll give you guys a chance to naturally get close to one another as you work in the kitchen, and playfully show off your domestic side.

26. Movie in the Park Date

Some cities, especially in the summer, have movie screenings outdoors. For example, in Los Angeles, there’s Cinespia at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, where you can bring snacks and a blanket and watch an old movie (in the actual cemetery!). If your city has something similar, it’s worth checking out. Sitting outside, watching a movie together is both cozy and romantic.

There are many cities that also offer drive-through theaters, currently, there are about 330 sprinkled across the nation.

27. Dancing Date

Dancing is a great way to deepen your physical connection. Dance studios will often host events with a DJ spinning individual styles (think salsa, swing, line dancing, or even tango). Or, if you’re not really into partner dancing, you can always take her to a nightclub. Regardless, dancing will open up the channels for more physical contact — and who knows where that will lead?

28. Dinner and a Show

One reliable way to impress is by taking her to dinner and a show. Use Eventbrite or Goldstar to look for reasonable prices for a play, stand-up comedy show, improv performance, opera, symphony, ballet, the list is endless. It’s a classy choice that will make her feel catered to.

29. Dinner and Karaoke

Instead of a show, how about karaoke? Sharing something you’re not good at will have you both laughing, not to mention feeling closer, by the end of the night. (Because let’s be honest, how many people are good at karaoke?)

30. Dinner and Paint Night

“Paint and sip” events are becoming popular nowadays, where you learn to paint while having a glass of wine at an art studio or bar. Why not do a sober version of this at home? Invite her over for dinner, buy a paint pack, and see what comes of it. You’ll get to know each other in a way you might not have expected.

31. Pickleball

Why can’t third dates be active as well?

Forget about the fancy dinner for a second and let me pitch you the pickleball date idea.

Chances are you’ve heard about and have already played pickleball. It’s the fastest-growing sport in the US and won’t be slowing down anytime soon.

There are pickleball courts all over the US. The photo above is from PKL Boston. For just $50 an hour, you can reserve a pickleball court in one of the nicest pickle joints in the country.

32. Catch A Game

It doesn’t matter if you live in Chicago and want to catch a Cubs game or Portland Maine and want to watch the G-league basketball team play, within 30 miles of wherever you live you can catch a professional sporting event. There’s perhaps nothing more American than watching live sports in a world-class arena.

33. Sunset Beach Date

Bring some sweets, candles, and if you’re feeling really cheesy, chocolate-covered strawberries. If you’re in the San Diego area there are plenty of beaches to choose from – we recommend Sunset Cliffs.

Still Stumped? Hire a Coach to Help You Plan the Perfect Sober Date Idea

Even with all of these ideas, finding the perfect sober date for your personality, based on what’s available where you live, can still be hard. You might be facing specific challenges that make it challenging, such as:

• You’re newly sober: Not many of these things will feel comfortable or familiar if you’re accustomed to going to bars as your primary source of entertainment.
• You have cultural differences: If you’re new to the country, locating unique events and determining what’s fun vs. not can be more difficult.
• You have a particularly hard time taking risks: A lot of sober date ideas tend to be more creative. Why? Because you have to think outside the standard box of “going out for drinks.” C can trigger your fears of taking risks or trying something new. Lots of people get stuck here.

Does any of this sound familiar? Then maybe coming up with sober date ideas isn’t the problem. Instead, it could be something else that’s holding you back.

If that’s the case, book a 1-on-1 New Client Zoom Session with us to find out how you can deal with your challenges and introduce fun, sober date ideas into your dating life.

Our program is home to many single men that live sober lives for various reasons. We’re accustomed to helping men attract women that also value the sober life and help them find and create amazing date ideas that are in line with their sober lifestyles.

When you join our program you’ll learn how to meet women on and offline, become an expert conversationalist, learn how to quickly build attraction IRL and online, build the perfect profile, and much much more.

You’ll learn the ins and outs of modern dating via our four learning pathways:

• Online Curriculum – In-depth and self-paced learning platform
• Live Weekly Sessions – Twice a week our fearless leader, Emyli will host a live session where she’ll drill down in common dating obstacles and answer questions and address dating concerns
• Online Community – Our students are exclusively male, single, and desire to have a LTR. Our community gives you the chance to bond and strategize with others – students often meet up in person
• Mock Dates – Practice what you’ve learned by going on mock dates with our coaches. You’ll receive feedback at the end of each date

We also recently launched the Man Cave. Twice a month our students come together to bond and talk about whatever is on their mind. Led by our co-founder Tom, the Man Cave gives students the opportunity to get things off their chest, dating-related or otherwise, and bond with like-minded men who know what they’re going through. We know dating can be tough and lonely. This is why we’ve created a loving and supportive community to help men make that journey just a bit more enjoyable.

To learn more about our program, check out our Masterclass or call to speak with a member of our team.

To learn what the program is like from the perspective of a student check out what Naeem has to say about the program and how enrolling has transformed his dating life for the better.