A matchmaker is the IRL version of Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Did you just cringe? I thought so. At first glance, hiring a matchmaker sounds like the right choice. Instead of having to treat meeting women like a second job, someone undertakes the task for you. This frees up time and avoids awkward situations while leaving you comfortably ensconced in your daily routines. Sounds kind of cozy doesn’t it? That’s the problem. But still, the question stands, “should I hire a matchmaker”?
There are reasons aplenty why matchmakers should be treated like your high school ex that keeps hitting you up on Facebook. Which is to say, de-friended, blocked, and comprehensively ousted from your life.
It seems odd that someone whose sole purpose is to set you up with single women should be treated like a pariah. Let me explain.
You Learn Next To Nothing
Imagine if you team up with a matchmaker. A likely scenario is that at the end of the six month period (6 months is a common membership duration) you’ve gone on a total of six dates. The women were nice but you couldn’t see yourself dating any of them in the long run. What has your matchmaker taught you? What have these six dates taught you?
The best argument against using a matchmaker can best be summed up by the age-old adage, give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, and you’ve fed him for a lifetime. At the end of the membership you’re left to your own devices once again. Are you really more of a savvy dater than you were prior to these six dates? Doubtful.
Most matchmakers don’t offer dating advice. Their sole purpose is to match you with people from their network that they think you’d be compatible with. You aren’t being taught how to navigate online dating, touch a woman, build sexual tension, converse, or how to have “the relationship talk.” Matchmakers are better for super busy men that are already experienced daters. But then again, if you’re a skilled man of romance, why would you have to resort to using a matchmaker?
Matchmakers find dates for you, that’s it. Dating coaches on the other hand will put a rod in your hand and teach you how to fish. The benefits of hiring a dating coach won’t wear off. However, the effects of hiring a matchmaker will wear off as soon as you stop making your outrageously expensive monthly payments.
It Can Be Crazy Expensive
The Thrillist published an article a few years back about the top matchmakers in NYC. Here are just a few of their prices so you can get a taste of what a quality matchmaker looks like in a big city.
- Three Day Rule: $7,500/6 months
- Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc.: $50,000-$500,000/1 year
- Agape Match: $15,000/six months (If you enter into a relationship that lasts more than six months you must pay a $5,000 success fee… talk about disincentivizing).
Perhaps some matchmakers would be worth the price tag if they introduced you to multiple compatible women a week, but this isn’t the case. Most matchmakers connect their clients with one eligible dater a month. To be clear, a connection doesn’t even mean a date. A connection is simply providing contact information to the pair so they can begin a correspondence. Even if you end up hiring a matchmaker at the lower end of the price spectrum you still could be paying up the equivalent of $1,000 for each date they set you up on.
Sure there are relatively inexpensive matchmakers, but the issue with hiring them is that their networks are smaller, thus giving you less of a dating pool to work with.
Matchmakers will only ever set you up with someone within their own network. I’ll admit that some companies have thousands of customers soliciting their services and thus thousands of people in their networks. The issue here is that no matter how many people in their social circle, it won’t compare to the people you’re able to meet via online dating, at cafes, bars, concerts, at work, through friends, etc. Using a matchmaker means putting a cap on the size of the dating pool.
The Highly Questionable ‘Matches’
Full disclosure. In 2013, the site you’re currently on used to be a matchmaking website. I know firsthand what type of women sign up for matchmaking websites. Women assume that most men signing up for matchmaking services have money. This thought leads matchmaking databases to be full of women that lust after money instead of love.
Despite creating a questionnaire meant to weed out gold diggers, some inevitably slip past security. Do you really want to meet a woman who considers love lower than money on the dating totem pole?
Specific types of people tend to sign up for matchmaking services. The gravitation of only certain personality types to matchmaking services makes these databases rather homogeneous in terms of personality.
How Do You Know Your Matchmaker Gives A Damn?
Most matchmakers vaunt their services by promising a certain number of high-quality matches within a specified time frame. Matchmakers aren’t incentivized to work for you. The majority don’t get bonuses if you end up meeting someone you later go on to date. In fact, some may not even set you up with the number of matches they initially promised.
Before signing a matchmaking contract, find some sort of financial incentive that will galvanize your matchmaker to find the right person for you. Also, read the fine print to see if you’re entitled to a partial refund if you aren’t introduced to ‘x’ number of matches.
Before Hiring A Matchmaker, Comb The Internet For Reviews And Ask To Speak With The 3 Most Recent Paid Male Clients
If you’re going to dish out thousands on a matchmaking service you should know damn well how effective the service is. Consult with Google and Yelp before signing away the next six months of your life. If there are no online reviews, ask why.
For every matchmaker you consider, Google their name along with the keyword, “lawsuits.” After looking for love through the help of a matchmaker, one woman filed a lawsuit after she spent $150,000 only to be set up with men who were “married, mentally unstable or felons.”
Ask as to the science of matchmaking. Make them explain the process to you. Even if their reviews are good, they haven’t been taken to court, and their process looks efficient, you’ll still want to speak with two or three former clients. Create as accurate a picture of what your matchmaking experience will look like before you break the bank.
All Your Eggs Are In One Basket
When you’re paying 7k for a six-month matchmaking service, you tend to stop trying. And why should you? What was the point of signing up for a matchmaking service if you still need to ask your friends to set you up on blind dates? When you rely on a matchmaker you become complacent. You wait by your phone for your matchmaker to send a profile to your email.
Checking out of the game of life isn’t helpful. It creates a reliance on someone that has little incentive to find you a compatible match. What happens after your membership expires and you still haven’t found a romantic partner? If you’ve become reliant, it’s likely that you’ll once again hire a matchmaker to do your bidding.
You Feel Entitled To Chemistry
If you pay 6k for a 6-month membership that ultimately supplies one date a month, you’re effectively paying $1,000 for each date. At $1,000 a date you expect each date to dazzle you. So when the fire’s burning low between you and Samantha you feel cheated.
Matchmaking isn’t a science, no matter how much they tell you it is. Some of your dates just won’t work out. Going into each date with the expectation that you’re going to meet Wonder Woman doesn’t help much either.
Each date should be entered into with low expectations, but when you’re paying a small fortune you expect a princess.
Your Dealbreakers Are Encouraged
During your first matchmaking session you’ll be sat down at a table and asked to describe your perfect mate. Naturally you’ll be asked to list your dealbreakers. When you’re searching for eligible women on your own, your list of must-haves isn’t as lengthy as when you let a matchmaker take the wheel. It’s easy to toss any number of women to the side when you’re given a piece of clay and asked to sculpt your perfect mate.
Your Patience Will Be Tested
As long as your matchmaker meets his/her quota the job is done. There’s no incentive to hook you up with more than the minimal amount of women. This typically means one a month. Can you deal with dishing out thousands for one measly date a month? Compare this to working with a dating coach that can equip you with dating skills that will enable you to date as many women per month as you’d like.
Not to mention that once you are finally set up on a date, you expect it to be a fairytale. Have you ever heard of a fairytale that began with being set up on a blind-ish date through an overpriced matchmaker?
Ditch The Matchmaker And Try A New Strategy
Let a professional dating coach guide you through the dating scene. Giving a matchmaker the password to your heart is a contrived way to go about dating. Don’t give up the reigns to your dating life. Instead let a dating coach breath life into your romance by turning you into a dating maven.
When you team up with a dating coach like myself you’ll have a coach that will teach you how to catch fish on your own. We’ll throw away the dating crutches that matchmakers give their customers and will rewire you into a romantic juggernaut.
Let’s take a look at some of the benefits of teaming up with someone like myself opposed to a matchmaker.
You don’t always get what you pay for. Dishing out five figures on a matchmaker should translate to instant and everlasting love. Sorry to ruin the ending, but it doesn’t. I, however, can offer you better results for an affordable rate.
Higher Success Rate
On average I help men find a meaningful relationship in 3 months (here’s a few reviews). You’ll only yield such results with a matchmaker if you connect with one of the first three women you’re set up with.
I on the other hand give you the tools you need to get out there and connect with women on your own. When you learn the MegaDating philosophy you’ll be going out on multiple dates a week, even sometimes stacking dates back to back.
Matchmakers don’t coach. When your membership ends without having nabbed a girlfriend, you’re in the same position you were before the membership began. When you team up with me I’ll teach you how to use online dating, provide date feedback, offer text coaching, show you the date rules that get results, teach you the MegaDating strategy, how to rebound after a bad date, how to touch a date so as to build sexual tension, etc. These skills will be applicable even after our time has come to a close.
The questions still stands, should I hire a matchmaker? No. You should hire me. Need a bit more convincing? Book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session today to learn how together, we can turn you into a dating machine. During our intro session, we’ll discuss your dating history, talk about your roadblocks, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program is a fit for you!