She said she wants to date a real man and not a boy. Easy.

Find the nearest carnival and locate Zoltar. Once Zoltar has been located simply make a wish to become big. You’ll know that your wish has been granted when you wake up the next day in the body of a 30-year-old man. 

If you’re not located near a carnival much less to a Zoltar fortune teller or you’re already a 30-year-old man, than learning how to be a real man might not be so easy. 

But fear not, magically waking up into an adult body isn’t quite your issue. When she tells you that she wants a real man, she is not commenting on your physical stature, rather, what she takes issue with is your behavior. 

How to be a real man can look like many things. When she pulled you aside and told you she was tired of dating a boy and wants a man, what exactly does she mean? Let’s dissect this desire by throwing out a few scenarios that juxtapose the difference between dating a boy and a man, after which we’ll examine the steps you can take to change her perception of you. 

She Said She Wants to Date a Real Man Not a Boy

Reason #1: You Weren’t A Man Of Your Word

In our adolescence we expected friends and even lovers to go back on their word. We would make a promise and then break it because the promise in question was just too burdensome to keep. We might have also been quick on the trigger and promised things we had no intention of following through on.

But you’re older now. You should have the mental fortitude and moral strength to honor your word. 

If you only recently struck up a romantic relationship with a woman, it’s unlikely that the respect you lost by breaking your word can’t be earned back. Most likely you’ve let her down by arriving late to multiple dates or by pulling the rug from under her by switching the date location or activity. No one likes being told that they’re not going to Starbucks instead of hang-gliding like the two of you originally planned. 

Don’t allow her to ever feel like she’s dating a 13-year-old masquerading around in the body of a 30-year-old man. Step up to the plate and keep your word. 

#2: Do You Ever Take Her Out In Public?

Which door of your house does she enter through? Is she a backdoor lady because you’re too scared that even your roommates will meet her? Dude if you’ve never held her hand in public much less have gone on a date with her, she’s bound to start viewing you the same way you view her. 

Perhaps she’s cool being put on the emotional back-burners. Maybe she’s not looking for anything serious. But that doesn’t mean she’ll put up with your lies and fear of being seen in public with her. If you just want a woman to hit up on lonely Friday nights, tell her so.

Find the courage to define the relationship. Any form of non-monogamous relationship used to be frowned upon. But nowadays people are more accepting of alternative relationships than ever. 

#3: Do You Call What You Do A “Career” Or A “Job”

Humans have a hardwired preference for stability. 

We like when our significant other texts us that they’re going to be late and we despise when our dates surprise us by showing up to a date with a friend. We feel ensconced in our daily routine and often are thrown out of whack if it’s altered. 

The difference between a boy and a man is that one whirls around life like a free radical while the other navigates through life with a map and a set route. You might find the unknown fresh and attractive, but she doesn’t.

She wants to know that if she invests time in you, you won’t pack up your things in a few months because you just got a job on the other side of the country. 

Before you can commit to a relationship, you might need to first commit to a career. A career is synonymous with stability, financial freedom, and maturity. If she doesn’t care about your professional life, perhaps you’re in fact dating a girl and not a woman. 

#4: You Never Have Your Wallet

Should the man or woman pay for the first date or should they split the check? This debate will never end. But even if you’re dating a dogmatic feminist you should still offer to pay for the first few dates. I say this for a couple of reasons. 

Throughout the centuries -especially since the agricultural revolution 10,000 years ago- women have come to view men as providers. This preference has not only been drilled into our species’ psyche via evolution but through societal pressures as well.

Whether she admits it or not, you reaching for the bill is attractive. But what do you do if she insists on paying?

If need be, diffuse the situation by telling her that allowing you (the man) to pay for the bill is a way of simply saying thank you. You invited her on the date, not the other way around. She took a chance on you and decided to spend time with you instead of doing something else. All you’re doing by paying the bill is thanking her for her time. 

The financial dynamic should gradually change the more often you two go out. Should you continually not allow her to split the check she’ll begin to think that your pockets run so deep that she never needs to pay. After a few weeks of dating begin to accept her offer of splitting the check -just not every time. 

#5: You Can’t Commit

What was I saying about stability? 

O that’s right, boys are fickle but men are steadfast in their decisions. A man will keep his word and speak transparently. A boy will have conflicted feelings and be unable to articulate himself.

Don’t tease her or lead her on. If you already know the relationship won’t last, terminate it and move on. If you’re too afraid to let her go despite knowing you should, then it’s time to start MegaDating. 

#6: You Don’t “Feel” Like Meeting Her Friends And Family

Are you at an impasse? 

She wants to take things to the next level but you’re fearful or disinterested in meeting those closest to her. When you have a romantic partner you aren’t just accepting her as your girlfriend, but you’re also welcoming a new set of friends and family.

A real man will accept this reality and adapt. If you can’t handle this new social circle then perhaps you two aren’t right for each other. 

What You Should Do Now

We now know why she thinks you’re too callow to be her boyfriend. Now it’s time to learn how to be a real man. Should she challenge you to grow up, this is what you’ll need to do. 

Underpromise, Overdeliver

Do the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing.

Instead of promising these over-the-top dates that ultimately fall flat, underpromise. Underpromising and overdelivering mean calling an audible that’s to her liking. Instead of simply getting a coffee you surprise her by grabbing those coffees to go and stealing her away to a surprise picnic. 

Think Long-Term With All Your Actions

Reflect before you act. 

Before you say no to dinner at her parent’s house yet again, ask yourself what this woman means to you. Do you think you’ll be with her in the long run? If so, it’s time to man up and watch Sunday football with her old man. 

Considering your long-term future before acting will make your decisions more meaningful. If you don’t see you two dating in the future, viewing your relationship with through this lens will also enable you to more easily break away from your current romantic fling. 

Leading your partner on not only wastes her time, but yours as well. 

Stop Lying. It’s A Huge Dealbreaker For Women

Lying was a habit of adolescence. We lied to our parents, friends, and of course to our partners. Perhaps you could lie to your girlfriend during your teenage years, but no more. She isn’t interested in a man that still comports himself the same way a teenager who just discovered porn does. 

Reflect on how you acted during your first relationship. Now do everything conversely. Sure it’s not an exact science, but ask yourself before difficult decisions -would my 13-year-old self do this? If so, you probably want to do the opposite. 

Fix Your Finances

It’s common knowledge that women are attracted to older men.

They appreciate their emotional, social, and financial maturity. Getting your finances in order will demonstrate your maturity. It shows that you’re a man of resources that can provide for your loved one. 

We’ve touched on this point before. Move away from thinking about your line of work as a job and turn it into a career. The best way to win over a woman is often to invest in yourself before throwing all your time and energy into a relationship. 

Find Your Passions

Netflix Fridays and football Sundays are cute and all, but that’s not the kind of guy she wants. She wants someone that isn’t just defined by his job and the jersey he chooses to don every Sunday. She yearns for a guy that’s thirsty for life. That can show her new things and imbue her with enthusiasm. 

If you’ve already found your passion, fuel it. Take that class in pottery or yoga that you’ve always wanted to. Join a Sunday soccer league or learn a new language. Personal growth is an attractive feature. It shows that you’re not complacent and you aren’t willing to coast through life. 

Be A Man Of Your Word, Always

Committing to your word is an old school habit. Before tech made the changing of plans as easy as simply moving your fingers and hitting send, people made plans in advance and had to stick to their word. 

Men need to act as though once their word has been given it can’t be changed. This is a refreshing change of pace compared to the legions of fickle men out there.

The difference between a boy and a man have been detailed. But merely reading an article about how to be a man won’t magically turn you into one. Work needs to be done to reverse the bad habits you’ve formed over the years.

To help you reboot and turn yourself into the catch that you know you can, book a New Client Skype Session with my today.

We’ll discuss your issue, create an action plan, and see if ongoing coaching via my Signature Program is right for you. In this program, you’ll learn how to be a real man and flirt your way to a serious relationship.