Matchmaking has been around since the Old Testament.
In Genesis, Abraham’s servant, Elizier, selects a bride for Abraham’s son by putting eligible young women through the “camel test.” Of the women that draw water from the well Elizier and his camels are loitering at, only one woman, Rebekah, gives a portion of the water she fetched to Elizier and his ten camels.
Biblical servants weren’t the only people of antiquity to lean on matchmakers. Before the age of swiping, the ancient Greeks, Chinese, and Aztecs all called upon the expertise of matchmakers. Even the now asexual Japanese once held massive orgies during the Nara period that were created and championed by matchmakers.
But just because the ancient art of matchmaking has endured doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Matchmaking –and even mating in general- used to be simple. Princes only married princesses that would strengthen the bond between two kingdoms, female common-folk were paired up with men that had land, and most young city lovers in the 30s would marry someone that lived within a five block radius of their childhood home.
Nowadays we’re not limited to a selective group of far off princesses. Even though the databases of NYC matchmakers are infinitely larger than those of bygone matchmakers, matchmaking is no longer the most effective way to meet your new partner. Not even close.
Despite being an outdated way to find love, matchmaking stills finds itself appealing. Men and women that use matchmakers pass the responsibility of searching for love on to someone else. No more bar hopping or online dating. Instead of wading through the muck to get to the lover on the other side, a matchmaker will build you a bridge. While it sounds nice in theory, there are more than a few issues that arise when seeking the employ of a New York City matchmaker.
Matchmaker NYC: Old Model
If matchmakers employed the same techniques they use today, 50 years ago, every single would be seeking their expertise. The issue is that matchmakers are using obsolete dating techniques in a fast-paced romantic environment.
Matchmakers are using limited databases to find you a suitor. Dating applications operate in much the same way, the exception being that their dating pools are being swum in by millions of people while a matchmaker might only have a few hundred lounging around in their pool.
Not All Matchmakers Have Your Best Interest In Mind
In 2014, Aubrey Ruben paid celebrity matchmaker Richard Easton $100,000 to set her up with compatible men that were marriage material. Their contract guaranteed 15 high-quality introductions within 13 months. Instead Ms. Ruben –still a Miss by the way- went on two dates within the 13-month period.
Ms. Ruben said that both dates she went on were horrible. The second man she dated made it clear that he wasn’t looking to get married and even questioned why Ruben was pursuing marriage. Ruben later took her celebrity “matchmaker” to court. It turns out that not only did the man she hired have zero matchmaking experience but that he also tortured his neighbors while living in the West Village.
Review your matchmaker online before dishing out thousands. This should be a no-brainer. What’s not a no-brainer is inspecting the contract, and checking to see if you’re guaranteed a specific number of introductions within a specified time or your money back. This match tally gives matchmakers incentive to find you people to date. Although as we learned from Ms. Ruben’s experience, just because a NYC matchmaker hooks you up with someone doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible.
Chat Up Their Clients
If you’re serious about hiring a matchmaker in NYC you should invest in the vetting process. Of course you’ll want to check for online reviews, but they can only offer so much by way of feedback.
Ask for the contact information of three of their happy clients. When you ask for client info you’ll likely receive the contact information of their satisfied clients. But if they can’t provide basic information such as this, then you can ascertain that they’re hiding something.
If you do get your hands on an email address or phone number, ask to meet the client in person. Ask probing questions about the process to figure out if this matchmaker is worth the price tag or if you can replicate their success/process without emptying your bank account.
How Big Is Their Database?
Just because there are around 1 million single women in NYC doesn’t mean that your NYC matchmaker will pre-screen each individual woman as she tries to find you the one.
Matchmakers function as your pre-date proxy. They put in the necessary work to find you a date. However, they’re not canvassing every house in your neighborhood, knocking on doors and interviewing every single woman. Rather, they look to their finite database for your next partner. Inquire as to how they fill up their database and how often they update it?
In 2013, EmLovz was actually a matchmaking company. We spent thousands on advertising, trying to find quality singles for our database. Even with the copious online spending we still couldn’t create a database that satisfied the needs of our clients. A matchmaker’s database is outdated, diminutive, and insufficient for your needs. I know this firsthand.
If you decide to interview a matchmaker, ask to see their database as well as for them to explain how they add people to their database.
Setting up an inept dater up with a woman is like a friend hooking you up with a software developing job interview when you know absolutely nothing about coding. It’s awesome that you got this interview that could land you a 150k position, but what good is that if you next to nothing about software development?
Dating is something that might not come naturally to everyone. Chances are if you’re using a matchmaker, that person might be you. A matchmaker introduces you to women, that’s it. Once you have their contact information it’s up to you to have a successful first date, escalate sexual tension on date two, and close the deal on date three.
Few matchmakers will teach you the art of dating. If you’re a bit rusty, you might want to opt for a dating coach instead of a matchmaker. I’d recommend finding a coach who knows your city. Check out a recent article I wrote (with the help of a few NYC locals) on: Over 50 of the Best Date Ideas NYC Has To Offer.
Have a look at the contract. Does it guarantee a certain amount of dates within a specified time frame? What happens if the two profiles she sends every month clearly aren’t compatible with you?
Know exactly what you’re being promised before signing a contract. Most matchmakers will give you a partial refund if they can’t provide you with a certain number of introductions. The issue here is that just because an introduction is made, doesn’t mean that you two are compatible.
Recall the disaster story of Aubrey Ruben. She paid a celebrity NYC matchmaker $100,000 for a 13-month membership. Granted, she sought the help of a celebrity matchmaker. What she paid was at the higher end of the spectrum.
The prices of NYC matchmakers can range, but none are cheap. According to Timeout.com, the best matchmaker in NYC, Agape Match, starts their matchmaking service off at a base of $15,000 for 10-15 matches. Hunting Maven charges $25,000 while Modern Love Club will run you $15,000 for 15 matches. Even at the cheaper end of the scale you’ll still be paying $1,000 for a match. At this price point you’d expect that each date will be wifey material.
The clients of mine that have tried matchmakers say that this is one of the biggest issues. For more than $1,000 a date you expect the person sharing a bottle of wine with you to be utterly perfect. When they’re not, you feel cheated. The worst part is that once this experiment in matchmaking ends without having found a partner, you’re in the same position you were in before the contract was signed. Only now you’re substantially less wealthy. Luckily there are alternatives.
NYC Matchmaker Alternatives #1 : Speed Dating
Speed dating promises you something upfront that a matchmaker can’t. It ensures that within the next hour and a half you’ll meet around 15 single women. In one hour, a speed date event can introduce you to as many women as a matchmaker can in a year and a half.
Most speed dating events cost between $25-50. Imagine that instead of spending thousands on a NYC matchmaker you invested that money into speed dating instead. Sure these women haven’t been screened prior to meeting them. The tradeoff here is that you’re meeting more women and are given an opportunity to hone your dating skills. After going on 50 bullet dates in the span of a month will you even have the ability to get nervous on a date ever again?
NYC Matchmaker Alternatives #2 : Networking IRL
Networking isn’t a euphemism for drunkenly hitting on women in a bar at 1 a.m. on a Thursday night. Networking means mining into existing social circles for romantic partners. Ask your friends, tap your co-ed volleyball league, strike up a conversation with that shy girl at the gym that keeps making eyes at you.
Meeting women naturally is a skill that died off after we graduated college. It’s difficult to be a loner in school. You’re surrounded by thousands of kids your age that are all looking to make friends and have new experiences. But once we graduate, that all changes. New social dynamics are formed, professional careers become the priority, and we’re surrounded by fewer people like ourselves.
Start going to more parties, hit up at least one Meetup a month, become a cliché and join a yoga class to meet single women. Never lose the ability to make friendships, both platonic and romantic. If you’re afraid of striking up a conversation with a stranger, change your mentality. Don’t approach every interaction with a female as a chance to flirt, with a grey and white outcome that’s either a win or loss. This puts too much pressure on yourself to perform.
Instead, approach interactions with females as a chance to have a conversation. There’s something you find interesting about this person and you merely want to learn more about them. Sprinkle a little wit into the conversation and if it feels right, at the end of your interaction ask for her number. Flirting with women is hard. But having a humorous conversation is easy, fun, and more likely to land you a number than a pseudo-sexy stare and awkward pickup lines.
NYC Matchmaker Alternatives #3: Purchase Dating Apps Subscriptions
Hinge is the preferred application of my clients. It boasts more than 5 million active users in the US alone. The most popular way Americans meet their partners is still through friends. Hinge plays on this idea by only introducing you to friends of your Facebook friends.
Whether it’s Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, POF, Match, eHarmony, or all five, online dating is the way to go. The dating pool is thousands of times larger than the database of even the most popular matchmaker in NYC. You can get the most out of dating applications by purchasing a subscription.
While there are benefits that only subscription users receive, the most significant boon of subscribing to a dating app is that it compels you to use it. There is an endless supply of singles on dating apps. Swiping and scrolling every day ensures that you’ll find someone. It’s only a matter of putting in the right amount of finger work.
NYC Matchmaker Alternatives #4: Hire A Dating Coach And Start MegaDating
Unlike a matchmaker, a dating coach will teach you how to flirt. They’ll show you how to write a profile that would make Shakespeare swoon, what to say to a woman to persuade her to come back to your place, will teach you how to woo a woman with your hands, and all the other skills necessary to fall in love in the modern world of dating.
When you and I team up, you’re dating philosophy will be informed by MegaDating. When you enroll in the 3-month Signature Program you’ll learn the intricacies of the philosophy. For now, I’ll give you a taste.
- No more than $10
- Should last no more than 1 hour
- Must be active
- Plenty of physical touching
- No monetary or time restrictions
- The date location should be set up close to your home
These are just the bare bones of my 3 month coaching program. If you want to learn what NYC matchmakers will never teach you, book a new client 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session we’ll diagnose your dating obstacles, create an action plan, and discuss my coaching program in more detail.
The NYC dating pool is massive. Hiring a dating coach compared to a matchmaker is the difference between fishing with your own rod or waiting on the beach praying that your fishing proxy has a fruitful day. Don’t be a slave to someone else’s matchmaking ability. Learn the skills you need to put your love life in your own hands.