Many men who practice my MegaDating blueprint ask me when they should stop dating. This question usually comes up around session 8-12 in my Signature program. That’s when my clients get into the “selection phase” and are dating multiple women in order to figure out which one suits their life best. When it comes to one of their “favorites,” they often want to know: Is she a keeper?

No doubt, I always have a lot to say about this. While I never give a one-size-fits-all answer, there are definitely reasons to consider a long-term relationship with someone, as well as solid reasons to dump them (or at least, do some serious soul searching).

In this article, we’ll get to the bottom of your “is she a keeper?” question by laying out some signs she’s a keeper, signs that she’s NOT a keeper, and giving you some more ideas to reflect upon.

Is She a Keeper or Should I Keep Dating?

Here’s a Few Signs She’s a Keeper

We often find ways to criticize. That’s why I’m starting with the signs that she is a keeper because often we don’t give positive signs enough credit.

You’ll notice that some of these signs have to do with her, while others have to do with your own feelings. Be open and honest about whether these signs resonate with you. If they do, she could be a keeper.

You Feel Something Stronger

Always be aware of your intuition, also known as your gut feeling, when MegaDating. You might notice that with a certain woman, you feel a certain connection. For whatever reason, you feel drawn to her, and you know it’s more than physical attraction.

Here are some specific ways your intuition might nudge you toward someone specific:

• You feel a stronger pull towards her than you do towards other women. You might even fantasize or think about her while you’re on dates with others.
• At the end of your dates with her, you wish things didn’t have to end. Maybe you always ask her to come up for a drink or get a late-night bite to eat after going out, just so you can continue the conversation and spend more time together.
• You wish she was an integrated part of your life. Part of you “misses” her when you’re out with family or friends — even if she’s never gone to those get-togethers because you haven’t introduced her yet.
• You want to invest more time into her. Things like work, your friends, and other women suddenly seem like such a huge pain in the ass and waste of time because you’d rather be hanging out with her.

If you were in my Signature program and told me you experienced any of these signs, I’d say she’s a keeper. But I’d also ask you to look at where that’s coming from. In other words, what is motivating your desire for her: fear or love?

Your answer to this question is everything. If you think your feelings come from a positive place (generally I’d call this love, even if you’re not IN love with her yet) that’s great. But if it’s fear, watch out.

If your desire for her is really based on fear (of being alone, of not being able to find anyone with her same qualities, etc.) then you are using the wrong template for love. Most likely, you’re using the same template you used to get into your past relationships.

I often ask my clients to make a spreadsheet of their ex-girlfriends. For more info on how to do this, see my article, “I Want a Relationship With a Woman Who’s All-In.” Look at why each relationship didn’t work and what your exes were really like. How does this new woman compare? Is she really different or are you reliving an old pattern?

She Fully Includes You Into Her Life

Getting invited to get-togethers with her friends and family is definitely one of the signs she’s a keeper. If she’s serious about you and is emotionally stable, she’ll have no issue introducing you to the people she loves. Not only that, but you will feel welcome and comfortable around them.

Why is this a sign she’s a keeper? Because when she brings you into her inner circle, she’s being transparent with you. She is showing you who she really is, rather than “compartmentalizing” you out by only seeing you in certain, controlled contexts. What you see is what you get with her — which means she is likely trustworthy.

If you guys are getting closer but she doesn’t invite you to meet her friends or family, then she may be hiding something. It could be another relationship. But more commonly, women like this just aren’t ready for intimacy. She may not want to bring you into those spaces in her life when she truly has her guard down with the people who are most important to her. And that sucks, because that means she’s not opening up to you.

She Passes the “Sick Test”

There always comes a time when you get sick and can’t get up out of bed. You need some chicken soup. Is she there for you? If yes, she’s a keeper.

My boyfriend and I have a mutual friend who, years ago in her youth, decided to go out with her friends while her then-boyfriend was sick at home with a bad case of the flu. Guess what happened next week? She was all of a sudden single.

This one might seem random but it’s actually serious. If she doesn’t care when you’re sick, then it’s a bad sign that she only wants to be around you when it’s easy. It means she’ll never want to inconvenience herself for your sake. Instead, she only wants you when you’re happy. And who’s really happy 24/7?

Not showing up for you in the “bad times” could mean she only wants the fantasy version of you. She might be constructing a fairy tale around your relationship, and the “real you” just isn’t worth her time.

This kind of laziness means she probably won’t do the work to make the relationship succeed, either. She wants things wrapped up in a bow, and — this is the worst part — will probably never look at her own shit.

She Lets You Be YOU

Many women make the mistake of trying to “mold a man.” It’s easier said than done. Sure, some men can change, but it’s harder for them — my boyfriend included. He changes, but at his own pace — a pace that’s comfortable to him.

Here’s the thing: When she wants you to do something and you say no, how much does she insist that you do things her way? Does she respect your feelings and let you do your thing, or does she freak out? If she can handle you having a mind of your own, then the answer to “is she a keeper?” is probably yes.

If she lets you be yourself, this doesn’t mean she won’t express her opinion. (Be careful of doormat women who let you take advantage of them or control things! It’s a set up for a codependent relationship and you will get thrown under the bus.) But, she should challenge you — only without coercion or control.

When You Should Continue MegaDating

Of course, there are signs that you should move on from her and continue MegaDating, too. Below are a few reasons you should run for the hills.

When You’re Trying to Fill a Void

Be honest. Is she a keeper, or are you “drawn” to this woman because you want her to make up for something that’s missing in your life? Here are a few common ways this might show up:

• A recent breakup. Are you still hurting? If so, take some time before dating anyone seriously.
• Loneliness issues. Does MegaDating appeal to you because you’re afraid to be alone? It is a great way to meet people, but wait until you’re in a better state of mind before dating exclusively.
• Your attachment style. If you have an anxious attachment style (more on that here) you may want to pump the brakes and see what’s really going on before putting all your eggs in one basket.
• Your age. Have you convinced yourself this is the “right age” to settle down? Do other people say this to you? Are you the type to “follow the herd?” Determine if these are your true opinions or if you’re just caving in to pressure and wanting to use this woman to complete your perfect picture.

If She’s Pressuring or Leading Your Decisions

I talk about alpha males a lot, but there is also such a thing as “alpha females.” I’ve seen plenty of relationships where the woman makes the decisions and takes charge. There’s nothing wrong with these types of women, but be sure to maintain your sense of self at all times.

For example, is she nudging you nightly to take her to a Michelin-star restaurant? Is she constantly nudging you to move in, but you know you’re not ready? If so, recognize this and communicate it to her. Always take a stand for what you believe is right for you. Women are attracted to that quality.

But if she’s totally controlling, then dump her. By that, I mean you see signs are that she’s manipulative or coercive — as in, she pouts, cries, says “you don’t care about me,” or plays games. Emotional blackmail is not a game you want to play with women, trust me.

She Treats Others Badly

Remember: When you first start dating, she’s on her best behavior with you. However, she won’t be with others. So, keep an eye on that. How she treats other people will eventually be how she treats you.

Watch how she is with everyone. Does she thank waiters and waitresses? She does? Okay, fine. But what about that time she got on her phone and started screaming at her brother?

Also, did she treat past boyfriends badly? Try to ask about her past relationships and read between the lines. Did she leave them all? Whatever the deal is, you’ll eventually be in that category, so pay attention.

Finally, be your true self and see how she reacts to THAT. Don’t make the mistake of being fake yourself, because you need to know how things will be once you’re authentic. That’s the biggest test: Does her behavior change when you suddenly aren’t the person she thinks you were on paper?

Is She a Keeper?: Wrap-Up

I need to take a moment here to say that anxiety around dating is a huge distraction. It stops you from looking at other women clearly.

It’s hard to see their good and bad points when you’re so obsessed with how you’re coming across. So this is why, before you really delve into who’s a keeper and who isn’t, you really should take some time to MegaDate fully.

MegaDating works so well as a strategy mainly because it puts you in touch with your self-confidence.

There’s no reason why you can’t find the woman who’s exactly right for you. Once you start MegaDating, you’ll find that it’s easy to meet women. Next, you’ll get smarter about which types of women are worth your time, making the answer to the question “Is she a keeper?” very obvious.

After you’ve diffused all your anxious energy, you’ll be able to see the truth about the women you meet. Not only that, but you’ll be able to see the truth about yourself — what you’re really bringing to the table in a relationship, and how your past experiences may be driving you toward certain people.

The more you know, the better dater you’ll become. And soon, you’ll find the woman you were always meant to meet.

I’m always so honored when men decide to include me in their dating journey. Together in my 3-month Signature program, I’ve partnered with so many clients who were not only ready for love, but ready to do the work. Is this you, too? If so, book an intro call with me today.