How to Tell a Woman You Don’t Want Anything Serious
So dope you want to see her again -just not in the traditional capacity.
The jerk reaction is that you’re a douche. That all you want is sex and that you’ve been leading her on the entire time.
Let’s address those two really quickly.
Wanting sex but not a standard romantic relationship doesn’t mean you’re an a-hole. Humans have literally used sex to form bonds that haven’t led to monogamous relationships longer than the opposite has been true.
Secondly, simply asking someone out or continuing to date a woman doesn’t imply that you’re interested in a long term relationship. Nowadays we can never assume that she said yes to your date request because she thinks of you as a long-term monogamous partner. The nuances of the relationship must be defined early on in order to manage expectations.
We’ve established that you’re not a mean spirited dude just because you want buns.
But that doesn’t mean she won’t think so or that transitioning from dating to friends with benefits is an easy maneuver. To do so you’ll need tact, patience, calm, and a symmetrical face would help too.
How Do You Tell a Woman You Don’t Want Anything Serious?
Before “The Talk”
It’s a lot easier to have “the talk” if she’s already primed to have it.
By this, I mean conducting yourself throughout the relationship as though you aren’t certain about the future.
Never speak about you two in terms of the future. Don’t fantasize about living together, vacations you’ll take to the south of France, or even voicing your desire to have her meet your parents. All of these suggest that you’re serious about her. If you are of course serious about turning this fling into a long-term thing, cool, fantasize away. However, you’re here reading this article because the opposite is true.
And hey, sometimes you’re not always 100% about how you feel -especially in a fledgling relationship. If that’s the case, cool. You’re allowed to dream of a life together one week before just wanting to shag the next. Feelings change. What’s important is that as soon as you’re sure about how you feel, only communicate with her in a way that aligns with those feelings.
Telling a woman that you have “feelings” for her when you really just want to have sex is leading her on.
Interacting with her in a way that doesn’t align with your feelings will make “the talk” all the more difficult and you, all the more the asshole.
Men think that in order to bed a woman, promises of the future must be made.
They think that she’ll never go to bed with you if you don’t ensure her that you’ll wake up together in the morning and eat breakfast together.
Guys… in what century are you living in?
Nowadays women are more than happy to shag and ditch. We don’t need to be treated like queens, meet the parents, and asked for our hand in marriage before we have sex.
Men sometimes feel like they at least need to act like they’re pondering a serious relationship before they’re allowed to have sex with a woman. They think there needs to be a promise of a future that’s more than purely carnal. While most of us want a man to call our own, that man doesn’t have to be you.
Sometimes all we want is a dude to have sex with and send memes too. Just because we’ve chosen you to be that person doesn’t mean we also necessarily want to have a long-term relationship with you.
Look what I’m getting at is that you don’t need to make promises in order to have a physical relationship with a woman.
Making promises only serves to dig you an emotional hole that proves near impossible to climb yourself out of. It’s quite difficult to convince her to be FWB after you’ve already told her you want her to meet your parents.
Be real from the jump.
If you’ve just gotten out of a marriage or long-term relationship and only want sex, cool, tell her that.
You don’t need to drop the ball on the first date, rather, artfully indicate to her what you’re looking for.
Should your past relationship come up, tell her you’re not looking to settle down anytime soon. If you’re over monogamous relationships express yourself in depth so she knows where you’re coming from. And of course, avoid conversations about long-term relationships that might lead her to believe you’re looking for one.
Make sure your messaging is consistent throughout your relationship. Acting one way, then abruptly changing course and telling her you’re only looking for a FWB is jarring and will scare her away.
Be Honest And Upfront BEFORE You Have Sex
Here’s the thing about sex; it’s awesome.
The other thing about sex is that it means something different to everyone.
To the woman you’re dating, sex might mean showing her partner how into him she is. For you, sex might just be another hobby and mean nothing more to the person you’re doing it with than a game of billiards would.
After a few dates, it’s likely that both parties will want to have sex with each other. The issue that may arise is that sex could further cement the way she feels about you. Unless you’ve indicated to her otherwise, she’s probably thinking that you two are on a trajectory towards a serious monogamous relationship.
When it comes to how to tell a woman you don’t want anything serious, my most important recommendation is to define your relationship before you have sex.
You don’t want her solidifying her feelings about you with sex when those feelings conflict with yours.
So how do you do this?
Learn What Sex Means To Her
By the end of your third date, you should have popped the question.
“What does sex mean to you?”
Find an organic way to float it into the conversation. Perhaps steer the conversation towards the more sexually intimate things in life before asking her.
If she tells you that to her sex is something she only has with dudes she intends to be with long term, don’t flee, rather tell her what sex means to you.
You might say that sex is simply something that two people that are romantically attracted to each other like to do.
Despite having different points of view, you don’t have to end the relationship. Never assume that she feels differently or that she isn’t flexible. The only way to ascertain if she wants to have sex but not a long-term relationship is to ask.
Finding the right words that will help you alter the dynamic of the relationship can be difficult. The fear of saying the wrong thing might just dissuade you from talking about how you feel.
Find the courage by knowing that you need to be willing to lose an opportunity to gain an opportunity. If you never ask, you never get what you’re looking for.
This is how you ask her:
“I’m really having a good time with you and would love to be physically intimate and explore that side but want to manage expectations and not lead you on. I just don’t see a long term relationship with us. I just want to lay my cards on the table and see what your thoughts are.”
Talk about not playing games. Talk about man steeped in emotional maturity and knows exactly what he wants.
Guys let me tell you something, laying out one’s feelings like that is freaking sexy. It’s the opposite of sleazy and wreaks of confidence.
When using this line, always tell her in person. Texting her just zaps all the confidence this line portrayed you as having.
Sooner rather than later you’ll have to have this conversation.
If she’s up for sex, great, if she’s not fine, it’s on to the next one.
When dealing with a touchy subject such as this one it’s important you manage her expectations.
To recap, let her know through your actions and word early on that you aren’t looking for a long-term relationship. Before you have sex it’s crucial that you articulate what you expectations are so both of you are on the same page. It’s totally possible that after letting her know that you only see this relationship as a purely carnal one that she is taken aback. Hell, she may even get pissed.
But the way you presented the idea will give her pause. If you’ve been a gentleman since the beginning of your courtship she’ll look upon you as a safe bet. She knows you aren’t an ass, she feels comfortable with you, and hey she’s also attracted to you, so why not? Spelling things out takes away any awkward tension.
Let’s be honest, women want sex too.
After you pop the question, ask her to digest it and get back to you if she needs time.
Trying to transition the relationship into a carnal one can be uncomfortable. But in order to successfully maneuver the relationship you might have to put yourself in an uncomfortable position.
Not every man has the courage to risk asking a woman he’s been dating to become a friend with benefits.
When you ask a woman to stop dating you and just have sex, you risk pushing her out of your life completely. Fearing this, some men might keep dating her for the sex even though he knows nothing serious will come of the relationship. This makes you an ass. It also means that you’re investing in a relationship that you know will never work out. Sure the sex is good, but ultimately you’re wasting time. Instead of being with a woman you’re compatible with — you’re being complacent and allowing the promise of consistent sex to dictate your romantic life.
There is a way out of this thinking.
It’s called MegaDating.
MegaDating is simply dating multiple women simultaneously.
It involves dating various ladies in the bid to improve your dating skills, figure out what type of woman you’re attracted to, and to meet a woman you can find yourself dating seriously.
Ya see the reason most men fear ending one relationship is because they fear they won’t find anyone else that will love them. When you’re dating various women a week you see firsthand that love is readily attainable. How can you possibly fear life after nixing the woman you’ve been dating if you have 3 other dates lined up for the next 7 days?
In Conclusion: How to Tell a Woman You Don’t Want Anything Serious
Now it’s time for two things.
One is to MegaDate.
The other is to get yourself a FWB.
While this article laid out the groundwork, you might still need a little extra help.
If so, book a 1-on-1 New Client Zoom session with me this week. Together we’ll unpack MegaDating in further detail, role-play the FWB conversation, and create a tailor-made dating blueprint designed to find a girlfriend.
If you find that you’re too busy to MegaDate, no worries, just say the word and we’ll begin hooking you up with women with our personalized matchmaking service.