How to Stop Obsessing Over a Woman You Really Like?
We all get excited when we meet someone we find attractive. But if you have an addictive personality, you might get a little too excited. That’s when learning how to stop obsessing over a woman becomes super important.
If you follow my writing, maybe you saw my post on love avoidants and love addicts. Being a love addict is no fun. Any romantic prospect can make you go from zero to sixty in mere seconds. As soon as she manages to say “hi,” you’re already flirting and dropping hints.
A whole romantic movie montage starring you and this woman suddenly starts running through your head. You stalk her social media accounts (obviously), and if she has your number, you constantly check your phone to see if she texted. And if it’s real bad? You might even drive by her apartment.
Here’s the thing. When you start obsessing over a woman, she becomes a fantasy. You think she can help fulfill what you’re missing or make you feel better about yourself. She’s no longer a real person. But a real relationship can’t grow from this.
The best thing you can do if you become obsessed with a woman is just stop immediately, as soon as you notice your mind spinning out of control. So in this post, I’m going to walk you through step-by-step how to stop obsessing over a woman.
6 Tips on How to Stop Obsessing Over a Woman… Now
These six powerful techniques can be used whenever you start obsessing over a woman, right when it’s happening.
Stop and Take a Deep Breath
Mindful breathing is the most basic, yet effective thing you can do to stop obsessive thoughts. Paying attention to your breathing slows your mind down, acting as an “anchor” that keeps you aware of the present moment, rather than your worries about the future or negative emotions about the past.
The best analogy I’ve heard is that mindful breathing is like being in a pool of water. When you move around and disturb the water, it ripples around you. But when you sit and just observe it, the water settles back down again into stillness. This is what happens with your thoughts and emotions. If you simply stop, take a deep breath, and observe them, they settle down.
So that’s all you need to do. Next time you find yourself in obsession mode, stop, breathe, and pay attention to how you feel. Tell yourself everything is going to be alright. This requires effort, so be gentle with yourself if it’s hard to do at first. Come back to it several times if you have to.
Eventually, you’ll start to feel more centered. And if you keep doing this every time you feel obsessed, you can even train yourself to respond this way automatically. Once that happens, you naturally won’t get so revved up and lost in your fantasies. You’ll develop a deeper appreciation for what’s real, right now.
Go Wear Yourself Out
Exercise can help tremendously when you need to stop obsessing over a woman. Not only will it build your confidence and make you look great, but it will focus your thoughts on something other than her — even if just for a while.
So, go exercise until you’re out of breath. Multiple studies have shown that exercise helps your body release endorphins, also known as “feel-good chemicals” that can combat stress and anxiety (which you desperately need right now if you’re obsessing!). Some experts say you can feel the effects within five minutes.
Not only that, but it can also alleviate long-term depression by increasing the release of serotonin in your brain. This can be a good thing especially if underlying depression is one of the reasons you can’t stop obsessing over a woman.
Exercise works best when you also add mindfulness, which can help you switch your mental focus even more. So, instead of zoning out when you exercise, pay attention. Really focus on how your body feels as you’re working out… the contraction of your muscles, the feeling of your feet hitting the ground.
It’ll make your workout more effective, help you see results faster, and most of all, take your mind off the woman you’re obsessing over. I remember a spin coach of mine once told me: “When you lose your breath from a good workout, who’s the only person you’re thinking of? YOU.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
After Your Workout, Bust Out a Notepad
While exercise is great, you need lots of things in your arsenal when you’re trying to stop obsessing over a woman you really like. One of those things is a solid sense of self-esteem.
The fact that you’re obsessing over a woman may be a sign that you lack self-esteem. After all, why would you allow her to take over your thoughts so much if you believed you were just as valuable as she is?
So to stop obsessing over her, try building yourself up instead. You can do this with affirmations. These are statements about yourself that describe or acknowledge your best qualities. Putting your focus on the best parts of YOU will make you feel more confident, so you won’t have to put her on a pedestal as if she’s better than you.
I recommend you start your affirmation work with an easy exercise that will help you reclaim your power, pride, and dignity. Simply write down 25 things that make you an amazing, unique human being. What makes you special? What awesome talents do you have? Why do people like being around you? What was the last nice thing you did for somebody? How would your two best friends compliment you?
Take your time and really feel into your answers. Go back and read it after a day, and then again in a week. You should notice a difference in how you feel about yourself. The woman you were so obsessed over will soon pale in comparison!
Have a Real Conversation with Yourself
After the dignity exercise, you should be calm. Now, it’s time to go even deeper and examine why you may be over-valuing her.
Why in the world is this one person causing you to obsess about her? How is she any more valuable than you? She might be amazing, but in all reality, there could also be someone obsessing over you — a person you might not even realize. The point is, anything’s possible. So why have you locked into the idea of one woman as if she’s your only hope?
Sit by yourself for 20 minutes and really dig into the real reason you think you’re obsessing over her. I suggest you use the 7 Levels Deep Exercise to uncover the reason. You start by asking yourself “why am I feeling this way?” and then based on your answer, you ask another “why” question. Do this seven times in order to uncover deeper and deeper layers of truth. To give you an idea of how this works, I share an example with one client’s permission in this post.
Once you truly answer the question of why you can’t stop obsessing over a woman, you can root out the problem. You’ll probably find out something new about yourself. If it’s serious or too big to handle on your own, consider taking that insight to a coach or therapist who can help you.
Disconnect for the Entire Day
Another thing that can help you stop obsessing over a woman is spending some time alone doing something you love. I’m talking no phone, no computer, no communications. Go treat yourself — show yourself that you’re worthy. If there’s a fancy restaurant you’ve been dying to eat at, go sit at the bar by yourself. If there’s an expensive watch you’ve always wanted to buy, go get it. If there’s an experience you’ve always wanted to take — do it. Get back to you.
Taking time by yourself this way will reconnect you to who you really are. It’s easy to become disconnected from yourself and put the focus on someone else. But this can really hurt you as time goes by. As I mentioned earlier, if you’re obsessing over a woman, you’ve probably lost your self-esteem.
So, start doing things that make you happy. It will naturally direct your focus away from the woman you’re obsessing over and onto something more healthy. While it may be hard to put down the phone and really unplug from the web of thoughts surrounding her, you’ll be glad you did.
Set Some Goals
During that shopping spree or dinner by yourself, you can also take time to set some goals for the future. This will reorient you to what’s really important. Once you stop obsessing over a woman, you’ll need to figure out what to focus on instead. Ask yourself questions like: What are the things holding you back today? What do you want to change? Where do you want to be in three or five years? Work your way backward to today.
You might even fool around with creating some “SMART” goals. To set a SMART goal, make sure it is:
Specific — What exactly do you want to do? Think about the details.
Measurable — How will you know when the goal is achieved? What is the result you are looking for?
Achievable — Make sure your goal is attainable. Dream big, but avoid magical thinking.
Relevant — Your goal should be realistic and meaningful to you.
Time-bound — Specify when you want to achieve this goal.
These types of goals increase your chances of success.
How to Stop Obsessing Over a Woman: Wrap-Up
Getting over a woman you’re obsessed with isn’t easy. But as you can see, there are things you can do to move past it. As soon as you feel the obsession coming on, try one of these techniques to push your thinking to a better place.
That said, you may also be looking for a girlfriend. If so, working with a coach and matchmaker can really speed up the process… in a healthy way.
At emlovz, our private and group coaching programs focus your attention on real strategies that will make your dating life successful. No more in-the-clouds, fantasy-based thinking.
Our success is based on yours, so we do everything possible to help you identify your blocks, build new skills, and take advantage of more dating opportunities than you ever thought possible. The results speak for themselves once you find the woman you were truly meant to meet. Book an intro call with me or one of my coaches today to get started.