Learning how to spot a gold digger is much more difficult than mining for real gold.
You know gold when you see it.
Gold diggers on the other hand are shifty.
They may come off genuine and sweet, but it isn’t your heart of gold that they’re attracted to.
No, no.
She’s brought her sifter and pickaxe ready to chip away at you, hoping you’re made of 24 karat.
So how do you defend against a sexy gold miner?
Your best defense is a good offense.
Weed out women more interested in your money than character by asking probing questions (ideally before the first date).
But before we dive into the questions that will reveal your date to be fool’s gold, let’s first define what a gold digger even is.
A gold digger is someone that enters into a relationship for the sole purpose of using their partner for their money.
To better imagine what a gold digger is, allow me to give you an example.
This is a photo of Anna Nicole Smith and her 89-year-old oil tycoon husband.
As you can see, there’s a bit of an age gap.
A 60-something age gap.
It’s totally possible that Anna Nicole Smith — who was a stripper and waitress when she met her late husband — but just really into older men (super older men).
However, shortly after his death, she sued after not being included in her husband’s will, going to show that perhaps she didn’t just have an innocuous old-oil tycoon fetish after all.
But this is an extreme example.
Much more likely you’ll go out with women that really just want the free meal, connections, or want to use your status to feel special for a while.
These diggers of ore are much more difficult to identify.
But don’t fret.
Ask these questions to spot a gold digger.
No single red flag should be enough to expose her as a woman who is only after your money.
If you notice a series of responses as bright as gold to your answers, you may want to cut the date short.
Here are some questions that will help you spot a gold digger.
Some people wake up and have the motivation to conquer the world. Others wake up and are motivated by not being fired. Which one is she?
Red flag Answer: Watch TV all day, get brunch every day, sit on the beach and do nothing, etc.
Red Flag Answer: Something that isn’t tied to her personal success. Focused too heavily on material possessions as a way to measure success. Heavy emphasis on status to measure success. To be fair a lot of people feel this way, but if wealth is her only metric, it might be time to wave the red flag.
Gold diggers tend to be callow, petty, and will only read if it’s shorter than 280 characters. If she reads it demonstrates she’s self-motivated, wants to expand her horizons and learn something new or do something that requires some level of effort. The genre of the book will also tell you a lot.
Red Flag Answers: Hates reading, prefers watching TV. Can’t think of the last book she read.
This will show you how she sees the world.
Red Flag Answers: Making money and spending money.
Anyone that has engaged in any level of introspection knows they could improve.
However, narcissism may prevent introspection or make her to be reticent with her answer.
Red Flag Answer: I never settle (shows she’s not in touch with her shadow side or limitations). Wants some material possession to show the world her value (not because of its utility or because she personally thinks it’s beautiful), focuses on comparing herself to others, and tries to achieve a status-based ego-driven goal.
This is also a great question for prospective matches. It’ll tell you what matters to them and if they’re pursuing what matters.
Red Flag: Can’t think of even a single thing.
Again, gold diggers often share the same traits as lazy or conceited women. If she’s not motivated, chances are she’s looking for someone to take care of her.
Red Flag Answer: Doesn’t put courage over comfort. When she painted her nails a new color.
This is just a great probing getting-to-know-you kind of question. We all want to reveal juicy tidbits early on in a relationship. But you won’t find them without asking.
Yellow Flag: I never lie. It’s possible she isn’t comfortable talking about this so soon — that’s fine, not everyone is. Give her a pass.
Looking for sincerity here.
Red Flag: Gold-diggers don’t often get vulnerable with people they’re using for financial gains. She doesn’t want an emotional relationship, she wants a transactional one. If she won’t go deep, it might be a sign to look elsewhere.
Again, gold diggers don’t care to talk specifics. They don’t want to peel back the layers — they want to peel back the benjamins.
To be fair, it’s possible she isn’t a gold digger if she doesn’t answer these intimate questions. Perhaps it’s too soon to be so vulnerable OR maybe she just doesn’t introspect very often. This is a red flag for a whole other reason.
Red Flag: I have no fears. “I’m fearless” followed by a giggle.
Red Flag: Nowhere. Shows she’s not willing to be vulnerable or honest. Or her confidence is too shot to admit she has her faults.
Red Flags: Look for status-based answers and typical answers that might be easy to say but aren’t deep or meaningful (i.e. I want to be remembered as a good person).
Red Flag: Unwilling to admit self-deprecation or areas that need improvement. Deflecting a question like this every once in a while isn’t that bad, but refusing to ever offer intimate details is a big no-no.
If they have no faults, they’re not human. Don’t date non-humans, it’ll never last.
Red Flag: Everyone loves me, just look at all my followers.
Red Flag: Some shallow answer about online clout.
Red Flags: Good food, gifts (followed by a wink), likes, follows, selfies, shopping, literally anything having to do with material goods.
Oh boy. There are a million things she can say that’ll make it abundantly easy how to spot a gold digger. She may talk about money, clothes, material possessions, being famous for famous’s sake, etc. etc.
This seemingly innocuous question is the perfect trojan horse.
Red Flags: Any party song that’s about drinking and money.
Our attachment styles develop during childhood.
An attachment style determines how we interact with others. If our parents were never there we’ll naturally become anxious adults that cling to potential partners.
Red Flag: She has no memorable advice because her parents didn’t leave a positive and lasting effect on her life.
If you don’t look up to anyone you’re complacent. But as you’ll see not all role models are worth having.
Red Flags: No one. Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.
Petty people do petty things. Find out how she reacts to negative situations. This will tell you a lot about the kind of person she is and how she handles adversity.
If you want to know about someone’s worldview, ask them this question. This will reveal her feelings on certain types of people, society, government, and a host of other things that you may not be ready for.
Maybe order another glass of wine before asking this one.
Again, another major revealing question. This will gauge her level of empathy and will tell you how she thinks the world does and should work.
Red Flag Answer: “Cause people are lazy, damn,” says the woman using her date for his money.
Hopefully a great many things. But what a gold digger is good at and what you’re good at probably differ.
Red Flag Answer: Getting what I want.
Of course, you’ll need to probe her by asking follow-up questions. Ask if she’d sell her soul, sell her family, never be allowed to see her loved ones again, etc. Ask her if she’d be willing to give up her relationships and ties to people.
Red Flag: If she agrees to never see her parents, friends, or loved ones again.
You want your partner to be motivated by an intrinsic desire to help others, improve a system, or make a positive difference in the world. Being motivated by simply money is a hollow way to live life. Don’t attach yourself to women that are going nowhere, lack motivation, and are excessively concerned about the things they have instead of who they have.
This question will tell you everything about who they want to be.
Red Flag: Kim K, Paris Hilton, or Snookie.
Red Flag: How do you profit off a porn video, what’s the best way to take a selfie, how much skin tanning is too much?
Red Flags: A new like, a share, a good makeup video, a photoshoot, wearing the latest fashion.
Red Flags: Surrounded by adoring fans, 3 houses, an EV lambo, millions in bitcoin, a poodle, 10 million followers.
Red Flags: Good lighting, a selfie stick, and Kylie Cosmetics.
Red Flag Answer: Duh, just release a porno or marry a rich guy.
Red Flags: Phone, selfie light, selfie stick, phone, and my Gucci bag so I could carry more than 5 things.
Red Flag Answer: Botox and a facelift — my boobs are already lit.
Red Flag Answer: All the time, that’s what everyone does anyway right?
Red Flag Answers: Coachella, have a blue check next to my name on IG, marry rich, be a single mom, never work again, eat French food every day, and live in LA.
Red Flag Answer: Just because he buys you a drink doesn’t mean you owe him anything, make him work for it. Make him invest in you. Stop drinking so much dairy, it makes you break out.
Red Flag Answer: Not a chance. We’re all products of our environments and as such owe our success to those around us and our ancestors that came before us… unless you’re Kim Kardashian in which case, yes, started from the bottom now she’s everywhere.
Red Flag Answer: Winning if it means I can spend it now, earning if it means I’d be famous.
Red Flag Answer: With acts of kindness… such as kindly buying me things.
Red Flag Answer: The necessities like clothes, good food, makeup, cars, and shopping – wait did I say that already?
Get her talking about her family. Generally, gold diggers will take on their parents’ traits.
Red Flag Answer: That men are meant to shower women not only in love but money.
Red Flag Answer: Does Snookie count?
Red Flag Answer: Nothing.
Red Flag Answer: How I’m going to get you to stop asking these damn questions and pay the bill.
Gold diggers are more difficult to catch than mono at the Vatican.
But with these questions stuffed under your tongue you’re likely to weed out a gold miner or two.
However, if you feel you’re still struggling on how to spot a gold digger you can always team up with an expert.
In our best in class dating coaching program, we teach men how to meet compatible women, court them, and weed out the bad apples.
Our MegaDating blueprint has a system in place that weeds out gold diggers without you having to even probe.
Learn more when we chat via a 1-on-1 Zoom conversation. During our talk we’ll discuss your goals and determine if our program is right for you.