How to Know She’s The One to Marry
Some things in life are easy to know. How to know she’s the one to marry isn’t.
When you should stop binging Parks & Rec, when to bring the garbage out, and what time you should leave your home so as to avoid rush hour.
We’ve been making decisions small and large since we were crawling around in our parent’s living room. But when faced with the biggest question of all — how to know if she’s the one to marry — all previous training goes out the window.
Because asking a woman for her hand in marriage shouldn’t be based on a whim. It shouldn’t be based on the first month or two of dating or the fact that you two are both huge Phish fans.
There’s quite a lot that goes into making the most important decision of your life.
In this article, we’ll take your hand and walk with you as we guide you through the gauntlet of variables you need to consider when planning your romantic future.
How To Know She’s The One to Marry
When Makes You Feel Like No One Ever Has Before
How do you know that you look better in one shirt than another?
You try them both on and compare.
That’s what dating is.
Every relationship that isn’t your ultimate has sharpened your ability to discern which woman is right for you. By dating around you’re able to compare and contrast potential suitors.
With a catalog of women and feelings to comb through you should be able to say with some confidence that the woman you’re thinking about marrying makes you feel like no other woman has.
If you can’t definitively say yes, you may have a problem on your hands.
Remember that just because you’ve invested months if not years into this woman — and everyone expects you to marry her — doesn’t mean you have to.
This is your life.
If you need more time to ascertain how you feel about her, take that time. If you need to date around a bit to ensure that she is the one for you, then consider doing that.
What important is that this woman has been the most compatible woman you’ve met yet. That despite the relationships you’ve had before, you want this one to be the last because of the way she makes you feel.
Opposites Don’t Attract
Despite what the movies say, opposites don’t actually attract.
Well, I mean, opposites do actually attract, just not for very long.
It’s easy to be infatuated with someone that you’re nothing alike while on vacation, during a summer fling, or for a night in Vegas.
But when it comes to long term romantic harmony, opposites aren’t a great fit.
What happens when all you want to do is binge-watch football during the football season, yet she despises the game and instead wants to turn your pad into a yoga studio for her and her friends?
She’s a lake person, you’re an ocean person, she doesn’t drink and you love craft beer, she’s an introvert and you’re a type A extrovert.
You want to have so much in common it’s almost uncanny.
The more you have in common, the less you’ll have to compromise down the road and the more you’ll get to live the life you want and have the experiences you want to have.
Relationships that last are akin to coasting down a hill on your bike. There’s little if any resistance.
In relationships where both parties are at odds, you’ll have to put more work into making it work.
But will such a dynamic work in the long term?
Make sure that you spend enough time with the woman in question before popping the question. Experience life with her in various contexts before you pop the question of matrimony.
When She’s A Grower She’s Marriage Material
There are people that are complacent with their romance, professional lives, social lives, and then there are the growers.
A grower is someone that is always trying to do and be more. A woman that yearns to grow is a woman that gets even riper with age.
How do you identify a grower?
Look back on how long you’ve known her and recognize if she’s in a better place now than she was before.
The last thing you want is a woman who deteriorates as she ages, whether physically, emotionally, intellectually, or otherwise. If she’s always improving herself, then the future will always look bright. If, however, she only seems to get worse and worse or more unhappy with age, that’s a serious red flag.
Stop trying to save her and instead, save yourself.
(P.S. if you notice a pattern of attracting women who need saving, you’ve got an unhealthy relationship pattern that could use some divine intervention. Book a intro coaching session with me here to discuss how you can stop attracting broken women and start attracting the whole package!)
When She Has A History Of Giving Up Things That Are Bad For Her
Since you’ve known her has she stopped smoking, drinking, eating meat, spending money on unnecessary things, etc?
If so, she’s got the inner drive to recognize when a habit is destructive and the willpower to change it. This is an excellent sign that she won’t fall victim to negative influences as you two grow old together.
Even if she has a few bad patterns currently, a history of giving up things that are bad for her, suggests that whatever negative influence is currently in her life, may not need to be forever. Be sure to share how you feel if there is something like this happening and your hopes for your future together. If she is open to you sharing your feelings, it may just inspire her to make another positive change.
Marriage isn’t a 6-month affair, ideally, it’s forever.
In order for forever to work out, your partner will have to be able to do away with the negative.
Be aware of her propensity for picking up negative traits or responding negatively to certain situations.
Partnerships are made up of individuals. Your romantic partnership is only as strong as the individuals that comprise it.
When You’ve Loved Her At Her Best And Worst
To call marriage a roller coaster is an understatement. It’s more like a rocket ship that is constantly dodging asteroids while exploring the abyss of space.
You never know what twists and turns are in store for you — or what black holes you two might encounter.
That’s why it’s so important that you’ve been with your woman through thick and thin and still love her. If you can’t deal with her when she’s at her worst you won’t stick around long enough to love her at her best.
Marriage is about “richer or poorer, sickness and in health.”
You gotta love her through it all or it’s not going to end the way you want it to. Make sure you’re not jumping into marriage before you’ve seen her full-spectrum and she’s seen yours. If you still love her despite the vicissitudes she’s probably wife material.
When You Dig Her Tribe
Let’s not be naive here.
You’re never just proposing to one person.
When you ask a woman to marry you, you’re taking her tribe along with you.
Can you imagine spending the rest of your holidays with her family? What about Tuesday game night with her friends? Are you cool raising her children alongside the children of her friends’?
You can’t marry a woman but divorce her family.
It doesn’t work that way (unless of course you two elope to Costa Rica and get off the grid).
When Your Future Goals The Same?
You wouldn’t marry a woman whose life goal is to move to Croatia and start a boutique cafe when you’re more than content spending the rest of your days in San Francisco.
You also wouldn’t agree to marry a woman that wants a house full of children when you’re not into the idea of having kids.
Understand her future goals and how they might conflict with your own.
It’s okay if these goals don’t perfectly align, you just don’t want them to clash to the point that your relationship is ruined.
Sort dealbreakers like having children or not before you pop the question. This will help you answer the question “How to know she’s the one to marry?”
Ask her if she intends on leaving the area you two reside in or if she loves your family the way you do, or if she wants to give all her money away to charity and live the nomadic lifestyle while backpacking through South America for the rest of her days.
These are questions you best pop before you ask her the big one.
When Fights Have Endings
Fights are inevitable. What’s important is that they’re not indefinite.
Ya know the old happy marriage mantra of never letting your partner go to bed mad at you?
It’s sage-freakin’ advice.
Look, disagreements happen, what’s important is that you two can get over them. What’s needed for the relationship to move forward in a healthier and better way is for both sides to compromise and find a resolution that works.
Also, as odd as it may sound, never fighting might be a red flag. You and your partner may harbor ill feelings for fear that a fight might occur. Who knows what will happen when you two finally fight it out. You may just vomit a litany of issues you’ve kept tucked under your tongue when the fight finally pops off.
Instead of letting those feelings fester, it’s best to let them out. Vocalize them, work through them, and move on.
When There Are Way More Good Than Bad Times
This is an easy way.
If your relationship is a scale, in which direction does the scale tilt?
In favor of the good times or the bad ones?
How to know if she’s the one to marry is easier answered when there’s many more positive reference experiences with her than negative.
When You’re Better Because Of Her
Awesome people make other people awesome.
It’s just a dope byproduct of being exceptional.
Have you seen yourself become more inquisitive, kinder, more aware of your surroundings, have more ambition, etc. since you started dating the woman you may make your wife?
When She’s Still A Fox
Sexual attraction to your romantic partner fades with time, this is inevitable.
But only to an extent.
After months or years of dating this woman are you still sexually attracted to her?
A lack of sexual attraction is often a cause for divorce. Don’t sign up for a lifelong membership knowing all the while that it’s doomed to fail.
When She Contributes As Much As You Do
A romance is a two-way street.
Can you imagine marrying a woman that rarely contributes to your well-being? She rarely offers help, to do the dishes, rarely comes up with Friday night plans, never picks you up from work, doesn’t take the initiative, etc.
Can you marry a woman like this?
How To Know She’s The One To Marry: Wrap-up
There are a million questions worth asking.
I hope this article has helped identify at least a few of them.
If you need an impartial party to help talk you through this decision, book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me.
Together we’ll talk about your relationship and figure out if you’re ready to marry her.
Being such a paramount decision it’s vital that you take the time to ruminate. If you need some help weighing your options, give me a shout.