This is an article most men won’t be able to identify with.
Rather, this is an article about what happens when everything is going right in your dating life, and how to deal with the consequences.
That negative consequences arise when everything appears to be according to plan.
The plan I’m referring to is MegaDating.
It’s about being an ethical, serial dater.
At first glance, you might think MegaDating is sleazy.
And sure, dating women simultaneously, sometimes even seeing two women on the same day can at first make you look and feel like a douche.
But the reason me and other men MegaDate isn’t to shag countless women and then brag to our buddies the day after.
Paradoxically, we do it because we’re tired of dating around.
We’re tired of dating incompatible women for whom we feel nothing for. We want to find a woman that we can feel proud to call our girlfriend. This is why we MegaDate.
Sitting on your ass, going on one date every 3 months isn’t the best strategy if you’re trying to find a woman that you’ll be happy with for the rest of your life.
MD is like a shortcut.
One that cuts the time from singledom to marriage in half.
To effectively MegaDate you have to tap all your social circles in order to mine for dates. This means meeting women at the gym, on apps, at parties, through friends, at work, at coffee shops, etc.
The only issue with this is that constantly meeting new women can lead to burnout.
Here are a few ways you can avoid dating burnout.
It’s difficult to become tired of dating when you’re abiding by MegaDating rules.
While there are a number of MD rules there’s one in particular that all men should abide by and it’s this:
First dates should last no longer than one hour.
That’s right.
Plain and simple.
Look, let’s talk about what’s happening on a first date anyways.
Whether you met this person at a party or online, chances are you don’t know much about them. So little in fact that they’re still considered a stranger.
If that’s the case, riddle me this.
Why in the world would you want to sign up for a 3+ hour date that involves splashing the cash on someone you don’t even know?
Would you agree to see a band you never heard of or watch a 3-hour movie without first checking the reviews?
If you’re a normal person you will have responded no.
If you’re fully committed to finding your ideal partner ASAP, keep dating, but simply date less.
Instead of investing 3+ hours on every stranger you meet, spend no more than one hour on each first date.
Know When To Cut Her Loose
If you’re a guy you’ll likely used to rejection by now.
Whether it’s via a text or a ghost, we’ve all be rejected in some form or another.
Thing is, we ourselves aren’t exactly experts in telling a woman we don’t want to see them anymore.
If you’re MegaDating you’re probably seeing at least 4 women a month. If that’s the case after two months, if you decide to continue to see each of these women you’ll be simultaneously dating 8 women.
While I fully appreciate and acknowledge the power of polyamory, dating 8 women at the same time with some hope that you can transition your love parade into a viable harem just ain’t in the cards.
To date around sustainably you have to nix a woman when you don’t see a future.
You can do this one of two ways.
If you’ve only gone on a date or two with her you can simply not ask her out again. Easy. Chances are she’ll get the message if you don’t hit her up for a couple of weeks.
But not all women get the message.
If it’s absolutely necessary to explicitly inform her of your disinterest, use this line:
“Hey Sam, I enjoyed our date the other day but don’t think we’re as compatible as I’d like to be. You’re an awesome person and I wish you the best.”
Be nice, be honest, but send a message that she can’t misinterpret.
Sure you can feel like an ass, but tell me which is worse, ripping off the bandaid now or leading her on, letting the cancer fester, and then having to perform chemo for three months until she heals?
Learn More About Her
You ever feel like every woman you’re dating is, well, the same person?
Like the woman you dated on Tuesday had her traits rub off on your Friday date.
I know why that is.
It’s because you’re not spending enough time getting to know each woman before the date.
Normally I’d say this is a good thing. After all dating apps (where you most likely met this person) aren’t meant for dating but for introductions.
You want to learn about her while on the date not before.
But it’s tough to get excited about a woman when you know nothing about her. When all you know about her is that she loves taking selfies and that she “travel every chance I get.”
To get more excited about the individual, see them as one.
Ask them to tell you something cool about themself or to tell you a funny story about their childhood.
Something, anything that will make them stand out from the rest.
Enjoy The Date Regardless Of Who’s With You
Lately, I’ve been feeling burnt out from dating.
Meanwhile, I’ve also had a strong urge to go mini-golfing.
So I decided, what If I combine the two?
What if my primary objective is simply to enjoy myself while mini-golfing. The fact that I’m on a date is of secondary interest.
Make each date so unique and awesome that you’ll be stimulated and enjoy it regardless of how meh the woman next to you is.
If you can make every date fun, you’ll avoid dating burnout.
Temptation Bundling
I first heard about temptation bundling from economist Katherine Milkman.
The idea behind temptation bundling is to pair one temptation with a goal.
In her seminal study, she got together a bunch of people that had a goal of going to the gym more often. Thing is, these people were also audiobook nerds. Each person was split into one of three groups. One group had full access to audiobooks while at the gym, the other had access to encouragement, while the control group had neither.
They found that gym-goers with full access to audiobooks saw a 51% increase in gym visits.
But how does this apply to dating?
Well, what if you were only allowed to do something you really like while on a date.
For example what if you’re a movie buff. What if you were only allowed to watch movies while on dates?
The same rule can apply regardless of your hobby. If you really like pizza, biking, hiking, karaoke, drinking craft beer, etc.
Pair one activity you love with dating.
In this way, you’ll be likely to both enjoy and date more often.
Raise Your Standards
If you’re scoring multiple dates a week, that should tell you that you’re a wanted man.
The ladies are buying whatever it is you’re selling.
This is, you don’t have to sell it to everyone.
Your time is valuable. With all these women knocking on the door you realize that you don’t have enough time or mental space for all of them.
Instead of asking out every woman you match with (which you shouldn’t be doing anyway) only ask out women that you really think you could have a future with.
Focus On Your Platonic Life
To further avoid dating burnout, put the ladies on the backburner for a hot sec.
Instead, seek enjoyment from a well that’s never dry.
Hit up your friends to go bowling, watch the game, play trivia, or just go on a walk.
If you’re getting burnt out from daunting, take a step back.
Enjoy your friends and make damn sure you sustain these relationships. Water them, and nurture them or else they’ll wilt. It’s these relationships that will stick around longer than 99% of the women you meet on Bumble.
Space Out Dates/Take A Break
How many dates are you going on every week?
Chances are it’s too many.
Limit the number of dates you go on each week to one or two.
Once you’re feeling less burnt out increase that number.
Also, remember that if you’ve truly had enough it’s okay to put the phone down and take some time off from dating.
After all, it’s difficult to fall for a woman when your head (nor your heart) is in it.
Address Root Problems
Maybe it isn’t dating that’s the problem.
Maybe, just maybe there’s something else going on.
Something that’s impeding you from enjoying your dates.
Look I don’t know you so I can’t say for sure.
But what I do know is that when I enjoy my dates the least is when my mind is elsewhere (or when she looks like nothing her photos).
I’m worried about work, my health, the impending doom of the planet, etc.
Address problems that have nothing to do with dating in order to get the most from your love life.
What’s Your Next Move?
So, what now?
Which solutions will you try out? – and if you think things will naturally get better you’re wrong. You’ve tried that before and of course, nothing changed.
My recommendation is to try out the solution of least resistance.
Trying something is always better than nothing.
Speaking of that something… here’s another possible solution.
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