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5 Dating Tips for People Pleasers

5 Dating Tips for People Pleasers

Is this you?

dating tips for people pleasers

It doesn’t matter that you think actually paying money for two slices of bread and some ham is the most basic thing someone can do.



You go along with the plan.

Of course I love sandwiches!

Gross.

You criticize yourself internally but nothing ever changes.

That failure to change and desire to rewire your brain has let you here.

Welcome.

Over the course of the next 5 minutes, I’m going to provide you with 5 dating tips for people pleasers that if applied correctly will completely change not only how you interact with people, but with dates as well.

Dating Tips For People Pleasers

You know what a people-pleasure is — you probably are one.

But to better understand the behavior we’re trying to change, let’s first define what a people-pleaser is. 

People Pleaser: someone that has an unhealthy need to please others at the expense of their personal well-being. 

We praise others for selflessness.



But sometimes being excessively selfless gets in the way of our own happiness.

It’s when you cross this line that you need to address your actions and make a change in your behavior.

Pleasing without end is the number one reason relationships fail.

Externally you appear content, but internally you’re punching yourself in the nads.

You expect your partner or date to magically understand your desires and appease you. When she inevitably fails to read your mind, you resent her for it. 

This is why addressing your people-pleasing ways is essential to not only your dating life but overall wellbeing.

Change your habit with these dating tips for people pleasers.

Write Down When You People Please

The only way to change a habit is to first identify it.

Get on top of your behavior by calling it out in real-time.

Write down every time you please someone at your own expense.

These don’t have to be lengthy entries.



A simple scribble like these will do:

  • Agreed to pay more than I should have to not cause a stir
  • Told date I’d drive 45 minutes to pick her up when I really didn’t want to

Acknowledging the problem is the first step on your roadmap towards meaningful change.

Doing so will quickly help you identify habits and will also show you how big and common a problem this is.

Why This Is Hurting Your Dating Life

It may not seem like a big deal, but always going with the flow can quickly lead to getting wooshed down a path you never wanted to take, or worse, drowning.

Being a people pleaser means you’ll inevitably internalize aggression towards the person you’re dating.

Instead of vocalizing what you want you’ll get angry at them for not magically understanding your desires. 

A high-quality relationship is built on a foundation of open lines of communication. Communication should go both ways. Change your people-pleasing habit now so you can have a gratifying and lifelong relationship with your partner.

It’s also important you’re not getting run over by your partner and others because doing so shows you have little confidence. Above all women love men with the confidence to speak their minds.

Start Making Decisions

When you’re trying to completely rewire your brain, the best thing you can do is take baby steps.

Slowly but surely find your comfort zone and then expand it.

Expanding your zone of comfort looks like making decisions both big and small that go against your instinct to people please.



What might this look like in practice?

1) The next time your friends ask where you want to eat, make your preference known.

2) Ask your friend to play a certain song while in the car, at a party, or while eating dinner.

3) Request that the cashier bag your food instead of assuming you want to go bagless and carry home 10 items.

4) Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

5) Say no to minor requests such as picking up something from the store for a friend.

6) Don’t nod in agreement or laugh at something you don’t find funny.

If you’re looking for more ways to push your limits, simply read over the list you created of the many instances when you people pleased.

Practice making your voice heard and your preference known is the most effective way to transition away from being a people pleaser.

It’s going to feel odd when you voluntarily choose not to appease others.

To convince yourself to keep going remind yourself that you can still show kindness to others, but only when you really want to.

Be kind and sacrifice only when you don’t feel an unhealthy obligation to do so.



Also, remember that you’re the most important person in your life. The thought might sound selfish but there’s little point in helping others if you’re the one that’s constantly being negatively impacted.

Believe it or not, life will go on for the person you’re not pleasing.

Your choice not to laugh at their joke or say no to their request won’t even register as a blip on their emotional radar.

Communicate Your Desires

Long-lasting relationships require sustainable habits.

One of these habits is communicating in an open manner.

Keeping the lines of communication open will deflate any resentment you might have bubbling under the surface for the woman you’re dating.

Your date/girlfriend isn’t a mind reader.

She isn’t some Bene Gesserit that can read your emotions without you having to say a word.

dating tips for people pleasers

That’s why it’s important to cultivate an understanding, open, and empathetic relationship where each party values the opinion and feelings of the other.

The reason you may have grown to resent friends and partners in the past is because you blame them for not being able to read your desires and fulfill them.

In reality, you’re punishing them for not having superpowers.

That’s unreasonable.



Start your relationship off on the right foot by asking her out using a TDL.

TDL stands for time, date, location.

It’s the only way you should ask a woman out.

A people pleaser might pepper her with questions in the attempt to find the perfect first date (for her at least).

When you pitch the date, you’re taking control.

Not only is it confident, but TDLs have a high success rate.

It’s because they offer a concrete date idea, one that a woman can either accept or reject.

Here’s an example:

Hey Jen. Let’s go bowling this Thursday at 8 at Palacio’s Big Balls Of Fire. 

Location: Palacio’s Big Balls of Fire

Time: 8 p.m.

Date: Thursday



When pitching the date try to make it sound super cool (ideally a once-in-a-lifetime date idea).

If she says she can’t because she’s busy, don’t ask but pitch another day.

Should she reject that date as well, wait a few days before asking her out on a completely new date.

If she continues to say she can’t go, express your disappointment and then tell her that you’re now going to swap traditional gender roles and that she can now ask you out.

If you’re MegaDating you’ll realize that there are dozens of women out there ready to date you and that you shouldn’t get hung up on any single woman.

Take A Breather

The only thing sexier than a confident man is science.

So what does science have to teach us about overcoming our people-pleasing behavior?

A 2014 study carried out at Columbia University found that pausing for just 50-100 milliseconds before making a decision can lead to better decision making.

As you will have noticed, you probably engage in acts of people-pleasing as soon as the moment to do so presents itself.

Give your chance to assess the situation by first taking a breath.

You’re wired to immediately respond in a way that pleases the person you’re interacting with. Take back control of your brain by pausing or taking a breath before reacting.

Dating Tips For People Pleasers: Delay with Words

As we’ve found, the more time you give yourself the better the odds are that you won’t appease the person you’re talking with.

Giving yourself a few minutes to consider how to respond leads to better decision-making.

If you need more time than a breath or awkward pause can provide, just use the phrase:



Hmm, let me get back to you about that. 

dating tips for people pleasers

Just like that, you’ve bought yourself some time to consider your own feelings.

Key Takeaways

Why do you constantly feel the need to seek gratification from others even at the detriment of your own well-being?

Getting to the heart of this question will help you find the inspiration and blueprint you need to change your behavior.

We normally feel the need to please others because we’ve either been taught to do so or because we have low self-esteem.

The actionable steps provided in this article offer a roadmap that will set you on your journey towards having healthy romantic relationships.

However, we both know that journey is long and sinuous.

To get the most out of your dating life, book a session with one of our coaches to learn how our program can reinvigorate your dating life.

During your new client introduction session, you’ll provide a snapshot of your dating history and see whether our dating coaching program might be an effective mechanism to refine your dating ability, attract higher-quality women, and ultimately find a long term compatible partner. 

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