Looking for dating advice for Asian guys? Sometimes dating as an Asian man in the US can feel like a romantic death sentence.

Google “dating in America while Asian” and you’ll find a parade of articles about the struggles of Asian men in America. To be clear, Asian women and men have very different experiences.

According to a 2014 OkCupid study, Asian men are the least desirable race among OkCupid users, with Asian women landing at the opposite end of the scale, as the most desirable of all races. It’s studies like these that appear to be confirming every Asian man’s worst fear; that simply due to the skin they wear, they’re less desirable than other races.

But a study or two don’t have to doom you to a life of romantic failure.

As a professional dating coach, I’ve made Don Juans out of Asian men who were almost ready to give up on dating. Remember that you are a unique individual defined by much more than your race. It’s this individuality that we’ll leverage to find you dates.

Let’s dive into some dating advice for Asian guys that will significantly augment the quality of your dating life.

Dating Advice for Asian Guys

It’s Not You, It’s Everyone

Before you play the victim card, realize that you aren’t the only guy that’s romantically drowning.

A 2018 study found that 29% of Americans ages 19-30 did not have sex in 2018. What that translates to is millions of black, white, Asian, and Latino men that not once wooed a woman in 2018.

There’s a range of reasons for this from more young Americans living at home now than ever before to people preferring to stream Amazon Prime than hitting a party with their friends.

When it comes to dating apps, only a paltry 50% of Tinder users have ever dated one of their matches. Male dating app users only have a 4% chance of getting their message responded to. To have a 50% chance of receiving a message, the average guy will have to message 18 women. Generally speaking, unless you’re in the 90th percentile of desirability, online dating is a brutal numbers game for penis-wielding individuals.

America, particularly young America, is going through a loneliness epidemic that doesn’t discriminate. All races are being negatively impacted. A 2018 The Economist study found that 22% of Americans report “always or often feel lonely, lack companionship, or feel left out or isolated.”

It seems paradoxical that in an epoch where I can make a call to anyone in the world without even pressing a button, Americans are lonelier than ever.

The point I’m trying to make with all of this depressing information is that this problem isn’t uniquely yours. Your personality, religion, race, or questionable dance moves may not have anything to do with why you’re alone. This lonliness epidemics is impacting millions of people.

On your journey for love, just remember, it’s not you, it’s everyone.

The Friend Zone

The friend zone is like romantic purgatory.

Sure you could graduate to the next level of love, but it may take an eternity -or longer- to do so.

There’s only one way to slice through the friend zone like a knife through warm butter; honesty.

To illustrate how honesty works, let’s use it in a context.

Let’s say that you and a co-worker, friend, or acquaintance have been hanging out quite a bit recently. You two clearly enjoy the other’s company, but the romantic flames have never been fanned. To allow those feelings to ignite, you need to be in the right setting. I mean hitting on a co-worker at a work party is like trying to light a fire with damp wood. To allow those romantic feelings to grow you’ll have to ask her out. But not just any date request will do. You’ll have to use a TDL.

TDL is short for time, date, location. Too many guys pussyfoot around asking a woman out. Using a TDL is the opposite of saying, “hey, wanna go out sometime?” A TDL in action looks like this,” Hey Victoria, a new epic trail just opened up at the north end of Golden Gate Park, want to go for a stroll this Sunday at 1 p.m.?” Asking her in such a way gives her a tangible date request that she can either accept or reject.

If you feel as though she could still interpret this request as a “friend date,” clarify. Be explicit with your intentions and tell her while asking her out that you’d consider this a date.

It’s quite possible that she had feelings for you but placed you in the friend zone because you took too long to make a move. A TDL will awaken any hushed flames and gives you a chance to burn through that friend zone.

She Makes The Rules

Women are more powerful than ever before.

Women today graduate college at higher rates than men, are closing the wage gap, and are finally having their voices heard and respected. This newfound equality is also making its mark within the dating world.

Dating apps are being designed with women in mind, bars have devised plans to extricate women from dangerous dates, and the rules of dating are being re-written by women.

17% of women today say that asking to buy someone a drink at a bar is considered sexual harassment, 38% of women ages 18-30 say that having a non-romantic partner place a hand on their lower back is “always” or “usually” sexual harassment, and 1 in 4 American women claim that someone other than a romantic partner commenting on a woman’s attractiveness is usually or always sexual harassment.

Contemporary women are much less willing to put up with the shit they used to. Not more catcalling, staring at her breasts, or pressuring her into a date. Women feel empowered in all areas of today’s world. It’s no longer a woman’s job to adapt to the desires of a man.

There is no rulebook you can look to, to understand how to behave around a woman in a romantic setting, but here are some modern dating advice for Asian guys to keep in mind:

• When in doubt, ask to kiss or touch her: “I really want to kiss you right now.”
• Explain that you’re paying the bill not because you assume that you make more for her, but because she took a chance on going out with you. Paying the bill is a way of saying thank you.
• Don’t make sexist jokes or neg her…duh.
• Treat her like an equal…double duh.
• Wait to call her darling or honey.
• Allow her to speak.
• Don’t compliment her on her appearance until well into the date.

Sure, most of these are obvious tips, but if they’re so obvious, why do so many men fail to observe them?

Attack Stereotypes

If you watched the video above you would have viewed one of our students, Kan, masterfully articulate the gauntlet that is dating as an Asian man in America.

He offered a number of negatives that are inherent in the dating scene if you’re an Asian man.

However, he did note a few benefits that ironically are only beneficial due to strong stereotypes.

He says that since there are such pervasive Asian stereotypes, breaking them becomes a massive turn-on. He zeroed in on one particular stereotype, that Asian men don’t have game.

The Asian nerd trope is everyone. Often pigeonholed into this perception both in film and IRL, Asian men are rarely portrayed as the masculine smooth-talking James Bond type.

So when you show a little game and begin to address that myth, the ladies love it. They’re taken aback (in a good one) by this plot twist.

Asian men are portrayed as self-effacing, smart to a fault, awkward, and meek. So when you command the room with your confidence, smooth-talking, and boisterous opinions, you quickly kill off the negative Asian tropes she’s been carrying around inside her for so long.

Women love a good surprise.

Have Confidence In Yourself

I guarantee you have something to offer a woman.

Maybe you’re caring or charming or you’re chivalrous and hold doors open or love to give back to your community and coach youth basketball. Or maybe you’re always down for a good time and know where to find the best speakeasy bars in town.

Be confident in yourself and she’ll be confident in her attraction to you.

As Marcus says in the Dating Decoded review below, sometimes you need to get out of your own way. 

Don’t let others dictate your confidence. Sure may you haven’t gotten a match in a while so what? Getting rejected on Tinder is like someone rejecting a resume to a job you and 500 other people applied to. Are you hurt when you don’t get that job? No! So don’t get hurt when a woman rejects you based on a couple of sub-par photos and a three-line bio.

You determine your worth. See your value and I guarantee she’ll see it too, you just need a chance to shine.

Put Yourself In A Place Where You Have A Competitive Advantage

I wouldn’t tell my students that a Golden Globe afterparty is a great place to meet women.

I mean don’t get me wrong, an after-party attended by famous and gorgeous people could be a great place to meet women if you too are famous and beautiful.

This idea of putting yourself in a situation where you are seen as more appealing than surrounding men is what Jeff and I spoke about.

Jeff is a poker player and spoke about the importance of table selection. In other words, when you enter a casino and are scoping out which table to play at do you really want to sit down at the table surrounded by guys with headphones and sunglasses on and that look like they just won a Vegas poker tournament? Or do you want to sit with a younger, drunker crowd of frat bros that clearly are on vacation and want to blow (read; lose) a bunch of money?

What we learn from table selection is to put yourself in a favorable environment. 

This means not trying to meet women at events that are frequented by guys. Stop meeting women at sporting events or the gym. Instead, meet women at salsa and yoga classes, pottery and painting classes, and even towns and cities where you’ll find more women than men.

Burst Through The Stereotypes

As you know well, there is a myriad of stereotypes about Asian men that range from Asian guys being effeminate to Asian dudes having tiny penises.

The best dating tip for Asian guys that I can give is that you are not a stereotype. You are a complex individual with your own unique personality and penis size. The thing is, how we date today doesn’t often allow you to put your personality on full display.

Take dating apps for example.

A 2017 study found that 39% of all new heterosexual couples met online. This stat will only grow as young people continue to embrace dating apps with palms open and fingers in swiping position.

What sucks about online dating is that it doesn’t allow users to showcase who they are. Rather, apps like Tinder and Bumble reduce users to cards. What women are effectively swiping left and right on can’t even be called dating resumes. Dating apps are superficial and thus make users rely on stereotypes to make their decisions.

As an Asian man, women on dating apps will assign you traits associated with your race’s stereotype. She’ll think you’re nerdy, short, aren’t well endowed, can’t dress, etc. These apps are reductionist and impede them from seeing who you really are.

This issue can be dealt with in two ways.

First the obvious.

Ditch The Dating Apps

Just because all your friends are using dating apps doesn’t mean you have to too. You’ve seen that dating apps are both shallow and largely ineffective. Meeting women IRL is still possible, despite the online trend.

Interacting with women face to face will help you break down stereotypes in a matter of sentences. Meeting women IRL guarantees that she’ll have to wait to get to know you a bit more before swiping left or right. If you don’t know how to meet women IRL, here are some suggestions:

• Join an exercise class
• Sign up for a co-ed sports team
• Join your favorite Meetup group
• Go to more parties and shows
• Ask you friends to introduce you to their female friends
• Ask a co-worker or acquaintance out

I understand the convenience of hiding behind a screen. Face to face rejection is a much more gut-wrenching form of rejection. Luckily, I have a trick to mitigate the fear of rejection.

One trick is to get rejected until you learn how to deal with the pain, just like Jia Jang did.

Another trick is to reframe your interactions.

Interacting with a female with a win or lose mindset puts too much pressure on yourself. Don’t hype yourself up and tell yourself that anything but her number is a failure. It’s this mentality that will deter you from approaching women. Instead of putting undue pressure on your shoulders, change your mindset.

Approach each woman with the intention of having a conversation, nothing more. Not only will this mitigate any fear you have but it will make you a better conversationalist. Should the conversation go well, ask for her number.

Revamp Your Dating Profile

The other way to not let stereotypes get in the way of your romantic success is to change your presentation. Chances are your profile isn’t as appealing as it could be.

Do you use selfies, wear the same shirt in multiple photos, or don sunglasses that obscure your face? If so, it’s time to revamp your profile.

The first component that needs a makeover is your photo roster.

Choose photos that take these dating tips for Asian guys in mind:

• No selfies.
• Upload at least one athletic photo or photo with a dog.
• The first two photos should clearly show your face.
• Dress up in one photo.
• Show off your hobbies.
• International travel photos are a must.
• 6-8 photos is the sweet spot.
• 1-2 group photos. Just make sure you’re the most attractive one of the bunch.
• Avoid photos with former significant other.

Your objective is to show off your personality as much as possible. This can’t be done without writing a witty bio. Don’t know what that looks like? Here are a few examples.

Dating Advice for Asian Guys, Conclusion

Quality men are hard to find nowadays.

With women now graduating college at higher clips than men, women are finding that there are only so many men that satisfy their romantic checklists. Are you educated, have a good job, and no longer live with your parents? If so, you’re in a better position than millions of other single men.

Another boon you’ve got going for you is that while women of other races may not immediately have the hots for you, Asian women will. Remember that OkCupid study I referenced before? It found that Asian women find Asian men significantly more attractive than they do men of other races. This attraction is even stronger than the attraction white women feel for white men, black women feel about black dudes, or Latino women feel about Latino guys.

But that isn’t to say that you don’t have good chances of dating outside of your race. In 2015, 17% of newlyweds were interracial couples. Now is the best time in our history to date someone outside of your own race.

There’s one more thing you’ve got going for you. Me.

Dating Decoded

It’s tough dating alone, so don’t.

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.