I’m here to tell you that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. 

A widely cited study claims that it takes 3.5 months to get over a breakup and 1.5 years to move past divorce. But the study makes no mention of how long you should wait to date after your wife dies.

Ultimately you’re the one experiencing these emotions. You’re the one that will have to decide to get on the dating apps and to start meeting new women.

The length of time you wait is up to you and depends a lot on the circumstances surrounding your late wife’s death. If she was sick for a long time, then you may have processed a lot of your feelings during that period and be ready to date sooner. If her death was unexpected, it might take longer for you to be ready for the next chapter in your life.

Dating As A Widower

Everyone is different.

In this article, we’ll take a look at when signs you might be ready to date again as well as strategies to help you feel more comfortable and date more effectively.

Signs You Know You’re Ready To Date Again

There is no one sign that makes it abundantly obvious that you’re ready to date again.

You’ve Healed

Rather you know you’re on the right path towards being ready when you’ve fully processed her passing.

I’d definitely recommend having a solid therapist that can help you with all of the emotions, grief, and pain. You want to make sure you’ve allowed yourself to consciously grieve your wife before moving forward with dating.

Although your love for her will always be there, once you’ve allowed yourself to fully process everything, then dating is a healthy next step.

Make sure you’re dating because you’re fully ready to move on and not just because you’re lonely. Really give yourself enough time to heal first before dating.

Not allowing yourself enough time to heal could put a damper on future dates. If you’re not open to romance again, don’t put yourself out there. Without being open and willing to love again there’s no point in dating.

You Feel A Spark When Meeting New People

How do you feel when meeting new people?

Do you have a little nervous excitement percolating in your stomach?

Don’t turn away from these feelings.

You may feel like cheating by following these new urges.

You’re not.

You’re living your life and being true to how you feel. Holding back won’t do you any good.

Follow these urges and ease your way back into the dating scene.

You Know Your Why

When dating as a widower, reflection is your best friend.

Before you start meeting new women understand why you’re investing in your romantic life again. Introspection is not only helpful in confirming your feelings but is a strong sign that you’re ready for romance again.

What do you want to get out of dating?

Do you want a lifetime partner, a companion, someone to just spend time with, or something else?

Asking these questions will make your path forward more clear.

Your Life, Your Choice

Everyone is going to have their own opinion.

Friends, family, and children may all want their say.

But this is your life.

You’re the one that’s struggling most with this new change.

No one should dictate how you move forward. Trust yourself and listen to your feelings. Let that be the only lodestar you follow.

The Guilt Is Fading

As we’ve said, dating as a widower if you’re not ready can feel akin to cheating.

But you know this isn’t true.

The reality is there’s a void in your life. One that you never be able to fill again, but you have a right to try. 

You have a right to try to find someone that makes you happy.

As this guilt fades you’ll find yourself more willing than ever to give yourself to a new woman. Once you think you’re capable of loving again, get back out there and enjoy meeting amazing women.

What Widowers Have To Say

I’ve never had to go through the difficult process of healing from the death of a loved one and trying to figure out when the right time to date is.

To better understand the process these people go through I asked widowers how long someone should wait to date again after becoming a widower.

Here are some of their answers.

Out of the hundreds of people that responded to my question, just about every one of them said, that there is no magic number and that it’s completely up to you.

Some told me their spouse passed 6 years ago and they’re still not ready to date, while others said they waited 4 months before getting back out there.

Everyone is different.

Don’t feel bad or disrespectful for getting back out there.

Of all the answers I received this was one of my favorites.

Our loved ones don’t want us to stop living or loving life. 

What if you died and your spouse lived? Would you want them to be romantically alone for the rest of your lives?

Give yourself permission to date again.

Are Women Willing To Date A Widower?

After you’ve healed and are ready to date again, this question might pop up.

Is this a warranted worry?

I asked women to find out.

Overwhelmingly women said they’d date men that have lost their spouses.

A lot of women were open to the new experience.

There were however a few women that shared personal experiences about how they felt they were competing with their man’s late wife. They shared that there were photos all over the home and that they felt they would always be second best.

That being said the vast majority were open to dating a widower.

I also heard that while women were open to the idea they just wanted to be sure that the man they were about to date has fully healed.

As you can see, that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to love or hold space for your wife. Rather, these women simply stressed that they wanted the opportunity to date a man who was fully willing to accept a new woman into his life.

Dating As a Widower Tips

Let’s imagine for a moment that you’re healed and your fears about dating as a widower again have been addressed.

You’re now ready to date again.

But how exactly do you go about it?

Chances are you haven’t dated in quite a while.

How do you put your best foot forward in the dating scene?

This is how.

Be Upfront

State that you’re a widower on your profile.

You want to polarize your audience and get women who would not be a match with you to swipe left.

Try to keep it positive and concise but make sure people know you’re a widow right upfront.

Not to mention that the longer we’re single the more skeptical people become. They wonder why he or she is still single after 40 or 50 years.

This immediately speaks to their qualms.

As odd as this may sound, saying that you’re a widower may make women perceive you as a better suitor than those that have never found a serious partner or are divorced.

Use Dating Apps

You’ll notice that I said, state that you’re a widow on your profile. 

I was referring to a dating profile.

Online dating is the most common way to find a partner nowadays.

So if you’re dating as a widower & you’re serious about finding someone you should join an app… or two… or three.

But which one should you join?

For serious daters I recommend joining the following apps:

• Hinge
• The League
• Bumble

I recommend downloading various apps. Casting a wider net means you have a greater chance of meeting a super-compatible woman.

When using these apps be sure to invest time into uploading high-quality photos. Also, be sure to take the time to write quality bios and respond to dating app prompts.

Try Not To Compare Her To Your Late Wife

It will be hard for a new woman in your life to compete if you’re always comparing her to your ex.

Think of this new person and new relationship as a clean slate and a fresh start with a brand new person.

Women don’t want to feel like they’ll always be in second place or like it’s a competition for your heart.

Try to enjoy the new experiences and differences you see in the women you’re dating. It’s fun to explore what life would look like with a partner who has different strengths, interests, and passions.

View the dating process as an adventure.

Consider also removing photos you have of the two of you from your home so it’s not awkward when new women come over. If this feels too difficult, consider whether you’ve fully processed the grief and if you’re really ready to date and move forward with the next chapter.

It’s ok if you’re not ready today.

Take your time.

Try Not To Talk All About Your Late Wife

I know it can be hard, especially if you’ve spent years and years together but if you’ve decided you’re ready to date again, then practice asking her questions and getting to know her.

It’s ok to talk about your late wife but try to do so more with friends and family while you’re in the courting phase with new women.

Talking incessantly about your late wife may well frighten away serious suitors.

That being said these new women will have to accept that you do have a dating history that predates them. It’s natural that you’ll occasionally talk about your late wife. The new woman in your life will have to accept this.

However, it’s difficult for her to accept during the early stages of a relationship. Talking about your late wife may make her think you’re not over her yet. If she feels this way she may distance herself from you.

Look For Women Who Are Supportive And Understanding Of Your Loss

She doesn’t have to also be a widow but many people have experienced deep losses in their lives and being able to connect on that subject should help to create a meaningful connection.

We all want emphatic and compassionate partners. This is especially the case if you’ve gone through a traumatic experience. Women that are willing to listen and care about your feelings are keepers.

But not everyone is willing to hold such empathy later on in their dating lives.

If you’re struggling to find an empathetic woman that is understanding of your past, try MegaDating. MegaDating is the act of dating prolifically.

In our coaching program, Dating Decoded we’ll teach you how to find single, compatible women, how to ask them out, and how to quickly find a compatible partner.

Surround Yourself With A Positive Community Of People Who Are Going Through The Same Things As You

Studies show that having a strong support network is key to success, fulfillment, and happiness.

In my coaching program, you not only get mentorship from me, a coach with 10 years of experience helping men just like you find love, but you also get the support of a dynamic, amazing community of successful single men all dating and learning together.

It’s a wonderful place to talk about your concerns, questions, and frustrations around dating.

We also have widowers in the group who you can connect with and share your trials and tribulations with.

It’s so important to know that you’re not alone and to have a supportive community of like-minded people around you to make the transition into your next relationship.

Friends and family can only help so much but often they don’t have the things we want or haven’t been through the difficulties we’re facing and it can be so refreshing to have people to talk to who are just like you, experiencing the same things as you at the very same time.

If you’d like to learn more about how my coaching program can help, I invite you to book a call with a member of the team to chat in more detail. 

During our conversation, we’ll talk about your dating goals and let you know if our coaching program can help you achieve them.

Dating Decoded

Before we talk I’d like to tell you a bit more about our program.

It consists of four pillars taught via a hybrid learning model involving two weekly strategy sessions via Zoom, an online curriculum, mock dates, and of course our online community.

What will you learn in the program?

These are the four pillars of our program:

• MegaDating
• Profile Creation & In Person Social Strategies
• MegaMessaging
• Date Blueprint

Each pillar builds on the prior stage.

MegaDating as we’ve mentioned is about dating multiple women simultaneously. Doing so helps build confidence, prevents settling, and quickly helps you find a compatible partner.

But MegaDating can’t be accomplished without online dating. We’ll teach you how to create a profile that targets and attracts the women you’re most interested in.

After you’ve scored a match it’s time to message. We have the formula that always lands our clients a date.

The first few dates are the most precarious epoch of your fledgling relationship. That’s why we’ve developed a dating blueprint for the first three dates. If followed, our rules will optimize your chances for romantic success.

You’ll learn this and so much more when we team-up.

But it all starts with a Zoom call.