It’s been a long, emotional, and sometimes hilarious road, but we are coming to the end of Bachelorette season 14. Now that we’re down to contestants Garrett I-Have-to-Google-His-Name-Every-Time-Before-I-Spell-It Yrigoyen and Blake On-the-Verge-of-Tears Horstmann, one question remains: Who will Becca Kufrin pick as the winner?
First off, I was all in on Jason Tartick taking the crown, but apparently, my opinion means nothing, so Becca gave him the boot on last week’s episode. Seriously, Becca? You weren’t even a little curious about what could happen with him up in the fantasy suite? There’s one way to go from “falling in love” to “in love” with someone, and that’s by having that spicy Buffalo, New York wing rock your world, but I guess you don’t want to end up with the hottest thing this franchise has dished out since Peter from Rachel Lindsay’s season.
But I digress…
Becca seems totally into both Blake and Garrett, so it’s hard to predict who she will ultimately pick. However, by analyzing each of the one-on-one dates from last week’s episode, I think I’ve come up with a pretty good prediction of who she is currently engaged to. Let’s dive in, shall we?
So, ok, Blake is REAAAALLLYYYY into Becca. Like, I mean, more into her than any guy that’s been on this season, and there have been some guys that went full-on stage 5 clinger/psycho because they were so obsessed with her.
Blake is more into Becca within less than two months of dating than all of my past boyfriends combined.
Don’t cry for me — I’m not saying there weren’t solid relationships there, just no guy that I suspected of possibly making a secret shrine in his bathroom dedicated to me, that consistent of locks of my hair, toenail clippings, and fake eyelashes.
Blake might have a Becca shrine situation going on.
When Becca sees Blake for the first time, she immediately jumps into his arms and wraps her legs around him, which isn’t special so much as it is her M.O. whenever she greets a guy. Jimmy Kimmel summed it up best:
Becca gives Blake the lowdown on their date after he’s done trying to lowkey dry hump her leg for about 15 seconds. They’re going hiking through the Monk’s Trail, where kissing and touching of any kind is apparently not allowed.
No disrespect to that trail — it is an awesome trail (I imagine). But…um…WTF kind of date is that? Especially when you’re planning to most likely have sex with the person you’re on a date with that night? #FantasySuites #WeAllKnowWhatHappensThere
Did the ABC producers decide on this date? I wonder if Becca tried to give it a hard pass or if she was just cool with taking some time off from Blake noshing on her face all day long? Moving on…
After Blake spends the entire hike planning his wedding to Becca in his head while also attempting to hide an impending love boner (I’m guessing) it’s time for the lovebirds to head to dinner!
Blake says that he knows that the guys don’t love Becca like he does, and I believe him because the other guys haven’t been secretly stealing locks of her hair to add to the shrine.
Becca tells Blake that he seems almost too good to be true and that she’s used to the rug being pulled out from her when things are at a level of awesomeness that is their relationship (DON’T TELL HER ABOUT THE SHRINE AND F*** THIS UP, BLAKE! I swear to God…).
Blake proceeds to talk about his ex (AGAIN) and I’m sorry, but like, if I had a dime for every time these two decided to commiserate over Blake’s ex and Arie — I’d probably just have enough to buy a fancy latte at Starbucks, but I mean, that’s still A LOT of times. Can we move on, please?
He also tells Becca that he’s more in love with her than he was his ex, and this honestly makes me worry about Blake’s emotional health if she picks someone over him. Hopefully, his influx of Instagram followers can soften the blow if that’s the case.
I’d say he should be the next Bachelor (assuming he doesn’t win), but I’m already planning my hairstyle for when I go to the casting call, should Wills or Jason win that title. What’s that? Did I miss the casting call? Oh well, I guess I’ll just continue to try and slide into Jason and Wills DMs.
Blake then talks about how he’s really concerned that Becca has just as strong of feelings for the remaining contestants as she does him. Becca reassures him by telling him has been very strong and consistent, which is a description that could be used both for someone you’re about have sex with or a package of extra firm tofu. But whatever.
With all the shade I’m throwing Blake’s way, I will say he delivered the best line of the night:
“I’m the type of person who looks for a reason to stay and not a reason to go.”
PANTY DROPPER! Well played, sir.
Spoiler alert: Becca and Blake definitely banged in the suite, and if I had to wager a guess, it was a lot of missionary, whispers and eye contact. Not my idea of a good time, but I feel like it works for their for this relationship.
Rooting for you guys!
Becca and Jason kick off their date by eating crickets and talking about the future. Cut to Becca making a comment about the future to Jason and freaking the F out. She straight up walked off during this date to tell a produce she feels “weird” about 500 times.
I knew at this moment that Jason was definitely getting sent home. You don’t walk away during a date to privately hyperventilate unless you have an epiphany that you’re DEFINITELY not that into it. I’ll be waiting for you when your heart heals, baby.
In all honesty, we all knew Jason wasn’t going to make it, didn’t we? Becca has been in heat for Garrett and Blake since day one; she forgot what Jason’s name was until nearly the middle of the season.
I’d pick Jason hands down, despite my sister telling me he has “Dracula hair.” I will run my hands through that Count Chocula coif all day!
Later on that evening, poor Jason doesn’t seem to realize Becca’s not into him during the evening portion of the date, even though she totally dips out on him to “take a minute” again. Yikes. She sends him home and foregos the fantasy suite because she doesn’t see a future with Jason.
Honestly, this is a moment where Jason truly showed he NEEDS to be the next Bachelor. Not only did he handle everything well, in spite of being crushed, he even proved that not every guy who shows up unexpectedly at Becca’s hotel room is a total creep. He went to get closure, gave her a scrapbook he was planning to give her in the fantasy suite that was a compilation of their favorite moments and quotes (aww!), and then wished her the best after feeling like he got a proper goodbye.
I. Love. Him.
Garrett and Becca go rafting for their date, along 1,000 locals, being that it is a national holiday and everyone is out to party it up raft-style.
Garrett looks like he is fake happy about the whole thing, and quite frankly, I can feel him on that. That date had fall-face-first-into-muddy-water written all over it.
Later on, Garrett seems like he’s reading things off a teleprompter when he talks about how it was great to work through obstacles with Becca (???) on the rafts during their date.
Fortunately for Garrett, he proves he’s not just great at reading teleprompters and smiling for insurmountable periods of time during the evening portion of the date. I honestly thought Blake had this thing completely in the bag, but Becca’s face when Garrett told her he was in love with her and wanted her to be the last woman he ever said that to was like:
Obviously, Garrett accepts the “key” to the fantasy suite, but it turns out the fantasy suite is a glorified tree house with the front completely exposed. So much for privacy.
The morning after comes and is it just me, or is Garrett somehow way more naked than Becca and Blake were the morning after? Even though they both were wearing nothing more than a sheet? Just more feather in Garrett’s cap, as far as this date goes! Hope they didn’t walk away from their glamping tryst with too many mosquito bites.
My Bachelorette Season 14 Winner Prediction
The winner will be…
I really thought it was going to be Blake, but now that Becca seems confident Garrett has moved on from his divorce and is ready to get married again, it seems like she’s definitely going to go with him. She seems super into Blake, but the way she looked at Garrett after their…ahem…intimate night together sealed it for me. She is all in with this guy.
Sorry, Blake. But don’t worry, you now officially have thousands of women panting at the thought of getting with you. Such is the life of a popular Bachelorette contestant.
Images: Giphy (3)