It’s been a while since you’ve gone on a date.
You’ve spent the last some-odd years in a marriage and before that dating the woman that later became your wife.
You’ve been out of the game for a while and are now looking to get back in.
I’m glad that you’re ready.
But before chasing down women at 2 for 1 ladies’ nights, there are a few divorced dating habits men tend to pick up after divorce that you should identify and avoid.
How do I know they’re trends?
I’ve been coaching and guiding men just like you to get back into the dating groove ever since I became a dating coach in 2012. Over the years I’ve helped hundreds of divorced fathers cannonball back into the dating pool and ultimately find the woman they love.
After helping thousands of divorced men, I started to notice that many of them were dealing with the same negative habits.
In this article, we’ll identify those habits and provide solutions that will put you on a path to finding a super-compatible woman that you can call your own.
Divorced Dating Habits & How to Overcome Them
Your Love Meter is Out-Of-Whack
After having just ended a LTR or marriage it can feel like you’re never going to meet someone again.
That all the best women have been taken and that you should just settle on the next woman that makes eye contact with you.
The pool of single women willing to date you isn’t as shallow as you think it is.
That’s fine if you don’t believe me, but maybe you’ll trust my good friend Pew.
This 2020 Pew Research study shows that 19% of women ages 30-49 are single and 29% of women between the ages of 50-64 are single.
That translates to millions of women in your age demographic that are single and ready to mingle.
But I understand your reservations. You may be afraid that your divorce has somehow tainted you and that only other divorcees will be attracted to you and empathize with you.
First off, various studies show that women love dating divorced men.
But let’s humor you for a moment and imagine that only divorced people are dating each other. If that were the case you’re in luck.
That’s because there are 14 million divorced women compared to just 10 million divorced men in the United States.
There’s plenty of depth in that dating pool to make a splash and find someone worth bringing to the next family reunion.
What these stats should convince you of is that you don’t need to settle for the first woman you start dating. There isn’t a scarcity of women out there that want to date you. On the contrary, you’re actually a hot commodity.
Being Thankful For Every Date Thrown Your Way
After a divorce, your dating life probably resembles a desert.
Empty, barren, and without a fish for miles.
The first catch you reel in might look like a mirage and you’ll thank the universe for introducing you to this person.
After the date’s over you’ll go back to your routine of hoping and praying that the stars align once again.
There is another way.
A proactive dating strategy that will see your social calendar fill up with beautiful compatible women.
It’s called MegaDating.
MegaDating is a dating philosophy that involves leveraging various social channels to find dates.
Look, dating has changed considerably since you were last single (I know, I know, you’ve heard this before).
Habits, stigmas, and technology have all influenced the dating scene to create a dating landscape you’ve never seen before.
It’s true that you don’t have many romantic prospects on the horizon. This is simply because you’re still learning how to date in this new environment.
Instead of being resigned to the fate of dating one new woman every 6 months and letting the universe work for you, be proactive and MegaDate (more on that later).
Spending Time With Women You’re Not Into
As much as we wish we could unzip our skin and not be a human for a day, we simply can’t avoid it.
As humans, we’re designed to desire social interaction and intimacy. We even crave intimacy with people that we know we’re not compatible with if the other option is being alone.
Here’s the thing.
Dating after marriage isn’t a dichotomy.
You don’t have to choose between settling and loneliness.
The second you stop dating the woman you’re not into, you open yourself up to meeting someone better.
Although it may not feel like it, even your divorce can be seen as a positive.
Your former partner was like a sequoia tree in the midst of a forest. You and your partner grew stronger and stronger together until one day this great sequoia fell to the ground.
The fall had consequences and the reverb was felt for miles.
The thing is, this massive sequoia was soaking up valuable light.
Without it consuming so many resources, it now gives the opportunity for something else to grow in its place.
It’s up to you to decide what grows in its place.
A Newfound Desire To Please People
Remember how when that sequoia fell, the impact was felt by the entire forest?
When a relationship ends, it impacts every aspect of your social life.
Men and women, after a divorce, have this desire to please those around them more so than normally. This tendency comes from the desire to fill the social and emotional void left behind by your former partner.
Of course, to which degree you behave this way depends on your attachment style.
There are three primary attachment styles.
These attachment styles develop in your childhood and manifest themselves later on in your social and romantic relationships.
Perhaps you’ve discovered which attachment style you have through your research or in therapy. Identifying your style will help you take meaningful steps towards changing how you behave around other people.
You Give More Than You Get Out
This goes back to being a people pleaser.
Do you find yourself trying a bit too hard on dates?
Perhaps you’re overthinking what to do, bringing little gifts, texting too often, and making all the moves that will ensure you never see her again.
You’re unsure of how to act after a long dating hiatus. As a result, you’re overcompensating by giving more than receiving.
This is natural but is a habit that must be kicked, (I’ll show you how in a second).
You Can’t Breakup With Anyone
Have you ever broken up with a woman before?
Is it hard for you to even think about breaking up with someone because it feels terrible to have to be the one to hurt someone else’s feelings?
Does this leave you often in the wrong relationship for far too long, even when you know it isn’t right for you?
You might be avoiding conflict at all costs so as to not hurt someone. That’s sweet of you but think about it.
You’re being sweeter to her than you are to yourself.
Do both yourselves a favor and let her go. Doing so saves both of you time, money, and emotional investment.
The ability to break up with women is a skill you’ll need to practice. What’s the best way to practice?
Date, date, and then date some more.
Divorce Dating Solutions To Bad Habits
Now that we’ve recognized the bad habits, it’s time to apply the solutions that I’ve seen turn my clients’ dating lives around time and time again.
Get In The Right Mental Space
Easier said than done, but just how do you go about making the shift?
That depends on you.
Here are the three most effective ways my clients have been able to change their dating mentality.
Fill Up Your Social Calendar
You’re feeling so crappy because you’re lacking certain hormones and neurotransmitters that you previously had in excess.
The dopamine and oxytocin your last relationship gave you just aren’t there anymore.
Fill this void by seeing your family more often, reconnecting with friends, and joining social groups.
A happy byproduct of being more social is that without even trying you’ll meet single women.
Talk To A Professional
Talking to a psychologist has shown to be more effective than taking medically prescribed drugs or binging GOT with a bowl of ice cream on your stomach.
While effective, it’s often underutilized.
Therapists are amazing healers and can dramatically improve your life. I think everyone should have one. But often when it comes to dating, therapists can’t give you actionable, step-by-step formulas to follow for crafting your dating profiles, messaging women, and going on dates.
They’re great for helping you figure out why you’re pushing women away or why you’re getting clingy but they don’t usually have a specific, measurable strategy in place to help you get out of it. That’s where I come in. The work with your therapist, paired with my MegaDating strategy and structured dating coaching program work gives you exact formulas and blueprints to follow to get your romantic life back on track.
Counselors can be helpful at boosting our self-esteem and sharing experiences through talk therapy. Once you’re ready to start dating, it’s time to MegaDate.
MegaDating
MegaDating is the process of dating various women simultaneously with the goal of meeting someone you’re compatible with in the shortest period of time possible.
It’s a proactive dating strategy designed to fine-tune your dating skills, teach you who you’re interested in, and ultimately help you find a woman you want to be with, all in a short period of time.
The first thing I’d recommend for you is to set a specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and timely goal for the number of dates you’re going to commit to going on before you get into another romantic relationship.
Put it in your mind that you have to go on 20 dates before you commit to anyone.
This might be a scary thing for you because you’ve never thought about dating this way. But if you’ve not gotten the results you wanted in your dating life up until this point, it’s time to stop the cycle of insanity.
Albert Einstein said:
And yes he actually said this.
Doing the same thing you’ve been doing all your life is what led you here. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
To learn the fine points of MegaDating you’ll have to join my program, but in a nutshell MD involves tapping into your social channels to find compatible women to date. That means meeting women in your gym class, via apps, at parties, through your friends, at your intramural volleyball league etc.
When you begin to proactively date, your social calendar will quickly fill up.
When it does you won’t have infinite time and resources to date all of these women.
This is why you’ll have to follow my blueprints for first, second, and third dates. I outline these in greater detail in my coaching programs but for the purpose of this article, they are as follows:
First Dates:
- No longer than one hour
- No more than $10 can be spent
Second Dates:
- 100% Free
- Active
Third Dates:
- Close to your apartment
- No financial restrictions
- No time restrictions
These are just a few of the MegaDating rules you should adhere to in order to make the most out of your dating life.
Exposure To Beautiful, Smart, Amazing Women
The beauty of MegaDating is that it puts you in front of women you actually want to date.
Your desire to settle, date the women the universe presents you with, and please women will all fade as you continue to expose yourself to women.
Dating around has got to be the most enjoyable form of exposure therapy there is — am I right?
The good news is, you don’t have to do this alone—the loneliness you’re feeling can come to an end my friend.
In my group coaching program, you can work alongside other successful, single men who are in your exact position.
You can have support and step-by-step guidance through the entire dating process, even into your dream relationship.
No more throwing spaghetti at the wall, hoping that something will stick. My system has helped thousands of divorced men find love after divorce.
And most importantly, we’ve helped these men avoid the red flag women they might easily fall prey to, without having a solid strategy in place.
Don’t believe me? Check out John’s story below….
So, want to see if you’re ready for MegaDating and to meet the woman you’ve been waiting for?
Book a 1-on-1 new client session with myself or a member of my team here.
During your new client introduction session we’ll discuss your dating history, talk through your current goals, and see if there is a fit to work together.