What Is Cuffing Season & How to Leverage It To Find A Long-Term Relationship
Tis the season!
Can you smell the pumpkin spice in the air? Has your house already been buried in snow — looking at you Buffalo.
You just have to love the chilly winter months, full of binge-watching, hot chocolate, seasonal weight gain, and if you’re lucky, a short-term love affair.
Cuffing season is here my friends!
Perhaps not everyone’s favorite season, but it’s at least a season worth dedicating an entire article to. Long before the term cuffing season existed, humans have been temporarily shacking up as they prepare for the cold and dark months of winter.
There’s just something about food scarcity and the threat of cold that made our ancestors want to mate-up for a few months in order to brave the winter season.
Despite our ability to weather the season much better than our ancestors we still feel this urge to partner up for the winter.
So what exactly is cuffing season and how can you use it to your advantage?
What Is Cuffing Season?
Cuffing season is the most joyous time of year when all the boys and girls dreading the coming cold decide that the best way to make it through these months is by finding a seasonal romantic partner.
But seriously, cuffing season is a scientifically backed phenomenon that compels people to enter into a serious relationship for the cold season.
But why cuffing?
It suggests a kind of desperation and indivisbility that starts more or less in November and ends around mid to late February.
Check out the schedule for this year’s cuffing season below.
From between November and February (depending on where you live) we’ll find a romantic partner to treat as our partner. Most of the time these relationships are even exclusive (even though neither party says it out loud) simply because it’s too damn cold to invest in meeting new people.
Are you really going to hop on a subway and walk thirty minutes in the cold to meet a stranger from Bumble that only had one picture where you could clearly make out their face?
Didn’t think so.
The cold is a major romantic deterrent. That’s why we opt for more monogamous winter partners and something more open in the summer.
The Science Behind Cuffing Season
Let’s get scientific about this for a second.
The change in season (particularly because of the cold and lack of light) impacts two major chemicals, melatonin and serotonin.
This drop makes us feel particularly lonely and sad during these months. Extreme cases of this can be found in those with seasonal affective disorder (SAD, what an appropriate abbreviation). SAD makes us feel, well, sad, and lonely, and zaps us of any energy we would have otherwise used to get up and out of the house.
To help fend off these feelings we look to a romantic partner, someone to pass countless hours indoors with and to up our serotonin level with some late-night snuggling by the fire.
So to help us cope we rely on a romantic partner. The thing is, we really only need this partner until the SAD wears off (so until late Feb-March).
One issue with cuffing season is that according to psychologist Susan Albers, “The downside is that needing to be in a relationship right now makes people lower their standards or expectations in a relationship. They are willing to be with people who are convenient and available versus those who truly match them.”
This abrupt desire to be in a relationship RIGHT NOW, which the doctor is referring to generally happens on November 6th. Why November 6th you ask?
Not only has Halloween passed and it’s starting to go colder and colder but because Nov. 6th is daylight savings when the entire US and many parts of the world lose an hour of daylight.
Still don’t think cuffing season is real?
More children are conceived during cuffing season, more people go Facebook official during the beginning of the chilly months, more rom-coms are rented in winter, and dating app usage goes wayyy up during cuffing season.
Them’s just the facts my friends.
Cuffing Seasons Rules Of Engagement
A relationship during cuffing season is like no other.
There’s an expectation that things will come to a close once the birds come back, but are both parties aware of this?
When it comes to a seasonal relationship it’s best to follow the following rules.
Be Clear Of Your Intentions
Spell things out plain and simple.
If you want a seasonal thing let her know. Vice versa if you’re starting to really fall for her, ask her straight up where she sees this going.
What’s important for you and her is that you’re truthful right off the bat. However, it’s understandable if you’re up to seeing where things go. Perhaps you’re inviting her over to the house so often because you love having a warm body to cuddle up with and she makes bangin’ hot chocolate, BUT you’re also willing to see where things go.
If this is the case voice that.
However, when you’re certain of your feelings let her know.
Tell her you love her company but that you don’t see this turning into a long-term relationship.
Being upfront and honest will set the tone for the relationship and ultimately strengthen the dynamic. Uncertainty can quickly squash and flame you were trying so hard to kindle during these winter months.
Define The Relationship
When you do have the relationship talk be precise with the language you use.
Clearly define the relationship.
Don’t be afraid to hurt her. If you don’t want a long-term relationship the best thing you can do is to tell her then and there. Make things easier for her by telling her how awesome she is but finish with the reason why you don’t see you two in a LTR (or don’t disclose that info until she asks). When giving her a reason simply say you two aren’t compatible or you just haven’t felt that spark.
If you want something more short-term, again start with compliments and that you’re just living in the moment and enjoying her and that you don’t want anything serious.
Make this talk easier by checking in with each other about feelings via micro-talks. Every once in a while check-in and ask her how she’s feeling about the relationship. Also ask her what she’s looking for and tell her what you’re looking for. This way the talk need not be so dramatic and can happen in a more organic way.
Dating Other People
There may come a time when you want to date other people (or are already doing so). This is info you want to let her know sooner than later.
You’d feel awful leading her on and having her believe you two are exclusive when you’re most definitely not.
After a first or second date ask her if she’s seeing other people. Regardless of her response tell her you too are seeing other people. This sets the tone and lets her know right off the bat that you’re seeing other people. If she isn’t 100% aware you’re dating around, let her know.
Don’t Talk About The Future With Her
What is cuffing season if not the perfect time to have a short-term fling?
But if that’s the case why would you talk about the future with her?
Why dangle the thought that you two could be more in front of her face when you know the relationship has an expiration date?
Don’t talk about what lies beyond the cold winter months unless you’re serious about being with her long-term.
Don’t Invite Her To Meet Your Parents
As far as no-nos go for cuffing season this is the biggest.
Don’t invite her to meet your friends and certainly not to holiday gatherings if the purpose of the seasonship is only for her to come over and watch rom-coms with you.
It can be tempting to bring someone over for the holidays. If you are going to bring her make sure the dynamic is clear.
She’s there so your parents don’t bother you about getting a GF and so you have a reason to dip out after an hour or so.
Sorry we have to visit Sarah’s family and they live like three hours away, thanks for the socks!
An Alternative To Cuffing Season
It’s super compelling to shack up with a less-than-ideal partner for a few months.
But there is an alternative.
One is to brave the winter months single or with the help of friends.
The second (and way more fun way) is to MegaDate.
MegaDating is a proactive dating approach that we teach in our program Dating Decoded.
It involves dating various women at once in order to cut down on the time it takes to find a long-term partner (also cause it’s super fun).
We help you find women to date by showing you how to tap various social circles in order to find super-compatible women.
MegaDating is proactive and will set you on a dating journey that sees you date multiple women a month. In this way you won’t settle down for a short-term fling but will quickly find a serious partner in no time.
We don’t teach men how to find a woman just for cuffing season, but for life.
Let me or a member of my team show you how when you book a 1-on-1 Zoom call now.
If you’d like to learn more about how we change lives, just check out what our students are saying about us.