Are you dating a woman with ADHD? If the answer is yes, I’m guessing that this is something she has revealed to you and not just an assumption. If she has already told you she has ADHD — GREAT!

Adult ADHD can often go unnoticed in women, causing the undiagnosed person much frustration in everyday life. Her knowledge of the disorder means that she has likely gotten some treatment (which can include a combination of medication and lifestyle changes) and learned how to cope with some of the complications that come with having ADHD.

However, if you simply suspect that you are dating a woman with ADHD, some of these symptoms I will list in just a moment may ring true to you. And, whether she is diagnosed or not, the dates I list will be helpful to her and fun for the both of you.

What is Adult ADHD?

Adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is characterized by issues with paying attention, restlessness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, among other things.

It’s extremely important to note that ADHD is different for women. When we think of ADHD, a picture that often comes to mind is a hyperactive boy. But women who suffer from ADHD often fly under the radar since the symptoms don’t really fit that image.

Women who have ADHD often have symptoms that include:

-Forgetfulness

-Difficulty getting organized

-Scattered thinking

-Trouble balancing money

-Messiness (i.e., her room, home or workspace is persistently cluttered)

Moreover, women with ADHD tend to be less hyperactive and impulsive than their male counterparts. They are often more introverted and — when undiagnosed — they consider their symptoms to be a personal flaw. Many women with undiagnosed ADHD also suffer from anxiety and depression. They feel ashamed of their inability to get organized and fulfill their potential, all while watching others of equal intelligence handle certain tasks seamlessly.

Tips When Dating a Women with ADHD

Approach the Subject Kindly and With Compassion

If you have been dating a woman with ADHD for a while (as in, you guys are exclusive and entering or in a committed, long-term relationship) and suspect they have undiagnosed ADHD, you can approach the subject with them from a place of compassion.

You never want to be blunt (i.e., “Do you have ADHD?”) or bring up the topic in an insensitive way. If your girlfriend has been showing symptoms and seems embarrassed or frustrated by these symptoms, here is an example of the type of thing you can say to broach the subject:

“I notice that you’ve been really hard on yourself for forgetting things and having some problems getting organized. I hate to see you upset and want to be able to offer support if I can. I’ve read some things about adult ADHD and I think it’s possible that could be something that causes things to be difficult for you sometimes. It’s a really common thing and nothing to be embarrassed about. There are lots of great tips online and treatment options that I think could make you feel a lot better if that’s what’s been going on. We can look up some stuff together if you want.”

Ultimately, she will have to decide whether or not she wants to address the situation and get help. But knowing that you are supportive and don’t judge her can be a HUGE help and benefit your relationship.

Be Patient and Kind

Dating a woman with ADHD may be frustrating at times due to a tendency to be forgetful and disorganized. Remember to practice patience and don’t react out of stress or frustration. She’s likely very embarrassed when her ADHD interferes with your dating life and has already beat herself up about it.

If she has trouble remembering your plans or scheduling things, try to strategize ways to keep things on track together. Maybe that involves you sending her a reminder text or her setting reminders on her phone to ensure she is ready and prepared for plans. If she forgets things like keys a lot, suggest she get a key hook to place her keys on each night.

As mentioned, clutter can be a big issue for people who have ADHD. If you’re a self-proclaimed neat freak, a look into her room or car may make you feel like THIS on the inside.

Yeah, hold back on that sort of a reaction.

There are several ways that people with ADHD can design their space so that organization is able to come more naturally. Check out these tips from ADDitude for some ideas.

And finally, clumsiness can be a symptom of adult ADHD as well. If she drops or spills something when you’re on a date, don’t groan or make a joke (that’s mean) out of it. Let her know it happens all the time and try to make her smile by saying like, “Hey that glass had it coming anyway. I’ve been getting bad vibes from it since we got here.”

If she ends up tripping, slipping, or taking a tumble (which, by the way, THAT IS THE WORST when it’s in public and it’s you), first make sure she’s OK without making a big scene out of it. And once she is, refer back to making her smile. You can say something like, “Glad to see you’re falling for me!”

Smiling and laughter are contagious, and it will really put her at ease if you turn an embarrassing situation into one you two can laugh about later.

Make Your Dates More Physical

Exercise is great for people with ADHD because it increases brain function and boosts mood. There are several different ways you can get more physical when dating a woman with ADHD. Here are some ideas to get you started:

-Take a hike

-Go for a bike ride

-Take a dance or group exercise class

-Take a partner yoga class

-Take a long walk on the beach

-Play mini-golf

-Throw a frisbee around and then have a picnic in the park

Here’s some more physical second date ideas to choose from

Make Your Dates More Fulfilling

Although having ADHD can cause daily struggles, it is important for you to know when dating a woman with ADHD that she is so much more than her disorder. In fact, women with ADHD can be super creative, sensitive and extremely intelligent, which is one of the many reasons they can become particularly upset when they can’t meet their goals in the same timeframe as other people seem to.

People with ADHD tend to be better at focusing when they are doing something that they care about. When choosing a date, pay attention to their interests and plan what you are going to do based on that.

The following examples can be very fulfilling options when dating a woman with ADHD:

-Volunteering

-Visiting a museum

-Going to a paint night

-A romantic dinner with stimulating conversation

-More second date ideas that’ll knock her socks off

Find environments that stimulate her and you so that you can both be happily distracted.

Make Your Dates Move

When dating someone with adhd, don’t simply sit “interview style” during a date. Even if you don’t get super active during a date, do something that forces you to move around, at least at some point. Consider the following:

-Going on a wine or brewery tour

-Visiting a farmer’s market

-Going bowling

-Taking a walk around a lake or park after a day date

Make Your Dates More Adventurous

Stimulate her senses with a more adventurous type of date where she can enjoy the rush of giving into (safe and controlled) impulses. Here are a few ideas to help you get started:

-Visit an indoor climbing wall and practice your rock climbing skills

-Go on a real-life treasure hunt with geocaching

-Visit a haunted house attraction

-Go on a roller-coaster or other exciting rides at a local theme park

-Try zip lining

-Here’s a list of cheap, fun date ideas to make your date more adventurous

Get Out in Nature

Several studies have shown a link between experiencing nature and happiness. There are several ways you can incorporate nature into your date. Even sitting outside at a restaurant near the water can provide you with some nice, relaxing scenery.

When dating a woman with ADHD, consider my aforementioned suggestion of hiking or cycling down a scenic route. You can also take a brisk walk in a park or, if it’s fall, go on a hayride or visit a corn maze.

Simply being around the elements has a calming effect that will help both of you have a nice, stress-free time together.

Need More Assistance?

You may be in a relationship or at the very early stages of dating a woman with ADHD. If you’re looking for some personalized help, I’ve got you covered.

Visit my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me today.