Are you the guy your friends are always making fun of for jumping from one relationship to another?
It seems like at every party your friend throws, you have a new girlfriend by your side.
It’s not like you want to jump around, sometimes it just feels like you can’t help it.
It’s a pattern that has gone on long enough. Now you want to change your romantic ways and stay in a meaningful relationship for far longer than your previous record of a month or so.
If you’re always lamenting that my relationship never lasts more than a month we have a few reasons why that might be and what you can do about it.
My Relationships Never Last More Than A Month
Let’s explore why your relationships are always so short-lived and provide solutions to help you enjoy your relationships longer than ever before.
The Novelty Ended
Every relationship has a bell curve.
In the very beginning of a relationship, you’re infatuated. You can’t stop thinking about this person; you want to be with them at all times and can even smell them when they’re miles away.
That’s what early romance does to the mind.
But in time, this infatuation transforms. Generally speaking, a romantic relationship that goes the distance will shift from infatuation to romantic love to companionship.
Yet, for some reason, your relationship doesn’t seem to be doing this.
Your phases are being sped up for some reason.
It might be possible that you get tired of people quickly. Has that been the case in your past romantic and platonic relationships?
What’s also possible is that you see this person every day or every other day for a month straight that by the end of the one-month period you’re already sick of them.
If this is the case, try to limit how often you see your new flame.
Try seeing her two times a week max. Doing so will keep some mystery, fan the flames, and build sexual tension.
Avoidant Attachment Style
Does everything seem to be going swimmingly before a strong desire to run away ambushes you? You can’t exactly articulate why you feel this way, but all of a sudden, you feel like the walls are moving in, and you need to get out. So you blow up a perfect relationship.
If this happens in every relationship you enter into, chances are it’s because you have an avoidant attachment style. You probably developed this style as a child. Perhaps your parents teetered between showering you with love before emotionally distancing themselves. Chances are this style of affection rubbed off on you.
If you think you have an avoidant attachment style, the first step in addressing it is identifying it and accepting that this is your style. Only then can you begin the process of working to change it.
Lack Of Communication
Are you really communicating what you want?
Are you making it clear you want to see her more or less often?
Solid communication (especially early on) can make or break a relationship. Nascent relationships are delicate and require solid communication. Being hot and cold is a major turn-off.
Maybe you two go a week or so without texting because you’re both afraid to reveal your cards too soon. As a consequence, you both think the other one isn’t interested when it couldn’t be further from the truth.
Don’t waste time playing mind games.
Instead, tell her how you really feel.
Also, avoid any miscommunication by giving her a few days notice when asking her out. If you’re asking her out the day of, chances are she’ll be busy. Instead, give her two or three days notice.
Lying About What You Really Want
This goes both ways.
Are you both being straight-up with each other?
Are you telling her what you really want in a relationship?
Because if you’re saying one thing but feeling another, the relationship is bound to end sooner than later, especially if you’re MegaDating.
Saying you’re cool with keeping it casual while you really want a serious partner means you’ll ditch her the second you find someone better.
Be honest.
If she isn’t looking for the same things, it’s best you cut your losses now. There’s no point in investing in someone with conflicting romantic expectations.
You’re Not Ready To Shed Bad Habits
Even though you’re consistently dating one woman, do you still find yourself behaving like a bachelor?
Do you prefer nights out with friends instead of spending time with her, going on weekend trips without her, and drinking a bit too much?
These bachelor habits may be turning her off to the point that she doesn’t see a future with you.
When you begin dating her she’ll want to spend time with you and be seen as a priority. If you’re in a relationship she may not stick around long enough to give you a chance to change. Seeing early on that you’re unwilling to change may be a red flag for her. She may get out before she’s too invested.
Or maybe you’re just not making as many sacrifices as she’d like.
Maybe you’re not willing to watch her shows, eat her food, meet her friends, or do the little favors she asks of you.
Check your ego at the door. Now that you’re with someone else, you can’t always do what you want to do. But that should be a good thing. You should enjoy meeting her friends (to a degree), watching her shows (again, to a degree), and integrating more and more into her life.
Not Deleting Apps Like You Promised
Why do you need a dating app if you’re in a monogamous relationship?
Unless you’re using BFF mode in Bumble, you have no reason to have dating apps on your phone.
Having easily accessible dating apps on your phone not only gives her reason not to trust you but also tempts you to stray or at least imagine you can do better.
There are millions of women on dating apps. The moment you’re slightly bored, you could easily find yourself swiping away, looking for something “better.”
Instead of being distracted, focus on your relationship.
You’ve been dating around for long enough. Focus your energy on your relationship and enjoy your new partner.
Not Telling The Other Woman You’ve Been Dating You’re In A Relationship
Even worse than keeping your plethora of dating apps on your phone is not telling your other flames that it’s time to put them out.
Dump a bucket of water on them before it’s too late.
If you’re wondering why my relationships never last more than a month, it’s because you’re not fully committed.
I’m not suggesting you’re a serial cheater, but you are a serial half-asser.
To truly be with someone, you have to sever ties with the other women you’ve been dating. Not doing so means you’re willing to step outside your relationship at a moment’s notice.
Keeping women on the back burner means they still rent space in your mind. Instead of being fully invested, you’ve already got something lined up the second your relationship lets you down.
When it comes to a monogamous relationship, you have to put all your eggs in one basket.
I know we all have romantic FOMO. We all think our great love is out there just a swipe away. But when we’re in a relationship we have to assume the one we’re with can be that great love. We just can’t get distracted.
It’s okay if you don’t know if she’s the one going into the relationship — you’re not supposed to, there will always be a bit of uncertainty.
But you are supposed to like her more than anyone you’ve dated recently. You are supposed to have a feeling that you truly want to be with her.
If you can’t find that feeling, don’t rush into a relationship.
Not Introducing Her To Friends and Family
If you were really into her you’d be stoked to introduce her to friends and family.
But lately, have you been finding reasons not to integrate her into your life?
She’ll notice these attempts immediately. When you’re partners, she’ll expect a certain level of integration.
Ask yourself why you’re reluctant to introduce her to friends and family. In the back of your mind, are you really invested in this relationship, or is it just easy?
Are you embarrassed by her/do you really respect her?
If she doesn’t feel included, she’ll ditch you. She knows there are other men who would love to show her off to the world.
The Solution: Relationship Decoded
We help men find their best partner and then help them create a thriving romantic relationship. If you’re still on the journey to find that partner, we recommend using Dating Decoded. If you think you’ve already found her but are having issues adjusting to the partnered life, let Relationship Decoded help you.
In this program, you’ll learn how to save a relationship that’s on the rocks. Through our all-coaching, no-therapy approach we give you concrete actionable steps you can take to work on yourself that will improve your relationship.
You’ll learn the ins and outs of relationships via our:
- Private coaching
- Weekly coaching
- Supportive community
- Online curriculum and workbook
To learn more about Relationship Decoded book a 1-on-1 Zoom call with one of our coaches.
During our call, we’ll go over your dating history and see how our program, Relationship Decoded, can help you find a lifetime partner.