You know you’re in an unhealthy situation when the theme song of your relationship is Britney Spear’s Toxic.
If the sub-par falsetto isn’t enough of a sign, the backhanded compliments, gaslighting, and rude behavior should be.
Whatever the case may be, these are all signs of a toxic relationship.
Toxic Relationships
Figuring out if your relationship is toxic and what to do about it requires planning and tact.
To determine if your relationship is toxic or not, you first need to identify red flags.
Identify Red Flags
How do you even know you’re in a toxic relationship?
The first step towards liberation is recognizing that you’re in a mentally damaging relationship.
Here are some telltale signs of a toxic relationship:
- Constant correcting even when corrections are minor
- Sexual manipulation
- Poor communication (conversations are full of sarcasm, biting remarks, insults)
- Controlling behavior
- Makes you feel guilty, and unnecessarily places blame
- Belittles you in front of others
- Constant lying
- Never listens or shows signs of empathy
If a partner displays just one of these signs, be wary of continuing a relationship with them.
It can be incredibly difficult to identify the signs.
Here are three tips to help you see the signs:
1) Ask a friend to help you discern unhealthy behavior.
2) Jot down how you felt and how they behaved after a recent interaction.
3) Date around. Dating around will help put their treatment of you into perspective by comparing how others treat you compared to how they treat you.
We often feel as though we’re deserving of negative treatment. That we’re worthy of the toxic behavior.
That isn’t true.
The sooner you recognize abnormal treatment the quicker you’ll be able to press the abort button and head for greener pastures.
Get Financially Sorted
Prepare for the worst.
If she’s toxic, she’ll likely fight to the death in regard to financial matters.
She’ll want you to pay the rent, try to take money from a joint bank account, and maybe even steal your physical belongings.
Make sure your money is secure and that she doesn’t have access to any accounts she shouldn’t have access to.
Even go so far as to change passwords to shared streaming services if you think that might compromise your financial wellbeing.
When you are ready to end this toxic relationship for good, make sure that you have an apartment or home already lined up. If she’s living in your home, make sure you’ve spoken to the right authorities, are ready to change locks, and do what needs to be done to ensure she not only leaves but can’t come back to your home.
Test The Waters
You never know how your partner or the woman you’re dating will respond when you end things.
This is especially true if they’re a mercurial and emotionally unstable person.
For this reason, I propose a test.
Tell them you need a couple of days alone to sort things out. Tell them you’ve been having a stressful time at work and with friends and that you just need to be alone from the world.
See how they react to this.
If they accept this, no questions asked, it may be easier than you expected to end things.
If they become hostile, then expect and plan for the worst when you stop seeing them.
Tell Them How You Feel (Before A Breakup)
She’ll be taken completely off guard if you don’t tell her how you feel prior to a breakup.
There might be a chance she’s unaware of how her actions make you feel. Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume (during the early stages of abuse) that there’s a chance she doesn’t know how toxic her treatment is.
The only way she’ll know is if you vocalize your discomfort.
But use tact when doing so.
Clinical psychologist and author Doctor Carla Marie Manly advises addressing issues as they arise with brief and direct comments, “I feel hurt when you swear at me. I’m leaving the party now and hope that next time you will talk kindly to me.”
Also, try to keep the spotlight on your feelings.
Use “I” as opposed to “you” statements.
Calling out their behavior may lead to change.
If you’ve never voiced your discontent, it’s possible that your partner wasn’t aware of how harmful their behavior was. If this is the case you may want to give them a chance to change.
Write A Script
This is a big help when ending toxic relationships with women who just aren’t right for you any longer.
When the time comes you don’t want to improvise.
One wrong word can set them off.
Know exactly when, where, how, and what you’re going to say.
If you’re going to break up with her do so in a semi-public or private place. Only break up in private if you can easily flee the scene afterward. You may want to break up in a semi-public place if you think she’ll make a scene.
When it comes to what to say, prepare your little speech before you get there.
Practice what you’ll say and make it as short and sweet as possible.
However, be sure to make one thing clear — this is it.
It’s over.
Finnito.
The relationship is dead. You shot it behind the barn. No amount of therapy, compliments, or apologies could make things better. You two are never ever ever getting back together.
Break Up From Afar
How you break up with someone (ghost, text, phone call, in-person, etc.) depends on how long you went out with them and the climate of the relationship.
Hell, even ghosting is okay if you’ve only gone on one or two dates.
Under normal circumstances, this is how you should break up according to how long you went out with her:
1-2 Dates – Ghost (or better, don’t reach until she does, and then respond). If she does, just tell her you don’t think you two are compatible and wish her the best of luck.
3-6 Dates – Text
7-10 Dates – Call/In-Person
11+ Dates – In-Person
But these are under normal conditions.
If the person’s toxic, that changes everything.
In this case I’d recommend creating as much distance as possible. If you’ve been dating for months or even years, the safest thing for you to do is end things via phone.
Calling her and having a conversation at a distance will mitigate the chances she’ll want to follow up and harass you with texts at all hours in her attempt to get answers and seek finality.
Block Her
After your phone call it’ll be tempting to immediately block them on all your social media channels.
I’d wait a few days to do so.
Having her find out you’ve blocked her right after breaking up can compound her feelings and lead her to lash out. Wait a few days until the dust settles to do so.
I also advise informing her that you’ll be blocking her on SM. Tell her you think it’s best for the both of you if you severe all forms of contact, including SM.
This way she won’t feel ambushed.
Fu*k Her
At the end of the day, it’s all about your safety and how you feel.
You’re not taking the aforementioned precautions because you feel about her feelings. Rather, you’re taking them because you don’t want a toxic person becoming your worst enemy and turning into a stalker.
You should have stopped caring about her feelings the moment she started acting toxic towards you.
All this planning and tact is done so that you can make a clean exit.
Ready Yourself For The Backlash
She may not go quietly into the night.
She might just bombard you with messages, talk shit about you with your friends or worse.
Prepare for the worst.
This means:
- Finding living arrangements
- Informing friends and families of what’s happening so they provide support
- Spending time with friends to take your mind off what’s happening
- Shore up financial and sensitive information
- Be ready to contact the authorities if necessary
Prepare for the worst.
How To Avoid Toxic Women
Avoid having to end toxic relationships by never entering them in the first place.
The easiest — and most enjoyable — way to do so is via MegaDating.
For those that didn’t watch the video above, MegaDating is all about dating various women in quick succession.
That means dating Sharon on Tuesday, Beth on Thursday, and Sarah on Sunday.
Dating women simultaneously is like taking a car for a test drive before you buy it — because a monogamous relationship is a major commitment.
Before dating one person exclusively you want to know how they compare to others.
The only way to find out is to date around.
Doing so will also help you avoid toxic women. It’s a lot easier to see red flags when you have healthy and unhealthy interactions one right after the other.
MegaDating is a slower version of speed dating.
It exposes you to a range of people and personalities in a short period of time.
However before breaking up you may want to give your relationship one last chance. If you do, consider enrolling in our relationship program. Here you’ll learn the skills you need to salvage even the more dire of relationships.
Take Notes
After every date, run home and take notes. Literally, bust out a pad and pen or an Excel spreadsheet and write down your thoughts on the date.
Take notes on how they interacted with you, what you liked, didn’t like, the weird things they said, and other nuances that differentiate them from others.
Compare these notes after every date.
Doing so will help you identify red flags as well as patterns of attraction. It can also help realign your attraction barometer.
Dating Decoded
Dating one individual leads you to believe there’s no one else out there for you and that you must settle.
You never have to settle for someone.
There are always more fish in the sea. But you won’t know that until you start fishing.
MegaDating puts the reel in your hands.
Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.
To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.
Our Team
- Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
- Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
- Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
- Darshil is a confidence coach, wingman, and all around great guy to have on your team. Once student, now a teacher he knows what you’re going through and how to get the most from your dating life
- Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
- Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
- Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
- Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online
Our Community
And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.
Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.
If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.
Hear what’s going on in our clients’ dating lives.
