Dating a woman with kids comes with several pros and cons. Many people balk at the idea of dating a woman with kids, but nowadays it is more and more likely that you will build a connection with a single parent.
According to statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau, millions of children are being raised in single-family homes and a majority of those homes are being headed by the mother.
Aside from unwed mothers, approximately 50% of Amercian marriages end in divorce, leaving several divorcees on the market sharing child custody with a previous spouse.
If you find yourself in a situation where you start dating a woman with kids, you may not know what to do, particularly when it’s unknown territory. While I would never advise anyone against dating a woman with kids, it’s important to take inventory of the challenges that can come with that situation. Take a look below for 12 cons of dating a woman with kids.
Cons of Dating a Woman with Kids #1: Ex Drama
Plenty of single mothers have a cordial relationship with their ex, but there’s also a possibility of drama. And the thing about dating a woman with kids is — that if there is drama with the ex — there’s no way around it.
She is going to be bonded for life with this person because of her children, which means you will also have to deal with whatever curveballs that guy throws, without ever having the luxury of him being completely out of the picture.
Con #2: Wild Nights and Hangovers Aren’t an Option
If you’re still at a stage in your life where you enjoy getting wild and loose, know that you’re not going to be able to partake in that type of debauchery when dating a woman with kids.
Parents need to be role models to their children, which means stumbling through the door at 3 am is simply not a good look. In fact, it could even have legal repercussions.
Single moms also deal with a limited sleep schedule, being that they probably need to drop kids off at school in the morning and attend different school events.
This doesn’t mean you won’t be able to enjoy your time with a single mom or that single moms don’t know how to party. But the freedom to get totally wild and make mistakes isn’t really an option for parents.
Con #3: Brace Yourself for Schedule Changes
If you’re dating a woman with kids, you need to prepare yourself for things to change at the last minute. If an emergency comes up with one of her kids, she will need to drop everything. Even if you plan a weekend away with her, she will need to rush home if something happens to one of her children.
Con #4: Your Stress May Feel Insignificant
They say that being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have to do and it’s true. When you’re dating a woman with a child and you don’t have children of your own, you may feel like your stresses are insignificant compared to hers.
Along with maintaining her own income, she is singlehandedly caring for little ones, and she may even be doing it without any help from the biological father.
You might feel like you can’t complain to her about your issues or bemoan a lack of sleep because — let’s face it — she probably hasn’t gotten a decent amount of sleep since her children were born.
Of course, you shouldn’t have to feel like your problems are trivial. Communication is going to be key to a relationship with someone who has children.
Con #5: You’re Not Her Top Priority
You’re not going to be this woman’s top priority. More importantly, you shouldn’t be this woman’s top priority. She’s a mother first and a girlfriend second. If this is something that you can’t handle, you need to steer clear of dating a woman with children.
Con #6: Her Kids Might Not Like You
You have to face the reality that her kids might not warm up to you at first, and they may never warm up to you. You can’t predict that situation until you’re in it. If her children don’t like you, it’s not a 100% guarantee that the relationship won’t work out, but it can definitely present challenges that threaten the connection between the two of you.
Con #7: You Might Not Like Her Kids
Even worse than a scenario where her children don’t warm up to you is one where you just plain don’t like her kids. I’m not saying that you would be malicious toward them, but when there are children in a situation and they aren’t your biological children, you just can’t predict whether or not you will click until you meet them.
And if you don’t like her kids, the relationship is not going to work out. Period. Remember that she and her children are a package deal, and if you can’t accept the entire package, it’s not the right relationship for either of you.
Con #8: You Need to Step Into the Role of a Parent
There is a difference between “liking kids” and being able to step into the role of a parent. If you date a single mom and eventually get married, that makes you a stepfather to her children. Blended families are nothing unique in this day and age and plenty of men and women make amazing stepparents who love their stepchildren and truly become an important facet of their lives.
However, ask yourself if that’s something you want and would be able to truly handle. That brings me to my next point.
Con #9: If You Don’t Want Kids, You’re in Trouble
Let’s say that you don’t want kids. That’s completely fine. Lots of people today, particularly millennials, are choosing to forego having children. You might think that, because the woman’s children aren’t yours, that it doesn’t matter that you don’t want children.
But although you won’t (and should never attempt to) be replacing the child’s real father, you are going to have to act parentally if you and this woman become serious. She and her children are a package deal, and it won’t be healthy for your relationship or the children if you treat the kids as something entirely separate from your relationship.
No matter what, you and her children will end up inextricably linked if you end up together.
Con #10: She Might Not Want to Have More Kids
Let’s take a look at a different scenario. Let’s say that you want to have children of your own. She already has kids and that may mean that she doesn’t want to have more. You might have to deal with the fact that having biological children of your own isn’t in your future if you stay with her.
Con #11: Crazy Sexcapades? Think Again
Sex is an extremely important part of any romantic relationship. But when you’re dating a woman with kids, you can’t bank on having crazy sexcapades because let’s face it, you don’t want to scar those kids for life by being super loud when it comes to knocking boots with their mom. In fact, she may not want to have sex with you at all unless the kids are not in the house or if you go to your place.
That’s not to say that you can’t enjoy a healthy sex life when dating a woman with kids, but it can definitely get tricky.
Con #12: A Breakup Could Be Doubly Hard
I’ve talked a lot about scenarios where you don’t warm up to the woman’s children, if they don’t warm up to you, or if dating a woman with kids makes it difficult for you to move forward by having your own biological children.
But there’s another very important thing to consider. Maybe you will get along with her children extremely well.
In fact, you might not just get along with her children — you may get extremely attached to her children. If this happens, and you and the woman end up breaking up, that breakup is going to be especially difficult. You won’t just be losing a woman, you’ll be losing her children too.
But keep in mind, I have seen circumstances where the bond is so strong between the boyfriend and her kids, that you’d still be able to communicate with them as they grow into adulthood. This works especially well if the woman you’re dating (and then break up with) has kids in junior high or high school. The kids are much more likely to want to continue their friendship with you.
Other Things to Consider
This article is intended to give you some insight into the cons of dating a woman with kids, but that doesn’t mean I’m saying you should avoid dating a woman simply because she has children. There are pros and cons to everything, and dating a woman with kids can come with some amazing benefits, despite the challenges that a relationship can bring.
Single mothers are patient, independent and strong. They are less likely to be looking to go out, party and sleep with a bunch of randos because they want a stable, fulfilling relationship in order to set a good example for their children. Single mothers will also appreciate the fact that you don’t look at her children as “baggage” and she will show you how much she appreciates this by giving her all to the relationship.
One of the best ways you can explore dating a woman with kids — while also being wary of the potential challenges — is through MegaDating.
MegaDating is a dating strategy that can help singles reach their dating goals faster. When you MegaDate, you go on dates with several different people at the same time in order to keep your calendar full.
MegaDating is not about sneaking around or trying to hook up with a bunch of people. It is simply a process where you learn more about yourself and what you want in a relationship by opening yourself to a variety of dating opportunities.
I used MegaDating as my main dating strategy during my 100-date experiment. It helped me see that there is plenty of fish in the sea and eventually led me to a fulfilling, long-term relationship. It can do the same for you!
A Better Way to Date
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