The definition of a real man is being rewritten every day.

Every woman (and every man) has a unique definition of what a real man is.

Real men aren’t the monolithic breadwinning protectors they used to be thought of. Women and men no longer have posters of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood plastered all over their walls.

The modern real man is multi-faceted, constantly evolving, and would most likely get into a fistfight (but is more likely to use his words) if he got into it with an old-school real man. 

As gender norms are in flux, it’s the question of what a woman considers a real man to be that has been plaguing men.

To address your doubts, we’ll dive into the most(ly) universal traits women use to define a real man.

Definition Of A Real Man

Disclaimer: We’ve already said it but we’ll say it again – every woman will have her own definition of a real man. An Italian nonna in her 80s might define a real man as stern, a financial provider, and demands that his wife stays home and takes care of the family. Meanwhile, a progressive Gen Zer might believe that a man doesn’t even have to have a penis to be considered a real man.

There is no universal definition. However, there are certain traits that most women would use to characterize a real man.

We’re going to discuss those traits and leave the nuances to real women.

A Real Man Stands By His Word

You don’t need to be so ripped that you have to register your arms as weapons to be considered a real man.

One important quality that women use to distinguish boys from men is that they can keep their word. 

That means showing up to dates on time, telling the truth, not being fickle, and knowing what he wants.

Think back to your earlier days. No doubt you had made plans with friends and women only for them to cancel at the same minute, not text back on time, poorly communicate or arrive 30 minutes late. That’s behavior you’re likely to see in a younger, more immature person.

Real men on the other hand do what they say they will do.

A man who is consistent and true to his word is sexy. A man who can be depended upon is one a woman can see herself building a future with. If you want to be seen as a serious prospect, stand by what you say.

Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But It’s Been In Hibernation

When men think of being chivalrous, they tend to think of the classic examples of holding the door open for a woman and giving her their coat when they get cold.

These are beautiful ways to demonstrate chivalry, but they’re fabulously old-world.

They harken back to simpler and more sexist times when, frankly, men were held to lower standards.

The new rules of chivalry demand different behavior and ask that men adapt to more modern times.

Here are a few ways you can behave chivalrously in the 2020s.

• Supporting her in her professional goals
• Being there for her emotionally when she needs you
• Really listening to her deeply and valuing what she says
• Planning out high-quality dates instead of winging it or putting in minimal effort
• He takes your side

These are all forms of modern chivalry. Don’t get me wrong, women still love and often expect men to pay the bill on the first couple of dates, pull the chair out for them, and text to make sure they got home safe. However, what being chivalrous means has expanded in this modern and more equal world.

You may need to adapt to these modern times or else risk going the way of the silent film.

Makes An Effort To Grow

Real men are not stagnant. In one shape or form they learn, push themselves, and explore the world around them.

The growth I’m referring to doesn’t even have to be professional. It could simply mean picking up a new hobby, training for a 10k, reading more books, connecting more with your family, understanding a woman’s perspective, etc.

All she expects from her real man is that he is changing for the better each and every year. You don’t need to master the piano to be considered a man of growth. All that needs to happen is an attempt at a change in perspective.

A Real Man Need Not Drive A Fancy Car Or Be Rich

If being a real man meant being wealthy, the vast majority of men would be considered posers.

Women aren’t as out for gold as men might think.

Sure, money will catch the eye of a woman, but a woman can consider her man a real one regardless of how new his car is or if he sits first class when he flies. And yes money is important in a relationship. A woman will second guess going out with or starting a relationship with a man who is struggling financially and professionally.

So long as you have a steady income OR are diligently working to improve your financial situation, that is all most women care about.

Thankfully, most of us focus on more important qualities when deciding whether to invest in a man or not.

He’s Okay With Who He Is

A man who pretends to be someone else isn’t a real man. He’s not a real anything. If he isn’t comfortable with himself and is always covering up his less desirable traits and habits with bandaids, then he isn’t a real man.

This is different than a man in growth. A growing man knows what he wants and is willing to strive to attain it. A man who is not okay with who he is but doesn’t strive to make the necessary changes is not someone women want to be with.

Even more so if he covers up traits he does not approve of with lies and deceit.

He’s Emotionally Stable

Think of manly men from the past.

Some men that come to mind are General Patton, Ernest Hemingway and of course, James Bond.

Yet, if we really examine these people, we see that they’re all clinically unstable men.

Patton was a megalomaniac, Hemingway was a heavy drinker who ultimately (most likely) committed suicide), and Bond was a misogynist and serial rapist.

These were all considered archetypes of real men, yet but today’s standards they’d be viewed as sloven, unscrupulous, and some even criminals.

Women today want a stable man. This is evidenced by the cliche popping up on dating apps, where women write that a man in therapy is either a must-have or a turn-on. This is an extreme, but women today expect their men to be emotionally stable.

Be A Feminist

Times have changed. If you’re not willing to change with them you might be left behind.

Your new lady might not explicitly demand that you be a feminist, but she’ll certainly want you to behave like one.

So how does a male feminist behave?

For one, ditch the petty sexist jokes. They’re cheap, not as witty as you think, and are more than likely hurting your chances of having a serious relationship with a serious woman.

She wants to be treated like your equal. That means giving her the same respect she gives you. So listen to her, support her career, compliment her on more than just her smile, and treat her as you would an equal. 

It’s really that simple.

Some women will ask for more, but this is a good starting point.

Be Confident

It’s okay if you’re not dressed to the nines, have the most perfect haircut, are donning a $500 watch, or are ripped. When you approach her, the most important thing is your confidence. A man who has the former but not the latter is a scarecrow of a man.

It doesn’t matter if you’re not what you think is the ideal real man. If you’re confident on your date she’ll see that you’re a man who is confident in who he is.

Confidence is sexier than any sports car.

But I can understand how it’s difficult to be confident around women when you may not have dated much recently.

Dating Decoded

Confidence isn’t innate, it’s learned. 

At emlovz we teach our students how to build confidence and quickly find their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town, you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.