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She Likes Me But Has a Boyfriend. What Should I Do?

She Likes Me But Has a Boyfriend. What Should I Do?

“She likes me but has a boyfriend.” I hear this from a new client of mine every month.

Despite what rom-coms make us believe, we all should want an easy romantic relationship. 

Who in the right mind would want to make a woman with amnesia fall in love with him every single day or stumble upon love after hiring prostitute to pose as his girlfriend? 



But an easy romance isn’t always possible. 

Sometimes we just happen to catch feelings for someone that is already partnered up. Of course, you can always turn your back on your feelings and look elsewhere for more eligible bachelorettes, but there’s just something about this woman that makes you want to fight. That’s cool. Just be ready to bloody some knuckles. 

Of course, I’m not suggesting fighting her partner to the death, gladiator style, though I am suggesting that the journey towards romantic victory might be akin to a rom-com one yet lasts much longer than an hour and a half. 

You’re not the first guy to fall for a woman with a boyfriend. Like I said, many a client of mine has come to me lamenting that “she likes me but has a boyfriend.” Together we’ll touch on various scenarios my clients found themselves in and how we found solutions for their romantic obstacles. 

She Likes Me But Has a Boyfriend, What Do I Do? 

No matter the scenario you must always keep your wits about you.

Maintaining your dignity in the face of rejection isn’t easy. Never raise your voice, call her a liar, or make the situation any more awkward than it already is. Instead, make light of the situation. Through your playful response signal to her that you’re not letting the rejection get to you and that you still have the hots for her despite this new information.

Scenario 1: She Thinks of You As A Friend & Is Letting You Down Easy 

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She likes you, she just doesn’t like you like you. You’ve offered up your heart and had it squashed before your eyes. Yes, it’s a bummer, but that just means that this unrequited love won’t be easily won. 

After you laid bare your heart, she countered with the, “I have a boyfriend” line. With this response, she’s trying to let you down easily. So how do you respond? 

Drain the situation of its awkwardness by using one of these lines:

  • Well thank god you’re not married or I’d really be in trouble

  • Man juuuuuust when I’d found you (said with oodles of sarcasm). 

  • Wow, that’s heartbreaking, how long have you two been together?

  • How can that be? This must be some cruel joke. I find the woman of my dreams and she’s unavailable? You’re breaking my heart.” She says, “I’m sorry.” You say “that’s ok, you can make it up to me by buying me a coffee.”

  • Well then let’s be friends. As my new friend come console me over coffee. I just learned the girl of my dreams has a boyfriend.

Your response should do three things.



Firstly it should bring levity to the situation. Joke around, use sarcasm, do whatever necessary to not make things awkward.

Secondly, any response should be respectful. She may feel scared after just rejecting a guy. She knows that you’re bigger than her and that if you lose your temper bad things can ensue. Ensure her that you’re not a threat and that you respect her relationship. 

Thirdly, signal your interest. You can make light of the situation and make her feel safe while still telling her that you’re into her. No need to win back her affection immediately by reciting a sonnet or spontaneously bursting into song. Rather, tersely and slyly signal your interest as the aforementioned responses do. 

If you intend on maintaining your pursuit you’ve got to stay out of the friend zone. Just because she may have a boyfriend doesn’t mean that every other dude in her life gets relegated to the friend zone. Think of yourself as a challenger, ready to pounce on any mistake her boyfriend makes. 

Keep in mind that the “I have a boyfriend” response doesn’t mean she really has one. Regardless, don’t challenge her on this, this will make her uncomfortable. Trust what she’s said, but know that she may have said this for a number of reasons. Women will use the “I have a boyfriend” excuse when they want to let guys down easily or to not make things awkward. Just because she opted for this excuse doesn’t mean she’s discounted you as a viable romantic partner. Keep pursuing her respectfully to see if you can’t change her mind. 

Scenario 2: She’s Not Happy In Her Relationship & Sees You as an Out

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Sometimes we stay in relationships longer than we should. 

We think that our partner is the only one that can love us and that if we were to leave we’d be forever alone. Sometimes the only way we’re willing to leave a relationship is if we know for a fact that we’re capable of finding someone else. 

She might be teetering between staying and leaving her man because she’s isn’t certain she’ll find someone else. This is a very real fear. In a time where Americans are lonelier than ever we find our less than optimal partners satisfactory enough to never leave. This may be her mentality. 

She’s unhappy in her relationship and wants to be rescued. The only way she’ll leave her guy is if someone else explicitly signals their interest. Be careful about how you manage the subsequent situation after revealing your feelings. She may ramp up the time she spends with you without ever offering herself fully. She may do this because she wants an emotional crutch to lean on. Make it known that this isn’t your role. You want her to give herself to you, not call you when she’s in need of a friend. 

If she tries to lay her BS on you tell her that you’re not qualified to be her coach or therapist but you are qualified to take her out for a drink or coffee when she’s ready to date again.

Just be careful of relationship hoppers. The last thing you want to do is get with someone who jumps from one relationship to the next, it’s likely they have baggage they haven’t cleared up yet. 



What To Do After You Tell Her How You Feel

She won’t leave her boyfriend for you the moment you tell her how you feel. She won’t leave him the next day or even a week later. It’s possible she may never leave her current man. So what are you to do? 

Do you put your blinders on and focus single-mindedly on pursuing her and her alone? No. Never close yourself off to the women around you. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, do the opposite, MegaDate. 

MegaDating involves dating multiple women simultaneously with the goal of honing your dating skills and truncating the time needed to find a woman of merit. In this way you’ll meet other amazing women, women that love the same things you do, that laugh at your crap jokes and more importantly, that don’t have boyfriends. The dating pool is deep. Don’t doggie paddle around safely in the shallow end when there are thousands of single women backstroking away in the deep end. 

To MegaDate correctly you’ll have to become an expert at mining for dates. This means conquering dating apps, joining social groups like gyms or Meetups, going to more parties, meeting people at art events and baby showers, and tapping into your social network for single women. 

MegaDating means dating prolifically. This can’t be done if you’re reclined and waiting for things to happen to you instead of the other way around. Be proactive when finding dates. If you don’t know how, no worries, I can help with that. 

While MegaDating helps you meet new women it ironically increases your attractiveness to the woman in question. Allow me to explain.

The Pull Method

You should never derive all your joy from any one single person. 

Realize this by enjoying your friends, family, and dating life. While soaking up the fun with these people, post your experiences on social media. Show the woman that likes you but has a boyfriend the life that she could live should she date you. 

Focus on your hobbies, the start-up you’ve been wanting to launch, and the 50-mile bike ride for charity that you’ve always wanted to do. Enjoy your life without having to lean on a female for emotional stimulation. While enjoying this life, remind her of how awesome of a person you are. With each uploaded photo or status she’ll realize that you don’t need her to be happy. 

This is what I call the “pull method.” 

People love what they can’t have. As much as they might not admit it, people love when they receive a “no” or can’t have something. It makes them strive and work HARDER. Simplistically this happens due to partial reinforcement. If we don’t know when food will come, for example, we’re going to snap it into our mouth immediately when we see it because we’re not certain when or if we’ll eat again. The same is true in dating. 



Our brain gets a spike of feel-good chemicals when we get that attention, but if we always expect it, then it’s less exciting and less desirable. 

After your rejection, ease of the gas. Give her space. Give her time to note how different her life is without you. What you don’t want to do is to bombard her with texts after a rejection. You don’t want to stay by her side like a doting puppy. Pull her to you by hanging back and living your life. She’ll see via social media and how she misses you that she wants to be with you. Decreasing the frequency of contact increases your value. 

So What Now…

It’s now time to go forth and woo this most unavailable woman. 

But wait, what if you’re still not ready? I’ll concede that winning over a woman that likes you but has a boyfriend is a fairly daunting endeavor. Luckily, I’ve helped many a man in your exact situation. 

If you need a bit more guidance, book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me today. Together we’ll go over the details of the relationship to come up with a plan of attack that works for you. 

If you’re looking to get over this woman that you claim “likes me but has a boyfriend” we’ll explore romantic alternatives. In my Signature Program -which includes 12 private 50 minutes online session- I’ll teach you a date development and social strategy that will help you find dates, and swiftly find a woman of merit.

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