Skip to content

How Long Should I Wait to Respond to Her Text or Dating App Message?

How Long Should I Wait to Respond to Her Text or Dating App Message?

A new client of mine just asked me “how long should I wait to respond to her text?”

More than 90% of people report reading and responding to a text within three minutes of having received it.

This stat should come as no surprise.

We all know that we’re slaves to the little vibrating overlords we keep in our pants.

We receive a hit of dopamine every time we hear that ping or feel that vibration. As a consequence, we just can’t help but pick up our phones and unwrap our little digital gift ASAP.

It’s this compulsion that makes the question of how long should I wait to respond to her text or dating app message a difficult one.

While you know you should probably wait longer than you want to, not only is it difficult to do so, but you still don’t know what the sweet spot is.

how long should i wait to respond to her text

I learned quite a bit about texting etiquette during my 100-date experiment a few years ago. Since then I’ve been using my findings to help men like you effectively court the woman of your dreams (or just that hot blonde from Bumble).

In this article, you’ll learn the different texting behavior you should use when talking to women via text and via dating apps.

How Long Should I Wait To Respond To Her Dating App Message?

Getting your mack on through a dating app is pretty different than doing so over text.

The context plays a big role in coloring not only how you interact but when.

Let’s take a look at some of these differences.

Immediately… Kinda

When it comes to dating apps you want to strike while the iron is hot.

There are two reasons for this.

1) You’re Outnumbered and Outmanned

There are some reports claiming that Tinder has a ratio of 9 men to every 1 woman. Even apps that aren’t known for being sausage fests like Bumble still report a ratio of 7 men to every 3 women.

That means that the moment you stop talking to a woman, she’ll start chatting it up with another guy.

how long should i wait to respond to her text

Women get dozens of messages on dating apps a day.

If you’re able to chat with a woman while she’s online, keep that chat going until you use a TDL to ask her out or until you score her number. 

The key here is to respond in less than a few minutes or so ONLY while she’s also on the app. Chances are with all the messages she receives, the second the conversation ends your message will get pushed down the queue and the next time she logs on she’ll have dozens of new shiny matches that take her attention away from your message.

2) Women Are Just Less Interested

Only 50% of Tinder users have ever gone on a date with their match.

This is because the majority of dating app users don’t use these apps to find love. Rather they use them to procrastinate and boost their self-esteem.

how long should i wait to respond to her text

Most women would rather be doing a billion other things than chatting with a stranger on a dating app.

Women log onto the apps less often than men, respond to fewer messages than men, and overall care less about meeting people online than men do.

It’s for that reason that you have to chat her up, score her number, and move the means of communication away from the app ASAP.

Turn Off Notifications

This advice is the complete antithesis of what I just advised.

But hear me out.

I recommend that my clients download at least 5 dating apps.

Imagine shooting out a message every time you get a new match or message?

That would drive you crazy and enslave you to your phone, wouldn’t it?

Here are the benefits of silencing notifications.

1) It Gives You Back Control

You’ll never meet a woman online if you have dating app burnout after a few months of usage.

Immediately reaching for your phone every time it vibrates will damage your mental health and make you addicted to instant gratification.

2) Gives You More Time To Construct A Thoughtful Message

The more time you devote to writing a message the better it’ll turn out.

Being that she has a million choices, one wrong or boring message could mean the end of your correspondence. Give yourself the time you need to write a message the converts.

3) Could Make You Look Low-Value

A guy that always immediately responds to a dating app message can be viewed as a man that has nothing better to do than wait by his phone for a complete stranger to shoot him a message.

A woman may see you in this light and judge you to be a man of low value.

Every woman wants a man that looks as cool as his IG suggests he is. You may quickly deflate the sexual tension you had been building if she realizes you’ve got nothing better to do than immediately respond to every dating app message she throws your way.

Invest 30-Minutes Every Day In Dating Apps

If you’ve muted your dating app notifications how do you know when you receive a message or match?

Devote 30 minutes every day to swipe, message, and flirt via dating apps.

This ensures that you’re putting in the effort while maintaining control.

Set a repeating timer that goes off every day at the same time. Turn checking your dating apps into a habit to both keep your sanity and achieve your dating goals.

How Long Should I Wait To Respond To Her Text?

Texting is a whole different ballgame.

Once you’ve got someone’s phone number you’re viewed as someone who’s been given priority.

You’re no longer just another guy she messaged a few times on Bumble but rather that cute guy from Bumble that she values enough to chat with via text.

Okay maybe it doesn’t sound like such an upgrade but it is.

Our text message inbox is reserved for friends, family, and yes, romantic interests.

You made it to the big leagues my friend, now here’s how to play the game.

Shoot Her A Message 30 Minutes After Receiving Her Number On A Dating App

Did you just score her phone number over a dating app?

If so, well done.

Now here’s what you do.

Wait 30 minutes after receiving her number to text her.

Texting her immediately after getting her number comes off a bit desperate. That 30-minute mark will make you look like the cool guy you most certainly are.

After 30 minutes has elapsed message her…

Hey Stacy. 


(That cute guy from Bumble)

Those are three messages you’re sending her.

Simply greet her, tell her your name, and remind her who you are. If you don’t feel like telling her you’re the cute guy from that dating app, remind her who you are broaching some memorable trait or defining feature that came up during your previous conversation.

After she responds ask her out using a TDL.

TDL stands for: time, date, location.

It’s a concrete way of asking a woman on a date and it’s the only way you should be asking women out.

Never Respond Right Away

If you ask Google, there is a magic number when it comes to responding to texts.

That number is less than 20 minutes. 

Google researchers found that people got annoyed if someone took more than 20 minutes to respond to a text message.

However, if you respond as soon as a text comes in you’re seen as low-value.

I learned from my 100-date experiment that the sweet spot is between 5-10 minutes.

If you find yourself constantly checking your phone to the point where you imagine it vibrating even when it’s not here are a few things you can do to address that urge:

  • Turn off notifications
  • Turn phone off
  • Leave phone in another room or where it’s not visible
  • Do 100 push-ups every time you receive a text
  • Meditate for 5 minutes every time you receive a text
  • Get a snack
  • Walk to the bathroom
  • Do a quick chore

Fight the urge to check your phone by letting the vibration or sounds of your phone going off trigger a different reaction. Normally a vibrating phone is the cue to check it. Instead, let a vibration trigger a different behavior such as one listed above.

how long should i wait to respond to her text

Final Takeaways

There really is no magic number you can use to determine how long you should wait to respond to her text or dating app message.

What you should take away from this article is that what’s most important is to not play games and simply aim to be in control of the situation.

Whatever your opinion might be of dating apps or corresponding via text, understand that this is an integral part of the new dating landscape.

If you hope to find a lady you’ll have to learn how to navigate these mediums.

Are you ready to get the most out of your dating life and meet women you’re compatible with?

If so, it’s time to book a 1-on-1 client session with myself or a member of my team. 

During your new client introduction session we’ll discuss your dating history, talk through your current goals, and see if my coaching program could be a fit for you. 

Comments are closed for this article!

Featured Articles