Much has been said about the younger generations.
It’s said they’re lazy, entitled, horrible dancers, deranged retail investors, etc.
Whether these claims hold water is up for debate.
But what isn’t up for debate is the claim that they’re sexless.
In 2018, 28% of men between the ages of 18-30 had no sex.
We can only infer that percentage rose as a consequence of the cock-blocking event of the century; i.e. COVID-19.
So why are people of all ages having less sex?
The experts have a few theories.
The main culprits seem to be:
- Prevalence of digital entertainment
- Rising inequality leading to fewer people having private places of their own
- Social ineptitude
- Porn
But to address these 21st-century problems we don’t need 21st-century solutions.
Instead, we’ll rely on the age-old art of conversation.
In my 10 years of coaching men of all ages on how secure the relationship of their dreams, I’ve stumbled across date conversation topics and questions that spice things up and steer the conversation towards a sexy ending.
Date Conversation Topics That Lead To Sex
To have sex, someone needs to take a chance.
Someone needs to go in for the kiss, ask the other to their apartment, and ultimately have sex.
But before that, someone has to turn up the heat.
As the man, that responsibility is on you.
Be proactive by organically broaching the following questions and topics the next time you want to increase sexual tension. And hey, realize that it may take a while until she feels comfortable and attracted enough to have sex with you.
There’s nothing wrong with planting a seed and gradually watering it until it sprouts.
Playing the long game while keeping your foot on the accelerator is an investment that will likely pay off in the long run.
Get Edgy
Sex is one of if not the most intimate thing a human can engage in.
But before we can become physically intimate we must be emotionally intimate.
Open her up and get her talking about somewhat taboo subjects.
What might those subjects be?
- Tattoos
- Piercings
- Solo traveling
- Kissing
- Skinny dipping
- Activities that lead to sex
- Taking your clothes off
- Nudity
- Threesomes
Artfully steer the conversation towards these topics.
Randomly asking her, “so what’s your favorite sex position?” is a surefire way to never find out.
The best way to segue into a delicate topic is by using humor.
Tell a funny sexual story (perhaps of a friend first) or crack an innocuous yet sexy joke.
Another way to get her talking about sensitive and sexy subjects is to first share a story of your own.
If courtship is a ballroom dance, be the man and lead.
Take that first step by offering a revealing story of your own.
Chances are she’ll follow.
Ask Sex-Adjacent Questions
Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
When it comes to sex, there’s always a context. Always a prelude, movements, and of course a finale.
Get her talking about what has preceded her prior sexcapades.
- Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
- How old were you when you had your first drink?
- What is the most trouble you got into in high school?
- What’s the craziest place you’ve ever traveled?
- Have you traveled solo?
- Ever gone skinny dipping?
Talk Sexy
Naturally, the conversation that’s most likely to lead to sex, is a conversation about sex.
I think we’re taught to never reveal our cards until the last moment.
Hell, this is why so many people still surprise their partners with proposals.
But this is insane.
Whether or not to marry someone isn’t a decision you want to make in an instant. The worst thing you can do is ambush someone with intimacy.
You can think of sex with a woman you’re courting as an expedition through the previously unexplored jungle.
In the middle of this jungle is an oasis.
But you don’t get through dense jungle in one day.
You have to gradually navigate through the wildlife to get to your ultimate destination.
To do so introduce sexy topics that gradually get sexier over time.
Escalate the intensity of sexual conversation, checking first for her buy-in before moving into sexier territory.
You can do this by asking questions or using sexy storytelling.
Often the two go hand-in-hand.
It looks something like this.
I teach an entire training on this in my coaching program Dating Decoded where I actually give my students a formula they can easily follow to escalate sexual tension without being too forward or too passive.
Mention Quotes that Someone Else Said
Sex can be a sticky subject, I mean, it’s sex.
Your words can so quickly turn against you if you say the wrong thing.
So don’t use your words.
Use someone else’s.
Segue into a sexy topic by quoting an expert.
Ask her what she thinks of this interesting quote you heard recently.
Looking for a hot line?
I got you, or rather Esther Perel does:
- Eroticism thrives in the space between the self and the other.
- The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.
- Love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are.
- The more we trust, the farther we are able to venture.
- Love is an exercise in selective perception.
If, Then
Tell her you’d like to get to know her a bit better by playing a game.
You two are going to imagine a few situations.
You’d like to know how she’s going to act in certain situations.
Here are a few situations:
- How would you react if I tried to kiss you at the end of this date?
- If I were to take you on a sunset picnic would you swoon or be repulsed by how cliche it is?
- If I were to hold your hand as we walk down the street then you would…
This is a safe way of gauging her interest.
Plus women like when guys signal their interest in a safe way. Imagining scenarios or asking permission to escalate the tension is safe a safe, low-risk, and sexy way to accelerate your relationship.
Don’t Apologize For Swearing and/or Using Explicit Language To Describe Body Parts
If you seem uncomfortable using adult language, that will signal to her that you are not confident about who you are or about your own sexuality.
When telling sexy stories, use explicit language to accurately describe the body.
Don’t use code words because it makes you feel more comfortable.
If you feel the tension in your body when you say the explicit word, then you’re on the right track because you’re creating tension.
Tension = sexual tension = you are not in the friend zone.
It’s just math — sexy math.
Questions To Ask To Get Her In Her Senses
Appeal to her more animal side.
Ask about food, music, sports, dancing, etc.
Doing so will make her want to get up and start moving. It’ll also give you dates ideas or activities you could segue to after your date ends.
For example…
Q: What kind of music do you like to listen to?
A: Salsa, salsa, salsa. I just love to dance.
Q: That’s awesome. I actually know this awesome salsa place close by, I think we still have time to catch a dance before they close.
Do You Take Baths?
We often find talking about our bodies — especially naked bodies — to be a bit taboo.
Demystify the mystical by discussing topics that bring up nudity.
Doing so will make it easier to talk about sex once you feel the time is right.
Other questions include:
- What is your favorite temperature of the water?
- When you shower, do you like it when the water is really hot, kinda hot, lukewarm, or cold?
- Do you ever take cold showers?
Date Conversation Topics with a Woman: Cooking
Do you like to cook?
What’s your favorite food?
What pairs best with food?
The best way to get someone talking sexy is to first get them talking. Talk about things that they love to talk about.
Perhaps they love cooking, billiards, or just got into podcasting. Whatever the case may be, revolve the conversation around a sensual activity she’s into.
Are You Into Yoga?
Yoga seems almost inherently sexy.
I mean yoga classes are full of sweaty people in sexy poses wearing next to little clothing.
Yoga’s just a hop and a skip — or a happy baby and downward dog — away from sexy talk.
How Comfortable Are You Communicating Your Wants To Your Partner(s)?
Communication is freaking sexy.
What’s even sexier is when you’re communicating about sex.
After you get her talking about communicating with a partner, organically segue into sexual communication and its importance.
After learning how she communicates perhaps say something like, “Okay, so when I want to kiss you I’ll be sure to *communicate how she likes to be communicated with*”
When Your Partner Tells You About His/her Sexual Preferences What Does It Do To You?
If she’s willing to answer this question she’s willing to answer this one too — “what are your sexual preferences?”
Once you have these in your pocket it’s time to explore her preferences in a safe environment. Vocalizing sexual likes and dislikes is the perfect foreplay.
As far as date conversation topics that lead to sex, this is the holy grail.
Is There Anything You’ve Thought About Trying But Never Have?
If you two are already talking sexual specifics, asking about her kinks, sexual wishlist, and never have I evers is fair play.
Now that you two are heated and ready to go, how do you pivot to actually having sex?
From Questions To Answers
If you’ve spoken about most of the aforementioned topics, chances are you two have a pretty open relationship. You can talk on a range of topics, nothing is off-limits, and you’ve already explored each other’s sexy sides (at least in conversation).
It’s likely that she’s up for a little physical action.
If you’re not 100% certain about whether to kiss her or not, at the end of the date as you’re walking her to her car or subway, ask her, “so is this the part where we kiss?”
It’s a confident and sly move — a line straight from a movie.
Thing is, if you’re asking, you should have a good idea of what the answer will be. The reason you’re asking is because 1) it’s sexy and 2) it makes for a seamless transition to a kiss.
Now she may not give you a direct yes. She may joke around, deflect, and toy with you.
These are all good signs.
As long as she responds positively you’re ready for liftoff.
But if she respectfully declines, don’t be discouraged. Just because she doesn’t want to swap spit early on doesn’t mean she never wants to.
Your Next Move
Dating isn’t rocket science, but don’t you still want a rocket scientist to explain how it works?
That’s where I come in.
A 100% certified romantic rocket scientist.
I teach men in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s how to quickly find a compatible woman they can make their forever hubby.
I do so by teaching MegaDating, crafting the perfect profile, MegaMessaging, and via our dating blueprint.
You’ll learn the four pillars of dating when you enroll in our Dating Decoded program.
To learn more book a 1-on-1 Zoom call with me or a member of my team. During our call we’ll talk about your romantic goals and determine whether or not you’re a fit for Dating Decoded.
Now I have a question for you.
Are you ready to find your perfect partner?