Everyone likes talking about red flags.
Red flags grab the headlines because they make for a great story. Hearing about how someone’s ex stole money, or gaslit them is juicy, and naturally, we gravitate towards it. We’ve also been told that you’ll want to become an expert in identifying red flags in order to avoid getting into a toxic relationship.
But here’s the thing.
You don’t need to be able to identify the thousands of red flags a partner might display. You just need to focus on what they’re doing right. Because even a lack of red flags doesn’t mean that person is right for you. Not showing red flags only means the person you’re dating isn’t a psycho – that’s good and all, but that’s a pretty low bar for what should qualify as a life partner.
Not displaying red flags or green flags in a relationship means you should probably look elsewhere to find love. Here are the most emerald green flags you want in a relationship.
Green Flags In A Relationship
Communication
That’s great if they’re funny, the life of the party, and have great charisma, but just about every narcissist I know is too. A partner with more red flags than Mao Zedong lacks great communication. This means not only that they can have amazing conversations but that they can also disagree with you while still respecting you, can articulate complex feelings, and, most importantly, can listen.
Being a great talker isn’t a green flag, being a great listener is.
We’ve all been on dates with people who can talk for hours about anything and everything, but rare is it that we go on dates with someone who asks questions and sticks around to listen to the answer. When you find this person, make the most of it — consider a serious relationship.
Determining who is a great communicator shouldn’t be difficult, but in case you need a sign, here’s what Charles Duhigg, author of the bestseller Supercommunicators, says there are six things great communicators do better than anyone else:
- Mirror wants and needs
- Genuinely laugh with their partner
- Understand the kind of conversation you’re having (practical, emotional, or social)
- Repeat what they say in your own words to show you’re listening
- Read non-verbal cues
- Ask the right questions – lots of them
Empathy
Perhaps the most neon green flag your partner can show is empathy. Empathy is how we form deep connections with one another. If a partner refuses (or is unable) to put herself in your shoes and understand what you’re going through, you two will never form a deep and unbreakable bond.
Your partner has a chance to show empathy when asking how your day went and listening to your answer. They also have a chance to empathize with you when they see you’re feeling down and know they are to blame for it. A truly empathetic partner won’t say, I feel you, I’m sorry.” They’ll ask questions and say help me understand what you’re going through, tell me more about it.
Apathetic partners make you feel alone. If they can’t relate and bond with you, you’re left on your own island. Sure you’ll have a warm body next to you, but this person won’t ever truly see you. They won’t ever fully be on your team, and they won’t fight for you and be on your side when you must need emotional support.
Vulnerability
We want our partners to be human.
We want them to share their fears, inadequacies, doubts, and desires. This gives us the space to be vulnerable as well.
But not everyone is capable of being vulnerable. This may be as a result of growing up in a place where being vulnerable was a sign of weakness, or every time they were vulnerable, the person they opened up to was uninterested in listening.
Or it may be that you haven’t played your part in creating a safe space where your partner can be vulnerable.
Whatever the case may be, it’s important that your partner is willing to open up to you. Repressing their vulnerabilities could lead to resentment down the line. Now, of course you don’t want your partner to trauma dump on you and burden you with their every complaint. But you do want to strike a balance between the two.
Having a vulnerable partner means they feel safe with you. In turn, you can feel safe with them. Safety is an absolute must in a long-term relationship.
They Celebrate You!
Your win is their win.
Your partner realizes that you two are in fact a partnership, you both play on the same team. So, of course, when you get praised at work, get that raise, master that song you’ve been practicing, or run your first 10k, they’re gonna be there for you, cheering you on from the sidelines.
They’re not in competition with you so they shouldn’t be jealous, nor should they be aloof. If they truly have empathy for you they’ll feel the joy you’re feeling and will be more than happy to lift that trophy with you.
Introspection
How do you know how you’re feeling if you don’t put a mirror up to your emotions?
Everyone needs to have the humility and curiosity to look within to see what’s really going on inside. It’s easy to repress emotions or avoid difficult conversations. What’s hard is to confront the ugly head on. To dive deep into your emotions to examine the real reason you feel the way you do.
Maybe your partner has suffered from trauma. While they’re not to blame for it, it is their responsibility to deal with it. The only way to do so is by confronting this trauma head-on. If they had a difficult childhood that led to an unhealthy attachment style, you can empathize, but don’t make excuses for behavior that hurts you.
A partner who is bold enough to introspect is a partner who can grow from negative experiences. It’s a partner who knows who they are and what they want.
You Feel Good When You’re Around Them
You want to spend time with people who you can laugh with, who build you up, and make you feel confident in yourself. Does your partner do this? Do you find yourself gravitating to them and missing theme when they’re not around?
This is the most obvious green flag to identify. You either enjoy spending time with your partner or you don’t. Of course, there will be times when you’ve had enough of your partner or after an argument when you don’t want to see them.
But how many positive interactions would you say you have for every negative one?
Renowned psychologist John Gottman says you should have five positive interactions to every negative interaction. Five-to-one is a sign that you’re in a healthy relationship. In our coaching program, we shoot for a 20-1 ratio.
The closer you are to a 1-to-1 ratio, the closer you are to ending the relationship.
A Green Future
Every relationship goes through ups and downs. If you and your partner headed in the wrong direction, reach out, and we can help you.
We understand that navigating the complexities of a relationship (that may be degrading) can be daunting, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Our comprehensive program is designed to empower you to take charge and bring love back into your relationship. With a dedicated team of experienced coaches, we offer both private and group coaching sessions tailored to meet your unique needs. Our Monday through Friday support ensures that you have guidance whenever you need it.
Our robust video curriculum provides you with the skills and tools necessary to not only salvage your relationship but to cultivate a thriving partnership with your wife or long term partner. And with our lifetime membership, you can revisit our resources whenever you need a refresher.
Taking the first step can be the hardest, but scheduling an introductory call with us could be the turning point in your journey.
Let’s discuss your relationship and explore how we can support you in making your wife fall back in love with you. Don’t wait—book your call today and start building the relationship you deserve!