Almost every couple starts off their relationship with excitement, euphoria, and unbridled passion. In the beginning, intense emotions fill every aspect of your life from grocery shopping to the sex, especially the sexual desire is at its peak. However, this passion gradually dies out as time passes. Soon, not merely the sex but almost everything in your life turns into a dull routine. As they say, the longer you are in a relationship, the more routine it becomes as passion gradually dies out.
And now you’re searching for articles on how to maintain your long term relationship. Don’t fret, I have some great sex secrets to share with you. But ask yourself some questions first.
Should sex indeed be less important as your relationship matures? Is it okay to have sex once or twice a month after you had children? Why does sex matter so much in a long-term relationship? Will there be no love if your sex life has dried out? Of course, sex isn’t everything in a long-term relationship. But, it does play a crucial role in keeping the spark alive in your romantic relationship. It’s a meaningful way to connect with your partner on physical as well as emotional level.
Unfortunately, a large number of people still believe that sexual desire lessens after a particular phase in your life, such as after having children. Although the desire to have sex starts to decline with increasing age, most happy couples in a long-term relationship still manage to have a quality sex life. You may have heard your best friend or a colleague go on-and-on about how amazing their sex life is. You are not alone!
Don’t worry! It’s time to stop being jealous and start working on your sex life to review the spark in your long-term relationship. The following 4 sex secrets will prove helpful in this regard.
How to Maintain Your Long Term Relationship Tip 1. Quality Matters Not the Quantity
Whether or not quantity is a useful measure of sexual activity is a matter of an unending debate. The truth is no one knows how much sex is good enough or how much is too much. There is an overwhelming and varying amount of data on how much sex an average couple has. Add to that, hundreds of marketing surveys by condom, lubricant, and sex toy companies and it becomes a confusing mess. Unfortunately, scientific research has backed only a handful of these claims.
It is, however, a well-known fact that sexual drive starts to go down with increasing age. In some cases, this slowdown can happen much sooner, while in others it may take longer. I am not saying you are one of those couples who have sex once or maybe twice a month. Congratulations if you are not one of them. But, if you are, don’t think less of yourself. Instead, change your perspective towards sex. Focus on the quality, not the quantity.
Having sex less often compared to what you did in the bedroom at a young age (think your twenties and thirties), is quite natural. When it comes to a long-term relationship, it’s the quality, not the quantity that matters. So, happy couples may be doing it less often, but they are doing it right, and with all the passion they can muster. So, you will need to keep doing the things that turn your partner on, keep them sexually attracted to you, and maybe try something new in the bedroom every once in a while. Remember, playfulness keeps the spark alive.
2. Put It on Your Calendar
I know scheduling sex sounds like the most unromantic thing to do. But, it does help a busy couple in a long-term relationship to keep that spark alive. While being spontaneous may have worked at a young age, things are not the same when you are married, have kids, and demanding careers. The family and professional lives leave couples with very little time for candlelight romance.
Of course, putting it on the calendar is going to make your sex life more formal and predictable. But it is so much better than not having sex at all. It can take away some of the ridiculous excuses couples make that often end up ruining the spontaneity. Plus, it will also give you something to look forward to and maybe get you away from your mundane routine.
Instead of thinking of it as unromantic, view calendar sex as the opportunity to try something new in the bedroom. Maybe you can try a fantasy or use sex toys to make more fun. It will help you put in the mood. However, I must confess that scheduled sex is not everyone’s cup of tea. Some couples may find it downright stressful or even weird, leading to more frustration in the bedroom. Make sure to consult your partner first. You can also try it for a month or two to see if you guys can make it work.
3. Be Open to Experimenting
What do you do to keep your pallet happy? You experiment in the kitchen and try to come up with new recipes. Can you apply the same principle to your sex life? Yes! In fact, if you aren’t open to experimenting, your sex life will be over sooner than you think because always doing it in a specific manner in the same place will breed boredom. Of course, you can’t change your partner, but you can surely change the way you are having sex.
For example, you can try a new spot every time you have sex. No, I am not talking about your couch or shower. You can get out of your house, just the two of you, and go on a romantic date. You can hire a babysitter or drop off your kids at their grandparent’s and go someplace you have never been together before. Maybe spend a couple of days cooped up in a hotel room somewhere. If you can’t afford this, try exploring new sex positions.
Add a little kink to your sex life. Sometimes, something as simple as sexting can help a long-term relationship. Instead of remaining your partner to pick up the groceries, send a random sext. You can recall the details of the hottest experience in the past or share a fantasy. You can take this up a notch and even try Skype sex, especially if one of you travels frequently.
You can also try pleasurable pain, bondage, new gadgets, role-plays or exploring a sex toy shop together. However, being adventurous doesn’t mean you have to push yourself or your partner to their limits. Sex is about connecting with each other. So, make sure whatever experiment you are about to perform, you both are comfortable doing it.
4. Have a Quickie
As opposed to the popular belief, quickies are not a substitute for real sex. They are, in fact, an essential part of sex life, particularly for couples in a long-term relationship. They can provide you with the necessary boost to keep your sexual drive alive. In a long-term relationship, more often than not, a sexual rendezvous ends up with a half-hearted effort owing to the lack of desire.
At some point in a long-term relationship, having gateways and romantic nights in the bedroom becomes next to impossible. For example, new parents rarely get the time or energy to sleep together. That’s where quickies come into play. As mentioned earlier, quality of sex matters, not the quantity. So, as long as you are having a quality quickie, it will only strengthen your sexual desire. It’s a more realistic approach towards keeping the passion alive in a long-term relationship.
At the beginning of a long-term relationship, both partners are willing to go the extra mile in the bedroom. They are ready to explore their best sexual sides. This passion gradually declines. However, some couples use a variety of measures successfully to keep this flame from dying.
Hopefully, these 4 sex secrets helped you learn how to maintain your long term relationship. Whether it is focusing on the quality of sex or using a quickie to boost the romance, these tips are easy to implement and can produce fabulous results.