I believe that most marriages can be saved.
I believe this because you two chose each other. Of all the people you ever met and dated, you chose her and her you. There’s a pretty good reason you two decided to marry. And even though it’s difficult for her to see it right now, you have it within you to win back her affection. You won it before, and you can do it again.
But winning back her heart isn’t like winning a race. It’s going to take time, and maybe lots of it, to make things right.
How To Save My Marriage
I fully recognize that every marriage is different, but the methods you can use to save a marriage aren’t. The methods we’ll detail will benefit any marriage regardless of the root causes of the marital troubles. That being said, these methods should be tailored to address your partnership’s specific needs.
Listen Better
Are you wondering what’s wrong in your relationship but can’t put a finger on it? Chances are she’s already told you, but you just weren’t listening.
Not listening is probably one of the main reasons you two are in this funk to begin with.
So here’s what a good listener does: for one, they get their partner talking. This isn’t always easy, especially if she feels like you aren’t willing to listen. If this is the case, draw her in by telling her you’d like to have a listening session. Name a place and time (instead of springing it on her) and tell her you’d like nothing more than to listen to the most important and interesting person in the room–her.
If she’s struggling to talk, ask her questions. Don’t just right into the more emotionally charged topics; instead, ask her questions about her day or her plans for the weekend.
Listening to her is a habit you should always work on cultivating. If she’s not willing to have a dramatic sit-down conversation immediately, that’s fine. You can win her over by listening to her and by showing that you’re listening.
Do this by:
- Getting rid of distractions and clearing your mind when you two talk
- Being present
- Repeating back what she says to you
- Showing her you’re listening by changing your actions according to her words (e.g. if she says she’s tired, cook for her)
Make Time For Each Other
The only way to get things back on track is to spend time with each other.
Sure, she might want space right now (and you should grant her this wish), but when you two are together, make sure time is spent meaningfully. That means less binging and more interaction.
Spending quality time together and bonding doesn’t have to mean going to fancy restaurants, hitting the spa, or taking spontaneous vacations. It can be as simple as eating dinner together, walking the dog after work, hitting the gym, or simply going for a bike ride together.
What you two need to do is be reminded of the good times. This can only be done if you’re making time for each other.
Respect Her Wishes If She Wants To Take A Break
Before making any big decisions, your wife may ask for space. Asking for space shouldn’t be misunderstood as an end to the relationship. Creating distance gives her a chance to clear her head and better consider her options. But this may not be how you see it.
Your gut reaction will be to beg and plead. She’ll do her best to create space, and you’ll do your best to shrink it. Don’t listen to your instinct–listen to her. Going against her wishes will put you in a deeper hole. It indicates that you don’t respect or listen to her and that she was right to create space and consider whether she wants to continue the relationship.
A better response would be to tell her that you respect her wishes and will give her space. Also, tell her that you’ll take this time to work on yourself and that you’re happy to have a conversation with her when she feels ready.
Take this time to improve yourself both as a partner and a human.
Work On Yourself
When our clients ask themselves how to save their marriage, they often think the answer lies in persuading their wives. It does. Your wife will need to change her opinion of you and the relationship for it to survive and later thrive. But how you convince her is the challenge.
Many men think that long discussions that border on begging will get the job done. Or that by simply pointing out the positive aspects of the relationship and making promises, you can rapidly improve it.
That’s just not how it works.
You need to change yourself to change the marriage. If things continue as is, the relationship won’t magically improve. She won’t come home one day and declare that everything is better. The only person who can improve the relationship is you. Take things into your own hands by controlling your behavior. That could come in the form of many things. Maybe you eat better, work out more, spend more time socializing instead of being indoors all alone, or maybe you pick up healthy hobbies like yoga or simply take more walks outside. Whatever the case, she wants to see that you can change. If she notes a change in you, chances are she’ll note a change in the relationship or, at the very least, realize that if you can change and grow, so too can the marriage.
What’s vital here is that you’re also addressing why the relationship has nose-dived. Use those newly learned listening skills to learn why she’s falling out of love. Then, create habits and make changes tailored to remedy these issues.
We can help you create the changes you need to in order to win back your wife. We’ve created a program for men whose relationships are on the fritz. If your wife has asked for space or is thinking about leaving you, we’ve created a program that focuses on steps you and you alone can take to win her back. It’s not a couples therapy course, rather it’s a program that wholly focuses on you and your behavior.
To learn more, book a Zoom call so you can tell us more about your relationship and how you’d like to improve it.