The only person you can change is yourself.
You can’t convince your wife to love you, you can’t plead with her or expect grand romantic gestures to win her back. The only person you can change is yourself.
While it might appear counterintuitive, if you really want to reignite the flame in your relationship, instead of looking to make external changes, look internally instead.
Because, again, the only person you’re in full control of is yourself. So, if you begin to make meaningful changes, she’ll take note.
The question is, what changes do you need to make in order to become a high-value man and win back your partner’s affection?
In this article, we’ll detail the many changes you can start to make today that will set you on the road to not just recovering your relationship but turning it into a thriving partnership, one that’s better than any you’ve had before.
How to Be A High-Value Man
Stay Composed
Regardless of the pressure, you my friend are as cool as a cucumber.
Your flight could be delayed, the care reservation lost, and your hotel canceled, yet there you are, cool as ever.
Even the most idyllic relationship will struggle at times. You two will go through hardships, this is inevitable. How you respond to these difficult situations will determine the well being of the relationship, not the hardship itself.
High value men have a healthy response to challenges. They can step up and lead and show their wife and family that despite the challenges ahead, there is nothing that can’t be overcome.
Keep It Fresh
We have a tendency to slack off in a relationship after a while, and to be fair, this goes both ways.
The first few months of dating, everything is fresh and new. You court her, take her to amazing places, and buy her an entire florist-worth of flowers to win her over. Then you two are in a relationship, and while you’ve entered the honeymoon phase, the romance phase has ended, and romantic gestures start to fade. Then, after a year or two, you two settle into a ritualistic phase where you have your routine and feel comfortable in the relationship. But it’s also at this point where the relationship is most likely to become stale and you become complacent.
Always look for ways to keep your relationship fresh. Maybe that means taking salsa classes together, having date night every week, always having the next vacation planned, or integrating something super fun into your routine like working out together or yoga classes.
Be There For Her
Your wife is going to have bad days.
She’ll need someone to talk with and simply be there for her.
Be that person. Be her rock, be the person she knows she can always rely on when things get tough. But being for her is about more than simply showing up for her when she’s down.
Being for her also means understanding how to communicate effectively with her.
This means understanding when she just wants a shoulder to cry on and when she wants advice or feedback. Because if you being there looks like you trying to give her advice, however good it may be, when all she wants is just someone to listen and to tell her they understand, she’ll just get more angry at you.
And this isn’t a woman thing it’s a human thing. We’ve all vented to a friend or partner before and instead of them empathizing they just rattle off advice, and in turn you just get angrier.
So be there for her when she needs you and understand how she wants you to be there for her.
In our Relationships Decoded coaching program, we’ve created 30 practical communication techniques designed to help you build a strong and thriving relationship with your wife.
Ditch Toxic Paternal Heirlooms
There are many reasons men act the way they do. Society teaches men what a man should be and men try their hardest to be that person. But for most men, no single person has a greater influence on who you are than your father.
The thing is, your father has instilled in you masculine traits that were desired when he was your age. But some of those traits and ways of being are no longer desired.
It’s kind of like a tennis coach teaching you the techniques that were all the rage in the 80s or 90s. Those techniques will no longer help you. The game has changed and you have to change with it.
For instance, your dad was probably taught to “keep his emotions to himself” and that this was the mark of a strong man. However, recent studies have shown that expressing feelings can actually reduce anxiety and bring couples closer together.
Identify the masculine traits that you no longer want to identify with. Maybe your father used a dated communication style or has a warped idea of gender roles that you think is damaging your relationship.
Really take a second to think about the masculine heirlooms he has passed down to you. Consider whether they’re worth keeping or whether it’s time to evolve into a more modern high value man.
Find Your Purpose
If your life’s purpose is to constantly wait on your wife hand and foot, you might want to rethink that approach. If you continue down this path, your relationship may not last as long as you’d hope.
Yes all women want to be cared for but having your entire existence be defined by your partner isn’t sexy.
Women want to be wanted, not needed.
We want a man with ambition, goals, and a life purpose outside of the marriage. Of course we also want him to be present, love us, and be an amazing father, but if your purpose is to be nothing more than an amazing partner we will feel suffocated.
So find whatever intrinsically motivates you and chase that dream. Maybe it’s creating a business, running marathons, finding new hobbies, or just getting the most from all of your social relationships. Whatever it is, find it, nurture it, and life a life that is well-rounded and fulfilling.
Step Up And Make Decisions, But Don’t Be A Dictator
Have you ever gone on a complex vacation with someone? One that requires lots of planning?
You two agreed on which European countries you want to travel but have no idea how you’ll get around, where you’ll stay or what you’ll do.
Then, your savior of a travel companion steps up and plans the entire trip. You don’t need to think, all you have to do is drink fancy wine and eat cheese all day.
This is what your wife wants too.
She doesn’t want to be burdened with coming up with plans regarding home repairs, finances, domestic systems, or even minor issues like where you’ll eat tonight.
Sure she wants to be heard, yes she wants a voice at the table, but she wants you to do the legwork, and who wouldn’t?
Before deciding on something, do your research, present her with options, and include her in the decision-making process. Put the work into making a decision so she doesn’t have to. Your wife already has enough going on. To be fair, so do you, but putting in the overtime to simplify your relationship is a sign of a high-value man who is investing in the relationship and who wants to lead and care for his family.
Be Consistent
She doesn’t want a 9-5 partner; she wants a 24/7 partner.
She wants a man who is always present, attentive, and caring.
Don’t expect everything to be smooth sailing if you disconnect every now and then. If you’re the ideal husband one week but emotionally distant the next, or too exhausted after work to engage with your wife, she won’t feel happy or valued.
Check in with yourself. Be tough and honest with yourself and ask if you’re really showing up for your wife and family or if they’re getting your shadow.
Protect Her
There are many ways a woman can feel protected and safe around a man.
She feels emotionally protected when you’re there to comfort her in vulnerable moments (when she shows you her raw spots), and physically safe when you step in to keep her from danger—whether it’s guiding her across the street or standing up to troublemakers at the bar.
Show her that she is safe when she’s with you. Many women live in fear. They do so because they’re generally smaller and weaker than around 50% of the population. Women are the ones who walk home late at night with a bottle of pepper spray in their hands. They’re the ones who are afraid to get into Ubers alone or even take public transport by themselves.
She’s not asking you to kick every man’s ass who has ever stared at her. But she is asking you to step up and make her feel safe, whether that’s safe at home or in public.
There are many ways to become a high-value man. But becoming one takes time. Get ready to invest in yourself and be patient as you change. Meaningful change doesn’t just take one day. It’s a daily process.
After a while, your wife will begin to take note. She’ll see the internal shifts you’ve created and will want back into your life.
Consider looking into our Relationships Decoded coaching program.
In this program, we’ll guide you in becoming the best version of yourself, helping you connect more deeply with your wife than ever before, and teaching you how to build a thriving relationship that continues to grow stronger for a lifetime.
To learn more about how to become a high-value man and win your wife back, book a one-on-one call with a member of our team. During this call we’ll learn more about your and help create a pathway forward for you.