Does age matter when dating a woman you’ve been seeing? When it comes to love, we enjoy speaking in fantastical terms. 

We claim that we fell in love at first sight. That once you locked eyes you knew there was no one else in the world you’d rather spend your life with. These all make for great material when reciting your vows, but dating in the real world doesn’t often work this way. Opposites don’t attract, pursuing her until she gives in isn’t romantic, it’s harassment, and pelting her window with pebbles so that she comes out isn’t cute, it’s property damage. 

Quite often the fairytale antics we see in sappy rom-com movies don’t work out in the real world. It doesn’t matter how much you like a woman, there will be certain mundane obstacles that’ll disrupt the relationship. One of those obstacles is the age gap. But if you two are in love does age matter when dating woman you like? Yes. 

It doesn’t matter that you’d swim across Lake Michigan for her or paid a helicopter to fly a personalized banner professing your love for her, there are always real-life roadblocks that have a habit of getting in the way of even the most fairytale of love. 

In this article we’ll look at seven reasons why the age matters when dating a woman you really like. 

Reason Why Age Matters When Dating a Woman

#1: Commonalities Matter

Allow me to set the scene.

You and your high school buddies (and significant others) all gather for your monthly hangout. Beers are cracked and nostalgic stories are told. Naturally, the conversation meanders its way to movies you watched when you were kids, the music you listened to, and the cultural events that defined your youth and who you are today.

But this month is different.

Instead of an uninterrupted stream of nostalgic reminiscing, the conversation becomes disjointed. This is because every time a childhood reference is broached, someone has to explain to your girlfriend -who’s 10 or 15 years your junior- what the hell a Bop It is. Taking your phone out and teaching your younger ex-girlfriend about a decade she’ll never truly understand was fun at first. But now she’s feeling left out. Reticent and resigned to being ignorant she opts out of the conversation. 

I understand if it may seem trivial. So what if she never watched Office Space and only knows one Nirvana song, you still like her right? The problem posed by the generation gap presents itself with more frequency the more you two hang out. Dating a woman that’s at least 10 years older or younger than yourself will make talking about the past seem more like history lessons than relatable youthful experiences. Sure, even if you two were the same age you still will have lived your own unique lives. But when the age gap is so broad, you’re missing out on a fundamental part of constructing a relationship: commonalities. 

The cliche that, “opposites attract” has stuck around so long because of its headline appeal. It’s a surprising statement that has been shared by millions of doting mothers and fathers, but it’s false. Couples therapist Stephen Betchen said that in his 35 years of “specializing in couples and sex therapy, I’ve never seen a mismatched couple. I’ve treated destructive relationships, but none were mismatched.”

We’re attracted to people that share our interests, have a similar upbringing, come from a similar socioeconomic background, and of course are more or less of the same age. The bottom line is that it’s just too difficult to connect with someone if they grew up in a different decade than yourself. 

2. Energy Level

You and your girlfriend have just worked 60-hour workweeks. Naturally, you’re ready to unwind by hitting the town with your friends. The best way to reward yourself has always been with a caipirinha and live music. She, on the other hand, is already in bed by 9. Any couple of the same age can react differently to a stressful workweek.

But if you just turned 30 and your girlfriend 40, chances are that staying in on a Friday is a habit rather than an anomaly. If you’ve always had an old soul, perhaps this arrangement will work for you, but if not, it may be time to explore more age-appropriate suitors.  

Having misaligned energy levels won’t just play itself out as you two decide how to spend your Friday night. How often vacations are taken, weekend plans, who cooks dinner, the frequency in which you see friends, and any other social engagement are all dictated by how much energy you two still have in the tank. If she’s constantly pooped because she’s a 10 or 15 years older than you, well guess what, there’s no turning back time. You’ll have to deal with her being too tired to live the life you want to live for as long as you two date. Sound grim -you already know the solution.

3. Father Figures Aren’t Sustainable

We all know what women look for when they’re on the hunt at a cocktail bar on a Saturday night. They like men with wit, humor, confidence, and ideally fat pockets. The younger she is, the more she’ll be on the lookout for a man with these qualities. Those are the type of curves she’s into. 

Before we dive into the gold digger scenario let me just say that just because she’s younger than you doesn’t mean she’s only interested in your money. Regardless of what your friends say perhaps she genuinely likes you because you’re not a callow douchebag like all the 20-somethings she’s dated before you. 

Perhaps that while she’s showed her gold diggers tendencies now, it wasn’t always that way. She may have been attracted to you at first because of your confidence and self-awareness. But as time went on she realized you two weren’t the right fit. But she kept coming back to you because she likes the financial comfort. With you, she doesn’t have to worry about paying for meals or rent. She’s got all the financial basics covered when she’s with you. And even if she views financial freedom as an unintended byproduct of dating you, eventually it’ll mar the dynamic of the relationship. 

So again I ask you does age matter to women when dating. If you’re a father figure it sure does – here’s the likely scenario…. First, you were a lover, then a boyfriend. But after the fire has been tamed, she sees you more so as a father figure than a romantic partner. She looks to you to help her with car payments and school, but rarely connects with you on an emotional level. This is the danger of dating a younger woman. Dating someone more your age safeguards against the scenario of having someone lean on you financially. 

4. Different Life Trajectory

You’re 27 and she’s in her late 30s. You’re career-oriented and will do whatever it takes to advance yourself professionally. She too is professionally inclined but she’s already started a family and doesn’t want to uproot her life because of a job or a relationship. If a new job would take you away from your current city, she wouldn’t follow you. 

Let’s switch those ages around. 

You’re in your late 30s and she, her late 20s. You have two young boys that are just starting to hit puberty. The maelstrom of hormones that have hijacked your children’s minds are wreaking havoc in your home. After yet another pre-teen tantrum, your young girlfriend broaches the idea of having kids someday. Naturally, you’ve never been more repulsed. 

You both are at different junctures of your lives. There will be clashes. From having kids to being willing to move to a new town for a job, hurtles will inevitably challenge the strength of your relationship. 

5. How Will You Get Along With Her Friends

You haven’t taken a shot of fireball in 10 years. But tonight, your girlfriend invited her college friends over to your apartment. For you, having friends over typically looks like playing a few board games while accompanied by a glass a wine. But after three fireball shots in the space of 30 minutes, you highly doubt you’ll be up for a fraternal game of Settlers of Catan. 

This is the expected dynamic of hanging out with a group of 23-year-olds. Now that they’re away from college, are making money, and don’t have Mom and Dad to keep them in check, they’ll take advantage of their newfound freedom in the most regretful of ways. Hangovers were so 10 years ago weren’t they? Not for her. 

Perhaps when you meet up with her friends you won’t always be shotgunning bears or wetting your pallet with Burnett’s. But even if that’s not the case you’ll still have to put up with living in the world of a young millennial or even worse, a generation Z’er.

So does age matter when dating a woman you really, really like? Let me put that question another way. Does snap-chatting people you don’t know while listening to house music surrounded by kids that don’t know the difference between regime and regimen sound like a fun Friday night to you?

6. If You’re Dating a Woman With Kids, Are You Ready to Be a Father Figure?

The older you get the more time you spend being nostalgic for the past. You yearn to make spontaneous plans with friends again and stay out until the sunrise talking about whatever random thoughts pop into your buzzed heads. When you’re a father, your callow habits must abruptly stop. 

Dating a woman with a child effectively means adopting a child. When you walk down the street hand in hand with your new girlfriend, you’ll also have a child in tow. To the passersby, you’ll be labeled a father. As the relationship progresses, you’ll either have to accept that label or end the relationship. The process of becoming a father is always a jarring experience. There are growing pains and life changes that must be altered as you carve out a new life. But usually, fathers have 9 months if not longer to prepare for a drastic life change. You on the other hand aren’t granted such a grace period. Growing up prematurely will surely come with some growing pains. Are you ready for this? 

7. Your Finances Don’t Align

She wants to eat a Chipotle and Taco Bell -it’s all she can afford. Going out to restaurants where the waiter places a napkin on your lap every Friday night will empty her pocket. She doesn’t want you to pay but will go broke if she always offers to go dutch. The money imbalance will manifest itself constantly. Every time you propose to go out she’ll have to do some basic arithmetic before she can answer in the affirmative. 

Dating someone with vastly more or less money can make things awkward. Vacations, moving into an apartment and starting a family are all things that may have to wait until you two are more or less financial equals. 

So, Does Age Matter When Dating a Woman You Like?

You won’t know whether the age gap will have an impact on the relationship until after you’ve started dating. Once the differences of the age gap start manifesting themselves, you’ll have a difficult decision to make. If you’re tired of your buddy’s armchair advice, why not talk to a professional like myself. 

When we have a 1-on-1 conversation via Skype we’ll vet your reservations and figure out the best way to move forward. If you’re only staying with this woman because you doubt you’ll find another as good as her, we’ll set you up on a MegaDating plan (and possible coaching program) that’ll teach you how to meet and attract suitable women.