If I were to plot out attraction on a graph, it wouldn’t look like a perfect diagonal line, forever ascending. You’ve been in a relationship for a while now, so you know that attraction comes and goes. It hits a plateau and is followed by a series of peaks and valleys.
Every relationship starts off hot and steamy. It begins with infatuation before moving to the honeymoon phase, and then after a while, you and your partner become companions more so than the rip-your-shirt-off and have-sex-in-the-stairwell kind of couple.
This isn’t a sign that your relationship is doomed, this is just how most relationships work.
You can only sustain that wildfire of passion for so long before the flame becomes more manageable and predictable and looks more like a flickering candlelight instead of a raging bonfire.
But just because it’s expected that some of that passion dies, doesn’t mean you’re content. Everyone wants their wife to be attracted to them. Every guy wants their one and only woman to look them in the eye and be so insanely turned on by the man they are.
Having your wife compliment you, flirt with you, and swoon when you give her that look, is a feeling all men want and crave.
So how do you get it?
How To Attract Your Wife
Do you start working out or shower her with gifts? Maybe you whisk her away on a romantic vacation or simply start taking out the trash without her asking?
I know you’re looking for a quick fix, but to create sustained attraction, you’ll need to invest the time into becoming a more present and well-rounded man.
The Reason For A Lack Of Attraction
It’s gonna sound a little odd, but the key to sex appeal is balance.
Perhaps not when you’re in the early stages of a relationship, but you’ve been married to your partner for a while. Balance is what she wants to see from you, but let me explain.
Later on in relationships, after the initial courting and honeymoon phases, you two tend to settle into a groove. Life becomes mundane, domestic, and anything but sexy.
And chances are you’re going to become much more of a provider. Instead of investing in her, you’re now going to invest in your career. You two want a family, a house, vacations to the Amalfi Coast, and those things are expensive.
So you’ll do what you think any man should, you’ll put your head down and grind. But even though your heart’s in the right place, this overemphasis on work and providing will drive a wedge in your relationship. You’ll begin to slowly neglect her, the family, and your domestic duties as a father, a lover, and a partner.
Sure she feels provided for financially, but she might not feel provided for emotionally.
Yes, she feels safe in the sense that she won’t get evicted from her home, but if you’ve been focusing too much on work, she might not feel emotionally and psychologically safe.
So she’ll tell you that she’s not feeling it anymore. That the spark is gone, she’s rethinking things, or worse, that she needs some time apart.
Hearing this, you might be tempted to ditch your professional ambitions and invest more time with her. This is a nice thought. It shows you genuinely want to reconnect with your wife. But it’s not what she wants, not exactly at least.
Such a drastic shift from breadwinner to showering her with love, could feel like lovebombing. This will be a jarring transition that if anything could confuse her and come off as disingenuous.
Instead, she wants a balance between work and personal goals, being present with her, and making her feel loved.
A quick side note. All this time that you’ve been asking, how can I make my wife more attracted to me, it’s possible that you’ve been so busy that you haven’t made your wife feel wanted. You haven’t flirted with her, initiated romance, or made her feel desired. So tell me, if your wife feels like you don’t want her, why would she want you?
The Balance
The second you feel the desire to reignite that spark, you might feel the need to start acting in ways that she finds lovely, but at the same time is suspicious of. You buy her flowers, wash the dishes, knock out everything on the to-do list, and take her out to fancy restaurants. She might enjoy some of these things, but she’ll also be confused.
She’ll want to know who this new man is, what he has done with her old husband, and will naturally ask how long this new man will be around before it all fizzles out again.
If on one side of the relationship dynamic is you working your ass off to provide for her yet also neglecting her emotional needs and the other is suffocating her with affection, it’s on you to find that middle happy ground.
This is where attraction thrives.
Because even though you might want to get away from investing all your energy into work, it’s not like she wants you to become a stay-at-home Dad. She loves your drive, the passion you have for your career, and wants to see you succeed. She just doesn’t want all that if it comes to the detriment of your relationship. She doesn’t want to see you limp home from work every day, too tired to have a decent conversation or play with the kids.
On the flip side, she doesn’t want a man whose only purpose in life seems to be attending to her every need. She wants you to have your own life, opinions, and goals.
So it’s on you to find this middle ground between chasing your professional passion and incessantly doting on her.
Inner Growth
Finding this balance is difficult if you don’t focus on creating lasting internal shifts. I know everyone wants the quick fix, but the quick fix or hack won’t lead to sustainable marital bliss.
Your wife wants to see you develop into the kind of man she can once again see herself with in the long run.
One way she wants to see this is by showing her you’re in control. What this means is that she wants you to be in control of yourself. In control of your emotions, your energy, your goals, and in control of how you choose to spend your time. She wants a confident, composed man, who knows what he wants and how to get it.
Ironically, one of the best ways you can find this confidence and be more sure of yourself is if you start making intrinsic changes that are done for you and no one else. This means that you’re not changing for your wife, but rather for yourself. If you change for your partner, whatever progress you made will cease the second you achieve what you sought after.
That means if you’re working out to become more attractive to your wife, the moment she starts showing you more sexual interest, you’ll stop hitting the gym. It’s kind of like the yo-yo effect people get when dieting. They’ll change their diet to achieve a desired weight, but the moment they have their ideal weight, their diet changes and they begin to once again put weight back on.
This won’t happen if you’re intrinsically motivated to change. If you have an intrinsic desire to get in shape, become a better listener, to carve out more time for your family, then all these changes will stick. They won’t come to an abrupt end once you’ve achieved an external goal. Instead, you’ll fall in love with the process and as a byproduct, your wife will fall in love with you all over again.
Start Today
Why wait to begin the process of winning back your wife’s affection — because, make no mistake, this is a process.
So here’s your homework.
Figure out if you’re spending enough time with your wife and family. How many hours do you spend with them every day, and of those hours, how much of that is quality time? Are you actively engaging with them, or are you a spectator in your own home?
Figure this out and then begin to figure out ways to carve out meaningful time to spend with them.
Secondly, identify internal shifts you can begin to make that you genuinely want to make for yourself. Maybe that means becoming more physically healthy, picking up a new hobby, or becoming more patient.
Your wife found you attractive before, so I have no doubt that she’ll have the hots for you again, so long as you’re willing to put in the work.
If you want to go deeper and learn all the necessary steps to rebuild your relationship, book a one-on-one call now. A member of our team will learn more about you and show you the process our clients use to transform their relationships from the ground up.