Wondering why you’re getting mixed signals from a woman you like? Well, our dating culture isn’t as predictable as it used to be.
If you married in the 50s, it’s likely that your wife would have gone to your church, attended your school, or even lived in the apartment next to your family. You’d date for a couple of years and get married around the age of 21. This was the standard romantic trajectory in the 50s. But as the gender gap has been narrowed, the job market has changed, and tech has taken over romantic life, the dating scene has drastically changed.
It’s these changes that have encouraged fickle romances. A few decades ago, women weren’t inundated with romantic options. They’d learn to ride a bike, go to prom, find a husband, and die all within the same neighborhood. Today’s romantic narrative is a bit different. The dynamism of the modern man and woman doesn’t lend itself to a stable romantic life. Getting mixed signals from a woman is just a symptom of modern life.
To be clear, receiving mixed signals is when a woman oscillates between attraction and indifference. Following one date she’ll ping you every few hours while after others she’ll ghost you for an entire week. Encountering a fickle lady during your dating adventures is only natural. What counts is knowing why you’re receiving mixed signals and tricks to figuring out if she’s into you or not.
First Off, Is She 100% Single?
Dating multiple people is a rite of passage.
Simultaneously dating various men or women today is viewed as sensible rather than immoral. You wouldn’t settle on the first cocktail you ever tried and only drink margaritas for the rest of your life, would you? This same logic is used by your romantic contemporaries. Today’s culture allows for prolific dating without much of a stigma. This culture shift means that dating philosophies like MegaDating are pervasive.
She could be dipping in and out of your life because she’s not fully invested in any single dude. Dating in the 21st century can be likened to a buffet. Before she confines her palate to a single meal, she needs to explore her options a bit. This perhaps is why she cancels plans, is hot and cold and has been distant as of recent.
With the myriad of dating options available nowadays, a number of not so loving romantic trends have flourished. One of these trends is breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is putting a romantic interest on the back-burners. This person is being led on just so as to keep them around. She might not consider you a serious long-term partner, but she likes having you poised and at the ready just in case she needs you to fulfill any number of romantic or emotional needs.
Getting Mixed Signals from a Woman Because You’re Not Single?
If you knew someone was dating other people and thus pushing you to the periphery of their dating life, how would you react? Would you pursue them even more, find others to date as well, or just give up? Everyone responds to coming in second place differently.
If she knows of your MegaDating lifestyle, she may naturally become capricious in order to not get herself hurt. She’s not ready to give herself to you fully because she knows you’re not willing to do the same. She’ll only reciprocate once you make your intentions known. No one wants to be seen as the dummy for falling head over heels for someone that isn’t interested.
It’s at this juncture that you’ll have to consider the future. If you see this woman that’s now behaving ambivalent to you as a long-term romantic option, you may want to stop dating other women. But if she’s just another woman in the stack of ladies you’re already dating, perhaps it’s best to let her be and invest your time in women that aren’t ambivalent towards your romantic advances.
If transitioning into an exclusive and long-term relationship, sit down with this woman and come clean. Tell her you’re considering not dating anyone else so that you can focus on your relationship with her. But only reveal your cards if reciprocity is likely. Making an aggressive move like this could also work against you and leave her running.
Is She Even Actively Dating?
You could be getting mixed signals from a woman because she’s not even actively dating. Remember, it’s not all about you.
When dating we have a tendency to take rejection personally. We think that if she doesn’t respond to my Tinder messages or return my calls it’s because I did something wrong.
She’s living a unique world filled with nuances that you know nothing about. Thinking the reason she doesn’t have time to go out Friday is because she doesn’t like you is ego-centric. Yes, sometimes there may be no connection. But other times she’s got family issues, a dog to take care of, a friend that just came into town, professional affairs etc. You’re not always a priority in her life. Even if she likes you, there may be more significant issues she’s dealing with.
Also consider her attachment style? Everyone’s upbringing determines their attachment style. Emotional styles are rooted in childhood and stay with us until they’re efficiently addressed. Those with avoidant attachment styles have suffered traumatic experiences in their childhood. Sexual assault, a deceased parent or another emotional loss could have developed this attachment style. As a consequence, she’s turned into a fickle dater.
Is It Possible You’re Already In The Friendzone?
Here is a list of friend zone signs:
- Never kissed
- Always buying her things
- Zero physical intimacy
- Always calling you dude or bro followed by a playful fraternal punch
- Talk about her dating life with you
- Introduces you as a friend
A friend zone is one type of end-zone, just not the one you want to find yourself in. Do the aforementioned things keep happening to you? Did your romance turn platonic without you even noticing? Don’t waste time trying to convince her that you’re worth romancing. If you’re MegaDating you’ll be able to quickly move on and find a new romantic interest. If you’re not, it’s time to get started.
Is She Taking More Than She’s Giving?
Take out that number two pencil and a sheet of paper, it’s time for a quiz.
Write down the number of times you’ve done a favor for her in one column. Next to it, write down the number of times she’s done a favor for you. Does the give and take in this relationship seem a bit unbalanced? The next time she asks for a favor, try saying no. Watch to see how she reacts. Cutting off communication or inching away is a sign that maybe she’s more interested in using you as her personal assistant rather than a boyfriend.
Is She A Work Colleague?
Maybe you’re getting mixed signals from a woman you work with. The lines of professional and romantic relationships are blurred within the context of the workplace.
Does she want to go out with you or does she just want to prepare for the upcoming presentation? When it comes to workplace romances you’ll need a thick pair of glasses in order to read between the lines.
Personally, I think workplace romances are reckless. But as the romantic would say, “insert love cliche about how you can’t pick who you love here.” Dating a co-worker makes all the sense in the world and at the same time no sense.
For one, you spend more time with your co-workers than with family and friends. The process of learning about them and forming a connection is organic. You two eat lunch together, overcome hurdles, reach milestones, and grow together. Yet at the same time, dating a co-worker can be risky. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll still have to face your ex at work. Every. Single. Day. Not everyone has a Jam and Pam romance. While your romance might start out like Jam and Pam’s it could end like Michael and Jan’s.
Read the signs carefully. Don’t pursue unless you’re certain of mutual attraction. If she even gives you an ambiguous rejection when you ask her out, accept it and move on. Don’t ask her out again later on. While sharing a desk with your ex is bad, getting fired for sexual harassment is even worse.
Have You Actually Asked Her Out Yet?
She’ll know how to behave around you once the relationship is a bit more defined. If you’ve yet to ask her out, in her mind, the dynamic hasn’t been defined. Flirting every once and a while or even sharing a few drunk kisses doesn’t necessarily change the dynamic. What will create a concrete change in behavior is an explicit TDL.
A TDL stands for: time, date, location. It’s these three things that must be defined when asking a woman on a date. Asking her to go to the zoo on Sunday at 11 a.m. will receive a yes or no response. When asking her out be sure you use the word date. This will provide the clarity she needs and will shape her behavior.
Look, She Could Be On Her Period
The impact of a period varies from woman to woman.
Some women will experience a painful gush for 7 full days while others experience just three days’ worth of annoyance. The pain, duration, the potential for mood swings, and one’s ability to handle a period all factor into one’s behavior.
If she had an emotional outburst in front of you it might be because of a hormone imbalance caused by her period. But before you chalk her mood swings up to a period, consider the other. Women far and wide are tired of having their feelings written off due to an outburst caused by her period. If she truly seems to be distant for a few days at about the same time every month, it could be because of her period.
When on one’s period, a woman produces less dopamine and more cortisol. Studies have shown that such a shift can even increase the likelihood that a woman commits a crime. Juxtapose these feelings of disgust with feelings of bloated affection caused by ovulation. When her behavior during these periods of time are compared it may seem like you’re definitely getting mixed signals from a woman.
Follow this recipe in order to cut through the confusion.
First, ascertain her relationship status. Second, figure out if she’s interested or not. And thirdly ask her out with a TDL. When in doubt, be direct.
Getting mixed signals from a woman can be, well, confusing. If you need a woman’s perspective to help decipher the quandary, you can always book a 1-on-1 Skype session with your truly. During the session we’ll assess the situation, create a plan of attack, and if need be put you on a 3-month coaching program geared towards rewiring how you go about dating.