There are a lot of dating coach myths out there, and today I want to set the record straight. People who hire dating coaches are rarely the type of men you’d expect them to be. For instance, most people think guys that hire a dating coach are nerdy, ugly or pathetic, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

A-Players Hire Dating Coaches

It’s the A-players that have the good sense to reach out to experts for help when they aren’t getting what they want. The guys that have every other area of their life dialed in and who are ready to focus on dating so they can attract their most ideal girlfriend. These are the go-getters, the men who unapologetically pursue the things they want. The guys who chase what they are after.

Don’t Just Be A Spectator If Your Own Life

Men who hire dating coaches aren’t the types to sit back and let life pass them by. They’re at the helm of the ship with the wheel in their hands. It’s like baseball. The professional players aren’t so good that they don’t need a coach. On the contrary, they’re the best because they have raw talent and a lot of experts helping behind the scenes.

Professional baseball players have many coaches; a first-base coach, a third-base coach, a head coach, a pitching or hitting coach, the list goes on and on. So if you think about it, the most successful people are the ones with the most support. They have lots of experts in their corner, and they’re willing to implement the suggestions they get from them.

So why are there so many myths about guys who hire dating coaches? Maybe because the guys who make excuses in life have created a stigma around it because they’re jealous. I’m not sure. The best I can do is address each myth one-by-one to flesh out the truth from the lies.

Myth #1: Guys Who Hire Date Coaches Can’t Get Dates

Sometimes this is true, but mostly it’s false. Though I’ve had my share of clients who have never dated anyone, the majority of my clients get dates. Quantity isn’t the problem, but the quality is.

I’ve had clients come to me who have been on as many as 50 dates in the past six months, but they’re not excited about the women they’re attracting. Or, if they are super enthusiastic about someone, they find themselves getting weird because they’re too interested and end up scaring her away.

Quality First, Quantity Second

Dating coaching isn’t just about learning how to get dates. It’s about learning how to attract the super high-value women that you’re really excited about without scaring them off. I teach my clients to do this by MegaDating, which allows them to compare and contrast the women they date so they can clarify the characteristics they’re truly after.

I also take them through training that uncovers precisely what they’re looking for in their ideal girlfriend. This process ensures that their trajectory in attracting the right women is solid. You’ve got to know precisely who you’re targeting first before you can use the dating apps most effectively. It’s all about going in with a strategy. If you keep throwing spaghetti at the wall until something sticks, you’re going to have zero control. That’s where I come in.

Myth #2: Guys Who Hire Dating Coaches Are Losers

This belief is one of the biggest dating coach myths out there, and it could not be further from the truth. The most successful people in life understand that they don’t know everything and they outsource what they haven’t mastered to experts. The same is true for dating coaching.

Successful men are the types most likely to hire a dating coach. These are your doctors, your lawyers, your CEOs, and your dentists. I’ve coached successful web programmers to retired entrepreneurs and real estate moguls.

Chase What You’re After

Every client, regardless of their career-accomplishments, has one thing in common, they go after what they want in life… and they get it. They’re willing to hire help and drop their ego if it means they get what they want. They’re eager to put themselves out there, to take risks, to do things that feel uncomfortable to find their most ideal partners.

Men who hire dating coaches don’t settle for less in life. They’re the type of people who won’t just accept the status quo because it’s easy. They believe they deserve the very best and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

Myth #3: Guys Who Hire Dating Coaches Are Socially Awkward

Another one of the major dating coach myths that I hear all too frequently. I’ve seen an interesting trend in a lot of my clients who self-identify as “socially awkward” but who are not that weird. For instance, I offer mock dates to my San Francisco locals and the majority of the time I do them, my feedback is much more positive than they were expecting.

Reasons Why You Might Think You’re Socially Awkward

A lot of people think they’re socially awkward (when they’re not) because someone in their past told them so. Perhaps you have a negative ex who liked to say to you crummy things about yourself to make herself feel superior. Maybe your mom sucked. Or maybe you just grew up in the suburbs. Who knows. Whatever the cause, the belief that got created is not necessarily true. Always look for evidence that supports the claim outside of what your critics tell you.

Feeling socially awkward can also happen when you hang out with other uncomfortable or insecure people. When someone is feeling insecure around you, it can cause you to question yourself, leaving you thinking, “am I to blame for the weird vibes?” This scenario can undoubtedly create a lot of social anxiety.

Pay Attention To Your Environment & The People In It

I feel socially awkward at times, but what I’ve learned is that sometimes it’s because I’m in a location that doesn’t align with who I really am. When this happens, I notice that I’m not being very authentic. Other times it’s more because the other person feels nervous or intimidated and I’m taking their energy personally (which is a bit narcissistic) and thinking that I’m the cause of it.

A lot of times the work I do with my clients is more about getting them to realize that they’re okay just the way they are. In these cases, it’s essential for them to build up their confidence so they can own who they are and stop apologizing for it. I find myself telling so many of them, “there’s nothing wrong with you…DO YOU!”

Myth #4: Date Coaches Help Men Manipulate Women

If that were true, I wouldn’t be teaching this stuff. As a woman, I’d have to be heartless to teach men how to manipulate my fellow females. On the contrary, I teach them how to communicate in ways that make women feel good. I want men to be successful as much as I want my fellow females to get what they want too.

Dating coaching teaches men how to create win-win strategies in the same way the best salespeople do. A great salesman isn’t a slimeball; he’s a consultant, a problem-solver, a solution bringer. He’s not more interested in pushing his agenda than he is in understanding his prospect’s needs. The same is true in dating coaching.

I teach my clients to understand what’s going on in a woman’s mind so they can better give her what she wants because that means that they get what they want too. There’s nothing manipulative about that. Dating coaching teaches men how to get out of their own way, which, in turn, allows women to also get out of their own way. It’s a win-win for both genders.

Myth #5: It’s All Just PUA Training

False. I’m not a big fan of PUA (Pickup Artist) coaching, though admittedly, The Mystery Method, a book written by a PUA, is how I first discovered dating coaching. While I find some of the material to be helpful for certain people in specific scenarios, overall, I find the techniques the PUA community teaches to be pretty manipulative and egocentric, which hurts a man’s chances of attracting high-value women.

Unlike PUA training, with its canned material and emphasis on going to bars to pick-up intoxicated women, my Signature coaching program is founded on scientific evidence. The teachings rely on data collected from my 100-Date Experiment and trains men how to attract high-value women, not sloppy, drunk ones. I’d compare it more to sales and marketing training than to PUA coaching.

Some of the more sales and marketing-focused topics covered include objection handling, lead generation (of prospective dates), messaging, marketing yourself on the apps, photo selection, social strategy, wardrobe, grooming, and presentation. We also cover more subtle psychology-based topics like attachment styles, boundary setting, managing expectations, learning how to say no and how to receive.

Myth #6: Only Ugly Guys Hire Date Coaches

So not true. Some of my clients are so good looking that I’ve encouraged them to submit themselves to The Bachelor because they look like models. I’m blown away by how many good looking guys hire dating coaches. When I first see what they look like, often I can’t believe they’re struggling to get dates.

Even Good-Looking Guys Strike Out

At the end of the day, though, even if you’re good-looking, you still might be striking out. It can happen when you don’t know how to take a competitive photo that attracts your ideal match. Sometimes it happens because the quality of your message is low and doesn’t add enough value. Other times it is because you don’t have an in-person social strategy to supplement how you meet people IRL.

Is Your Dating App Strategy Competitive Enough?

I even have guys that have tested their photos and are getting competitive scores, but they still aren’t able to get enough responses on dating apps to keep their dating funnel full. This dilemma happens when they don’t have a dating app strategy and when they haven’t figured out how to craft emotionally compelling messages that add value.

My Signature coaching program covers all of this and more. It is especially useful for men who are good-looking but can’t seem to attract the women they’re excited about on the apps. With a little training, a stellar strategy, and some dating profile hacks, they’re able to get way more dates with much higher quality women than they were getting before.

Myth #7: Only Old People Hire Dating Coaches

Not true. I’ve worked with clients from 18-75 years old and let me tell you; age has nothing to do with why they hire a dating coach. Older adults, young people, middle-aged people, divorced people, people who have never dated even into their 40’s, I’ve had them all, and I’ll tell you, all you need is the drive to find your ideal partner and the belief or hope that you can.

Myth #8: If You Haven’t Found ‘The One’ Within 6 Weeks Of Working With A Coach, You’ve Failed

Everyone has their own timeline for success in dating, and a lot of it depends on where you’re starting from. If you come in with zero dating history, the process usually takes longer because there’s some underlying reason why you’ve avoided dating for so long. Other times the dating journey takes longer is when there’s a lot of mental baggage surrounding your feelings towards it.

If you’ve stored up years and years of angst because you feel that women have strung you along and now you’re super bitter and cynical, then you’re doing yourself a disservice. Your attitude will always determine what you get in life, and it’s no different from dating coaching. Coming in with a lot of limiting beliefs only hurts you. While the problem is fixable, it’s going to take much longer to get that negativity drilled out of your mind. However, it’s vital to do so if you want to attract women.

An Insecure Attachment Style Can Slow Your Progress

Lastly, another major factor in the speed of one’s success in dating coaching has to do with the person’s attachment style. Folks like me, who lean toward an avoidant attachment, often take longer than those who lean toward secure attachments. Even those with anxious attachment styles seem to make faster progress than my avoidant counterparts.

This has to do with the time it takes a person with an avoidant attachment style to build trust. For me, it takes a long time to be “all-in” with someone. That means that, while I may take longer to feel safe, once I do, I’m intensely loyal and will rarely leave the relationship.

Myth #9: Guys Who Hire Dating Coaches Are Desperate

Not true. Guys who are desperate don’t position themselves strategically to get what they want. They don’t plan ahead to figure out exactly how to achieve their goals. Desperate men are the ones that don’t have what they want. They make excuses for why they can’t get it and never try to figure out why the pattern keeps repeating.

Men who hire date coaches, on the other hand, are smart and strategic. They know the value of having someone supportive in their corner. They’re also the type of people who hire personal trainers, business coaches, sign-up for leadership training and hold advanced degrees.

They’re the life-learners, the thrill-seekers, the curious and open-minded dreamers who know that if someone else has something they want, that they can learn how to get it too. There’s nothing desperate about unapologetically pursuing the life you wish to live.

Ready To Get What You Want Out Of Dating?

If you’re ready to go after the relationship that you truly want and know that you deserve a real, meaningful connection with an amazing woman, then I would love to meet you. I offer $25 introductory coaching sessions for people who are interested in joining my Signature program and want to know a little bit more before they commit. You can also check out my webinar that explains the program in more detail.