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WHEN TO EXPECT SEX w/ a Woman Who’s Been Hurt

WHEN TO EXPECT SEX w/ a Woman Who’s Been Hurt

It’s odd isn’t it?

That the physical attributes that turn women on mostly are also the ones that scare them the most?

Women like big strong men, but also fear them.

Should something go wrong they stand no chance of protecting themself against such a brute.

Sadly things have gone sour for far too many women.

It’s estimated that 29% of all women in the USA have experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by a partner. 48.8% of women in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner.

So if you’re dating someone new there’s almost a 50% chance that she’s been mentally or physically abused. 

Instead of getting frustrated by the intimate pace try to understand where she’s coming from.

When To Expect Sex With A Woman Who’s Been Hurt

It’s 2023.

Gone are the days of waiting to have sex until marriage. Also gone are the days of not having sex until you’re going steady or even until the second date.

We’re living in the most sexually liberated epoch in human history.

It’s for this reason men AND women expect to have sex early on in a relationship.

I’d say it’s expected that two people that have been dating have sex on the third or fourth date.

But just because this is the expectation doesn’t mean it’ll happen.

It’s not written in stone that four dates is the magic number.

When you have sex is chiefly determined by chemistry. If you two have already kissed, are super sexually attracted to each other, and feel safe with one another it’s natural to want to escalate things further. But to progress the relationship physically you’ll have to do all the little things right on the first and second date.

But sometimes you can do everything right and she still isn’t ready to have sex.

Women that have been hurt either physically or emotionally are more likely to want to wait.

When She’s Been Hurt

How will you know a woman has been hurt?

Eventually, she’ll tell you.

It all just depends on when.

If it happens on the first or second date it means she feels comfortable enough to confide in you. This is a great sign for your relationship. That being said, you don’t want to have talk of abuse color the date.

Should she choose to talk about what happened (doubtful she’ll go into full detail) listen respectfully but do not push her on details. If anything you’ll want to pivot away. Perhaps she wants to vent or perhaps she feels comfortable but doesn’t want to go into great detail and relive the experience with some stranger. You also don’t want this conversation to be what she remembers most from the date.

With that said it’s smart to change the conversation when possible.

Tell her how shitty that is and that you know far too many women that have been abused and that if that ever happened to your sister or friend you’d beat the crap out of the abuser.

Let her know you’re in her corner without letting talk of abuse dominate the date.

when to expect sex with a woman who's been hurt

Make Her Feel Comfortable

Part of the reason she doesn’t want to have sex with you comes down to her own personal trauma.

This isn’t something you can fix yourself but you can help her not feel triggered.

Part of that is understanding what triggers her. Ask her what she does and doesn’t like about getting romantic. Of course, only ask if the topic arises in an organic fashion. Trauma or not I believe this is a talk everyone should have before sex. You want to have an amazing time right? So why not ask the person what turns them on?

And while you can’t address her trauma by yourself you can make her feel more comfortable around you.

You can do so in a few ways.

The best and most simple way is by listening and respecting her.

That means:

  • Active listening
  • Caring about what she says
  • Never cutting her off
  • Never raising your voice
  • Voicing disagreements in a civil and respectful way
  • Respecting her boundaries

Making her feel comfortable also means protecting her and making her feel safe from others. Perhaps if you’re in a crowded room you grab her hand and lead the way. You always go for drinks in a busy bar and you meet her at the subway and walk with her to her car.

Go so far as to have dates in public places during the day and make sure they don’t drag on forever.

When it comes to texting value her independence and don’t bombard her with texts when she doesn’t immediately respond to yours. Give her space when she needs it.

Lastly and most importantly, never push the envelope.

This person has gone through enough traumatic experiences and doesn’t need you to trigger her.

When To Expect Sex

Let’s dive into when to expect sex with a woman who’s been hurt.

I would throw away the 3-4 date sex expectation.

In this situation, I would definitely use a pull tactic.

It might take 5 to 8 dates for her to want to have sex with you, and that’s OK.

Let her know that you’re willing to be patient, but every chance you get in person on a date when the tension increases say something like “I just don’t know how long I can last just kissing you like this.” “How do you have so much constraint.” You wanna say things like this to stay out of the friend zone.

That being said there’s a fine line between escalating things too quickly, falling into the friend zone and being super annoying.

Remember why you’re dating this woman.

Do you just want to get into her pants or do you genuinely like her?

If it’s the latter, be respectful and take your time. Do things to escalate such as kissing her on the cheek, holding her hand, and touching her lower back, all while not nagging her about having sex.

There’s no bigger turn-off than a guy who refuses to take a hint and respect a woman’s boundaries.

Choose Your Dates Wisely

To keep your mind right while you wait for her to have sex and move the relationship forward, I’d recommend that you set very inexpensive dates with this woman — so you don’t break the bank while you wait for her to come around.

Inexpensive doesn’t mean lame.

Inexpensive means dates that cost no more than $20. 

Some ideas include:

  • Yoga in the park
  • Picnic
  • Drinks by the lake/ocean
  • Hiking
  • Hitting the dog park
  • Paint-at-home kits
  • Board game double date with friends
  • Splitting a pizza
  • Icecream and walk

I’d also recommend that you continue MegaDating other women during the process.

MegaDating is our proprietary dating process that allows MEN to be in charge of their dating life so they can select the best partner from their list of candidates.

Here’s a video on that for more information.

MegaDating in a nutshell will increase your confidence, alleviate the anxiety of dating, but most importantly it will allow you to compare and contrast a variety of women so you know without a shadow of a doubt that you’re making the right decision for your life.

Who you select to share your life with is just as important as your purpose or the job you decide to take.

Dating around also makes it easier to move on to someone new. If you realize a relationship isn’t going anywhere or if you’re not nuts about someone, fine. You’ve got a date or two around the corner. You’re not going to stay with someone out of fear no one else will love you.

Bye-bye scarcity complex and hello Stacey.

Moving Forward

Remember what we’ve discussed when you go on your next date.

  • Stay patient and respectful
  • Artfully escalate sexual tension
  • Go on fun yet wallet-friendly dates
  • Pull tactic
  • MegaDate

Dating a woman who’s been through the emotional gauntlet isn’t easy. You’ll need to be understanding, patient, and respectful. If this is a tightrope you’re not ready to walk, let us know.

If you’re looking for support with your dating life, because who wants to go at dating alone, take a look at our free masterclass. It’ll give you an overview of MegaDating and how it can help you reach your dating goals in no time.

If you’re ready to take action NOW and you’re looking for a best-in-class coaching program with unlimited coaching until you get into the relationship of your dreams feel free to book an intro call with a member of our team at emlovz. 

In our program Dating Decoded you’ll learn:

  • How to MegaDate
  • Best first, second, and third date ideas
  • How to escalate sexual tension
  • Best online flirting strategies
  • The best way to ask a woman out
  • How to quickly find a long-term partner without breaking the bank

If you’d like to know more about us before signing up why not check out what our students have to say about us? 

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