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What To Do When Your Friends or Family Don’t Approve of Your Girlfriend

What To Do When Your Friends or Family Don’t Approve of Your Girlfriend

What To Do When Your Friends or Family Don’t Approve of Your Girlfriend

Dating a woman who your parents don’t approve of sounds like the premise to every sub-par Christmas rom-com.

But although you’re in the midst of a wild romance and your father has spat out his fair share of colorful expletives after he met your new girlfriend your situation is anything but rom-com.

It’s tough when your family doesn’t approve of your partner.

Check that — it’s a freakin’ nightmare.

Family and friends are the one constant we have in our lives.

Relationships come and go but our loved ones are our rock.

Though sometimes they’re as stubborn and as logical as a rock as well.

Look, you’re reading this because you’re in a bit of a quagmire.

You want to figure out how you can marry your family and friends with your new girlfriend.

Here’s what you do.

when your family doesn't approve of your partner

When Your Family Doesn’t Approve Of Your Partner

When your family doesn’t approve of your girlfriend or when your girlfriend doesn’t care for your family, the very best thing you can do is keep an open mind.

Instead of immediately declaring one party right and the other wrong, the most beneficial thing you can do is to try to understand both parties and ask that they have empathy for you and the other side as well.

These things make take a while to figure out.

Promote a civil environment by asking all involved to have respect for one another.

The second things get out of hand is when you too don’t approve of your loved ones.


when your family doesn't approve of your partner

Listen to what they’re saying and take notes.

Let me repeat that advice — listen.

Sit down, close your mouth, and open your ears.

Really try to understand where they’re coming from.

Ask probing questions to get a clear picture of why they don’t like your new partner nearly as much as you do.

If you respect your family and friends and think they have an ounce of insight into the situation then value the words they say and hear them out.

Even if you disagree, listening will give your parents the chance to vent and feel heard. This act alone will certainly help relax tensions the next time you are all in the same room.

But it goes beyond respecting those closest to you.

These are the people that have spent the most time with you. 

They know who you are, accept your idiosyncrasies, have helped you through bad breakups, and as such have perfected their girlfriend radars. 

In other words, they’re experts on you.

I’m assuming that if you could choose someone to pick your ideal partner for you, you’d ask your friends and family to do so.

With that said, they may be able to spot a thing or two about this woman that doesn’t make her the perfect partner for you.

You may be too infatuated or close to her to see her or your relationship for what it is.

Your parents and family members see you two interact. They see how you’ve changed and how your quality of life has improved or worsened as a consequence of this relationship.

These things may be hard to spot if you’re in a relationship.

Here are some other questions to think about when taking your family’s opinion into account:

  • What patterns do you see in the feedback you’re receiving?
  • Are these patterns that seem to repeat over and over again?
  • Why do you keep attracting the same type of women?

Make Sure Your Friends And Family Want What’s Best For You

Sadly this isn’t always a given.

when your parents don't approve of who you're dating.

Sometimes our family and friends can be a bit old-school in their way of thinking.

Maybe they don’t want their son dating someone who looks that way, has that shade of skin tone, works that job, or talks with that kind of accent.

Maybe our loved ones aren’t telling us she’s not the one because she’s not compatible, but because they’re not compatible with your parents.

We all have our prejudices.

Sometimes they take a while to surface, but we all have them.

Don’t let someone else’s limiting beliefs prevent you from dating someone that makes you happy.

But how do you know your folks don’t have your best interests at heart?

You should be able to detect a pattern. 

Perhaps they find faults in every woman you date (even though they’re all different), maybe they’ve expressed prejudices before, maybe they’re too quick to judge. 

It’s likely that these prejudices are more likely to come from family than friends. 

If your parents are the culprits, ask your friends for their opinion of your relationship. If it differs, have a long hard look at why that is.   

But if friends and family across the board all agree, then you should listen.

If there are a lot of varying opinions, pay attention to where the negative feedback is coming from and ask yourself what could be motivating that outside of genuine regard for your best interest.

If your family is for the new relationship but the friends are opposed, dig into the details and figure out why.

Friends might not be stoked with your new girlfriend because they’re jealous, because they’ll see less of you, or because they don’t want the group dynamic to change.

Everyone’s life changes as a result of your relationship. Like her or not some of these changes are good and others not so good.

Do You Like Your Friends And Family?

If you like them but they don’t like your girlfriend you’ve got yourself a problem.

If that’s the case here’s what’s most likely to happen:

A) They are showing you something is out of alignment with your selection process.

B) You’re probably going to grow distant from them if you continue dating someone they don’t like spending time with.

C) You break up with her to stay close to family and friends.

So you have a decision to make.

Who’s more important.

Plus, how attractive will you be if you have no friends or family members around?

That’s pretty isolating my dude.

Imagine wanting to spend time with your family during holidays but they don’t like your girlfriend, now you have to either not see them or not see her.

Sounds rough.

That being said, this all changes if you’re not really a fan of family and friends.

I know it’s crazy to say, but just because your life’s been intertwined with theirs for decades doesn’t mean you need to stand by them for decades longer.

Not all family and friends are supportive.

It sucks to realize it, but you might be better off without them.

There may be no better time to sever ties than now.

When you sever things with them you open up the opportunity to become closer to her family and friends.

If you’re serious about this relationship this might be something you’ll consider.

That being said, there’s no reason to be hasty.

Try to figure out a dynamic that works for all involved, but remember at the end of the day it’s your happiness that matters most.

See Her In A New Light

First impressions stick.

But maybe they shouldn’t.

Maybe your girlfriend was nervous as hell the first time she met your folks.

That’s why she started the night on her feet and ended it on her knees in the bathroom with your mother literally and figuratively looking down on your new boo-thang.

Ask that they give her another chance.

Tempt them into seeing her again by choosing an activity that your parents are into.

Perhaps go to the game together, play doubles tennis, or find another activity that will make it easy for all involved to connect.

Board games are an easy and fun way to do this.

Throw Them Some Propaganda

Maybe your folks don’t love the woman you met on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge, because of what you’ve been telling them.

Did you let slip that she arrived 30 minutes late on the first date or that she’s a massive Justin Bieber fan?

How about instead of planting negative seeds, plant positive ones.

Tell her some of the amazing things your girlfriend has done for you. Tell them about her new projects, how awesome she is at her job, how she cooks better than Grandma, or how she’s hilarious — they just need to get to know her.  

Be mindful of the information you share with friends and family.

The easiest way to change their minds is to show them how happy she makes you.

Date Around When Your Family Doesn’t Approve Of Your Partner

Just because you love her doesn’t mean those closest to you will.

Maybe it’s time to jump ship before your friends and family burn it.

Maybe they’ve made some good points and you were too infatuated to see the truth.

If these maybes are making you crazy, it may be time to start dating again.

In my program, I teach men the ways of MegaDating.

MegaDating involves dating various women at the same time. Instead of dating one at a time you’ll go out with Kaite on Tuesday, Amanda on Wednesday, and Rebecca on Sunday.

You’ll fill your social calendar with dates on dates.

This way you’ll quickly meet a range of women and will avoid settling. You’ll know what you’re attracted to and swiftly learn what attracts a woman.

You’ll become a champion of dating and will soon enough find a woman that satisfies both you and your family.

To learn how to do it, schedule a 1-on-1 appointment with myself or a member of my team.

During our talk, I’ll learn about your romantic goals and see if my program is right for you.

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