If you asked 100 women, “What do women look for in a man when dating him?” you’d probably get a bunch of different answers. But if you looked deeper, you’d notice that it all comes down to two things.
First, they need to be able to trust you. And second, they want to know that you’re genuinely interested in them.
If those two things are true, then you have a chance. But I’m sure you were hoping for a little more of an explanation! So to make it even easier, I’ve come up with examples of the best ways you can show your trustworthiness and interest, starting from the very first date.
So, What Do Women Look for in a Man on the First Date?
He looks like his pictures.
This is just as important to her as it is to you. Nothing says “shady” more than a guy who’s hiding behind his college frat pics from 10 years ago. Even if you mix in one or two old ones, believe me, she can tell. And she’ll wonder what else you’re hiding.
He listens about 70% of the time.
A first date is not an interview. Meaning, you don’t have to spend the first 20 minutes talking about your accomplishments. Who cares about every last detail of your 6-month volunteer teaching stint in Korea? Instead, dive deeper into what is important to her by asking questions. It’s one of the best ways to show that you really want to get to know her.
He asks good questions.
Speaking of questions, you want to ask her good ones, so she’ll feel safe with you and open up. Avoid too many serious questions, though. (You don’t want to interrogate her!) Just try to get the conversation going with interesting questions that demonstrate that you truly want to connect.
He’s on time for the date.
If you leave her sitting at the bar by herself for half an hour before you even show, it’s over. Being late gives her the message that you don’t care enough about her to be courteous. It’s not a good look.
He looks presentable.
I get it. It’s easy to get trapped into wearing the same things all the time. One-third of men even say that they’ve skipped events because they had nothing good to wear. So if you’re forced to rely on the same work uniform to take you from day to night, you might want to rethink things. She’ll notice how little effort you put into dressing for the date, and will assume it reflects how much you care about her.
He pays for the date.
Sorry. That’s the bad news. But the good news is, you don’t really need to spend more than $10. In fact, I recommend you don’t. You can easily have a great first date without spending a ton of cash. Think of cool places you can go for one drink during happy hour, split an ice cream sundae, etc. As long as you foot the bill, she’ll feel valued … and then you’re golden.
He is fully respectable.
Don’t give her any reason not to trust you, or to not want to be seen with you in public. Treat the bartender nicely. Try not to curse so much.
He wants to set up a second date.
If you’re into her, try to get the second date set up during the first date. This, along with a solid TDL (Time, Date, Location) will let her know that you’re serious about getting to know her. Don’t leave her any room to wonder. It’s not a time to play games!
What Do Women Look for In a Man: On the Second Date
He references something she mentioned on the first date.
One way to show you’ve been really listening to her is to bring up something she said in the past. Nothing is more flattering, especially if it was something that was important to her. Maybe she said on your first date that she loved the song “Let’s Dance” by David Bowie because she and her dad used to dance to it when she was 3. On your second date (let’s say it’s hiking) you could be like, “I’ve got our playlist all queued up … Bowie included!”
He uses touch in a non-creepy way.
Physical touch is important if you want to come off as attentive. It also signals that you’re interested in taking things further. But don’t be a creep! Awkwardly grazing certain parts of her body is not what I’m talking about here. It’s all about finding non-threatening ways to touch her, like brushing hair off her shoulder or holding her hand up for a second as you compliment her nails.
He plans a physical date.
No, by a physical date I don’t mean that. A physical date could be any activity that gets you both moving, often outdoors. It’s a great choice for a second date because it’ll help you naturally break the touch barrier while escalating sexual tension and decreasing lulls in the conversation. All of this helps move things forward and helps communicate that you’re into her.
He asks questions that may be a little deeper than first date questions.
Asking slightly deeper questions on your second date will build on the connection you made on your first date and allow you to get to know each other even more.
What Do Women Look for In a Man: On the Third Date
He wants to be intimate.
Some women might expect a guy to try to kiss them on the third date. Sex may also be acceptable here assuming the chemistry has escalated correctly. Or, she may not actually want either of these things yet — but expressing your interest in it will confirm your desire for her and spark a conversation around it if needed.
Other Things Women Look for in a Man
He has his life together.
If you’re not taking care of your own life, how will she trust you to ever be there for her? A guy who’s pursuing a career he loves, is responsible with his finances, and doesn’t live with eight people (unless he’s in college) will make women feel good about him.
He dresses well (and smells good!).
Ok, so you dressed well for the first date. But what about the rest? Women will take note of your day-to-day style. It’s usually not a dealbreaker, but when a man regularly dresses well and is groomed, it’s shows he takes care of himself. This gives the impression that he’s mature and more likely to be relationship material.
We all have problems, but pay attention to what you usually focus on. Are you constantly talking about your crazy ex and dead-end job? Vibes like that will not only push her away, but will make a woman feel like you’ll eventually talk that way about her.
Being able to walk into a room or a group of people and draw people to you is a skill, and if you have it, consider yourself lucky. Being charismatic can be intoxicating to a woman, because it means she can relax more in social situations with you. Don’t get me wrong, she could be charismatic too — but regardless, she’ll always appreciate it in you.
He gives compliments while not coming off as needy.
Complimenting a woman is important if you want to let her know that you’re interested. But there’s a fine line between genuine compliments and desperately telling her everything she wants to hear. Learn how not to be clingy, so that when you do compliment her, she knows you don’t expect anything from her.
He does what he says he’ll do.
Make sure you keep your word, even when it comes to little things, so that she knows you’re someone she can count on. That means, if you say you’re going to show up, do it.
He underestimates and over-delivers.
It may sound like a sneaky trick, but it’s actually a smart way to go. You never want a woman to feel disappointed. So when you set an expectation, don’t set it so high that you might not come through.
He is chivalrous.
Yep, women still love this. Things like paying for the date, opening doors, and walking on the outside of her along a busy street are all great ways of making her feel safe and cared for in your presence.
He can make her laugh and gets her out of her head.
Go ahead and bust out the dumb jokes … the stupider, the better! Being willing to take risks to make her laugh shows you care about her happiness. It also gets her out of her head, and she’ll be grateful to you for it.
He’s physically attentive and not afraid to touch her.
When done right, physical touch can be soothing, affectionate, and can set a sexy mood for your interactions. But obviously, you don’t want to offend her or do anything she’s not comfortable with. Learn how to break the touch barrier in a ways that are indirect and natural.
He’s a good kisser.
It’s not everything, but being a bad kisser can definitely make a woman uneasy. It would be hard for her to picture doing anything else with you physically if your kissing skills aren’t up to par. Figure out how to kiss her in a way that’ll really get her blood flowing.
His home is comfortable, warm, and inviting.
If you still have a stereotypical bachelor pad with nothing in the fridge and potato chips stuck in the couch, you’ve got a bit of work to do. Buy some plants, throw some art on the walls, and try to make it feel more homey. And don’t forget to put the heater on if it’s cold! All of these things will help her fully relax when she comes over to your place.
He has a good relationship with his friends and family.
Nobody knows you better than your close friends and family members. So if you don’t have a good relationship with them, she might assume they know something about you that she doesn’t. Make sure to mention your circle of family and friends so it’s obvious that people trust you.
He has a good work/life balance.
Even though you love your work and are driven to accomplish more, she also wants to see that you can step away and have fun. It will assure her that you won’t let your work interfere with your relationships. So, checking out on your phone while you’re out on dates is definitely a no-no!
He’s physically active and healthy.
Staying fit and healthy not only makes you stand out against other men (especially the older you get), but it also shows you have high self-esteem, which can make women feel secure around you.
He’s emotionally stable and can communicate well.
Signs that a guy doesn’t have control over his emotions can make women feel unsafe. That’s not to say you can’t express your emotions — just communicate them in a mature way that respects her boundaries. After all, a huge part of what will make a relationship work is your ability to talk about things, especially when it’s hard.
What Do Women Look for in a Man When Dating?: Wrap Up
While it’s tempting to try to pinpoint exactly what women want in men while dating, the truth is, the possibilities are endless. Just remember that you need to be genuinely interested and trustworthy — because if you are, it’ll naturally come across in all kinds of ways, as you can see above.
But if you still feel confused by the question, “What do women look for in a man?” and think you could use some personal feedback on your own dating life, feel free to book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype Session with me. I can give you even more insight into what’s going through women’s minds when they meet you and read your online dating profile, as well as give you tips on how to change your dating strategies for better success. We’ll also determine if my 3-month Signature program is right for you!