Relationship doubts arise from uncertainty. 

Uncertainty is rampant in the early stages of a relationship. There are unknown variables everywhere. It’s during the first two to three months of dating where you two are still feeling each other out. You’re still learning how to read her and determining if you two share a mutual affinity. Relationship doubts at this stage are natural, but that doesn’t mean they’re not unsettling. 

Doubting aspects of a nascent relationship can cause disharmony. Ruminating on the future of a relationship can become an all-consuming exercise. Learn to both live with and handle the doubts as they arise. Being that relationship doubts are inevitable, you’ll have to learn techniques in order to take these doubts in stride.

Having Relationship Doubts Before Exclusivity? Here’s What You Can Do

Fill Up Your Social Calendar (Stay busy with friends and family)

It seems counterintuitive. 

If the woman you’re currently dating is the most important and precarious relationship in your life, why would you spend time with other people? Well, there are a few reasons. 

Obsessing over a female is an unhealthy hobby. Worse than gaming until the early hours of the morning or getting lost in the virtual quicksand that is YouTube, obsessing over a female you don’t even know isn’t how you should be spending your time. In order to put your mind at ease, you need to get your emotional fix from another source.

Spending time with friends and family will make you realize that this new woman isn’t your entire world. Never use just one person as an emotional crutch. Leaning on a single person for your emotional needs is unfair and unwise. 

Another reason to invest time in others is that appearing busy increases your value. If you’re available every time she wants to see you and you answer her texts as soon as you receive them she’ll start thinking that your sole reason for being in this world is to please her. Prove that you’re a complex individual living your own unique life that is full of various stimulating social relationships. If she sees that your social life doesn’t revolve around her, she’ll consider you a more worthy romantic partner. 

Date Other Women

Everyone’s first relationship is messy. 

It doesn’t matter if you were each other’s first love or that you two went our for the entirety of your high school years -your first romantic relationship was childish. That’s because you didn’t have any prior romantic experience. You didn’t if you should kiss her on the first date, if you should hold her hand, when to buy her presents, how to introduce her to friends, etc. But as you dated more and more women, those doubts began to wane. 

As with anything, with experience comes a sense of ease. MegaDating -the practice of dating women simultaneously- will confer you with a certain level of romantic comfort. How can you ever doubt yourself when you’ve done this all before? 

You’ve gone on first dates with women you’ve met through various social streams, you’ve had your first kisses with dozens of women, and you know exactly what you like in a female, all because you’re a prolific dater. 

But let’s say that regardless of dating various women you still find yourself with relationship doubts. If these doubts diminish the likelihood of sustaining a long-term relationship, why keep the relationship limping along?

Knowing that there’s another single woman on the dating docket for next week should imbue you with the confidence that there are more women out there. Women that in all likelihood are compatible and will give rise to fewer doubts than the woman you’re currently dating. The benefit of dating other women is that it encourages you to never settle. Knowing that there are attainable women in the world decreases the odds of settling for the wrong woman.

Exercise Daily

Romantic doubt is a chief contributor to stress.

In this context, stress arises when we obsess over questions that can’t be answered. Does she like me, is she using me, why doesn’t she respond to my texts, is she going to call me -these are all questions that keep our minds buzzing late into the hours of the night.

Stress generated from these questions doesn’t need to be mitigated head-on. To quell such stress you don’t need to have all these burning questions answered. Instead, learn how to roll with the punches by engaging in stress-relieving exercises. 

A multitude of studies show that physical activity reduces stress. Exercise makes you more alert, less fatigued, more resilient, and more focused. But running, lifting weights, and Sunday soccer aren’t the only activities that alleviate stress. 

There are dozens of forms of meditation, but mindfulness meditation, in particular, is best when combating stress. In this form of meditation, the meditator needs only to rest their attention on the breath. The number of meditation studies have skyrocketed in recent years.

Researchers from John Hopkins University recently sifted through 19,000 studies on meditation to find 47 reputable studies that examined meditation’s impact on stress. In each of these studies, researchers found that there was a clear link between meditation and the reduction of stress, anxiety, and depression.

If asking her upfront to resolve your relationship doubts isn’t working, use these methods to cope with uncertainty. Exercising your body and mind daily will help you make better romantic decisions in the future. 

Go On A Solo Vacation 

Thoughts of doubt still hounding you despite your new daily regimen of mediation and jogging? It turns out that a panacea does in fact exist. 

Well, I suppose that calling a solo vacation a cure-all is a stretch, but it’s tough to argue that sipping margaritas next to a pristine beach at an all-inclusive resort won’t significantly make your life better (at least until you fly back home). 

If you think solo traveling is only for the lonely and heartbroken think again. Traveling without a companion is trendier than ever. With the help of tech, traveling alone has never been easier. Remote working is now the norm, hostels are in abundance, and Google translate makes you fluent with the click of a button. But is it good for your mental health to be traveling alone? 

Psychotherapist Tony Ingham laughs at the absurdity of the question. He says that going at it alone can help break the monotony, build confidence, make you more resilient, and exposes you to new people and places. If you’re struggling with coping with relationship doubts with a woman you like, what could be better for your mentality than a trip that takes you far away (mentally and physically) from the source of these doubts that also works to shore up your ability to combat anxiety?

Focus On Your Purpose(s): Women Are Highly Attracted To Men That Have Their Shit Together 

What else have you got going on in your life apart from an unhealthy obsession?

Life is a nuanced puzzle. Women are most attracted to men that know how to put together this seemingly nonsensical puzzle together. The more a woman sees that you have your life figured out, the more she’ll be attracted to you.

It may seem like you’ve got tunnel vision right now. But it’s important to not lose sight of everything else. Keep your jobs, ambitions, friends, and family in check. Don’t allow a woman that’s causing you anxiety to unravel your life. Odd as it may sound, focusing on aspects of your life unrelated to the woman your dating could well improve your romantic relationship. 

Did you ever think that the reason you’re so obsessed with her is that you view her as your savior? Perhaps you’re lonely so you rest all your emotional needs on her. Or that things aren’t going well at work so you’re looking for another source of confidence. Once you have the rest of your life figured out, romantic doubt will seem like a minor bother. 

Don’t Ask For A Premature Commitment

What if you couldn’t define your relationship because the words “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” “couple,” “monogamy,” or “exclusive” didn’t exist. How would you proceed if all labels were removed? How would you know you were happy? 

It’s important to challenge your preconceptions of love and relationship. Love doesn’t need definitions or labels. So why do we crave them? 

Our ego demands a definition but our ego often gets it wrong. It wants to control everything, but love and control are mutually exclusive. If you’re wanting to fast-forward to commitment, take a step back and examine why you feel the need to do so. What does it mean to be “committed” and what does it mean to “love.” One is more expansive than the other, I promise you.

I’d recommend challenging everything society has taught you about love. Love has no timeline, so don’t force one. Forcing is a surefire sign that you’re operating from your ego, not your heart. Keep this in mind: The ego is fearful and operates on a foundation of scarcity. Love, however, is always abundant and accessible at any time, regardless of labels and constraints. 

It’s love and affection that require your attention at the beginning of a romance. Focus your energy on building a connection and the rest will fall into place in due time. 

Having Relationship Doubts AFTER You’re In a Committed Relationship

Sit Her Down And Express Yourself

Relationship doubts about a woman you’re in a relationship with are a bit trickier to handle. Before you could just date multiple woman or ghost the woman you were dating; not anymore. When it comes to having relationship doubts in a committed relationship it’s best to confront those doubts head-on.

She isn’t going anywhere and neither are you. You can only avoid talking about the doubts with your girlfriend before things get worse. Put out any fires before they burn a hole in your relationship. 

Sit her down and use statements that begin with “I.” Telling her that “you make me feel this way” can come across as aggressive. Starting with “I” will generate compassion according to studies. Be transparent and use as much tact as possible to air your grievances. Addressing relationships doubts through an open and non-judgemental style of communicating will set the tone for the future. This is the healthiest way to deal with relationship doubts. 

What Do YOU Want?

Sometimes we get so caught up being the good person in a relationship that we forget to ask ourselves what we want. You should only ever be in a relationship because it makes you happy. You always have the ability to lay a relationship to rest. It’s difficult ending something with someone that you invested so much time into but don’t let those past experiences blind you from the right decision. 

Ask yourself if you’re achieving your interpersonal, dating, and relationship goals with this person. If not, it might be time to move forward. 

Get An Unbiased Opinion

Don’t ask your friends and family. I’m sure they’ve already been bombarding you with plenty of unsolicited advice. 

An unbiased party such as an MFT or dating coach like me can help you view your relationship from an aerial view. A trained relationship professional has listened and found solutions to problems just like yours. A dating coach, for instance, has made a career out of helping resolve relationship doubts. 

To talk to a dating coach today by booking a 1-on-1 Skype session with me. In this session, we’ll talk about your doubts and create a plan that addresses any and all interpersonal issues. 

We’ll also see if ongoing coaching could help you reach your future goals – like finding your next relationship, getting married, or having a family.