Is She Ghosting Me or Just Busy? (+ How to Bounce Back)
For all those non-believers out there, let me tell you once and for all that ghosts exist.
Perhaps they don’t jump out and scare you when you look in the bathroom mirror or try to befriend you because the other ghosts are making fun of them but be advised, they are real.
Except the ghosts I’m talking about aren’t the ones that like to be seen.
Rather the ghosts of romance exit your life as quickly as they entered.
Not to be seen or heard of ever again.
Many of us have at one time or another been ghosted.
We’re dating someone, talking with them all the time, and then in a flash, they’re gone from our lives, refusing to answer texts and calls.
I’d call this trend playing dead, but I guess ghosting sounds catchier.
In this article we’ll define ghosting, examine the signs to help you determine is she ghosting me or just busy, and help you avoid ghosting in the future.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone who you were previously dating suddenly talking to stops responding to all forms of communication.
I’m not talking about not responding for a few days, rather this person never hit you back again.
Without explanation this person severs all forms of communication, rendering them a ghost (or playing dead whichever you prefer).
To ascertain whether you’re being ghosted or not you’ll have to send her a few messages.
Each message should end with a question.
Questions more so than statements increase the likelihood of her responding.
Sometimes women just don’t know what to say and therefore say nothing but it’s not a guarantee that she’s not interested if she doesn’t respond to one message.
Women are busy, en vogue, people.
Sometimes they get flooded with messages and take a while to respond as your message gets bumped to the back of the queue. Make sure she sees your messages by sending her a couple more.
After sending a few more messages that end in a question you should be able to answer the question, is she ghosting me or just busy?
Just don’t send her messages like these.
Why Do Women Ghost?
There are a billion reasons why people will cut off all communication.
Here’s a brief list:
- Lack the courage to tell you they’re not interested
- Think they don’t owe you an explanation
- Don’t feel safe telling you they want to end things
- Horrible communicators
- They’re really just that busy
The most common reason I’ve encountered is that the ghoster just doesn’t want to make things awkward.
They think they don’t owe you an explanation after just a few dates, so instead of having an awkward conversation they simply don’t say anything and let the silence speak for them.
While ghosting is certainly disappointing to the person being ghosted, the ghoster at least doesn’t have to experience the discomfort of knowing they disappointed you — which is part of the reason why they do it.
She might feel guilty and not want to talk about it or not have the emotional maturity to communicate it respectfully.
Or maybe she doesn’t have the respect and courage to be honest with you.
This is a red flag.
If you get ghosted, you’re dodging a poor communicator’s bullet.
You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who avoids conflict and can’t talk about how they’re feeling openly and honestly.
A ghoster is the type of person that has an avoidant attachment style.
They might feel it’s safer to ghost to protect themselves from emotional or physical abuse (especially if they grew up in an abusive household where truth-telling led to abuse). Or perhaps they have a mental disorder that makes them less empathetic to the needs, feelings, and social cues of others. These people are generally less emotionally available due to an attachment style or mental health issues.
They may be unwilling to confront their own feelings and insecurities. They may be escape artists who also struggle with addiction (used as a form of escaping from uncomfortable feelings).
Signs You’re Being Ghosted (And She’s Not Just Busy)
The signs of a ghost are pretty straightforward.
You’ll know she’s 100% ghosting you if:
- She hasn’t responded to the last three text questions
- She hasn’t responded in more than a week
- Hasn’t communicated with you in any way in over a week
- Has had the ability to contact you but has chosen not to for at least a week
There are less subtle signs that indicate a ghost might happen.
The last time you two went out did you notice something was off? That she wasn’t as affectionate or talkative as she normally is?
Women generally aren’t too busy for prince charming but it’s common for us to ghost when we don’t feel the chemistry or don’t see much value in going on another date.
Maybe she ghosted because your date idea just wasn’t compelling enough for her. Maybe it’s because she just isn’t that into you.
Either way, a busy woman will make time for what feels important.
So being busy is almost always an excuse for her to avoid hurting your feelings. If she is interested, she’ll be responsive to your messages and she’ll propose alternative times to hang out if she can’t make something you propose work.
How to Recover From Ghosting and Avoid Future Partners Who Ghost
It’s the kind of rejection that will always leave you wondering why.
And the thing is, there’s no real avoiding ghosting. It’s a staple in the modern dating scene and as much as we dislike it, most of us have done it ourselves.
But the best way to respond to rejection is through acceptance.
Meaning, the best way to rebound is to go on another date.
MegaDating is the dating strategy we’ve designed to help men do just that.
MegaDating, or the process of dating multiple women at the same time.
With another date lined up around the corner, it’s difficult to feel down in the dumps for too long. But how in the world do you plan on scoring so many dates?
In our coaching program, Dating Decoded, we teach our male students how to tap into their social networks in order to find single, compatible women to date.
But it’s not just the quick romantic rebound that MegaDating helps with.
By dating so many types of women in quick succession it also helps you to compare and contrast the communication styles of each of the women.
This helps you to avoid settling for a woman who doesn’t respond very quickly, who is “always busy” or who just doesn’t give as much as you do towards the budding relationship.
MegaDating is especially important if you’re currently getting ghosted by someone you’re interested in.
Talking to a handful of women at the same time really helps:
- Reduce clinginess
- Keeps your mind right and off of her lack of response
- Can help you move forward towards an amazing long-term partner without getting too hung up on one woman
So How Do You MegaDate?
In other words, how do you find all these new and amazing women to date?
As a 2017 Stanford study confirmed, the most popular way to meet your new partner is via a dating app.
In order to date multiple women a week you’re going to have to tap every social channel available to you. That means meeting friends of friends, meeting women at work, at parties, at the gym, etc.
But most importantly, it means meeting women online.
In particular on Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder.
In Dating Decoded we’ll give you the skills you need to attract dozens of women online.
And it all starts with the profile.
We’ve helped hundreds of students create highly effective online dating profiles. We teach them how to snap amazing photos (we also team up with professional dating app photographers), what to write in their profiles, which apps to download, and much more.
But a cute profile isn’t enough to cut it.
To get the most out of dating apps you’ll need to learn how to appeal to a woman enough to convince her to meet in person.
You do this by learning the way of MegaMessaging, something we teach in our program. We give you the skills you need to steer the conversation towards a TDL or towards asking her for her number.
Once you have her number it’s time to get dating.
But what kind of date should you ask her out on?
We provide a dating blueprint for the first three dates.
We teach you:
- How to ask her out
- Date criteria
- How to escalate sexual tension
- Best date conversations
- How to make sexy and consensual physical contact
- Everything you need to know to court her
To learn more about Dating Decoded and if she’s ghosting you or is just busy, book a 1-on-1 Zoom call with me or a member of my team.
Together we’ll chat about your dating history, dating goals, and how Dating Decoded will help you get there.
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