12 Dating Tips for Shy Guys Who Want to Find Love

dating tips for shy guys

Do you feel like your shyness holds you back when it comes to the dating world? It doesn’t have to! As a dating coach and matchmaker, I have worked with lots of guys who feel like their shyness has prevented them from finding a compatible partner.

But you don’t have to be a social butterfly or extrovert to attract amazing women. Below are 10 dating tips for shy guys that will help you get out of your dating rut, increase your confidence, and make it easier to lock in dates with the types of women you’re most attracted to.

10 Dating Tips for Shy Guys

Tip #1: Take an Improv Comedy Class

I’m starting this list off strong with one of my favorite dating tips for shy guys. In fact, this tip can be useful for anyone trying to put themselves out there and find love.

An improv comedy class is a great way to increase your confidence, work on your social skills, and learn how to be charismatic — all while having fun!

I love improv comedy classes because they really teach how to celebrate yourself and get out of your head. Because improv strives to provide such an inclusive environment, you’re bound to form some new friendships as well.

You can even use some of the improv games you learn in class as a great way to break the ice with women or add a creative twist to a date.

Tip #2: Choose Active Dates

dating tips for shy guys

If you’re a shy guy, the idea of sitting interview-style with a woman during a date and making conversation can seem like torture. Once you know each other better, it won’t be so bad, but let’s face it — first impressions are everything when it comes to dating.

You need to impress her right off the bat, and you’re not going to be able to do that if you clam up during the first couple of dates. This why getting active can be an important thing for shy guys. When you pick a date that gets you moving, you don’t have to worry as much about lulls in conversation because you have an activity you’re focused on.

Conversation tends to come more easily on active dates, particularly when you choose natural surroundings because you can point out the things around you. When you go out to dinner or coffee on a first date and have nothing else planned, you might struggle to come up with things to talk about. On a physical date, the activity can do the talking for you.

Here are a few active date ideas to get you started:

  • Hiking
  • Cycling
  • Roller skating
  • Bowling
  • Indoor rock climbing
  • Ziplining
  • Beach volleyball
  • Partner yoga

Tip #3: Choose a Date Based on Shared Interests

Conversation is going to come more easily if you choose a date that focuses on mutual interests. For example, let’s say that you and the girl you’re going out with like to paint (or dabble in painting). There are tons of fun paint nights or affordable/free paint events that would make for the perfect date.

Websites like Eventbrite and LivingSocial usually have a broad range of these types of events. Checking out Facebook events in your area or even a Google search can help you locate the perfect creative event as well.

Tip #4: Go Speed Dating

Speed dating is more cost effective way to meet a lot of women at once without a ton of pressure. Because your interactions are timed, you don’t need to worry about there being a ton of awkward silences.

Another great thing about this type of dating experience is that it gives you a lot of practice when it comes to talking to women. Even if you don’t make a bunch of amazing connections, the fact that you overcame a fear of talking to women and did it with a variety of women will really amp up your game in the dating world.

If you haven’t done a speed dating event before, it’s important that you know speed dating is no longer some awkward event with desperate singles involving name tags and a cafeteria-style facility. Like online dating, speed dating has become pretty mainstream and tons of singles go as a way to make new connections and enjoy a fun night out.

Tip #5: Fake it Til You Make It

dating tips for shy guys

A lot of guys who are shy lack confidence when it comes to expressing themselves around women. Although my tips will help you increase your self-esteem, having Jason Statham-level confidence isn’t going to occur overnight.

Until then, try to do things physically that will help you fake confidence. By making yourself act in a confident way, even when you’re feeling unsure of yourself, will help you push through anxiety. It can even turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you are so busy acting self-assured that the self-assuredness actually ends up coming naturally.

Some ways you can fake it and then make it include:

  • Smiling: Research shows that the simple act of smiling (even when it isn’t genuine) can alleviate anxiety and boost your mood.
  • Strike a pose: Don’t stand with your arms folded and your head down. Practicing poor, closed-off posture exacerbates shyness and sends this message to women: “Don’t talk to me.” Instead, stand tall, shoulders back and keep your arms unfolded to exude a sense of openness. You can also check out this TED Talk for ideas on how to pose in a way that increases self-esteem.
  • Ask questions: Don’t let the fact that you clam up keep you from approaching women. If you don’t feel like talking, ask her questions (and then follow-up questions) to show her that you are interested in her and know hot to be a good listener.

Tip #6: Lookin’ Good, Feelin’ Good

When it comes to dating tips for shy guys, busy guys, or really any type of guy, physical appearance is far from the most important thing I mention. You don’t want to base a relationship on the superficial. However, the way that you look does play a part in a first impression. No, you don’t have to be a male model or be sporting a six-pack to attract a woman, but putting in a little effort when it comes to physical appearance goes a long way.

Moreover, when you put in the said effort you end up feeling better about yourself overall, which will make it easier to overcome shyness and approach more women.

Exercise 

dating tips for shy guys

Don’t feel like you have to “go big or go home” when it comes to incorporating fitness into your daily life. In fact, going from a sedentary lifestyle to herculean workouts could actually be detrimental to your mental health.

According to a study from the University of Oxford, exercising 45 minutes a day tends to help mental health and wellness. The study went on to say that participating in team sports, cycling, and aerobic and gym exercises tend to be the most effective.

Consider taking a group exercise class or joining a co-ed sports team. This will help you get active and improve your social skills without the pressure of having to talk a lot.

Eat Healthily

dating tips for shy guys

You truly are what you eat because a healthy diet can have a big impact on your mood and overall self-esteem. A recent study from BMC Medicine found that certain foods can significantly improve mood, while others will exacerbate issues like anxiety and depression.

Try to fill your diet with whole, unprocessed foods like vegetables, fruits, whole grains, lean proteins and healthy fats. Limit your intake of refined sugars, caffeine, alcohol, processed foods and fried foods. This will make you look and feel a lot better, which will help you have more energy when it comes to the dating world.

Dress to Impress

Think that women don’t pay attention to a guy’s style? Think again. You don’t need to dress like you’re prepping for a GQ cover shoot, but putting effort into your clothing can go a long way and make you stand out from other guys.

It may seem superficial but in actuality, dressing well is just another form of self-care. When you put an effort into your appearance, you’re going to feel more confident and people are going to be drawn to that. In fact, studies show that dressing well can make you appear more sexually attractive, intelligent and trustworthy to others.

Tip #7: Warm Up Socially Before a Date

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, this tip is great for curing pre-date jitters. My boyfriend actually used to do this a lot before we got together.

Set aside a couple of hours before a date to “warm up” socially. You can do this by chatting with friends or going to your local coffee shop and making small talk with the baristas. This will prevent you from ruminating over the date and get you ready for conversation.

Tip #8: Embrace Your Shyness

Shyness isn’t a bad thing. In fact, lots of girls really like shy guys because they find them to be more genuine and humble. Take a look at any romantic comedy and you’ll notice that the nice, bashful guy is the one that audiences root for and the one that — inevitably — gets the girl in the end.

Women aren’t going to turn you down because you’re shy. What they really want is a guy who can push through that shyness in order to approach them, take them out on a compelling date and that they can find a connection with.

Tip #9: MegaDate

Of all the dating tips for shy guys that I could come up with, this may the most important. In fact, this is the top dating strategy I recommend to all of my single clients looking for love.

MegaDating is a dating process that involves going out with several different people at the same time in order to diffuse energy and keep your calendar full.

If you’re a shy guy, MegaDating is going to help you get lots of practice in the dating world so you can get better at approaching women and not feel so self-conscious while doing it. MegaDating also helps with things like rejection. When you’re already putting yourself out there and hanging out with different people, getting rejected by one person isn’t such a big deal.

More importantly, MegaDating shows you that there are plenty of fish in the sea, proving that you don’t have to settle for someone who isn’t truly in alignment with you.

Tip #10: Create A Date Environment You’ll Be Comfortable In

Everyone has dating expectations. For most, they think dates involve splashing the cash and having some magical night that they will both remember forever.

This doesn’t have to be the case.

You don’t need to hit up some fancy restaurant and then dance until 3 a.m. to have a great date.

Especially when it comes to first dates you want to go on a low-stakes, brief, and cheap first date. If you’re the shy type you should consider doing something that you’re naturally into. If dating scares the hell out of you, create a date that puts you in your element. Maybe you love hiking, going to the dog park, or for a bike ride. If so, ask the woman you’re seeing to join you.

Set and setting (mindset and setting) both play big roles when on a date. Even the smoothest of operators can feel ruffled should he go on a date that requires him to be in a place that brings him out of his comfort zone.

Tip #11: Use Dating Apps

Approaching a woman in real life can be terrifying. If you’re a shy man you probably don’t fancy making conversation with strangers in public, so don’t.

Instead, use dating apps to meet women. Of course, we don’t advise wholly relying on them to help satisfy all your romantic needs, but they can be a great tool when trying to meet women as a shy man.

To learn how to use dating apps, check out this article. 

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Dating Tips for Shy Guys #12: Get a Dating Coach

A dating coach can give you advice and provide a strategic plan that is tailored specifically to your needs and goals.

As a dating coach myself, I have worked with a plethora of men, many of these who were self-described “shy guys” or “introverts.” The thing is, being a dating coach isn’t about creating a one-size-fits-all plan for certain “types” of guys.

One of the reasons that dating coaching is so effective is because you’re able to receive one-on-one help from someone who will be able to tailor tools and strategies to each facet of your personality. At least, that’s how I operate as a coach and it’s been working so far.

I’ve helped men around the world find lasting love; I’d like to do the same for you.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

  • Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
  • Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
  • Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
  • Darshil is a confidence coach, wingman, and all around great guy to have on your team. Once student, now a teacher he knows what you’re going through and how to get the most from your dating life
  • Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
  • Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
  • Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
  • Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Hear what’s going on in our students’ dating lives.
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Top 8 Online Dating Photo Tips for Men Who Want More Matches

online dating photo tips for men

Have you been having trouble matching with women on your online dating sites and apps? Do you swipe and swipe and swipe to seemingly no avail? It may be time to reassess the photos you’ve been using. Physical attraction is only one small part of romantic attraction and longevity, but when it comes to first impressions, your online dating photo is the first thing women notice.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be ripped or wear the most expensive clothes to get women to swipe right. The following online dating photo tips for men can help anyone go from zero matches a day to tons of right swipes and incoming messages.

Online Dating Photo Tips

#1: Wear the Right Clothes

Women want a man who has style and before you wonder why that’s so important (aren’t ladies the one that should be more concerned with clothing, you may be wondering?), let me just say that good style is a reflection of self-care.

When you dress for success and dress in a sexy, confident way, you automatically exude sexiness and confidence in your everyday life.

Also, keep in mind that style is reflective of you making an effort in a relationship. Looks and style are certainly not the most important thing when it comes to sustaining a long-term partnership, but there is something to be said about showing that you want to make an effort to look attractive for your woman — and for her to put effort into looking attractive for you.

And if you’re not sure where to start with your style, don’t worry, because I have you covered.

Here’s a look that any guy can rock and that you can use as a blueprint to refine your style going forward.

-A long-sleeve fitted beige Henley: This is a very easy style to rock and agrees with all different body types. Beige is also very complimentary to many different skin tones. BUT I do have one caveat — make sure you don’t rock a Henley the way Jude Law did that one time.

A nice pair of jeans or slacks: No holes, no stains, and no elastic waistbands allowed. My boyfriend has been really into Warp and Weft lately. They have great fitting jeans for under $100.

-Navy Dockers, Converse or All Star shoes: One, navy is going to look great with your beige shirt and also pop a bit more than a black shoe would. Converse and All Star are brands that boast styles that can be casual comfortable and sophisticated at the same time.

Now that we’ve talked a bit about the clothing you should wear, let’s talk about what you shouldn’t wear:

-Nothing: There is a big trend of shirtlessness in online dating photos and it needs to STAHP if you want any chance of finding a long-term, compatible partner. If you have a great body and big biceps, a fitted shirt will show that off just fine. Simply getting borderline naked makes it look like you’re a show-off and just went on apps to show ladies you are DTF. Unless there’s a picture of you doing some water-based sport that requires a lack of clothing, keep your shirt on.

-Ratty ass clothes: Don’t wear things that make you look lazy, homeless or like you literally just rolled out of bed. Guess what that leads to? It leads to a 0% chance of any woman ending up in your bed ever.

Tip #2: Hire a Professional Photographer

online dating photo tips

Not having any luck getting right swipes and feel like you’re not photogenic? Hire a pro!

Professional photographers are trained to make you represent the best version of yourself via photos. With the monstrous popularity of online dating, professional photographers have been getting in on the business.

Why should you hire a dating photographer?

-Making you look good and getting you matches is what they do. Just like wedding photographers have built their skills to capture a couple’s special day in the most spectacular light, dating photographers work to capture you in your most attractive and authentic light, so you can draw compatible partners to you.

-They offer an objective view and can see things that are working for you and things that aren’t.

How to choose a photographer for your online dating photoshoot:

-Make a list of 5 photographers by using a variety of vetting methods: First ask your friends if they know of any good photographers. Then check Yelp and Google Locals for nearby photographers with good reviews. Lastly, download the find-a-photographer app called Photosesh. I’ve personally used Photosesh and it’s great solution to booking a photographer even last minute.

-Next you’ll want to check the photographer’s website before reaching out to him or her. Look through their portfolio. You want to find a photographer that speaks to your personal style and looks like they can help you achieve what you specifically want out of your photos.

-Check their social media accounts and LinkedIn accounts. A sign of a good business owner is one who is on top of all of these things.

-Check reviews. Do they have good reviews? Bad reviews? No reviews. You want to find a photographer that has good testimonials so that you know you can trust them and are in good hands.

-Shop around. We all have different budgets, so make sure that you find someone who can meet your needs with all that you want but who also is going to be a responsible financial decision based on your budget.

Tip #3: Strike the Right Pose

online dating photo tips

The best profile picture poses are ones the follow the SEP model (shoulders, eyes, posture).

The way you carry yourself is a big part of an attraction, and a big part of this can come down to posture.

Choose photos that showcase your confidence through body language. Never slouch in photos — stand up straight with your shoulders back and always complete that strong stance with a smile and good eye contact.

Always make the first photo one that is just of you. The photo should be forward-facing, showcasing a great smile.

Other photos that involve you in an activity can be candid if they are attractive.

Check out this Bumble profile example for guys to see about some great profile photo shots.

Tip #4: Avoid the Following Dating Photo Pitfalls

online dating photo tips

During my 100-date experiment, I analyzed a plethora of dating profiles and learned what some of the best profile pictures looked like along with some of the worst.

To make sure I keep up on dating trends, style and secrets to attraction, I’ve continued to do plenty of investigative research by taking inventory of the best online dating profiles there are to offer, the worst and the downright hilarious.

When it comes to dating photo don’ts, I’ve noticed some cringe-worthy and offputting trends that you are most definitely going to want to avoid.

Crossed arms

You may unconsciously cross your arms in public as a way of giving yourself a small hug to alleviate nerves and social anxiety. The thing is, while this body language is comforting for you, it can make you appear closed off to women, making it less easy for them to approach or engage with you.

Not smiling

Always smile! At best, the non-smiling online dating photos I have observed make the guy appear that he’s in a bad mood, maybe a little arrogant or just not feeling whatever environment he’s in when the picture was taken.

At worst, the straight line masquerading as your mouth or frown will make women wonder, “Is this dude a serial killer?” I do not understand why certain guys think it’s appealing to boast a stare more vacant than a raggedy hotel located in the middle of nowhere, or why these pictures are always — ALWAYS — taken in a bathroom with fluorescent lighting so harsh it serves as a threat to everyone’s retinas. Please. Stop. Doing. This.

Not Looking at the Camera

This one just makes it look like you weren’t ready for the picture to be taken, and why would you want to include that in your online profile?

Eye contact is also something that is extremely important when it comes to interacting with women you go on a date with, along with anyone you end up being in contact with. Eye contact shows that you are engaged and listening, whereas a lack of eye contact signals disinterest and can even make you come off as rude.

Wearing Sunglasses or a Hat

Let the women see who you are!

If you’re wearing sunglasses, you kill the benefits of eye contact right there because we can’t tell whether or not you’re looking at the camera. And a hat makes us wonder what you’re hiding under there, throwing off what you really look like.

I’m not saying never use a photo with sunglasses or a hat, but keep those photos for last.

Tip #5: Choose These Types of Shots for Your Gallery

You can’t simply post a bunch of selfies — no matter how great they are — or you having fun out on the town. The selection of your pictures needs to paint a varied, attractive picture of who you are, and you need to do this in a strategic way.

Here’s how to order your pictures and what they should contain.

First: Headshot

Make your first photo that one that you may have used a professional photographer for that is just of you. This should be a close-cropped headshot where you are smiling (obviously) engaged with the camera.

Second: Full Body Shot

Show off what your mama gave you! Women want to see the full picture of who you are before going out with you so that they’re not in for any surprises. Wear the type of outfit I suggested above and post a full body shot where you have open body language, shoulders back, are standing up straight and smiling. Treat the camera like you would a girl you are meeting for the first time. Smile and engage using your eyes with confidence.

Third: A Social Shot

Now that she knows exactly what you look like without having to pick you out of a group, you can include a social shot with friends and/or family. It’s important to include a shot like this, because it shows that you know how to have a good time and also paints you in a likable light.

Fourth: A Hobby Shot

online dating photo tips

Being active and engaging in extracurricular activities shows off your personality and it can help you to better attract women with shared interests. Whether it’s fishing, surfing or cooking, post a good picture of yourself engaged in that activity.

One thing that doesn’t count as a “hobby” is doing keg stands until you black out.

Fifth: A Shot With You and a Cute Animal

Fact: Cute animals make everything better and when you are next to an adorable animal, your cuteness automatically increases. That’s just science.

If you have a furry or fluffy friend of your own, you can post a picture of you with your pet. If not, you can always borrow a puppy, kitten, or piglet from a friend who has one. You can also take a picture while visiting a petting zoo or even volunteering at an animal shelter. In these cases, it’s a twofer — you up your chances of having ladies swipe right and you also get to hang out with some cool animals.

Tip #6: Let Her See Your Face

Spoiler: Women will only go out with you if they know what you look like. The more uncertainty, the more likely she is to swipe left.

As of right now, you’re a complete stranger to the woman looking at you from across a screen. You need to do everything humanly possible to mitigate her fears that you’re a weirdo while at the same time highlighting what makes you most attractive. You can’t do either of these if you obscure your face.

That means not wearing hats or glasses, taking close-up photos of your face, using high-res photos, and taking clear photos from a few different angles.

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Tip #7: Take A Poll

it’s difficult to be certain that one photo is better than another. If you’re unsure, ask a friend.

But not just one, ask various female friends which photos they think you should upload to your profile. Tell them you want the hard and honest truth.

If you’re unsure about their choice, A/B test your profile to ascertain which photos perform best.

best tinder photos

Tip #8: Don’t Forget To Write Something, Anything

I know this is a list of the best online dating photo tips, but we can’t help but emphasize that while Tinder is the most superficial app you have in your pocket, it’s still worth writing a bio.

There’s only so much about your personality that you can get across in your photos. Let her hear what you sound like when you scribble a few lines in your bio. Nothing crazy, just let her know that you’re literate and have a hobby or two.

online dating photo tips

Improve Your Online Dating Life Right Now

Tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Ever thought about hiring a coach to help you improve your match and message rate on dating apps?

emlovz is here to coach you.

In fact, we have a host of coaches ready to teach you the way of MegaDating (dating around to find your ideal partner quickly).

Our Team

  • Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
  • Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
  • Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
  • Darshil is a confidence coach, wingman, and all around great guy to have on your team. Once student, now a teacher he knows what you’re going through and how to get the most from your dating life
  • Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
  • Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
  • Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
  • Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

We also have a community full of students and coaches here to support and guide one another. Men even have access to the Man Cave, where our male students come together to talk about their dating lives, vent frustrations, and support one another.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Hear what’s going on in our students’ dating lives.