Why did she go back to her ex?
It’s a romantic vicissitude that many guys face, but the popularity of this situation doesn’t make it hurt any less. If you’ve been dating a woman who went back to her ex, you may be wondering what you did or could have done differently to prevent the situation.
The truth of the matter is, there can be a billion factors involved when a woman decides to go back to her ex.
As hurtful as the situation is, don’t let it make you believe there is something wrong with you.Â
Below are some common reasons a woman will choose to go back to her ex to help provide you with some insights into what can be a jarring blow to your self-esteem.
At the end of this article, I will offer a strategy that can help you avoid getting hurt by this type of situation and find a woman who only has eyes for you.
Why Did She Go Back to Her Ex?
Why even bother ruminating on the situation?
Well, as annoyed as you are, understanding why she left and empathizing with her is the best way to do away with any resentment you may have for her.
I guarantee you’ll get over her — but more importantly the situation — faster if you understand her thinking and have compassion for why she did what she did.
The best way to develop this empathy is to examine why she went back to her ex.
These are the likeliest of reasons.
The Comfort of the Relationship Made Her Go Back to Her Ex
If you’re feeling down about a woman going back to her ex, keep in mind that she and the ex put a lot of time in building trust and intimacy. She came to depend on this person, so it’s not easy to immediately forget that kind of bond.
According to a series of studies published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, 66% of people surveyed said that they had chosen to get back together with an ex due to the intimacy and dependence that they had built with that partner over time.
Remember also that even if the relationship wasn’t necessarily a happy one, old habits die hard. When you get used to something over time (a diet, a relationship, a job, and so on), it is understandable that you may end up “falling off the wagon” a few times before completely moving on.
She Misses the Sex With Her Ex
I’m sure even the prospect of her going back to her ex is enough to make you cringe, but hear me out.
Sex is an extremely important part of any relationship, and chances are that she had sex at least a handful of times with her ex. Not only does sex build intimacy, it is good for your health and releases feel-good hormones known as endorphins. And when you have a pre-established history with someone, it may feel comfortable to go back to an ex for reasons that have to do with sex.
In a way, the drive to go back to her ex so she can resume their knocking of boots could be purely chemical. When we are infatuated with someone, love someone, and become physically intimate, endorphins are released that can literally resemble the feeling of intoxication. If the source of this chemical bliss is taken away, you can go into a state of withdrawal and depression.
When feelings of withdrawal are caused by a breakup, the risk for rebounding and then returning to the ex can be high.
She Was or is Still In Love with Her Ex
People break up for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes one or both people were emotionally unattached, cheating could have occurred, or the timing simply wasn’t right.
If she left you for her ex, it could be because she was — or still is — in love with him. I know that’s a sucky thing to face, but the important thing to remember is that this is something that is beyond your control and is not about you. It doesn’t mean that you’re undesirable or did anything wrong. Make sure to not get caught up in comparing yourself to her ex or driving yourself crazy wondering what it is that he has that you don’t.
What he has is a history with this woman, just like you have histories with women that other men don’t. You don’t have to be happy about the idea that she is going back to her ex, but it is in your best interest to accept it and move on.
At the end of this article, I will provide some tips and strategies to help you roll with the punches when it comes to these types of situations. These strategies can also help you to find a satisfying relationship with a woman who won’t be tempted to reopen an EX file.
She Is Afraid to Be Alone
There are tons of reasons people give a relationship with their ex another try, and oftentimes these aren’t good reasons.
Sometimes personal fear will keep people in — or cause them to return to — bad relationships.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, some women allow themselves to settle for less than stellar relationships for the wrong reasons. Of the 153 women surveyed:
-40% said they were afraid of not being able to find a long-term partner
-18% feared “spinsterhood”
-12% were afraid of losing their current partner
-11% feared growing old alone
-7% were afraid they would never have children
-7% felt that they would consider themselves worthless if alone
-4% didn’t want to face judgment over their singledom
-0.7% said they would be willing to have a terrible relationship because they considered that to be better than no relationship at all
If this is the case, consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet. Do you really want to be a guy someone is with simply because they don’t want to be alone.
Why Did She Go Back to Her: She Went Back for Financial Reasons
It certainly doesn’t seem to be a healthy idea to go back to your ex for monetary reasons. Unfortunately, it happens.
Maybe the woman relied on the ex for financial support. The worst and most unattractive scenario is that she is a “gold digger” and depended on her ex to buy her things, pay her bills, and so on. But often times things aren’t as black and white.
Recently divorced or separated women may find themselves in a financial predicament they are not equipped to handle. If she is separated, she might choose to not move forward with the divorce due to the fact that her husband was the sole provider.
Speaking of women who are separated — DO NOT DATE A WOMAN WHO IS STILL TECHNICALLY MARRIED. And while we’re on the topic, be sure to check out my article on dating a recently divorced woman.
On the flip side, her ex may have relied on her for finances. Maybe he is facing a monetary crisis and her going back to him is the result of her feeling guilty and responsible for his wellbeing. Yes, that is super messed up, but trust me when I say you do NOT want to attempt to be a hero in this situation. You don’t want to get pulled into this drama and attempting to intervene could be draining and even dangerous.
Don’t Get Even, Get Dating
Now what do you do?
Focusing on her and the reasons she left isn’t going to mend your broken heart. The best way to get over an ex and move on is to be proactive.
There’s no better way to be proactive than via dating.
MegaDating
No matter how skilled you become in the dating world, you can’t control someone’s decisions. And even if you have developed a strong bond with someone, there is no guarantee that you will glide through that relationship without getting hurt or rejected. You may have clicked on this article because you saw a woman you were interested in or went on a couple dates with her right before she decided to go back to her ex. Or, you may be recovering from a breakup with a serious girlfriend who, after making a commitment to you, decided to resume a previous relationship.
If the latter is true for you, know that it is OK to take your time to grieve the relationship before reentering the dating world. Check out my advice on ways to heal a broken heart. This article has several research-backed tools to help you move on.
And when you’re ready to get back in the dating game, I am here to help!
One of the dating strategies that I have found to be most effective is MegaDating. MegaDating is a strategy I used to find a long-term relationship and it can help you find one too.
MegaDating is a strategy that involves dating multiple people at one time in order to lessen the sting of rejection (when you’re dating multiple people at once, rejection suddenly isn’t such a big deal), increase self-esteem, reduce anxiety, and keep you from settling for the mediocre.
In all honesty, people that return to their ex often do so because they have not experienced the benefits of seeing the modern truth in that old adage about there being plenty (and I mean PLENTY) of fish in the sea.
Plug Your Emotional Void
But maybe you’re not ready to jump back into dating.
Maybe that broken heart of yours simply needs a period to cope before you start putting it back together.
Fill that social and emotional void your ex left you with by hanging out with family and friends.
If your partner has just left you for an ex, get out your phone right now and invite friends to events for the upcoming weekend.
Ideally, spend as much time as possible with friends and family and start doing the things you neglected while you were in your previous relationship.
Start rock climbing again, go to the concert she never wanted to go to, and spend time rebuilding platonic relationships.
Say yes to every social invitation you receive for the first couple of weeks after a breakup.
Build A Healthy Routine
Your routine has been hit by a breakup hurricane.
The groove you once settled into so easily isn’t there anymore. The patterns, habits, and routines just aren’t what they used to be.
That’s because your ex was such an integral part of your life.
Your life revolved around hers.
Now that she’s gone you have a clean slate to work with.Â
So how would you like to start over?
Building a healthy routine is crucial not just to get over her but to live a healthy and satisfying life.
Be mindful of how you’re spending this newfound time.
Try to fill it by eating healthy, exercising, seeing friends, and not binging Netflix every chance you get.
Stop Liking Your Ex
Blocking your ex on social media is one of the most effective ways to get over them.
SM only shows us highlights.
If you’re stalking her online you’re only seeing the most glamorous highlights of her life.
Her photos will look amazing, she’s going on amazing adventures, and she’s obviously loving her life post-you.
This may be the case, but her SM will only ever frame her life in this life.
In reality, she’s probably spending 80% of her free time on the couch.
Her life ain’t that great, but stalking her online will convince you it is.
Block her for at least 3 months.
Every time you see or hear about her you’ll that much more likely to relapse and yearn for her. Use this time to detox and fortify yourself emotionally.
Reevaluate in 3 months.
Next Steps
Need some personal dating guidance?
Book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today!
During our session, we will discuss how to overcome your dating roadblocks, create dating goals, and come up with an action plan to help you find the right woman for you – a woman won’t go back to her ex! We’ll also determine if my coaching program could be a fit for your needs.