Day: September 15, 2020

She Likes Me But Started Dating Someone Else. What Now?

“She likes me but started dating someone else. What should I do now? What did I do wrong?”

When on the road towards a long-term relationship anything can happen.

In an age when 40% of millennials have dated more than one person at the same time, it’s expected that a single woman’s attention is in a constant game of tug of war.

Nowadays you can never expect your romantic life to be static. Just because she’s dating you doesn’t mean she can’t also date someone else. Look, there are a lot of guys on Tinder and you’re just one of them.

I think we’re all grown up enough to admit that most of us have the emotional space to be interested in more than one person at the same time. Hell, some of us are even capable of loving multiple people simultaneously.

However, this capacity to juggle multiple romances can get us into some awkward situations.

The situation we’ll cover today is the one you finally realize you’re in when you tell your buddy that, “she likes me but started dating someone else.” Seeing as how singles have never had such a deep dating pool to swim in, it makes sense that they’re constantly jumping from one relationship to another. Let’s dig into what you can do if the woman you’re seeing starts dating other guys.

Signs She’s Dating Other Guys

The only way to ascertain for sure that she’s dating other guys is to flat out ask her. If this is a bit too awkward to broach at the moment, or if you want to give her space there are other ways. Here are five signs she’s dating other guys.

1. Erratic Communication

She’s always available on Fridays.

So you find it odd that when you hit her up on Wednesday to schedule your weekly Friday date she isn’t responding.

Have you noticed she’s been doing this more often lately? The fledgling routine you had begun to create is now losing steam. She used to take but a few minutes to answer you back, but now she’s taking hours or even days to hit you back.

Realize that you may not be the number one dude in her life anymore. Sure she likes you, but she also just started to date someone else. There are now multiple men competing for her attention.

I should note that while there’s a correlation between erratic communication and a new boy toy, one isn’t 100% the cause of the other. She’s living a life just as complex as yours. She could be going through something or be busy with things that are wholly unrelated to a new shiny boy being in her life.

MegaDate

So her communication has been off and you suspect she’s seeing other guys. I know it can be tough to swallow but you have to let her live her life. You and her didn’t have an explicit agreement that she couldn’t date other men.

Perhaps your expectations didn’t 100% align, but that’s not her fault that you didn’t vocalize your needs. Don’t assume that just because you went on a couple of dates with someone that you two are now exclusive. Need I remind you that 40% of millennials have dated multiple people at the same time?

Instead of freaking out, learn from what she’s doing.

MegaDating is the act of prolifically dating various women simultaneously. It’s kind of what she’s doing, but not exactly. Allow me to elaborate.

Ya see, singles choose to MegaDate because they’re tired of waiting to find the right woman for them. Instead of kicking back and waiting for love to knock on their door, they are proactive in their search. Prolific dating cuts down the time it takes in order to find someone worthy of calling your girlfriend.

So mirror her behavior, but be aware of the intent behind it. You’re not trying to get back at her, but rather are honing your dating skills and are figuring out what type of woman you like as you’re on the search for a meaningful long-term relationship.

2. You See Her On SM With Another Guy

This is a tough one.

Tough because it’s difficult to see and tough because you have no idea who that guy is. You may make the assumption that she’s started dating him, but have you got any proof?

Instead of snooping around in order to ascertain who the guy with his arm over her should is, let it go. Of course, this is much easier than done. As we’ve discussed, MegaDating is one way to take your mind off a woman that’s dating other guys. Yet there are other, easier shortcuts that also address the hurt you may feel.

Get Off SM

It’s quite a simple fix, though not everyone has the willpower to do it.

It’s fair to say that we’re all addicted to social media. The average American spends about 2 hours and 24 minutes a day on SM. The easiest way to take the knife she just stuck in your chest out is to log off of SM. Log off, cancel your profiles, block her, download a website limiting app, etc. Do what must be done to decrease the time you spend lurking on SM.

Keep in mind that this is a quick fix to address some of the pain you feel. It’s not a long term solution. To get to the root of the issue you’ll need to consider your relationship expectation and of course begin to MegaDate.

3. She’s Flaky

All women flake from time to time. The question is why. Liking you but just having started dating someone else is just one of a myriad of reasons why she has been out of commission these past couple weeks.

It’s also just as likely that she’s been ditching you for these reasons:

She doesn’t feel safe around you
The TDL was lame
You took too long to heat things up
You keep asking her out at bad times
She hates vapid in-between date texting… which you love
Bad date location
She’s been super busy at work (you’re not the only one with a career)

So what do you do about it?

Straight Up Ask Her

The next time she rejects yet another date idea of yours, ask why.

A tactful way to ask would look something like this, “You seem to be super busy lately, no worries. I’ll give you your space and the next time you want to go out, I’ll let you ask me out. I’ve stoked to see what cool date idea you can conjure up.”

This shows her that you’re not mad, but also that you’re not going to be rejected yet again. Most likely she’ll be thrown off by this message and then reveal that she’s been busy for whatever reason. Even if she elaborates on why she’s been busy, don’t let her off the hook. Asking her to put some effort into creating an awesome date idea. Should she never respond, well then we know that the relationship is over.

To avoid a woman being flaky, always use a compelling TDL.

TDL stands for time, date, location, and it’s crucial when asking a woman out. Dudes that ask a woman, “to go out sometime” will never be rejected… but they’ll also never go on a date.

A high-quality TDL looks like this, “Hey Jane, want to chuck some axes at Bad Axe this Thursday night at 7 p.m.?”

It’s this date that requires her to accept or decline a concrete date idea. Not only this, but it’s an awesome freakin’ date idea.

4. She Doesn’t Want To Commit To Anything Serious

She isn’t there yet.

For whatever reason she isn’t ready to commit long term. Look if she’s dating a bunch of other dudes or even just one for quite a while, this may tell you everything you need to know. But it isn’t always that simple. Let’s not forget that she hasn’t given you the ax, but rather added another dude to her dating carousel.

It may be the case that she’s interested in an open relationship but is worried that you won’t approve. It’s also possible that she’s feeling out other dudes, and comparing you against them to figure out if you’re better or worse. Literally there are a bajillion reasons why she isn’t up for a committed relationship.

Play It Cool

It’s on you to play it cool. Ask her why she isn’t willing to commit but respect her answer.

Be ready to hear that you’re not the one, or that she just likes seeing other dudes in addition to you. Whatever reason she fires your way, maintain your cool, and listen to her.

If your expectations are far from aligning it might be best to cut ties sooner rather than later.

5. She Just Got Out Of A Long Term Relationship

She just invested possibly years into a relationship. Then it fell apart.

Imagine for a moment that the person you had spent every weekend with for the past few months or years just stepped out of your life. I’m sure you’d need a moment to compose yourself too. But what if it’s not as simple as this. What if she got out of the relationship but the man is still within her social orbit.

It’s difficult to leave a relationship you’ve invested so much time in. You can be the one that helps her see that there are other guys out there. She doesn’t need to fear being alone or not finding another man of merit. You’re here to demonstrate that if she has the courage to leave him, she’ll be rewarded.

Step Up

Give her space while not backing down.

She may just need a little push to get out of her never-ending relationship. You could be the romantic prod she needs to never look back.

Keep on dating her, knowing all the while that she’s still seeing her ex. Don’t be insecure in your position. Know that she’s still dating you for a reason. There’s no need to try to persuade her to leave her dude with a 20-slide PowerPoint presentation.

Don’t explain yourself into the number one position, rather, keep taking her on awesome dates. Show her what it’s like to date an amazing man that won’t treat her like her ex did. Show her that she doesn’t need anyone else except the man that’ll be sitting across from her this Saturday night.

Call In The Experts

Who’s the expert?

I’m the expert.

When you team up with me -your own professional wingwoman- you’re enlisting a dating coach & matchmaker that has helped hundreds of dudes up their romantic game. It doesn’t quite matter why you need my help, I’ve seen and dealt with it all. Your exact situation has been remedied before through our 3-month program.

To get started, book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session today.

When we team up to take on the dating scene, you’ll learn how to meet women both IRL and online, how to increase sexual tension, how to make her feel comfortable in your presence, and ultimately how to find a girlfriend.

As for the issue of her liking you but dating other guys, well, I’ve got you covered.

Book a session and let’s get to talking about how you can win or back or move on. Once you’re equipped with the romantic tools I’ll teach you, the choice becomes yours.

Guys, Here’s 9 Tips for Creating the Most Attractive Dating Profile Photos

The average female online dater spends 3.19 seconds before swiping right or left on profiles they find attractive.

Women don’t need to spend a round 4 seconds before deciding on which direction to swipe. Men far outnumber the number of female users on dating apps, in fact a recent Tinder study found that 78.1% of users are male.

With gobs of dudes to swipe past women don’t have to waste time carefully weighing the pros and cons before swiping.

It’s this competition and swiftness in which a woman makes her decision that places great importance on the quality of dating profile photos. I mean, let’s be serious, she isn’t spending those 3.19 seconds reading your written bio, she’s looking at the first two photos before deciding your destiny.

To persuade her to swipe in the right direction we’ll dive into the 9 most attractive dating profile photos for guys.

9 Most Attractive Dating Profile Photos for Guys

1. Look Directly At The Camera

There was an OkCupid study that came out a while back that made some headlines. It found that men that looked away from the camera and didn’t smile were viewed as more attractive than smiling men that looked directly at the camera. Their findings are, well, wrong.

Dead wrong.

Photofeeler replicated the same exact study yet found there was no statistically significant difference between eye contact and no eye contact.

The study did, however, find that females deemed those that looked directly at the camera and smiled to be more attractive than males that looked at the camera and refused to smile. This is because smiling signals warmth and trust. Looking directly into the camera and glowering signals that you’re a creep.

To a female Tinder or Bumble user, you’re just some random stranger. With a few photos and a brief written bio you’re supposed to convince her that you’re a safe bet.

Women will not, I repeat, will not go out with you if you haven’t made them feel comfortable. Looking away from the camera appears as though you’re hiding something or are not interested in her. Refusing to smile will make you come off as an oddball.

With your first or second photo be sure that you’re looking into the camera.

2. Smile

No matter what you think about your smile -as long as your teeth are straight and white- you should be smiling with a big old grin. This tells women that you’re safe, which is their biggest underlying concern when determining whether to swipe right or left.

Smiling also provides subconscious information about a person’s health. Women are hardwired to look for a mate with strong genetics to provide strong offspring (whether she wants kids or not), being able to see your teeth will give her that information, albeit subconsciously.

Still think smiling’s not all that important?

How would you feel if you were scrolling through Hinge and saw that a female user who piqued your interest didn’t smile in a single one of her photos? 5 photos, 0 smiles.

Undoubtedly you’d think there’s something wrong with the user. Granted, men and women have different interpretations when they see a member of the opposite sex smile.

Men may see happiness and sexual attraction whereas women see safety and confidence. Despite the differences, both sexes undoubtedly find it odd when a profile is full of neutral photos.

Do yourself a favor, smile.

3. Make Sure The Lighting Is Good

She can’t grasp the complexity of who you are by observing your online dating profile.

She has no idea that you’re the life of the party, that you’re freaking hilarious, and that you’re sexually adroit. Being that these are all traits difficult to portray via the medium of dating apps, you’ll have to rely on other aspects of your profile to sell yourself.

Posting high-resolution photos with decent lighting is one way to do this. Look, maybe you’re saying, meh, I’m good looking why do I need to go out of my way to make sure the lighting’s good?

While you may look good IRL, she’ll never know that if your dating profile photos all have poor lighting.

To make sure that your photos come out well, take them outside either at dusk or dawn and face the sun. If you’re taking them inside use this handy light that attaches to your phone.

When possible use natural light, which this Photofeeler study says is the best. Don’t believe that lighting is important? -just ask Seinfeld.

4. A Revealing Background

Dating profile photos aren’t all about you.

That’s why the best profile aren’t comprised solely of close up selfie headshots, ick!

Being that you only have so much space and time to provide the viewer with information about yourself, you’ll need to maximize the space you have. This means using backgrounds to your advantage.

Tell me, which picture do you think you should post. The one with a white background or the one with Yankee Stadium’s infield in the back? The latter tells her you’re outgoing, have friends, and like sports. The former just informs her that you have access to a white background… whoopee.

Each photo should do two things.

One is address her fears that you’re physically hiding something. This is why your first photo should be a headshot followed by a full-body picture. Make it obvious what you look like.

The second is to convey who you are with your background. If you like soccer, post a picture of you on the pitch, if you’re a painter, post a photo that captures you in the act.

5. Make Sure Your Clothes Are On Trend And Fit Your Body Well

That means no wearing baggy jeans and an Ed-Hardy shirt (the exception being if you’re vacationing at the Jersey Shore).

What you’re wearing indicates your personality, status, and how self-aware you are. No one wears Ed-Hardy, Fubu, or American Eagle anymore, and certainly not if you’re a 30-year-old man.

Wear clothes that are en vogue, fit well, and most importantly make you look worthy of a swipe right.

When in doubt keep things simple. Don’t overpower her with color and flair, a single-colored slim fit Henley shirt would do just fine.

6. Test Your Photos On Photofeeler

Photofeeler has popped up quite a bit throughout the course of this article. No, they haven’t paid us to be name-dropped dozens of times, rather Photofeeler’s name has been broached because it’s an effective tool in determining which photos you should include in your online dating roster. Here’s how it works.

Photofeeler is a website whose sole goal is to optimize users’ profile photos. Don’t know which photos to post on LinkedIn, Whatsapp, Facebook, or Tinder? No worries, Photofeeler can help you with that. Instead of using an algorithm to rate your photos it calls upon the sage judgement of real humans.

To use the website, post 7-10 of photos you’re thinking about posting on your online dating accounts. Then select in which categories you’d like to be rated -most users choose smart, trustworthy and attractive.

Only post photos to your online dating accounts that have been voted on at least 20 times and have scored above 80% in at least one of the three previously listed categories.

If you live in a city like Miami or LA, where pretty people are a dime a dozen, aim for 90%. Photos that don’t test well should not be used.

7. Make Sure You’re Not Too Far Away from the Camera

She needs to be able to tell what you look like from a thumbnail image.

Remember that in every photo she must be able to see your face. Each photo should provide her with new information about how you look. However, new information can’t be communicated if you’re a mile away from the camera.

And don’t even think about conning her into thinking you’re better looking than you are. There’s only one thing worse than going out with an ugly dude and that’s going out with a liar. Being honest about your appearance will ultimately save you the awkwardness of going on a bad date because the woman you’re seeing isn’t having her expectations met.

It’s okay if every photo differs a bit in its distance from the camera. Just be sure that your first photo is visible even in the form of a thumbnail. If she can’t make out quite what you look like in your first photo she isn’t going to stick around for the second.

8. Never Have Your Back To The Camera

This advice comes to us by way of the theater.

A cardinal acting sin is to have your back to the audience. The face is what the audience relies on for information the same way Match.com singles look to the face for information about how good looking a user is.

Faceless photos can be thrown out right away. They’re not helping you in the least. It’s better to leave a profile photo slot open than include a photo where your back is to the camera.

It doesn’t matter how awesome the background is, when she’s looking at a stranger for the first time trying to decide whether he’s first date material or not all she cares about is your face, not if you’ve ever been to the Sahara.

9. Never Post Photos That You’re Not In

It’s your dating profile, not your art portolio. She doesn’t care to look at your paintings or photos if you’re not in them. In this context you’re the only subject matter that she cares about. Feel free to show off your painting skills IRL, not over a dating application.

Never post a photo where you’re overshadowed by someone or something else. For example, group pictures can demonstrate that you’re friendly, outgoing, and are the life of the party.

However, group photos can work against you when they’re taken with a significant other, when there are too many people in the photo, if you’re too far back, or if other men in the picture are better looking than you are.

In every photo you are the only subject that really matters.

You Don’t Need to Navigate Online Dating Alone

I hope these dating profile photo examples have helped. But once you’ve got your profile put together it’s time to get to swiping, conversing with women, and ultimately going on dates.

If you thought creating a profile was hard, wait until you have to send that first message or ask a woman out with a TDL.

It’s this part that you may want to navigate through with the help of a professional dating coach. Book a new client 1-on-1 coaching session with me (over video chat) to unlock the skills you’ll need to woo women you meet online.

Transitioning a relationship from an online one to one IRL can be a surprisingly tricky task. When we sit down to discuss your dating goals we’ll create a dating plan of attack that works for you. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program is a fit for you!

Every step of the way I’ll be there to guide you through the dating scene as your professional wingwoman.

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