How many times have you swiped right, only to find out later that she’s only semi-divorced, super materialistic, still in love with an ex, addicted to drama, Wiccan… or just generally undateable?
Maybe it’s time to take a closer look at some of those profiles again because most likely you ignored some major online dating red flags.
Remember, you’re choosing your next date from a pool of total strangers. Who knows what these women are really like? If you’re constantly reaching out to women and getting nothing but crazy in return, it’s time to start practicing some good online dating hygiene. Read on to learn how to recognize red flags in online dating profiles.
How to Spot a Controlling Woman
If you ever dated a Controlling Woman, you probably started off with high hopes. You’d come up with ideas for dates, but she always found ways to make them “better.” She has opinions on everything, from the way you dress to how many times you kiss her goodnight. It felt good to be with someone who did all the thinking for you … until you realize you’d become a spineless manservant.
Ways she describes herself: Intense. Passionate. Divine. Independent. Salty. Saucy. Fiesty. Direct talker. Ass buster. Fist shaker. (Okay, you get the point.)
How she talks: She lists things she “can’t stand” first on her profile. (“I can’t stand Trump supporters!”)
What her photos look like: Even though she might be going for an intense, dramatic look, she kind of looks like she’s glaring. And how did she get that buff? Her other photos reveal an insane dedication to working out.
How to Spot a Crazy Woman
There are so many flavors of crazy… but you know what it feels like to be with her. She’s the one who made you walk on eggshells, afraid to say anything for fear of a meltdown. She’s also the one who may or may not have keyed your car. (Come on, you know the truth.)
Ways she describes herself: Crazy women tend to self-identify by using the word “crazy” more than once on their profile. (Talk about online dating red flags!) Never mind that it’s to describe other people. She’s also the type to capitalize words like NOT and NO DRAMA. She makes sure to say what she’s NOT INTERESTED IN. She uses lots of fire emojis. Actually, she uses ALL THE EMOJIS (and she’s over the age of 22).
She says she’s NOT LOOKING for one thing but then immediately after that, she’s open to it (Not Looking for a 3some😻Not against it🐰).
Somewhere, she mentions her own bad behavior like she’s proud of it (LOVE yelling at Scary movies!).
She alludes to enjoying things that crazy people do (“Dancin’ in the moonlight🌙,” “Yoga in the🛁tub.”).
She’s an artist.
How she talks: She capitalizes random words for no obvious reason (hiking❄BEACH🌊sailing🛶camping, walking👣grass, TRAVELING 🤖Museums🎭gocarts, pool, air hockey, skateboarding🍒arcades🎡rollercoasters).
What her photos look like: Way too many Snap filters for your comfort level.
How to Spot a Chick Who Just Wants Instagram Followers
You remember this one, right? You were so excited to date her because she seemed “out of your league.” You found her intriguing until you saw her get more excited by her IG comments than what you have to say.
Before you waste tons of time on this woman, just know that she will never respond to you. At least not on this dating app. Your best shot is following her on Instagram and messaging her there — but chances are she’s just using dating apps to drive traffic to her Instagram page.
Ways she describes herself: There are lots of online dating red flags, but this is the one who says she’s an “influencer”… or worse, an “Instagram model.” Her self-summary is just her Instagram handle. Deep down, you wonder if she’s trying to sell something.
How she talks: She uses slang you don’t get. She can construct an entire sentence using nothing but emojis… and oddly, you’re kind of impressed.
What her photos look like: Her photos clearly demonstrate that she’s hot and maybe famous. You’re blown away by the fact that she matched with you.
How to Spot a Negative Woman
Ah, The Negative Woman. Date her too long, and you’ll become a shell of a man, wondering where your passion for life went. This woman sucks the positivity out of a room faster than a Hoover. The weird thing is, she’s always negative from day one. You just fool yourself into thinking you can tolerate it.
Ways she describes herself: She lists things she’s “not up for.” (“I’m not up for an ‘adventure,’” I don’t own the aquatic footwear for it.”)
She states things she doesn’t have or want rather than stating what she does want. (“I have no desire to be one half of a ‘partners in crime’ situation.”)
She uses words that suggest an unhealthy mental state. (“I have enough anxiety about my tax bill without the extra lawlessness.”)
She talks about things she’s never learned to do. (“I never figured out 3-way calls. I think it might have been magic.”)
She alludes to negative experiences on other dating apps or in her romantic life. (“I have a hot farmer fantasy but in lieu of my experience on farmersonly.com I’ll take a man who arrives to the date sans cargo pants.”)
How she talks: Can you say sarcasm?
What her photos look like: She smiles in exactly zero of her photos.
How to Spot an Anxious Woman
How could you forget Ms. Clingy? No doubt you’ve dated The Anxious Woman — the one who practically moved in without permission after three weeks, started doing your laundry with hers, kept asking why she hasn’t met your mother, and pretty much needed you to text her all.the.time. Getting out of that one wasn’t pretty, was it?
Ways she describes herself: Sensitive soul. Big heart. Giving. Generous. Dedicated. Will “do anything” for family. A ride or die chick.
How she talks: She literally uses the word “anxiety” in casual ways on her profile, probably because she’s used to using it with her therapist (“I can’t watch Stranger Things, it just gives me too much anxiety”).
What her photos look like: They look pretty normal, until you realize one thing… she’s not alone in any of them. (Which one is she, anyway?) Thankfully you come across a photo with just her and her dog, but to be honest, it looks like she’s holding him just a liiitttle bit too tightly.
How to Spot a Lazy Woman
You’ll end up supporting this woman — and it’s not because she wants to play the traditional role of a homemaker. Instead, her dream is to do nothing. In fact, you’re not even sure how she’s supporting herself now.
Ways she describes herself: She drops the word “lazy” in her profile, usually with a romantic spin to it (“Sagittarius, retired, love the outdoors, family, laughter, smiles, honesty, lazy afternoons, romantic evenings, sunsets”).
How she talks: She doesn’t mention anything reality-based… or remotely active (“Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that makes you smile.”)
What her photos look like: She doesn’t have any body shots (one of the biggest online dating red flags). You wonder what she’s trying to hide. She might say something like, “Thick thighs and smiling eyes” — which is cool until you realize later that she either isn’t into exercise or doesn’t like to eat healthy.
How to Spot a Woman Who Will Never Respond to Your Message
Remember that time you poured your heart and soul into writing a kick-ass note to a woman who never wrote back? Or more accurately… the 107 times that happened? No doubt, you’re familiar with The Woman Who Will Never Respond.
This woman is probably not actively using the app. If she was, she would realize that she should fill out her self-summary section or answer a prompt question. Swipe left to maintain your sanity.
Ways she describes herself: Her profile is blank. Or, her self-summary is just an emoji. Most likely, her friend or family member set up her profile and she could care less.
How she talks: She doesn’t.
What her photos look like: She has one photo of her cat and that’s it.
How to Spot a Chick Who’s DTF (or a Hooker)
When this one matched with you, it made you feel like the hottest guy in the world — mainly because she’s that good at stroking men’s egos. She even suggests you meet up. “DM me on Instagram,” she said. Something told you that she was too easy-to-get… and way out of your league. You were right.
Ways she describes herself: She has one sentence on her profile that says something like, “Here for fun times (and practicing the art of the make-out).”
How she talks: She uses words like “daddy” and “sugar.”
What her photos look like: She’s super hot and has naughty pics but never shows her entire face.
How to Spot a Depressed Woman
You’re still reeling from this one. This is the woman who showed up to all your social functions, only to talk about everything that went wrong that day.
Of course, she never had the foresight to ask you how your day was or remember what you said last time you spoke (because you didn’t… it was all about her). After spending what felt like an eternity with her, you immediately booked a session with your therapist to shake off the bad juju.
Ways she describes herself: She’ll say she’s “trying to stay positive.” Yikes.
How she talks: Starts off normally and then goes off a cliff (“Sometimes I feel like I have my life together, and then I am like ‘WOW’ that was a nice 45 seconds”).
What her photos look like: She has photos of her (multiple) cats — the only people who will listen to her anymore.
How to Spot a Scammer (or Worse, a Bot)
So disappointing. These profiles always look great at first, but start to feel eerily robotic and… well, scammy.
This was the “woman” who told you she wanted to talk but couldn’t pay her phone bill and asked if you can help within the first 24 hours of meeting her (a huge tip-off when it comes to online dating red flags).
Ways she describes herself: She doesn’t. Instead, she quickly tries to get you off the dating app/site and onto an obscure app because she says she’s “never on there.”
How she talks: She’s too nice and too perfect, saying everything you’ve always wanted to hear.
She repeats everything you say and says she “loves it too” even when it’s stinky cheese.
What her photos look like: She looks way too good to be true. She lists her age as 40 but looks 18. You wonder if it’s a stock photo.
How to Spot an Emotionally Unavailable Woman
She was there one minute and gone the next. The avoidant or emotionally unavailable woman never really invested in you.
Ways she describes herself: Her profile says nothing about her. “One fish. Two fish. Red fish. Blue fish. Me fish. You fish. We fish. Happy fish.”
Or, she’ll say something like, “I’m a healthcare professional and lead a full and busy life.” Read: “I don’t give a shit about you, but we can bang once or twice.”
Or, “My life is a lot more important than yours, but I’ll let you buy me dinner and I might put out if your DTF and not too clingy.”
She might also be too fresh out of a relationship and say something like this: “In town for the weekend after a recent heartbreak. Looking for someone to spend some time with and forget about breaking up with someone for a bit.
Must enjoy grabbing drinks and having fun.” Read: “You can buy me an overpriced meal and I’ll spend the entire time getting wasted and crying about my ex.” Wowwww, where do I sign up?!
How she talks: She’s direct and pulls no punches.
What her photos look like: She has only one — and it looks like it came from her LinkedIn.
Online Dating Red Flags: Wrap-Up
Dating online doesn’t mean you have to settle, my friend. There are plenty of sane women out there to spend your time with… so be sure to keep your eyes open.
Being aware of online dating red flags will keep the crazies at bay. And if you’re still not sure what kind of woman you’re dealing with, I’m here to help you with my 1-on-1 or group coaching program. I work with single men all day long helping them find love, their next relationship, or a wife. Hey, you could be next!